i feel alone

[jessica]

i went to the movies with my friends male and female we were sitting there watching the movie and our guy friend put his arms around us he didnt mean it in a sexual way just close friendship it felt so nice it made me feel really good in side.

 

Nw since i have been married 4 2 months my husband hasnt shown any affection ive asked him to a few time and ive told him that i feel lonely but still nothing we have talked about our problems many times but nothing seems to change

 

ireally want to feel loved and special after all its only been 2 mnths last night when i came home i asked him can i hug u he said no and so i tried any way and he got all frustrated he said "dont touch me im trying to sleep"

 

i went to sleep feeling really sad and alone and i really hate this feeling....i want so much for him to leave but i hate being by myself but i guess its like im by myself any way....i just want to feel the touch of a man to feel his strong yet soft hands on my skin im so sexually frustrated

 

its not funny i find myself getting aroused at lots of things now ....what can i do?????

[Laurynn]

Hi there,

 

Are you by any chance the same gal who's posted recently about her new husband being jealous of her female friend? (this gal has only been married for 2 months and their marriage sounds terrible). Is that you?

 

Did things just change dramatically ONCE you got married? How long did you date each other prior to marrying? How were things BEFORE you married?

 

Was there any pressure that he might have felt to marry you?

 

What ages are you both, roughly?

 

Have you ever considered going for some type of counseling or therapy? I think you really need to speak to a trained professional (which none of us here are, though we sure don't mind trying to help). Look in the Yellow Pages of the phone book under "Counselling" or "Therapy" and see if there's someone there who does marriage and/or personal counselling. Yes, you very well may not ever get HIM to go with you (or on his own) but you very much need some for yourself......I think it would very much help.

 

Do either of you belong to any church? What about the one you married in? (if you married in a church)....you could always go and speak to the minister/pastor/priest/rabbi?....it's free, and that's part of their job. They deal with marriage problems all the time, they have training in this. And it doesn't even matter if you DON'T belong to that church..or if you NEVER go to church, period. They sure won't turn you away, ever.

 

Over my life, I've gone to more than one church (all kinds of different denominations) to talk to the pastor or minister about relationship problems....and they were helpful...if nothing more than someone to listen..and if my problems were out of their league, they'd refer me to someone who could help...like maybe a particular couple IN the church who have training in helping married couples.

 

Please give it some thought...you are far too newly married to be having these kinds of problems, and it's horrible that your guy doesn't even want to show or give affection. You can't live like this for very long.

 

L

[Lola]

Try making yourself unavailable. If he is used to you being there all the time, he will not realize how much he actually does need you. From what you have written, it sounds like you feel taken advantage of. You have to be strong, stop asking for hugs and other "things". Let him come around.

 

If you usually have a dinner waiting on him, just don't cook. If you usually wash his clothes, tell him to wash his own. Just start living for yourself only for a little while (maybe a week or two), see if he notices. I'm sure he will. Then he will be the one wanting to talk and asking what is wrong. If he doesn't, then something is definitely out of whack.

 

Stop asking for hugs, kisses, and if you do - sex. It makes you sound pitiful (no offense, but it does). Could you imagine being attracted to someone who was so needy? Yuck!

[Laurynn]

I TOTALLY know where you're coming from, Lola.....about playing hard to get/not making oneself so available.....but I'm not sure that it's a matter of being/appearing "needy" for a new bride of 2 months to ask for sex or hugs or kisses. She shouldn't even HAVE to ask. A lot of newlyweds are like the Energizer Bunny...can't keep their hands off of each other.

 

Judging by the way he's treating her, if she was to basically 'go on strike' and stop cleaning, stop cooking, stop playing the "wife role", seeing how I believe he's already considered wanting a divorce, it would seem to me that this would give him even more reason (in his mind).....

 

If Jessica is the same person who's posted her lately, about a similar situation, someone correct me if I'm wrong but hasn't the dickhead hubby expressed displeasure with her weight, and called her a fat ___ (something, I can't remember what)......

 

It sounds to me like this guy is an abusive, passive-aggressive loser who has no concept of what marriage is about. He's acting like a 2 year old. Doesn't seem to be any lines of communication there in the least. If I was newly married, only 2 months and my hubby nearly had a stroke when I touched him in bed, or I asked for a hug and was rudely refused, I'd be seriously looking into the process of getting an annulment (annul the marriage, what marriage?)

 

There doesn't seem to be any marriage here. It sounds like he's punishing her for something. Even if it's not a marriage, even if it's just a 2 or 3 month relationship, one shouldn't have to ASK to be shown affection......he seems like a cruel, immature, heartless b*stard and I fear that if she started reacting like you suggested, he might treat her even worse??

 

L

[Lola]

It depends on how long they were living together first. If they were living together for a year prior, then I think that my take on things could be valid. However, if they just moved in when they got married, then I believe you are correct.