All4You Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 ive been dationg a guy for 6 mnths now. the thing is i have fallen deeply in love with him but we argue none stop. our first major fuss was abt his ex-girlfriend....she is a pain in the butt...after many arguments tho he has convinced me tht there is nothing going on between them. he says she now more like a little sister to him cuz for a long time she started 2 spend more time on the computer or with his mother who she is now very close to....after a while they stopped kissing and being intimate. anyway my predicament is tht i came in2 this relationship knowing tht it was more than likely for him to cheat on me....but honestly i didnt knw it was happening or wud it b up front in my face. Thursday of this week he picked me up from work....i was upset with him bcuz earlier i was trying to call him and he wud not pick up the fone. but wen i got in the car he was overly talkative and he was trying 2 get my attention more than usual...it just felt strange. Anyway he asked me for a kiss and he kissed me. When we got 2 my house he was using the computer....he called me over to show me his avatar...a new one of us kissing. He Kissed me agen and as i was moving away i noticed a red mark on his neck!! he is mixed (white mom and black dad but he's VERY light) So i asked his wtf was tht cuz i knw i didnt put it there!!! ive never cried so much in my life...he admitted tht he had sex with this girl (not his ex) i was so hurt....it went on for a while and i broke up with him.....by the time he left my house we were still together I've never seen a big man cry and bhave the way he did...i felt sori 4 him and i knew he'd probably hurt himself or other so i was scared...i told him it was ok....im still here neway after lots more arguments over the same thing i asked him 2 try and xplain y it is tht he cheats on me. ill quote his xact words: "i have alot anger to let out sometimes i juss want to f**k a girl with no strings attacheda girl i can run away when im finished i told u how i lost my virginity? from ever since i start have sex ive needed sex with no strings attached to release something or the other cant explain it is a prostitute i first have sex with and sometimes i just need to f**k a girl like a whore treat her like one feed my ego i guess im just used to treating some girls like whores and its kind of sick and twisted im not exactly proud of it and alot of people are like that men and women we just have the urge to just have sex with someone we arent attached to someone we dont have to talk to or see again no strings attached so i dot have to think about pleasing them just myself I dont care if they didnt like it or not pleased i dont have to impress them my first sexual experiences were with women i dont even know dont know their names age nothing cant even remember how they look" So i asked him if thts the reason he doesnt want to sleep with me yet? and he says the two of them are unrelated.Says our relationship is different...and what he does with other ppl should not affect us...it doesnt mean anything 2 him. I dont understand it...im confused....someone tell me what they think about my situation PLEASE!!! stangest thing now too...he wants time apart from me....we are pretty much joined at the hips this past six mnths......mayb i shud take this time 2 think it through and see if this is wat i reli want!! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 The best thing about this is that you haven't slept with him. If he's been with prostitutes and who know who else, he may have some STD's that he could have passed on to you. Other than that, there is no way to have a healthy relationship with this guy until he sees a therepist and works out the issues he has with women. All you can do is try to be his friend, if that's enough for you. He's clearly not going to stop having sex with other women, so you would have to be ok with that if you want to continue seeing him. I'd suggest you find another boyfriend who isn't quite as messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author All4You Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 The best thing about this is that you haven't slept with him. If he's been with prostitutes and who know who else, he may have some STD's that he could have passed on to you. Other than that, there is no way to have a healthy relationship with this guy until he sees a therepist and works out the issues he has with women. All you can do is try to be his friend, if that's enough for you. He's clearly not going to stop having sex with other women, so you would have to be ok with that if you want to continue seeing him. I'd suggest you find another boyfriend who isn't quite as messed up. i agree...but ive bin in so many failed relationships...this is the closest to being the most real yet it is filled with so many complications he's a good guy...my mother likes him but she has issues with him as well....she doesnt knw this much info but she can sense tht smthing is rong with him the thing 2 is tht i dnt want 2 just bail out on him like other have...i truly love him i donno...im glad i didnt sleep with him 2....even tho hes a firm believer in using protection....he says he'll NEVER go without Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I'm sorry your past relationships haven't worked out. Thing is, this one can't either. You have to be whole and healthy inside in order to have a healthy relationship with someone else...and he isn't whole and healthy. As I said, be his friend if you care about him, but you really can't have a relationship with someone who sees women and sex the way he does. He knows that, too, and he doesn't want to hurt you...that's why he's not having sex with you. He knows what will happen when he does. Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Run All4You run! This relationship is never going anywhere. There are more 'normal' guys out there, and they will like you even more than this guy does. Don't waste your time on this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author All4You Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 Run All4You run! This relationship is never going anywhere. There are more 'normal' guys out there, and they will like you even more than this guy does. Don't waste your time on this person. thing is i agree with every single word u'all are saying Link to post Share on other sites
ash8752 Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Ask yourself this: Can you deal with the man that you love having sex with other women throughout your relationship? If yes, stay with him, have him get tested and wear protection every time! If no, which i think is your answer, leave him. Move on and find someone who deserves you! From what you have said it doesnt sound like he has some major problem. He is just selfish and causing you a lot of hurt. Be good to yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
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