Baffled!!

[Agent M]

Yeah, I can understand your feelings regarding not wanting to contact him. I can also understand how frustrating it must be, I feel sorry. Don't feel dumb, things happen. You felt a connection and I know going cold turkey is the hardest way, instead of having the relationship fade out. I'll tell you, getting attracted to this new guy helped me a lot, even though I'm not going to pursue it. It made me feel like I had options and that the ex didn't have all this *power* over me. What a gross feeling. But, it sounds like you're not quite ready to branch out.

 

He may have been hesitant, or scared, but I believe if you had followed that relationship out at the time, things would have remained the same b/c of the space he was in. However, things could be different down the line if the only reason he was acting that way was b/c of his ex or something temporary. Too bad you don't know his ex. But, if it's part of who he is, then he would either never change or take a long time to change, and you'd have to go through all the bs in between. I'm so glad I'm not frustrated and miserable while my ex is out partying late in the bars, or I have no idea where he is (even if its innocent fun), or feeling like his leisure life is more imp. to him than I.

 

I added you to my IM!!

 

What's a purse party?? Hope you have fun tonight.

[swirly27]

Yeah, I can understand your feelings regarding not wanting to contact him. I can also understand how frustrating it must be, I feel sorry. Don't feel dumb, things happen. You felt a connection and I know going cold turkey is the hardest way, instead of having the relationship fade out. I'll tell you, getting attracted to this new guy helped me a lot, even though I'm not going to pursue it. It made me feel like I had options and that the ex didn't have all this *power* over me. What a gross feeling. But, it sounds like you're not quite ready to branch out.

 

He may have been hesitant, or scared, but I believe if you had followed that relationship out at the time, things would have remained the same b/c of the space he was in. However, things could be different down the line if the only reason he was acting that way was b/c of his ex or something temporary. Too bad you don't know his ex. But, if it's part of who he is, then he would either never change or take a long time to change, and you'd have to go through all the bs in between. I'm so glad I'm not frustrated and miserable while my ex is out partying late in the bars, or I have no idea where he is (even if its innocent fun), or feeling like his leisure life is more imp. to him than I.

 

I added you to my IM!!

 

What's a purse party?? Hope you have fun tonight.

 

I know, this going cold turkey is killing me, but having things fade out can be much worse sometimes. I just wish I hadn't ended it that night and seen how things would have been the next day. I wish I would have stubborned up and maybe just blew him off back - what kind relationship would that have been I know, but maybe me backing off and just taking space away, but not ending it, would have opened his eyes, made him really take a look. I guess me ending it could have done the same thing, cause he doesn't seem to care either way. I guess I haven't fully accepted that either....maybe him blowing me off was his way of ending it and I just did exactly what he himself couldn't do. So, who knows. I am not ready to branch out yet to meet any guys, but if it happened on a whim, I am sure it would be helpful. But, I don't see myself being attracted to anyone for awhile. This is when all kinds of guys will hit on me too, it never fails! haha

 

I see that you added me on your IM, so thats cool. I am logged on alot but it will say idle because my computer is in a seperate room so if you ever see I am on and want to chat, just try sending an IM and I'll hear the beeping if I am home. Maybe this can help us out if we ever need to chat or want an ear to listen. My friend had a purse party, where this lady comes and has all these 'hot' purses and knock offs. I really have wanted a new winter one, something black, so I got a 'Kate Bradley' purse? I don't even know that name, but its cute so I came home and switched purses and a new wallet too. So, that was fun. When I am at work or out at random functions, I seem to be ok and distracted, but when I am alone or need time to myself, I am sad and hurt still. I just can't stop being hurt about it - if he had told me himself that he wanted to end it and gave me some sort of reason, I would still be hurt and baffled...so I don't know if closure from him would even really help - but it makes it worse that he didn't even SAY ANYTHING to me and not even the stupid cliche of 'Lets be friends' or 'Youre a great girl'. Just nothing. UGHHHHHH! When am I going to stop caring. With the last guy I had a broken heart over, it took him blocking me on IM and saying 'Thanks but no thanks' for me to finally get it....I don't want my ex to have to be mean to me for me to get it. What weird is the other ex that did block me, he ended up texting me to be friends a few months later anyway, so go figure that one. We are friendly now and he IM's me sometimes and writes messages on myspace sometimes, but its just weird. I guess more time is what I need and one day I'll be ok and then maybe meeting someone new will erase all thoughts of this ex.

 

Agent, you sound like you are feeling so much better and that is wonderful. I hope this stays this way for you, but if it doesn't, we are always here and now you have my IM. I am getting to a point where I am tired of hearing myself talk about it so much with my friends, only really 2 of them, so I think I am going to stop talking about with them and if I need to talk, I'll come here or talk to my mom or aunt. That might help. I can't wait till I REALLY feel like this is my exes loss....for now I still feel like its mine. DUMB I KNOW!! LOL

[Josalina]

hey swirly, when u say IM list does that mean 'buddy list' on this thing or do u meant my msn? sorry i'm still new to all this.

 

glad you are getting out, wow a purse party, i have never heard of that before, we usually have body shop parties with friend where there are all nice smelling moisturiers, soaps, smellies and make up etc.

 

I know what u mean, i wonder if my few mates i talk to about the break up want to hear it sometimes, so i decided to just tell my mum more, poor woman ha ha .

 

i have started christmas shopping as well just this week, cant believe how fast this year is going.

well hope you enjoy your shopping, take care.

[swirly27]

hey swirly, when u say IM list does that mean 'buddy list' on this thing or do u meant my msn? sorry i'm still new to all this.

 

glad you are getting out, wow a purse party, i have never heard of that before, we usually have body shop parties with friend where there are all nice smelling moisturiers, soaps, smellies and make up etc.

 

I know what u mean, i wonder if my few mates i talk to about the break up want to hear it sometimes, so i decided to just tell my mum more, poor woman ha ha .

 

i have started christmas shopping as well just this week, cant believe how fast this year is going.

well hope you enjoy your shopping, take care.

 

Actually, when I said IM I meant Instant Messenger, like I have Yahoo, AOL and MSN.

 

Yeah, the purse party was fun and I did buy a new one for the winter and it felt nice to have something nice and new. I go to tons of these house girly parties, everyone is always having/selling something - candles, home interior stuff, pampered chef, the list goes on and on. But it was nice and did keep me occupied. Tonight I am just vegging with a friend, maybe grabbing some dinner. Tomorrow I am shopping by myself and hoping to get some xmas gifts AND buy myself something too haha. Luckily lots of plans and stuff are coming up here soon. We have a huge fair up next weekend that lasts for a week so thats cool and then next month I have a football game to go to, another crafts fair, a haunted ghost tour thing and then I go to Salem, MA over Halloween with my mom. Soooo, I am praying to god that by the end of all that fun stuff and time, I will be feeling alot better. But, I also know me and I bet in another month, I will still be hurting about this. Oh well, someone someday will love my sensitivity and my big heart. LOL

[Josalina]

bless ya lol u will.

my email is [email protected] for msn if your interested, if not don't worry lol.

cor sound like u have lots planned to look forward to, thats great.

well enjoy your weekend. speak soon

[swirly27]

bless ya lol u will.

my email is [email protected] for msn if your interested, if not don't worry lol.

cor sound like u have lots planned to look forward to, thats great.

well enjoy your weekend. speak soon

 

So can you chat on MSN Instant Messenger? I will add your email and see if you come up. I hope my weekend is good, same to you!

[Agent M]

sorry your feeling so sad swirly, i wish there was something i could do.

agent ur words r comforting, did u break the nc to tell him or did u wait 4 him to contact u, or did u tell him b4 u had nc?

 

i am confused with men, wish i knew how their minds worked.

im not up to much this weekend either yet gonna spend time with my sister at some point but think i am gonna ring a few friends.

i have got to snap out of this hurting and wondering what he is thinking every two minutes, its doing my head in! lol .

 

i think ur ex will contact u swirly, he will realise in the end, but u know men, by the time they realise its to late lol.

guess everything is done for a reason.

hope u both find someone when the time is right who will make u forget but until then take care.

 

Hey Josalina,

 

I broke the nc to talk to him. I made it seem like we just ran into each other, but I planned on running into him. It was good b/c now I know exactly where I stand, I'm not wondering whether he cares or not....he doesn't. The bad thing is that with a little more time he may have been able to begin fresh with me, instead all the old memories came back to him and he backed off. I think I can find someone better, much better anyway. He's a fool.

 

By the way, I lived in England for a little while. I had a great time! I lived in Devon, in Barnstaple. I worked in a Primary school in Appledore. I traveled all over the place, b/c I bought a car!

[Agent M]

Yes I wish I had been smart enough to take some space away from him, I'm sure it would have helped. But even so, the other things I disliked about him would still be there. Sooner or later, they would have cropped up again, b/c seeing someone just now and then, or always having them be out with their buddies doesn't make me feel too special. I DID blow him off once, and he came back, but again, it didn't last b/c I wanted to be closer.

 

Maybe Swirly, your lesson is about feeling confident about the decisions you make that you feel are right for you. Sticking by that, feeling and acting like a confident woman. It took a strong person to do what you did. GOOD FOR YOU. Atleast you let him know it's not ok to treat you this way! We teach one another how to treat us. Perhaps he realizes he can't or doesn't want to live up to that standard.

 

I drove by the tavern tonight, wanting to go in sooo bad, but I kept driving. Ugh.

 

Swirly, you seem like a really nice person after having all this correspondence with you. Sorry you're going through all this. Suck all that energy up into yourself and use it to boost your self esteem with! You did something good for yourself. Be proud of your courage. I bet this is harder for you than it is for him, and you're sticking to your guns and taking care of yourself.

[Josalina]

Hey swirly yeah i have got msn.

hope your shopping is going ok, and you have got yourself something nice, i bumped into my ex ex today, actually i done it on purpose and made sure i looked good to get up his nose lol, wierdly enough he actually spoke to me? and smiled i have no idea whats going on in his head.

 

really agent? barnstaple, isn't that the north east side of the river Taw, where the bridge of sixteen arches is?

appledore, is that near Northham or Burlescombe?

Its lovely in devon, they do nice cream tea lol.

i live in essex, Frinton on Sea, its a lovely little village by the sea side.

my thread is called 'my ex is lost and feels he doesn't know himself' if you fancied having a nose.

these men, they confuse us in the process lol.

 

hope u girlies r well and doing ok. take care of yourselves

xxx

[swirly27]

Yes I wish I had been smart enough to take some space away from him, I'm sure it would have helped. But even so, the other things I disliked about him would still be there. Sooner or later, they would have cropped up again, b/c seeing someone just now and then, or always having them be out with their buddies doesn't make me feel too special. I DID blow him off once, and he came back, but again, it didn't last b/c I wanted to be closer.

 

Maybe Swirly, your lesson is about feeling confident about the decisions you make that you feel are right for you. Sticking by that, feeling and acting like a confident woman. It took a strong person to do what you did. GOOD FOR YOU. Atleast you let him know it's not ok to treat you this way! We teach one another how to treat us. Perhaps he realizes he can't or doesn't want to live up to that standard.

 

I drove by the tavern tonight, wanting to go in sooo bad, but I kept driving. Ugh.

 

Swirly, you seem like a really nice person after having all this correspondence with you. Sorry you're going through all this. Suck all that energy up into yourself and use it to boost your self esteem with! You did something good for yourself. Be proud of your courage. I bet this is harder for you than it is for him, and you're sticking to your guns and taking care of yourself.

 

 

Thanks Agent. I know what you mean about maybe what my lesson is here that I am supposed to learn. But I don't think he realized anything.....I don't even feel like I was confident and stood up for myself....I feel like I just gave him what he wanted anyway but he was too chicken to do it....and I don't even know why he wanted it. Like, I keep thinking maybe he wouldn't have been like this all along, maybe he didn't realize being somewhat blah with phone calls and stuff here and there was any big deal cause we were just dating. It isn't like he seemed to purposely blow me off when he knew we'd had plans....not till that last weekend anyway and I have NO IDEA why he did that.....I am just really regretting not knowing anything and how it all ended. I wish I could stop caring, even as time goes by, but its really not getting easier for me.

 

We had a yard sale today, so I never did get to go shopping. I packed stuff up for it last night and helped set up and then today sat at it all day and for some strange reason I got really sad....I started missing him physically, like the intimacy part, and replaying it all in my head and I actually started wishing he'd even miss that with me - NOW I KNOW I don't want him missing me only cause of sex, but it even hurts that he's not being a typical guy who does miss that and tried to talk to their ex because of it. I KNOW I shouldn't want that, but god, I feel like if he slipped once cause he's horny I'd at least feel good knowing he missed a piece of me. I know, that is sooo not how I should be thinking. My friends are annoyed cause they really want me to go out tonight and I am not up for it, I am being a frump. They are going to a drag queen contest at a gay bar and they said it would be so much fun, but I don't want to go. Oh well.

 

I have been thru other breakups and I find myself asking myself again, WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR ME TO MOVE ON??? How much time?? Why can't I just let it go?? UGH. Oh but the best part is, my other ex, the one that does want me back, called me again last night wanting me to please hang out with him. I flat out told him again that I am not over this ex and that I have no romantic interest in him or any other guy right now and he doesn't care, he says he misses me and wants to see me so bad. Ugh, wrong guy that wants me back. I guess I just have to work at getting my confidence and esteem back up....in time.

[swirly27]

Hey swirly yeah i have got msn.

hope your shopping is going ok, and you have got yourself something nice, i bumped into my ex ex today, actually i done it on purpose and made sure i looked good to get up his nose lol, wierdly enough he actually spoke to me? and smiled i have no idea whats going on in his head.

 

really agent? barnstaple, isn't that the north east side of the river Taw, where the bridge of sixteen arches is?

appledore, is that near Northham or Burlescombe?

Its lovely in devon, they do nice cream tea lol.

i live in essex, Frinton on Sea, its a lovely little village by the sea side.

my thread is called 'my ex is lost and feels he doesn't know himself' if you fancied having a nose.

these men, they confuse us in the process lol.

 

hope u girlies r well and doing ok. take care of yourselves

xxx

 

Josalina, thats awesome that you feel better after running into your ex and it felt good, thats great! Whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. Was it weird at all, I'm sure it was, but I am glad it made you feel good. I didn't get to go shopping today cause we had a yard sale, but it was still good to get out and hang out with friends at that. Now I am home and plan on vegging in tonight cause I am in a murky mood. Sometimes it just has to be that way. This just blows. I can't wait for the day I don't think about my ex or care what he thinks anymore. He probably doesn't think for a second about me. Its gotta only get better in time I guess...

[swirly27]

I am just writing again as this is part of my daily ritual. Today was a better day then yesterday, so thats good. I talked to my psychic again last night and I really really like her. She doesn't sit there like a robot and feed me BS. She has been consistent all along and she talks almost like a friend too. So, that kept me occupied alot last night. Too bad its not free! lol

 

Today was better I think cause I was very busy. I had the yard sale again today and then did lots of chores. Then I got to watch my Eagles game, but they lost so that pissed me off. LOL I did alot of chores and cleaning and stuff and took a nice bubble bath. I NEED to work on realizing for myself that even IF my ex contacts me again, I NEED to work on myself and not look at this time as waiting till he does contact me, it needs to be me working on making myself happy again, so that if he does contact me, it won't affect sooooo much and I will be ok. I hope I can keep this mentality, but I fluctuate day to day. My psychic still sees me running into my ex and I told her my party next month probably wasn't going to happen but she still sees me running into him anyway. I kept thinking there is this HUGE fair coming up next week, maybe I'll see him there??? Then she says that will lead to him making a phone call, so we'll see. Who knows right. Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since I ended it with him, my goodness it feels like so much longer.

 

My other ex keeps im'ing me, trying to flirt with me and talk to me and just wants me to hang out with him and see how it goes. But, I can't. I miss my ex and this other ex doesn't compare and I KNOW I AM NOT ROMATICALLY OR PHYSICALLY INTO THIS OTHER EX. I tried to tell him that in different nice terms, I said I'd enjoy being his friend, but he still wants to see me and hang out. UGH. I think I am going to have to be very blunt and just say I am not interested in anything other than a friendship, if that. But, I don't think he wants or can be just friends. Too bad this guy couldn't even be a distraction for me, but I know it wouldn't be. I am better off by myself right now. Thats what I know is best for me.

 

Agent, how was your weekend? Josaline, hope you are feeling better tomorrow, I read your other post and see you had a downer of a weekend. We will all make it thru this I know it!! Josaline, let me know if you want my MSN screen name and we can chat sometime too. TTYL

[Josalina]

yeah i will take your msn screen name if u like?

when u say ur party next month is it ur birthday?

 

my day has been a tad better, still can't stop thinking but trying hard not to, would be so much easier if i didn't see him looking so nice.

nevermind i am trying to stay positve, i have got treatment again from my injury, acupunture again, they are still trying to get me back dancing, performing and back working again asap, which will help.

i am trying to advantage of me time to, trying to find a nice classy hair do for a change, been going curly recently may go stright haired again tomo, thank god for hair straighteners lol. my hair stylist is coming over soon so will have chat with her, trying to sassy myself up, got a few new clothes yest to cheer me up a lil for a while, any excuse 4 retail therapy hey lol.

 

glad u sound a little more positive, i still feel numb, wish it was a dream and i had the old andrew back, but nevermind.

its good to keep busy, i hope you have a good day tomorrow, take care.

[swirly27]

yeah i will take your msn screen name if u like?

when u say ur party next month is it ur birthday?

 

my day has been a tad better, still can't stop thinking but trying hard not to, would be so much easier if i didn't see him looking so nice.

nevermind i am trying to stay positve, i have got treatment again from my injury, acupunture again, they are still trying to get me back dancing, performing and back working again asap, which will help.

i am trying to advantage of me time to, trying to find a nice classy hair do for a change, been going curly recently may go stright haired again tomo, thank god for hair straighteners lol. my hair stylist is coming over soon so will have chat with her, trying to sassy myself up, got a few new clothes yest to cheer me up a lil for a while, any excuse 4 retail therapy hey lol.

 

glad u sound a little more positive, i still feel numb, wish it was a dream and i had the old andrew back, but nevermind.

its good to keep busy, i hope you have a good day tomorrow, take care.

 

Hey Josalina, my screen name is stacky21 for msn. You'll have to let me know what yours is so we can IM. No, one of my psychics told me I would run into my ex at a function or a gathering she though and there was a party that normally happens every year in Oct. that my ex works at and I thought I would go and see how it went, but I don't think the party is happening this year. So, we'll see how/if I do run into him.

 

Retail therapy always helps!! I am sorry you are still feeling so down. See how sometimes the things that make us feel better can bring us right down again? Thats why I wondered if I would even want to go to this party, what if I saw my ex and it made me feel worse. But my psychic said you already know if you go, you are going to feel weird and you will miss him when you leave....but, if I expect it and prepare for it and just have a good time, nothing has changed. But look how it did for you....so, who knows.

 

I want to believe her and my own gut instincts that I HAVE TO talk to him again sometime eventually, but the more time goes by, I wonder. My mom (who hopes I don't hear from him lol) says how 6 weeks isn't that long at all. She laughs and says how 6 weeks didn't seem like a long time for me to date him, but now thats its over, 6 weeks seems like a lifetime, cause I am hurt and broken hearted. But....if my ex has crap to work out and ever realizes how he messed up, its not going to happen in 2 days....or necessarily 6 weeks....it would take time, if EVER. But, I am thinking with my heart here, hoping I hear something, when I give everyone else advice to move on and find someone better.....but we all know how it feels when we're the ones missing that one person.

 

Today wasn't too bad though, work is always ok for me. I had a doctors appt though and that gave me a headache, but oh well. I cleaned up from my yard sale and hung out with a couple friends tonight and now I am home and wanting to veg before bed. I am just lonely and I still miss so much about him....its so hard cause we weren't together long enough to 'fight' but he was blah with some stuff, but I am still gauging if I overreacted to some of that....I don't THINK I did but my heart wonders if I did. I only think this way because I don't have him anymore....if I would have gotten upset at his blah-ness and it would have made him ship up a bit, I wouldn't be questioning anything I did....but because it didn't work out that way, we always wonder what we could have done different....and the answer is usually nothing. So, who knows.

 

So Josaline, if you add me as a buddy, we can chat too online. That could be helpful. Agent, I hope things are still going good for you, you sounded good the last time you posted. You'll have to give us an update, especially if you've now surpasssed the light at the end of the tunnel! LOL

[Josalina]

for msn mine is Joanna, lol very original hey, sorry if i seem a lil vague,i don't often add contacts, and if i do its by email so sorry if i am confussing you at all lol.

 

its up to u if u go to the party, at least u will expect it, but then the only prob will be if like my ex, he is all dressed up u may feel worse than if u just bump into him into the street, but as a positive, if its a party, u will be making extra effort to look glam 2 so he will c u at ur best to realise what he is missing, 6 weeks i agree i think is rather a long time lol, but only because i was only able to manage nearly 2 weeks b4 making myself noticed again.

 

i still feel a tad low today, but i am working on the up, i still seem to be living in denial, thinking he will realise what we had, as i miss him more than anything in the world but i will move on a bit more with time.

 

hope u r having a up day?

take care

[swirly27]

for msn mine is Joanna, lol very original hey, sorry if i seem a lil vague,i don't often add contacts, and if i do its by email so sorry if i am confussing you at all lol.

 

its up to u if u go to the party, at least u will expect it, but then the only prob will be if like my ex, he is all dressed up u may feel worse than if u just bump into him into the street, but as a positive, if its a party, u will be making extra effort to look glam 2 so he will c u at ur best to realise what he is missing, 6 weeks i agree i think is rather a long time lol, but only because i was only able to manage nearly 2 weeks b4 making myself noticed again.

 

i still feel a tad low today, but i am working on the up, i still seem to be living in denial, thinking he will realise what we had, as i miss him more than anything in the world but i will move on a bit more with time.

 

hope u r having a up day?

take care

 

Josalina, I added you on my msn instant messenger, so hopefully it works and let me know if you've added me, I should be online all day today.

 

See, 6 weeks does seem like a very long time to me, so if I haven't heard from him by now, doesn't it seem like I never will? It does to me. Yes, I could go to this party, IF it happens, and he would be working, so I would have a chance to look my best and mingle around and if I feel its getting to me, I can leave. At least I know I can leave whenever I want and he can't because he'd be working. That could give him something to think about, if I cut out early. BUT, I don't even think this party is going to happen. I just don't get how a guy can get soooo excited about a girl, talk all the time about her to people and be all intimate, fun, talkative and whatever and then BAM, nothing. I know I ended it, but still nothing? My problem is I have yet to let go.....and I know I need to, I just don't know how to.

 

One thing my psychic told me to try, because it is very relaxing and theraputic AND can help with stress and tension and even muscle aches is taking a bath using dead sea salts and white sage. So, I ordered some off the web yesterday and I am going to try and take these baths once a week. I also was reading the stories behind white sage and how its 'supposed' to clear out negative energy so I am going to get some more to burn in my apartment. Can't hurt right?? HAHA It was interesting to read about.

 

Today is ok...I stayed home today, just needed a personal day for me. Took a shower, made a big breakfast, have some magazines to read and of course reading and posting on here. I have been downloading music, looking up cool sites I read about in my magazines and just trying to use this day for me. I hope your day gets better. Its raining here so it was a perfect day to stay home. LOL

[Josalina]

well i have added u but not sure if it has worked as nothing has come up that u have added me, it u get what i mean, the only other thing u could do is email me on my email, think i gave it to u, if not it is [email protected] and i can add u to my contacts that way, lol nothing seems straight forward

 

dead sea salts and white sage? interesting i have got a bubble bath that has sage in it, on the radox bottle it says to relax deep tissue muscles ha ha, i haven't a clue if it works but thought there is no harm in trying either. i will look out 4 a white sage one ha ha.

 

men, they r resulting us to dead sea salts now! ha ha

 

glad u enjoyed your relaxing day, its nice to spoil yourself sometimes i think. my friends mum has just rung my mum saying her daugther, who is a friend of mine has just recently split up from her bf of 4 and a half years aswell, he found someone else, then had the cheek to say, if it don't work out in 6 month can i come back! lol unberlieveable isn't it, she obviously told him to get stuffed in a matter of words, poor girl.

its funny coz u saw her ex in a car with another girl and i thought then thats strange, maybe she is his sister, i would be damed if i thought it was his bit on the side, lol bloody fool.

 

oh well i'm in tonight said i would met up for a drink with my mate to get her out in a few days, although i can't drink alchol coz of pain killers but i am quite happy with a cola anyway, as i never like the hungover feeling the next day lol and i will drive so i know i'm in control then. there is nothing worse being drunk and not being able to get home, lucky i haven't been in that situation yet, but i always worry been out on the town as people can b rather forward, especially when they know u have had a drink.

 

lol listen to me old mother teresa ha ha, i'm like a granny making sure everyone gets home alright.

just made me realise though how much worse would it be if ur ex was with someone else like my friends ex is, that must b horrible, i cant even imagine my ex with anyone else so it must be horrible to hear he has been playing you aswell.

[swirly27]

Josalina, I did send you an email to the address you posted so you'll have to let me know if you get it.

 

Tonight I basically am just hanging out and I painted my nails and toenails. haha Whatever makes me feel nice huh?

 

You mentioned a bit back that you thought I would eventually hear from my ex.....do you still think that? Gosh I wish I could just stop the hoping.....

[latefragment]

hi swirly, josalina, and agent.

 

i've read through this whole thread and i wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences..

 

swirly, you in particular i completely identify with. i've gone through the EXACT same thing (close to) you did. and i'm about the same age as you as well so it's really really rare when i meet someone that i click with.

 

i am ashamed to admit that i only dated this guy for a week, however, the last time someone made me feel this way it was 1.5 years ago. meaning that, i meet guys a lot and i may like them, but there are very few i see potential for something meaningful with.

 

so anyway, much like your story, swirly, he met my friends, they thought he was angelic, and they were all like, "hey here's an actual NICE GUY," as opposed to the asstards i normally date (and get rejected by). he was hot, smart, funny, confident, very, very sweet, pursued me, said all these really, really intense things to me, how he wanted us to spend a lot of time together, etc. etc. etc.

 

yes, i know, it was only a week but it was intense. i feel just as damaged as you swirly because i'm like, am i so weak and emotionally vulnerable that one guy for one week can cause me to become a train wreck?

 

anyway, the point is he dropped off the face of the planet. i could not believe the things he had said to me. "i care about you, i feel we have a connection, i want you to come to my parents' house, i would never hurt your feelings, what, you don't trust me????!!" with those puppy dog eyes.

 

and then to disappear like that. WTF!!!!!

 

swirly i am a lot like you, i have a good job, am very self confident about my attractiveness - personality and otherwise, and i pursue a lot of outside activities that are meaningful to me, like sports and making music and plotting world domination (just kidding). i've done a LOT in my life ad I've been through a LOT of stuff as well. but what i'm trying to say is that i feel that i am driven, i have a lot to offer, i have lots of love and tenderness to give, and i definitely take care of myself. so it's like, i KNOW i am a great catch. what else do i have to do??? find a cure for cancer? fly to the moon and bring the f***er back a moonrock?

 

it makes me angry that he didn't see us as a phenomenal match - compatibility-wise, personality-wise, and substantively (in terms of the types of activities we both like to do, etc.). instead he conned his way into my pants (against my strong protestations, I might add) and really had me going, in fact, i thought that I was the one who would break his heart as i felt that he was more into it than i was (can you believe it????!!!).

 

"i would never hurt you. what, you don't trust me?" those words still echo in my head.

 

like you, swirly, it's caused me a great deal of pain. i've been crying every day for five days, this will be day #3 that I have not cried which is a good thing. i actually felt good this morning. but i am atheist and i feel that i may break down and go to a church just so i can talk to an actual person/priest instead of reading loveshack, crying to friends over the phone. i need a real person to sit with me and talk instead of these phone conversations. just make me feel more trapped.

 

i think my head is screwed on wrong, or i need to fix my head, because why do i let myself get so emotionally attached so quickly? I didn't even realize how attached i had become until he pulled the houdini on me and it was radio silence.

 

i wanted to make it clear though that the last time someone gave me the crazy butterflies like this it was 1.5 years ago. i am a bit of a commitment phobe myself (i know you are a bit of one as well) and so when i meet someone whom I can envision committing to, it is a BIG DEAL. usually i will meet a guy and he will be attractive so i figure i'll give him a chance, but the whole time i'm thinking, "eh, we'll see what happens, but i don't think he is the one." (of course, i will still end up getting emotionally attached but that is a separate issue).

 

this time, i met this guy and i was like, "holy sh*t i CAN imagine myself giving up my freedom just to be around this guy for a loooong time."

 

i thought the feeling was mutual. even my friends were shocked. they had encouraged me to stick with him as it was supposed to break my cycle of falling for the ass***s.

 

the intellectual part of me thinks i am making mountains out of molehills but ... my emotions are running rampant. you should have seen me crying for five days straight, not eating or sleeping, to the point where after a good cry i'd almost pass out from the dehydration, feeling really faint.

 

all i can say is that i read through this whole thread from beginning to end and i am so glad that you have experienced the same thing - well that came out funny i just mean it is good to know i am not the only one out there. i am just embarrassed because in my case it was only a week. so i feel so SO embarrassed to be posting and whining about it.

 

i feel sad that when someone who actually has potential comes along, he disappears. i guess if it's too good to be true, it probably is. so will i just resign myself to meeting someone who *doesn't* give me those sparks, and then fall in love the boring way, slowly, over time, their quirks and idiosyncracies endear themselves to you?

 

my personality is very daring, a thrill-seeker. i do extreme sports or intense things to get my daily adrenaline fix. i want someone who gives me the butterflies and that feeling of "I wouldn't mind giving up all other guys to have you" right off the bat. guys that have taken me a long time to fall in love with, i usually didn't stay with them, even though it hurt like hell to part ways, i always wanted something "better."

 

i thought i finally found a "nice guy" that i was actually attracted to. guess not!!!!! the joke's on me.

[swirly27]

hi swirly, josalina, and agent.

 

i've read through this whole thread and i wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences..

 

swirly, you in particular i completely identify with. i've gone through the EXACT same thing (close to) you did. and i'm about the same age as you as well so it's really really rare when i meet someone that i click with.

 

i am ashamed to admit that i only dated this guy for a week, however, the last time someone made me feel this way it was 1.5 years ago. meaning that, i meet guys a lot and i may like them, but there are very few i see potential for something meaningful with.

 

so anyway, much like your story, swirly, he met my friends, they thought he was angelic, and they were all like, "hey here's an actual NICE GUY," as opposed to the asstards i normally date (and get rejected by). he was hot, smart, funny, confident, very, very sweet, pursued me, said all these really, really intense things to me, how he wanted us to spend a lot of time together, etc. etc. etc.

 

yes, i know, it was only a week but it was intense. i feel just as damaged as you swirly because i'm like, am i so weak and emotionally vulnerable that one guy for one week can cause me to become a train wreck?

 

anyway, the point is he dropped off the face of the planet. i could not believe the things he had said to me. "i care about you, i feel we have a connection, i want you to come to my parents' house, i would never hurt your feelings, what, you don't trust me????!!" with those puppy dog eyes.

 

and then to disappear like that. WTF!!!!!

 

swirly i am a lot like you, i have a good job, am very self confident about my attractiveness - personality and otherwise, and i pursue a lot of outside activities that are meaningful to me, like sports and making music and plotting world domination (just kidding). i've done a LOT in my life ad I've been through a LOT of stuff as well. but what i'm trying to say is that i feel that i am driven, i have a lot to offer, i have lots of love and tenderness to give, and i definitely take care of myself. so it's like, i KNOW i am a great catch. what else do i have to do??? find a cure for cancer? fly to the moon and bring the f***er back a moonrock?

 

it makes me angry that he didn't see us as a phenomenal match - compatibility-wise, personality-wise, and substantively (in terms of the types of activities we both like to do, etc.). instead he conned his way into my pants (against my strong protestations, I might add) and really had me going, in fact, i thought that I was the one who would break his heart as i felt that he was more into it than i was (can you believe it????!!!).

 

"i would never hurt you. what, you don't trust me?" those words still echo in my head.

 

like you, swirly, it's caused me a great deal of pain. i've been crying every day for five days, this will be day #3 that I have not cried which is a good thing. i actually felt good this morning. but i am atheist and i feel that i may break down and go to a church just so i can talk to an actual person/priest instead of reading loveshack, crying to friends over the phone. i need a real person to sit with me and talk instead of these phone conversations. just make me feel more trapped.

 

i think my head is screwed on wrong, or i need to fix my head, because why do i let myself get so emotionally attached so quickly? I didn't even realize how attached i had become until he pulled the houdini on me and it was radio silence.

 

i wanted to make it clear though that the last time someone gave me the crazy butterflies like this it was 1.5 years ago. i am a bit of a commitment phobe myself (i know you are a bit of one as well) and so when i meet someone whom I can envision committing to, it is a BIG DEAL. usually i will meet a guy and he will be attractive so i figure i'll give him a chance, but the whole time i'm thinking, "eh, we'll see what happens, but i don't think he is the one." (of course, i will still end up getting emotionally attached but that is a separate issue).

 

this time, i met this guy and i was like, "holy sh*t i CAN imagine myself giving up my freedom just to be around this guy for a loooong time."

 

i thought the feeling was mutual. even my friends were shocked. they had encouraged me to stick with him as it was supposed to break my cycle of falling for the ass***s.

 

the intellectual part of me thinks i am making mountains out of molehills but ... my emotions are running rampant. you should have seen me crying for five days straight, not eating or sleeping, to the point where after a good cry i'd almost pass out from the dehydration, feeling really faint.

 

all i can say is that i read through this whole thread from beginning to end and i am so glad that you have experienced the same thing - well that came out funny i just mean it is good to know i am not the only one out there. i am just embarrassed because in my case it was only a week. so i feel so SO embarrassed to be posting and whining about it.

 

i feel sad that when someone who actually has potential comes along, he disappears. i guess if it's too good to be true, it probably is. so will i just resign myself to meeting someone who *doesn't* give me those sparks, and then fall in love the boring way, slowly, over time, their quirks and idiosyncracies endear themselves to you?

 

my personality is very daring, a thrill-seeker. i do extreme sports or intense things to get my daily adrenaline fix. i want someone who gives me the butterflies and that feeling of "I wouldn't mind giving up all other guys to have you" right off the bat. guys that have taken me a long time to fall in love with, i usually didn't stay with them, even though it hurt like hell to part ways, i always wanted something "better."

 

i thought i finally found a "nice guy" that i was actually attracted to. guess not!!!!! the joke's on me.

 

Hi Late - Thanks for the post, it always helps when someone out there is going thru something similar, so you don't feel so alone.

 

One thing I keep trying to tell myself and what others tell me is your feelings are your feelings....so if this was heartbreaking to you after one week, don't badger yourself for feeling that way....the quicker you give yourself a break, the better. I still do it too, cause yes, I dated my ex for 6 weeks, but it was intense and such.

 

But, I look in my past at other relationships and I really think this is more about my fears and insecurities and dreams than about losing this one guy. He is one guy in all the world and he blew me off so he's obviously not that great if he can't even communicate with me. But, whats hard for me is I have friends who are friends with him and in their eyes, as a FRIEND, he's great....so its hard when I try and say he's a JERK to myself.

 

But, I have dumped and been dumped in the past and I was always sad and upset and hurt, but I think in the last 2 yrs its been worse cause I am getting older and keep hoping when I click with someone that it will end up being the 'one'.....maybe thats what you did too??? I think I need to stop doing that. I had a LDR 2 yrs ago that I really got broken hearted from......I fell for him pretty quick and it usually takes me awhile to get comfortable and close to a guy. Then I dated a guy last year that I liked but didn't click with really, but I tried it anyway and he wanted too much too fast and it just wasn't gonna work, so I ended it. This current ex asked about me last year and blah blah blah, you've read the story......so I think I am more upset about what I dreamed and hoped would happen and that is what is breaking my heart....but I really miss 'him' too.

 

How did your guy disappear? Did you ever talk to him again? I made one phone call attempt and left a message and never heard anything, so luckily I have stuck to NC. But, it kills me.....which means I need to work on my self esteem more if this one guy can bring me down like this. I think its an issue I have to work on too. I am just so upset that this guy thought I was so great and he pursued me and asked about me for a year and then we dated and then he just blew it all off....so it makes me feel like 'Why wasn't I great enough?' It hurts alot and it still does. I still cry sometimes, depending on how I feel. But, I have lots of friends and there is always something to do and I live alone, but I like my independence too, so when I want to be alone I can. I guess I worry no one else will make me feel that way again, but I KNOW thats not true, but I am really down on myself cause I feel like I did something wrong to push him away.....he told my friend I was nuts and wanted too much, but thats such BS.....I went along with his pace that he set...all I wanted was for him to be held accountable when he blew me off.....its just a weird scenario cause one of my best friends set me up with him and she agrees he was an A$$ but I know she thinks he's a great guy still too, so it hurts. Only time......let me know more of your story though!

[Agent M]

Hi Swirly, Late, and Josalina!!

 

Haven't been able to communicate lately b/c I got the blue screen of death on my computer...meåns there is a hardware problem which will tåke some time to fix! Ugh I feel so at a loss (where is the spport group for failed computers...?) but I've been reading up on ways to get out of the messes we're in, so atleåst I'll have some words of wisdom by the time I get the computer fixed. I'm at the library right now!

 

There is one book that's been helping me...Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway! I think its by susan jeffers. It's an old book but a good one. It's not just about fear but about a lot of the issues we are confronting, and its inspiring instead of bringing you down like a lot of self help books. Also, try Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain.

 

Josalina...I'd have to look on the map to see exactly what Barnstaple is near and also where you live. I did gorge on clotted cream and tea, yum, and my friends tried to teach me how to tålk with ån English accent. I went out to the crazy taverns and to a lot of bed ånd breakfasts...I bet its beautiful where you are!

 

Well, I've been trying to keep busy like the rest of you. Things ARE getting better! There IS light at the end of this tunnel. I ran into the ex's father at the fåir and he reinforced everything (every bad thing!) I had to say about the ex....so thåt was validating!

 

Have you guys looked at any books on codependency? I found that shed some light on the problem. Also, Late, I wonder if you are getting stuck on the guys that reålly give you that same big adrenalin rush that you are used to. That is what happens with me, and I have recognized that now as a bad feeling and not a good one. I have decided that the more relaxed I am with the guy, the better. I have tried it the other way a 100 times and I keep getting screwed! (Well, you know what I mean..) Those are the guys for me to STAY AWAY FROM!

 

We can handle this! Think about all you are learning about yourself by going through these experiences. You're all really strong people....these guys aren't good enough for you! They're FLAKES! Imagine how horrible things might be over time, if they kept up these same bi-polar type behaviors.....then we'd REALLY need help. I know it's still hard (it is for me too...I am still having lots of thoughts and trouble sleeping) but I'm not as confused anymore.

 

Well, I'll be back on as soon as possible, but I think of you guys every day and wonder how everything is going! Hang in there!

[swirly27]

Hi Agent! Its good to hear from ya! That sucks about your computer, that is definitely the screen of death. Good luck with that and hope it all gets fixed for you soon.

 

I am so happy to hear you are feeling better. I think overall I am too, but I am still sad and still missing someone, so I know I have awhile till that goes away. I keep trying to tell myself now to let it go and that its over and he's not coming back and I keep trying to tell myself that I did nothing wrong and that I deserve someone that won't make me hurt. I think I am getting better. But, if I never hear from or see him again, I think I will always wonder what happened.....but hopefully that fades too with more time.

 

Tonight I went for a walk with one of my friends, so that was nice. We are planning on going on a ghosthunt tour in october, I am very excited about that. I have to call tonight to make reservations. So that will be fun!

 

I basically am doing all the things one is supposed to do when going thru a heartbreak but it sucks and its lonely. I even started talking to god more and I usually don't do that. I know I probably should, but I am trying to just pray more, for things in general, and for me and it helps a little at night, it feels nice.

 

I still have a ways to go with my self esteem because of this ex, and you would think I would feel nice that my other ex wants me back so much, but it really doesn't. I do feel good though that I know enough, for me, that it wouldn't help going out and just having out with someone as a rebound. Maybe if I met someone new and wanted to get to know them, that would be cool, but its good I am not hanging out with the other ex. That would just cause him possible hurt and more upset-ness for me, I think, cause I would compare.

 

I love though that we have seemed to make some new friends on here and are like a little network. This helps me out so much!! That is great too Agent that it made you feel better when your ex's own dad validated things for you. That always help, for anyone.

[swirly27]

Hey all, hope you girls and anyone else reading is doing good - hope you all have a nice weekend! I am just making a daily post.

 

I have been feeling alot better this week in general, so that is good. As I've said before, I am fine at work now and when I stay busier or get my mind into something else, I seem to be ok....but then there are times when I get to thinking and it can still bring me down. I feel like I should friggin over it by now, my geez. But, its was an experience that greatly affected me and my feelings are my feelings, so as long as I am staying healthy and trying to muddle thru them, I think I am doing fine.

 

No big plans this weekend, plan to do my shopping trip tomorrow, probably by myself, so Agent, I might try looking at some books you mentioned. Tonight I am going to hang with some friends and then chill. Sunday I have a bday party and then football!! Next week is fair week so I know my mind will be wondering if I'll see the ex - but its so big, I could go every night and so could he and we may never run into each other. But, from what my psychics say, this could be an opportune time for a run in, so I know my mind will be thinking about it. Guess I'll need to make sure I look extra cute each time I go. haha

[Guest]

hiya dunno if you girls on here got my last mail as it never showed up and having troble logging on, my computer has broke at home and in for repairs i will log back on asap when its fixed, i would say more but i am limited here.

take care

from

josalina

[swirly27]

Hey Josalina, sorry your computer is on the outs too, like Agents....hope its not contagious haha. Hope it gets fixed real soon for you.

 

My day today was ok. I woke up, after lots of dreams last night, one of which about me ex (i dream it seems at least one thing about him each night) and I made a nice breakfast and got ready to go on a day shopping trip. It was nice. I bought some things for myself but also did some christmas shopping and got 2 bday gifts as well. Unfortunately I left one of my purchases up at the mall, so now I need to drive back to get it. Ugh!

 

I came home and ate and actually 'smudged' my apartment and myself tonight. Its a ritual I read about where you take a bundle, usually white sage, and let it smolder and the smoke is supposed to cleanse out negative energies and you can do it to yourself too, so I thought it was a good thing to try. It can't hurt right!

 

Tonight I am going to TRY and not think of my ex when I go to sleep so maybe I won't dream about him. I do still feel really gay for still pining for this guy and it seems like its been forever that we've been apart, but my mom yelled at me tonight and said (AGAIN) that I need to not be hard on myself for grieving for this loss. He was important to me and what I felt was special and losing that and getting over it will take as long as it takes. So, that was my day. I did buy two books "Be Honest, You Just Weren't That Into Him Either' and 'Woman Who Love Too Much' so hopefully they will give me some insight. Problem was, I was into my ex, but there are lots of interesting insights in this book so it'll be good to read. I bought a copy of 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' because I haven't actually read it so maybe that will help in the future too.

 

I am very worn out now so I think I will cut to bed earlier tonight. I just want to stop thinking of him and finally to let him go....I try but its not working so great right now. My breakup 2 yrs ago was the hardest breakup I ever had, but in a couple ways this one is harder because of not hearing anything or never getting any word from him. That really punches you in the gut of self esteem....but only if I let it I guess, so I am working on changing that. Hope you all are having a good weekend.....and better luck with your computers! LOL