Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I am so lost and confused. I have been sleeping with my MM for about four months now. He lives next door to me and so I see his wife and children all the time. I am not friends with his wife but we get along and everything because our children play together. I haven't been able to tell anyone about my MM. That part is hard because as silly as it sounds, I hadn't had sex in a long, long time before my MM and to not tell my friends, just sucks. Let me say, my MM and myself is strictly sex and nothing more. That is why I love it so much. We have very little in common and even less to actually talk about. The sex is the best of my life though. I am not sure of what I should expect from him. I don't want much but I do want to be acknowledged and I don't want to fill like I am some sort of slut. Is there a certain way a MM man should treat me? Are there bountries I should not cross? I have been very, very cool about the situation. I am bothered though when we sleep together and I don't hear from him for three or fours days. It also bothers me if he leans on my for emotional support, I dont want to be his shoulder. I dont think that is selfish, he has a wife, isnt that her job. I dont want to get attached to this man in anyway. I simply want my craving for sex to be fulfilled right now. Most importantly, I dont want to get hurt and if any emotions get involoved I know I will. I need advice and I dont even know where to begin. Someone give your imput, I am in need of help. Link to post Share on other sites
lover's rock Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 This isn't actually the board to post on about this. I suggest the Other Man/Woman forum. You can forum jump at the bottom of the page. Just thought I'd let you know before you get jumped over here lol Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 AP is this you???? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 1. Let me say, my MM and myself is strictly sex and nothing more. That is why I love it so much. We have very little in common and even less to actually talk about. The sex is the best of my life though. 2. I am not sure of what I should expect from him. I don't want much but I do want to be acknowledged and I don't want to fill like I am some sort of slut. Is there a certain way a MM man should treat me? 3. Are there bountries I should not cross? I have been very, very cool about the situation. I am bothered though when we sleep together and I don't hear from him for three or fours days. 4. It also bothers me if he leans on my for emotional support, I dont want to be his shoulder. I dont think that is selfish, he has a wife, isnt that her job. 5. I dont want to get attached to this man in anyway. I simply want my craving for sex to be fulfilled right now. Most importantly, I dont want to get hurt and if any emotions get involoved I know I will. I need advice and I dont even know where to begin. Someone give your imput, I am in need of help. 1. Have you ever asked yourself exactly why the sex is so great? Is this guy really experienced in what he is doing, or is there some sort of deeper thing going on with you in that you tend to attach yourself to emotionally unavailable men and the more unavailable they are the better it tends to get? Has this been a pattern for you? 2. It sounds like the arrangement is pretty simple: he gets to come over and have sex with you whenever he feels like it and you are receptive to that. That's how a sexual arrangment between a MM/OW like you describe works. Its just that: an arrangement, not a relationship. Its what you wanted, right? Just sex? If that is the case, then the only thing MM owes you is designated sex time and nothing else - there is no reason you should hear from him unless he is at your front door ready for sex. Pretty bleak. 3. Yes there are boundaries in an arrangment like you describe. You don't get to express any emotional needs - none. What you have isn't about needs or emotion. Its about sex. Yes, sex is a need - but be honest here - when the sex happens, is the timing entirely on his terms? Are there times that you wanted it and he couldn't/wouldn't come over to you? I expect he comes over when its convenient for him to do so. Best that you accept that and do not express any needs of yours otherwise. 4. I think what bothers you about it is that you really want this. It bothers you that you want this, because you kept telling yourself it wasn't part of the deal. I don't think you want to want it, but its creeping up on you nonetheless. 5. I think its already too late - you are at the beginning of the emotional involvement with this guy much to your dismay. You say you only want your craving for sex fulfilled, but if you didn't have a deeper thing going on - you wouldn't be posting here for help. You may not have acknowledged it yet, but it sounds like its on the brink of happening. You have a choice here. You can end this now by getting out of line for the tickets for this rollercoaster, or you can continue and jump right on it. You will be choosing your own pain here - and that is precisely what you are headed for. This guy sounds like he is only in it for the convenient sex, and you are headed for an emotional attachment. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus as the Peanut Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 """Are there bountries I should not cross""" your kidding RIGHT????? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 How would you feel if you were the wife of the OM? You are friends with her and her children play with your children and they live next door. How humiliating and hurtful you are to this woman. Link to post Share on other sites
InaPanic Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I cannot have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. You may be more attatched to him already than you know. I hope not. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 post again in the OW forum Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Yeah, like the slut you've CHOSEN 2 be. why is she a slut because she wants a purely physical relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Good question, ac2ally. I think if she thinks about it for a minute or 2, she'll realize that is exactly what the OM thinks of her. -ol' 2long yes you are probably right, because judging by this forum, double standards are still extremely prevalent. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I just have to ask you and sorry for the TJ to the poster. You call the poster a slut. You tell the OW in the the OW forum that they are liars, cheaters, no integrity, etc. In another thread, you say you don't like it when people say bad things about your W because she was an OW. I'm trying to figure out where your mind is at! Are you in a bad mood one day and a good mood the next? If your W was posting on this forum, would you be happy with the things that would be said to her? I'm really just trying to find out where your head space is at? Because I've seen men (BS) on these forums far less judgmental than you and really trying to give constructive advice. Is it only okay to spout venom to OWs of the world but don't dare go there with your W? Just curious is all. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 No, not ac2ally. I said that the OM probably thinks of her in that way, whether he vocalizes those thoughts or not. I've been hoping my advice would be constructive for the most part. The problem with people involved in active affairs is that, more often than not, what they need 2 hear is not what they want 2 hear. If they want 2 end their affairs, then great - they should focus on that, and I'd be glad 2 help where I think I can. But if they want advice on how 2 keep it up, then I think the most constructive comment would be 2 urge them 2 stop, that it's wrong, and if they were 2 stop and think about what they're doing 2 their own character (not 2 mention the risks they're taking 2 their own health), they'd be ashamed. Early on, after I'd been here for a month or so, I got the sense that this site was a little 2 supportive of people having affairs - meaning, encouraging them 2 keep it up rather than end it. At that time, I 2k a break from here because it wasn't good for ME in the state I was in at the time. -ol' 2long Well for one, you said "the slut" she has chosen to be. And secondly, I have to disagree with you regarding OW posters. Most are not looking for ways to stay in an affair and most do not encourage them to keep it up. Most know what the others are going through, empathize, and also many times, discourage affairs. But thanks for answering the questions. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 I've been hoping my advice would be constructive for the most part. The problem with people involved in active affairs is that, more often than not, what they need 2 hear is not what they want 2 hear. If they want 2 end their affairs, then great - they should focus on that, and I'd be glad 2 help where I think I can. But if they want advice on how 2 keep it up, then I think the most constructive comment would be 2 urge them 2 stop, that it's wrong, and if they were 2 stop and think about what they're doing 2 their own character (not 2 mention the risks they're taking 2 their own health), they'd be ashamed. this seems to be the general opinion of the rest of this forum. its so untrue. mostly (from other ow) the relationship is discussed first, the ow is supported, but that does not mean her relationship is supported. the relationship is discussed and analysed. the common advice given is to state what she wants from the relationship and then do nc. what this means is that any mm who is genuine will leave his wife, or maybe decide to give it another try first, mc etc. any mm who is just after an affair, will not return, or will keep attempting to return and persaude the ow to continue the a, lying if he has to, but will not do as the conditions were set, leave his wife. the fact is that when this advice is taken, the a ends, one way or another. people see this as encouraging affairs for some strange reason. maybe because the ow herself is not judged. i still cannot see why judging the ow is supposed to help. it makes no sense, so i am suspicious of the real reasons people make these judgements. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Nothing. Yeah, like the slut you've CHOSEN 2 be. Prosti2tion is still legal in parts of Nevada. Move there. Indeed you are. But not the help you think you need. -ol' 2long You, sir, are rude. Link to post Share on other sites
TheWife Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Do you like what you see? Link to post Share on other sites
TheWife Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Do you like what you see? You had an opportunity however minute that was when you had the CHOICE to do the right thing. Instead, you consciously made the choice to have sex with an "unavailable" man to satisfy your selfish needs without THINKING of the consequences. Now, you want more? Are you f******* nuts? If sex is all you needed, you should've driven to the closest sex shop and bought yourself some aid to meet that sex needs. And once you have reached your climax, perhaps, you might've looked at the MM differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Do you like what you see? NO, I DO NOT Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Then change yourself. Fix your marriage. If you and your husband don't have a good sex life, then fix it. Go to marriage counselling. TALK to him. It's extremely selfish of you to "use" the MM just for sex, seeing as you have no intention of ending your marriage. I'm sure he's using you for the same thing, sex. You aren't happy with yourself, so change that! You have the power to do so. Seeing as you don't love this guy, END IT. Even if the sex is mindblowing, wouldn't you rather be having that mind blowing sex with YOUR husband??? So it would mean more??? What about your children. Imagine them finding out, or seeing you and the neighbour MM together. That, in itself, could RUIN their lives, do so much damage to them. If you need help, then seek one on one counselling to help you deal with this. Do it for you, your children and your husband...If you don't, you'll be living a BIG LIE for a long time and eventually it will eat you up and you'll have a breakdown.. Link to post Share on other sites
owcanbhppy Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 ahhhh, there is an ow/om forum right on this board. im not going to flame you, but suggest that you could be a little more sensitive to the situations here and the nature of you post. we have ours, let them have theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
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