Baffled!!

[latefragment]

sorry i haven't been on in a while - i have been so sick with some kind of flu or strep throat ... and super busy, what a great combination from recovering from being dumped, huh?!!!!

 

but really, i am not being sarcastic, there is nothing like being physically ill *and* busy with work/obligations to help you get over a breakup, it's helped me in the past. i find that the process of physical recovery is a great way to give you perspective on your personal limits ... and it's helped me gain a greater acceptance of "the way things are."

 

i once met a guy (not romantic) who told me, "i pretty much like things the way they are." and it was very zen/buddhist (he wasn't) but if you think about it, there's a certain logic to it.

 

josalina, i'm glad you spent a night taking care of yourself. i pretty much spent all weekend holed up in my apt just doing "me stuff" and it was fabulous coz my roommate was gone and i had the place all to myself. =) normally this type of loneliness scares me but ... it was a welcome respite this time, the loneliness, the being alone, was like a little oasis in my week where i could recharge.

 

tangerine trees - i read the thread that you posted in, where you ask all guys who have dropped someone and disappeared and i am really pissed off at the responses you are getting. people are telling you to grow up and that you're only 17 and it was a summer romance. WTF!!!! when i was 16 i had my heart crushed by a 'summer romance' guy and it took me a good year and a half to recover and you know what? we never even [french] kissed. (we had like pecks on the lips, whatever). but he did say i love you. LOL!!!

 

no i am not trying to trivialize things i am pissed about why people are telling you you'll gain insight with age and maturity. because i am older than you and i'm going through the same thing, and so is swirly here. my only excuse is that i was VERY late to the dating game, like, late-bloomer style. so in some ways, i'm learning now, in my 20's, much later, what you are learning now at 17.

 

the fact is, what this guy did to you is horrible. he should not have done it. but we've all had this done to us so many times. it won't be the last time this happens to you, nor to me, nor to swirly. sad, but true. unfortunately the only thing we can do is work on ourselves, making ourselves as strong and impervious (i laugh, becuase that's such a pipe dream for me) to this type of bulls** as possible.

 

it may not be possible. we may just have a cross to bear, that we are serious people who are "consistent" to use your term (a very good term by the way, to describe the difference between us) ... i mean, if i like a guy, i generally like him. and, like you, i'm picky ... i don't like many guys. i'll have crushes on a lot of guys but the ones i *genuinely* like? those are few and far between. and i'm pretty consistent ...

 

i mean, it takes a LOT for me to go from 'i like this guy' to 'i don't like this guy therefore i'm going to disappear on him' in a heartbeat. i've never disappeared on someone and ... i think my feelings have only changed like that once or twice ... that was usually cause i met someone who frickin blew my socks off the very next week, something like that (sad, i know).

 

i'm totally rambling here and i need to get back to work.

 

swirly - thanks for your PM i know i sound like the biggest flake when i'm saying this but i've been meaning to write you a long-ass PM for the last several days but this flu/strep throat has really got me sidelined and i want to spend a good little while on the email to you... when i have my head clear ... so i hope you stick around for a while. i 'm really glad your ddaily posts are helping you by the way...

 

and i think even though it kinda sucks now that you didn't run into him at the fair, in the future you'll be glad you didn't. thinka bout it - your october (and mine as well) is packed full of events and activities, it's ia great opportunity to continue to heal.

 

but in know what you mean. i still hurt inside. in fact i set up an appointment to talk to someone about it too.

 

ok talk to you girls soon. =)

[swirly27]

haha, Josa that made me laugh. Hope your appt goes as best as can be expected with getting your disk slipped back in - that sounds painful! ouch!

 

I am back at work today but I still don't feel well. My friend wonders if maybe I have allergies, cause you can have cold-like symtoms with allergies too. But I am busy here at work and my head feels like crap, its all in my sinues.

 

Are you feeling better today Josa? I chatted a bit with Agent over the weekend so Agent, you'll have to let me know how you are feeling today too. Tangerine and Late, how are you girls coping?

 

Yesterday marked the 2 month mark for my breakup, my goodness, with NC with him since that night, it almost feels like it was a dream that we ever dated. I know 2 months isn't really that long of a time, but it seems like forever ago that I spoke with him and even longer that I saw him. I can say its getting little bit by little bit easier, but my mind is still wrapped around the whole thing, mostly because of the way it ended and how nothing was ever communicated back to me and how I felt about him in our time together.....so I guess when my feelings go away for him, I won't care how it ended or what was said.....which is why NC is very good right now because if I had to keep seeing him or talking to him, my feelings wouldn't go away. I am very scared for the first time I do see him or run into him, if it ever happens. I still feel like I have some low self esteem because of it too, but I guess that will pass too. I've never had a guy just disappear like that before and it SHOULD be soooo clear what that shows about HIM - but I also feel like I wasn't great enough to even want to be talked to. All in due time!!

[swirly27]

Sorry Late, I had started my post way before you posted yours, but I got tied up at work and didn't get to actually submit it until after you did, so I didn't know you had responded. H

 

Hope you are doing well and I look forward to getting your message. I hope you feel better as well. I agree that it sometimes helps when you feel ill and other things are going on after a breakup - its something else to take your mind off things and being sick just keeps you tired and bed-ridden anyway. lol I hope you are feeling better though.

 

I am almost tired of hearing myself talk (or type) about my ex! hahaha I just want to be over it, thats my problem, I am stubborn and hard on myself and I keep thinking I should be by now.....but I only think that way about myself, not anyone else that I read about or conversate with....so I am not sure why I am so hard on myself. It probably was a good thing that I didn't see him at the fair as it would have just brought up feelings again - but I just feel so unwanted or uncared about for the way he just vanished, not even trying to be friends, nothing. I know I keep saying that but its the truth - if dating was too much pressure or somewhere he realized he wasn't that into me, why didn't he just say that, who friggin just disappears like that??? I know alot of guys do, thats why alot of us are on here, but my goodness, I even tried to call him and smooth things over and it was almost like he was mad at ME - like HE wouldn't want to talk to ME. Thats absurd!! Oh well.....

 

Good luck with your appt. Late, I know I saw someone twice after this breakup and she didn't really help me. She says I am healthy and doing everything I need to do and I just am too hard on myself and analyze everything way too much, which I do. So, hope it goes very well for you!! Talking to someone else is always a good idea!

[tangerine trees]

thanks, latefragment, for not calling me immature i made that thread in a fit of anger, probably shouldnt have, ha.

[Josalina]

my disk was very sore i showed my physio and she said it looked terrible as was sticking out so a specialist i know very well now came in to pop them back in, i thought i was one but turned out to be 3.

my mum came in with me but i have had that treatment every month for a year so gettting used to it.

glad u feel bit better.

 

oh my god he text, he just mr ex asked how my back is?

think i will wait an hour to text back i am shaking. lol

[swirly27]

Well here's my daily post...today was sort of a down day, not really sure why. I guess cause its hit the 2 month mark and maybe its one last 'downer' before things will really start to stay up. I know this sounds cheesy too but I have talked to a couple psychics over the last 2 months and this one has stuck to everything she has said from the beginning and I talked to her last night - awhile back she said she saw me hearing from him within 2 months of me trying to call him that last time....which would be this coming thurs - 2 weeks ago she said she sees me hearing from him within 3 weeks - and last night she said she was 'emphatic' about me hearing from him within this last week, so all the timeframes add up. I KNOW I KNOW that some people don't believe in this stuff, but I do in general - this psychic is cheap and she told me last night if I don't hear from him in this next week, that I shouldn't call her back because she believes it that much that it will happen - could be a scam huh but unfortunately I think its keeping my hope alive for the next week. GAY huh! LOL

 

Some of us go thru all kinds of hopes and fantasies and thru this breakup at least I have kept NC and am staying busy, hanging out with friends, trying new things and trying to learn from this....but I am human and still miss him and yes still have a small hope. Maybe I'll get tired of spending money on psychics and THAT will make me lose my last shred of hope! haha Whatever it takes, better than me out binge drinking every night or hurting myself...instead my vice is talking to psychics haha. But I am logical too and I realize that as more time goes by, I most likely will never see or hear from him again, so at least I have a logical side too.

One thing I am very excited about is I get to go to a football game this weekend, so I am majorly psyched about that!!

[Josalina]

football game sounds fun, u going with friends?

i haven't got much to do this weekend, may c my mum and spend time with her sun.

i am quite tired today an have a bad headache so gotta relax more as its tension from the neck?

hope your day goes well, i believe in these physic's i find them interesting, i wonder if they tempt fate as the lady i used to say told me so much and everything happend, she even saw me falling and having an accident and it happened in a dance class, she also warned me of stairs and i fell down a flight of them lol, sometimes i wondered if she made it happen lol ha ha ha.

she was nice though, there were positives as well, however she said i wouldn't see them until i have recovered from the accident, i went away thinking she way made but it all started happening.

 

she said the injury was to test me to see if that is what i really wanted to do etc and its natures way to taking you through so much truma to make you stronger to deal with future things.

 

i hope u feel better today swirl? take care

[swirly27]

Actually I am going with my Dad, we have been going to a game each year cause he gets tickets thru his work so its awesome!! I can't wait and its a big game so it will be great.....just hope my team wins, or then I'll be pissed. lol

 

See, I talked to a psychic once this past winter and I would call her a couple times and she was dead on with stuff - she also says I will hear from my ex but she says it will take awhile and she's not dead set on a timeframe. It was a different one that is emphatic about it being this week. So, we'll see. I feel dumb sometimes that I call them but I do believe in psychic ability, its just whether or not most of the ones we call actually have that ability! haha So, we'll see.

 

I am feeling better today than I did last night, not sure why it was a downer. Oh well, I'll have good and bad days. Tonight I think I may go to the mall with 2 friends of mine, shopping and walking around is always a fun time. Tomorrow night I am going to hang out with one of my closest friends, we always have a fun time. Saturday I am going to a crafts festival so that will be nice and then saturday afternoon I leave to go down to my dad's and stay over since we are going to the football game sunday - then I took monday off since the football game is a later one and I won't be home till late. So its a busy weekend.....and a busy month too! I REALLY hope by the end of this month I am much more over him and it. I have been reading the mars/venus book too little by little and it is really interesting. It seems a good book to read and I am going to let my married friends read it when I'm done, I think it will really help alot of them if they read it.

 

At least the work week is almost over.

[latefragment]

hey swirly,

 

i'm sorry you had a down day yesterday. i know what you mean. i keep going, going, going, but when i pause to think about things it gets me down. you and i seem to have a lot in common about how our self esteem works and all that, and esp about how we find very few people worth our time or interest and when we meet one we like our defenses go flying out the window. .

 

sucks doesn't it? riobikini posted on here a while back about this very same subject, namely that she has really high standards so anyone who meets those standards really really interest her. unfortunately, by their admission into her 'pool' they automatically ... cause her to be vulnerable. if you know what i mean. so it's almost like a catch 22. her suggestion for avoiding being hurt was to only date people you KNOW you don't really like. but then what's the point? which, as she admitted, is like a no-win situation.

 

in my case it would be dating the guy at work that i sort of have a crush on because i knew from the beginning that while he is an absolute sweetheart and would make a great, loving, boyfriend, in the long run, he wouldn't be for me. of course i am not going to date him but what i'm saying is that the relationships i've recovered from in the past where i no longer miss them tended to be ones where i kinda knew from the get-go that they weren't like, long long long term material. it doesn't meant that breaking up with them didn't send me bawling for days and weeks - i still mourned the relationship's passing, but they didn't leave really lasting scars ...

 

the one guy i dated that i thought i could see myself with long term (this was over a year and a half ago) we only dated for three weeks and when he rejected me very suddenly and coldly and meanly, it's taken me a long time to get over it, funny right? you could say in some ways i'm still not over it, 1.5 years later...

 

i am really glad you are going to a football game with your dad. sounds like fun.

 

are your parents separated, by any chance? i am in a similar situation as yours, mine divorced when i was very young. ok i better get back to work. this weekend i am out of town so ... i plan to compose that epic email to you with my story maybe next week if you are still on here.

 

and by the way about the psychics - i think it's interesting what they are saying. i would take their advice witha grain of salt though i do believe that people have psychic powers i don't know how exact they are you know what i mean? well i am teetering on the edge of my seat to see if he contacts you now, but i hope you don't get your hopes up.

 

meanwhile i still think of that g**damn guy (the most recent one, from a month ago) every so often, hoping that i'll hear from him but kinda knowing in my gut it's finito, for-ever, and i get pissed/angry/sad depending on my mood ...

[Josalina]

hey ladies,

football game with your dad sounds nice swirl, bet u will have a blast.

 

yeah i am glad the week is nearly over, just come away from this silly old pilate class, i say silly as the positions r so embarrassing to do with a class of people let alone finding out they have cameras so mr gorgeous gym guy downstairs was prob watching knowing my luck having a right old chuckle with his mates, lol ha ha ha honestly i came downstairs and the lads were cheering us, i could of died!!! , i am going to face the oppersite side next time i think, as far away from veiw as poss lol.

i stood at the reception bit without them knowing to c where the camera was, luckerly there was a lady still practising in the focal point lol, the sites were alarming i tell ya!!! ha ha ha

 

oh well, u gotta laugh.

i feel a bit weird today, and i don't mean nutty lol, just different, i think hearing from the ex has made me stronger and realise i don't need him afterall, well i don't think i do! i mean hearing him say he is still doing the usual made me think he obviously hasn't changed and i am not gonna put up with sumone who was treating me as second best as b4, and as u know that was the reason i got rid of him, he cut me short saying he had run out of cred, have'nt heard from him since, muppet. lol

 

honestly girlies these men get right on my hooter, i feel like sneezing them away lol.

can't b done with it, i love me so i am gonna live for me, myself and i, well for a little awhile anyway, so i will go out have fun and do what i want when i want, as this is something we can not do in a relationship... so i am gonna make full use of it all lol.

 

and on an even more positive note i think i am over him, so ha mr x up yours!!! lol over and out.

 

p.s. hope u girlies r all ok, and look forward to hearing from u, take care and keep posting!

[swirly27]

Hi Ladies,

 

Late, yes I think we have alot in common. Ugh, I am just so sick of having this hope and not being over it. I really think its harder on my as I get older. I know there are other guys out there that will be worth my time and I know that other guys will be interested in me, but like you said, I don't 'click' with just everyone and thats the feeling I am looking for and I don't think I imagined it with him, it was mutual, especially from what I heard.....I still just can't believe how it all just ended and now its up to me to just let it go....but I can't.

 

Yes, my parents are divorced, they split when I was about 6. My dad is remarried and I love my stepmom and I have a brother and sister from that and my mom is now with someone too, so who knows how my childhood affects my feelings toward a relationship. I am just very very hurt and I want it to be over....I am holding on to this too hard I think and I want it to go away.

 

I went out tonight with 2 girlfriends to dinner and then some shopping and one of those girlfriends is the one who is friends with my ex and her and I just aren't the same....I can feel it and I know she can feel it and its mostly my doing....I feel hurt by her too because when she had the chance, she didn't say anything to him about how he treated me yet she hurt my feelings when her and I talked about it.....i know she loves me and never would have wanted me hurt, but I am not the same with her right now either and I don't know what to do about it. Oh well, hopefully with time it'll fade, but I don't talk to her about my feelings on the ex at all and I don't ask about him because I feel funny talking with her about this....and that hurts cause she's one of the friends I tell EVERYTHING to, but not this. I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship, but she hurt me.

 

I don't know about the psychics, I am trying to take everything they say with a grain of salt, but if I have a hope, its my own fault. I already do and then I spend the money and call them I think to keep that hope alive. But that psychic said by this week and she even said not to call her back if it didn't happen - maybe that can be goal to let go of my hope if this week passes and I hear nothing. I hope so. I am doing good overall in life in general but I still have a huge sadness in my heart and it will be awhile until that goes away. I hurt easily and don't forget easily....but because of that I am very sensitive and loyal and loving to the people I care about.

 

Well at least I bought some cute clothes and boots tonight!! Josa, your story made me laugh about the pilattes! haha That is a riot. I am so glad you are feeling so much better about all of this. Maybe one day if I hear from my ex or hear about him and I realize he isn't worth my thoughts, I will feel better too. I think my self esteem just needs to heal cause when it comes to my ex, I feel very low right now from how he handled things....HE should feel low and maybe he does, but he caused me to feel low because I am letting him....so I need healing to realize no one can cause me to feel low. I feel good about other aspects in my life, but not him. In due time.....

[Josalina]

my parents r divorced too, swirl, i was around the same age as u 7 i think, it was done for the best though, my mum had been on her own years after and has only recently found someone who treats her well, she said she would never marry again, wierd what a relationship can do to you, my dad is with another woman, they r engaged but he doesn't want to marry her! lol very strange huh! lol they have just lived together for years.

 

glad u treated yaself to boots and cute clothes, i love shopping, and some sassy but classy clothes make me feel loads better.

 

i hope u find out your ex isn't worth your time as i did, well sort of, i know the feelings are always there as mine still r but my biggest worry is finding out he wants to be with me again, then a few months later leaves me again to move abroad, i know even if we didn't get back together and he still leaves i won't be able to stop crying, because then i know it really is over and another woman will be able to make him happy etc but until then i try not to think of the maybes and focus on me and the moment.

 

take care and forget everything this weekend and enojy spending time with your dad and the wicked footie game.

[swirly27]

Thanks Josalina, I hope to have a great weekend. Yesterday was a better day overall, I dressed up in a new skirt and knee boots and had a good day at work and the guys I work with are all jealous I am going to this football game, its gonna be great. My friend and I last night though went to a store over in the town near where my ex lives! haha We're such dorks, but I made sure I looked cute, but not really dolled up and we went to a store over there and did some shopping. We didn't see him but still, I was kinda nervous but nothing happened. We came home then and hung out a bit and then I went to bed. So, nothing big. Today I am going to a crafts fair and then heading down to my dad's to stay overnight cause the game is tomorrow. I am very excited about that so thats a good thing. I have to say though that on the way to the store and the way back from the store, we drove by my ex's house! How retarded am I??? lol My friend drove and I got in the backseat when she went by....on the way to the store he wasn't there, but on the way back his car was. Yes I know I am retarded and shouldn't have done it but oh well. That'll be the first and last time I do it, I think I just needed to get it out of my system! haha

 

Oh I wish I truly felt like he didn't deserve my time or thoughts. Sometimes here and there I do, but then I miss him and the feelings I thought we had going on with each other and then I am kinda sad all over again. I know for me, it takes me a long time to get over something when I am really really hurt so I think I am doing everything right and venting and posting on here as this has been a lifesaver. I only have a few people I can talk about this to cause I am not comfortable with all my friends about this and then I have this site and its helped alot.

 

But I am off to pack and get ready so I will be back in a couple days and hope you all have a great weekend! Agent, sorry I missed your IM the other night! Hope you are doing great as well, you'll have to give me an update! Take care everyone!

[Josalina]

hope you had a lovely weekend swirly i spend mine at a health spa in the end a friend had free tickets from her ex who used to work there, lol so we had a lovely time saturday then i spent the eve with her and her cute baby.

sunday was a little slower but all the same nothing to complain about i rested my neck as told to and had treatment today so its going steady.

 

did the team u were supporting win?

how was your dad?

look forward to hearing from u.

[swirly27]

Hey everyone - back to the grind this week at work, I had a really good weekend!! The football game was SO AWESOME and yes my team did win! I am sore from screaming so much and clapping so much and jumping up and down so much! haha But, it was very exciting and it definitely juiced me up. It was good seeing my family and relaxing a bit and then I had off yesterday so I just stayed home and relaxed. Today its back to work.

 

I am still somewhat down though but I guess I'll stop saying that cause I think its just a common feeling for me for awhile. I have good times and keep busy and vent when I need to but there is a constant sadness for me for now and I think it will be awhile. lol I basically miss him and the way it all ended just really did a number on me, so all I can do is take this time......

 

I hope you girls are all doing good. Agent, sorry we didn't get to chat last night, I am interested in seeing how you are doing. How are things with you Josalina and Late? I hope better than I have been feeling? LOL The other thing that is stressing me out is me and my one girlfriend's friendship - if you've read my whole thread, she is the friend who is friends with the ex - so I am trying to get over my hurt and resentment towards her and its not working out so well - everything she says to me now I take differently and I look at things she says now differently. I hate judgemental people and in this past breakup, I have felt judged by her and I am hurt - the smart thing would be to talk to her about it....oh but it won't be that easy and I know it, so I am hesitant. So, I'll have to see what happens with that. Time, time, time....I am just trying to go along with it. lol

[Josalina]

heya swirly! pleased ya team won, it sounds like u have a wicked weekend.

i am a little low to, i feel confused and unsure, my ex has text again but not to c me or get back with me, in fact i swear he is doing it to just make it known he is still there lol, i really worried as there was a car accident today near his gym and i couldn't drive through as a young lad had turned his car over, out of curiosity i asked a police woman what the car was, she asked me what colour i didn't want it to be so i said navy blue and she said well i am afriad it is, do u know someone here so i paniced and said yes got out the car and she said i couldn't go any further, the car looked just like his i just couldn't c the number plate, at this point i paniced and asked what the lads name was and they couldn't tell me i asked if they could tell me what he looked like and they said no! so i started shaking thinking what if it is him as the car was still turned over and the lad was stuck in it, the firemen were cutting him out, it was horrible, i was asked to leave so i drove away and went the other way to see if i could see anything lol, crafty i know but they wouldn't let anyone there as the sights were apparently terrible.

so i drove all the way to my ex's house, i looked in the drive and his car was there but his brothers weren't although this is also navy blue i know i shouldn't worry like i do as they r both prob fine, but i thought if i had gone to that much trouble to c if an ex is ok, i must still have feelings for him.

 

i haven't heard from him but sure he should be ok.

i am so confused with the mixed signals i am getting though, he even called me hun in one of the texts? maybe i'm reading into it to much, but i haven't had a reply since.

 

well i hope agent and late are ok 2?

 

sooo pleased u enjoyed your weekend swirl, u deserved it.

sorry to hear u r a lil low 2, i think i am going to have a joannie evening and pamper myself to lots of smellies and a bath treatment i got and make myself look nice, i have been fake tanning with what i think is the best product ever lol it gives u no streaks and turns u a natural golden colour so i keep applying it every few nights to build a lovely natural colour, makes me look more healthy too lol.

[swirly27]

Hey Josalina,

 

I am doing ok, I think I may just stay home tonight and maybe have another sea salt bath with some oils - I just got back from some food shopping and doing some chores and now I am getting ready to eat.

 

I am sorry to hear you are feeling low too - I will post more about my thoughts on all that in your 'Ahhh' post cause I know exactly how you feel and you are analyzing everything and thats what happens. Its so hard not to, but its normal. Unfortunately I analyze about 5 times more than the average woman so imagine my headaches sometimes! hahaha

 

I did have a very good weekend though and it was a very exciting football game and it pumped me up....so I know I will be ok, it just hurts and I think I want to find someone special so bad that when it happens to come my way, my heart is getting too invested - funny though cause I am not that clingy girl, I didn't cling to him (at least not that he could see) but once he was past my walls, my heart did cling a little - kinda like Riobikini described to one of you guys, I was immediately vulnerable once he passed my walls and standards and that just sucks. All I can try and do is learn from this. I don't want to lose my friendship with my girlfriend though and I am not sure how to handle it - guess I'll see in time.

 

Ok girls, off to eat! I'll be back on later. Agent, if you're on tonight I will be online and should be home most of the night!

[latefragment]

hello swirly josalina and everyone ...

 

it seems like yesterday and today were banner days for us feeling down again.

 

me too, i am president of the club!

 

yes, my weekend was really great as i went out of town and saw family and old friends (well, i guess they are acquaintances now) but it was sad as ... it sort of only made me feel more lonely. i've resorted to my old somewhat depressive habits again, which is bad.

 

still feeling sad in the back of my mind, but for the most part life is moving so quickly with all my other responsibilities that i can shut it out. sunday night was terrible, only got a few hours of sleep, just laying in bed, staring at the dark ceiling, ruminating on life ... how you really are alone ... you know? and it's up to you to take a step back, create your own spiritual wholeness and be truly happy alone because you live alone and will eventually die alone. grim eh?

 

but the point of it is to liberate. i don't know it's all bullsh* anyway what i'm saying.

 

i'm glad to hear that you swirly & josalina are hanging in there and giving yourselves a lot of attention. swirly i'm sorry it's created a rift in your relationship with your friend. doesn't it suck to have one breakup equal several breakups when friends are in the picture? especially bc you used to consider this girl one of your best friends. i've lost friends in the past through falling outs and it's really sad. because sometimes they never want to talk to me again and it's sad because i didn't think i was knowingly being mean or selfish ... but i guess this is a little off topic...

 

anyway i'm glad your team won and aren't sports games such fun to watch?! i'm happy you got away for the weekend though. josalina i'm sorry your ex is confusing you with all those texts.

 

ok well i've got to get back to work... i look forward to chatting with you girls more ... hope you are doing well, i eagerly await more updates.

 

swirly - i am so glad i'm not the only one here who is beating herself up for pining over some dude who disappeared. i mean, i know where you're coming from, it's like you just wnat some kind of acknowledgement almost, i know what you mean. i am so curious to figure out if my dude even cares, or knows that what he did was very wrong or what...

[Josalina]

thats it, i have had it with men, i am going to become a nun!!!

ha ha only kidding, but i did consider it for a split second, surely god can't be this much hassle!

 

lol anyway, i went to the gym today which also sucked as the v. nice instructor seems to be backing off!!!

what am i doing?! lol

lol i know i had a bridget jones moment last weekend but i was hoping he would forget, believe me girls anything that could go wrong did, i fell of the lat pulldown bench ha ha, forgot my exercise card, triped over on the tredmill, the bike seat fell down, lol u name it i done it, it was so embarrassing, lol. him and his other fine friends were there and they just turned around by the time i fell on the floor ha ha ha to save my embarressment i guess lol , when he came over to talk to me and i told him, knowing he knew he couldn't stop laughing, he thinks i am funny, yes girls funny! not the best way to get a man but nevermind, he did also say he thought i was sweet, but do men want sweet girls thats the question. i turn up today and he doesn't even see me out!! lol so i think that answers it ha ha.

oh my gosh i am so dosey, you know when u just have one of them days when just everything goes wrong? well it happened sat at the gym, lol.

however he did arrange to see me friday there so who knows??!! lol

 

sorry you are both a lil low too girls, i wish i could take u both out for a wicked girls night out, that would cheer us up, but as its not gonna happen lol we can only but be here for each other.

hope you are all having a better day.

[latefragment]

josalina that is really funny about your gym experience on saturday. i don't want to get your hopes up but usually when a guy laughs at you being klutzy (that's what we say in the US do you say klutzy too?) and calls you sweet he's being good-natured and is charmed... i'd say he's interested, esp if he wanted to see you again on friday at the gym.

 

the only thing here is ... what are his intentions??? maybe he just wants something that is no strings attached or he really wants to get back together with you. the thing is he probably doesn't even know what he wants right now, he just thinks you're cute and misses you. which is great!

 

thanks for your well wishes for me & swirly ... unfortunately things took a turn for the worse yesterday. i've been feeling really sad and lonely and... have started to feel depressed again. it's really bad. i was really busy all day yesterday with obligations and then when i finally had a moment to rest (at midnight!) i stayed up until 2.30 watching a celebrity poker competition. it was NOT GOOD esp because i had to get up early for work. and i am still sick (it's been 4 weeks now) with the remnants of a flu.

 

what am i doing to myself? i was like a zombie in front of the tv, anything to get my mind off of feeling sad. and waking up in the morning was the worst feeling. that moment when you come to consciousness, dead sleepy, you remember what you were thinking about the night before.

 

sorry to be such a downer, i am happy you are doing better and i hope swirly is too,

 

talk to you soon girls.

[swirly27]

Hey Girls,

 

Sorry I didn't get to post till now, work was CRAZY today and I am just getting home. I guess its good work is so busy cause it keeps me occupied and doing what I do best, which is focusing on something and analyzing it - better work than my ex! haha

 

Josa, that is funny about your gym experiences. Late is right though, if this gym guy laughed at you and has been nice and thinks you're sweet, thats a good thing. He may just be being friendly, as if I remember correctly, you said he also just got out of a relationship, but if the guy thought bad of you, he wouldn't be talking to you at all. Either way though, just look at him as a new friend and nothing more for now.

 

Late, I am sorry you are feeling so low again. Exactly how long has it been again that you and your ex have been broken up? How long has it been NC for? I always think that breakups have these roller coaster effects - very sad usually at first and then almost a bright spot up and then as more time goes on, it sets in how over things seem to be going and we come down again. For me its been over 9 weeks and I think thats why I am having a sucky couple of weeksn - I really though I would have heard something before 2 months was up, but I didn't, so its like a disappointment all over again. I am feeling a bit better today but I take it day by day. We all will do what we need to do to go thru this rut and then come out of it. Sometimes I want to be around people and sometimes I don't. Being busy helps and then sometimes I want to be alone and just think - we each have our own limits and everyone takes their own amt. of time to heal for different things. I can look back and know I am doing much better than I was the first 2 weeks after the breakup, so it just takes time.

 

I am now trying to really let go of my hope....really. Its so obvious I meant nothing to this guy and he's not a horrible man but he is a coward and in the sense of something serious, this guy didn't picture me as that so his loss and hopefully I can release him from my mind and really accept that its over. Once I can keep doing that, the healing process can begin to end for me. I hope!!

 

This weekend is big plans again, going to a scary movie on friday with a bunch of friends as it is friday the 13th!! haha Then saturday a friend of mine turns 30 so she rented a bus to take us all around to different bars, should be fun. The only bad thing is I haven't drank since before the breakup!! So, I am scared when I drink and get drunk, I will want to text or call him, so I am trying to prepare for that and have friends who won't let me use the phone all night. lol Thats the plan anyway.

 

Hope today was a better day for you girls!! TTYL

[Josalina]

yeah i know swirl lol, i do think of this guy as a friend but when another hot young male shows not signs of interst anymore i start thinking its me ha ha your right though, as if the truth was known i wouldn't really want anything else other than a friend as i am still pining for the silly ol' ex lol i just miss the attention of a man i think, and that is not the best way to be i know, i just miss a lad showing he cares and i can't paint them all with the same brush as i know some men will use that to their own advantage, although i know i wouldn't let that happen, but i do feel rather sensitive i think and it don't help.

 

late u r also right, i have no idea what he would want, and i don't get used, i don't go with just anyone i just do a bit of friendly flirting, as most women i think, but u never know what there intentions are, i should only be focusing on mr ex right now, as he is the one i still want, but then i ask myself is he what i want? i am so confused, i still think i should be a nun lol, i have decided to take a good six months to myself, i don't need a man right now, as u said swirl i need to heal.

men could go to mars for the next year for all i care, just keep the kind friendly ones to talk to and have a laugh with and if they try anything on, they will be ejected there as well, lol cor u can really tell my profession as an actress with my very high but strange imagination lol.

 

so yeah i am just gonna still b myself and expect nothing more than a mate to any man i come across, as i don't need the stress

 

sorry u r low late, wish i could help, just keep busy and yeah i have heard of klutz as my american friend round the corner is constantly saying it lol, i though she was calling me for cups when i first heard it! lol.

 

hope u both have a good day, have u heard from agent swirl? is she ok?

glad u have a action packed weekend swirl lol yeah hide any form of communication for the next 24 hours ha ha.

 

take care all.

[swirly27]

Hey Girls, I am getting ready to leave work and going to the mall tonight to do some shopping so I thoght I'd write my post.

 

Hope you girls are doing better today. Josa, I hear you on missing companionship of a male, I do too, but for me its not just any male, its a particular one, so thats how I know other guys aren't for me right now, because I am not ready for that. You could meet the right guy at the wrong time and it wouldn't work out if you're not ready. Other guys are showing interest in me and it doesn't really make me feel any better, so WE need to make OURSELVES feel better right now, thats it.....not our exes or any other guy. Easy to say huh!

 

I am hoping to get some new boots and exchange the ones I got last week cause I didn't like them when I got home. lol I also want to try and buy a couple xmas presents and then that'll take up a nice chunk of my night. Always good to keep busy.

 

Josa, Agent is doing ok, I chatted with her the other night. Not sure if she'll be back on here or not for a bit, but she has her ups and downs like we all do. I'll let her know you asked about her. It is a shame we couldn't all meet up and get together for a night on the town! We'd rule then! lol

[Josalina]

i know u r right, i don't want anyone but my ex so searching for another male is making it worse, instead i get men asking me out i don't want, and the cute ones although very charming i also don't want as everyday i think, will i hear anything... oh nope not today, it is ruling my life, so i have turned the phone on silent an i am going to have a bath, use all my fav smellies and have an early night.

 

i brought myself a pair or lovely boots today as well, so that cheered me up a bit, i wish i had control of myself, i am hurting badly, i was meant to ring a friend tonight, but i was to sad and didn't want to bore her with my life so thought i would call over tomorrow when i have picked myself up, sorry to sound so low, i would keep going on.

 

i sure hope u enjoy your shopping and find a nice pair of boots. please do tell agent i said hello if you can, i do hope she is ok.

 

take care swirly:)

[Josalina]

lol you can tell i am getting tired as i start spelling things wrong, i meant i won't keep going on ha ha. oh dear lol i am going to chill out and get ready for bed lol. night.