How can I Get rid of this "people pleasing" behaior?

[georgejungle]

-Why do i worry about what people think about me?

 

-Why am I so afraid of people judging me?

 

-Why can't i just be myself and forget about what

my mom thinks about how i live my life?

 

-Why am i so afraid of kissing my girl in a crowd or

her saying she loves me Loud in a crowd?

 

 

I'm so tired of being afraid. I have so much fear in me, yet

i hide it and keep it hidden and in turn get depressed.

 

i'm nearing 30 and I really want to take control of this...

Basically I just feel like i'm afraid to be myself...Afraid to

go against the grain, Afraid to do something out of the norm..

For fear i might cause a stir and then I'd have to confront it...

and i have anxiety...

 

Should I see a doc?

[superconductor]

Do a search through the Amazon website for, "When I say no, I feel guilty."

 

That book is a good place to start.

[Becoming]

It's called anxiety. We all deal with it, but few of us ever learned how to manage it. Lucinda Bassett materials, which you can get off ebay more cheaply are helpful. Google dealing with anxiety for more info, too. If you don't learn how to live/act even though you're anxious, you'll have no life. Trust me on this and avoid my mistakes.

 

Best wishes.

[Brittanyjean06]

I have anxiety to, to the point where I literally block everything out of my mind now so I can't stress over stupid crap. Pointless

[amaysngrace]

I think you need to learn relaxation techniques. You can start by deep breathing, where you breathe from your belly as opposed to your lungs. Once the oxygen gets flowing through your body, you will take any kinks out you may have as a result of being too stressed.

 

From there you will notice a difference, and will be able to still yourself enough to start to genuinely relax. Once you get that down, you can practice stillness.

 

Ummm...it's pretty detailed. I don't think I can explain it as well as the masters. If I were you, I'd pick up some reading materials on relaxation. There is so much you are able to do to quiet your mind, once you know how.

 

Best wishes!

[whichwayisup]

Why do i worry about what people think about me?

 

Because to an extent it does matter. Only you have to make yourself believe what other people feel/think isn't as important as what YOU think and feel.

 

-Why am I so afraid of people judging me?

 

Because noone like to be judged or made fun of. We all have the need to be accepted. Judging someone makes them feel unaccepted and not so good.

 

-Why can't i just be myself and forget about what

my mom thinks about how i live my life?

 

Depends on how old you are. I'd say if you're on your own or old enough that you're more or less supporting yourself, it doesn't matter what she thinks about your life. Live it for you! Not her or anybody else. You're worried about disappointing her, letting her down. You care about what she thinks because she's your mom...But, later in life, you'll learn through experience not to let your mom control your life or tell you how to run it.

 

-Why am i so afraid of kissing my girl in a crowd or

her saying she loves me Loud in a crowd?

 

Embarressement and again, what people 'might' think. Be confident in yourself and your choices. What matters is YOU.

 

 

I'm so tired of being afraid. I have so much fear in me, yet

i hide it and keep it hidden and in turn get depressed.

 

Don't hide it, talk about it with your family and friends. Seek cognitive behaviour therapist to treat your anxiety's and fears so they don't take over your life. Trust me, I know ALL about anxiety......

 

i'm nearing 30 and I really want to take control of this...

Basically I just feel like i'm afraid to be myself...Afraid to

go against the grain, Afraid to do something out of the norm..

For fear i might cause a stir and then I'd have to confront it...

and i have anxiety...

 

The only way to deal with your anxiety issues is to deal with the issues that are giving you the problems. Letting fears take over WILL make you feel worse. Again, I know because I've been where you are now. You can fight through this, so keep posting and talking about your anxiety's. Maybe do a list of ALL things that you feel anxious about.

Should I see a doc?

 

Personally I think you should. But not a DR who is just going to give you meds. You need Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, a trained therapist who specializes in dealing with anxiety disorders, depression etc...He/she can help you cope, learn how to handle the anxiety in a more healthy way and also get you thinking more positively. I'm sure you get some negative thoughts and feelings? The cognitive part is learning how to control your thoughts, not letting them make you feel down and out.

 

A therapist will also help you with whatever it is that you're scared of. Whether it be something from your past or present - Or even fears of the future...

 

There is nothing to be ashamed of, you're asking for help and that is the first step of getting better, making your life good again so you'll be happy!

[georgejungle]

WhichWay, you have no idea how much what you

wrote, helped me and made me feel good. And to all

of you who replied, i thank you.

 

I'm starting to realize from reading online and browising

thru help-books at the store, that's i suffer from

depression and anxiety. I guess i'm just in denial because

"a depressed man = crybaby" to me, because i feel dumb for

submitting to these feelings and getting depressed, when i

Know i can be strong. I've never understood it. But now i feel

it and i want to cry about it, and beat myself up at the same

time because i want to be strong and combat this anxiety.

 

the reason i feel lame for admitting my anxiety and depression

is because, i've hid it for so long. I'd hate to come out to friends

or family and say "i'm depressed and i suffer from anxiety", what

would my girl think? I'd basically just be blowing my coolness

factor (if i ever had any) because I'm not strong enough.

 

I'm not a complete loss, however. There are many things i think

positive about myself. I know i'm a good person. I think it's the

anxiety that kills my spirit the most, because i do have some

self esteem and confidence, it just has trouble shing thru.

 

Thanks for all your help...I'm going to look into seeing a therapist,

i'm not all about jumping into meds or anything, so i'm willing to

do whats best and take the right steps...

 

Thanks for reading.

[whichwayisup]

You're so welcome! I'm glad to help you, and feel free to ask me anything you'd like about my anxiety. I've been where you are, and I can also tell ya, if I can work through it all, so can you! it's not easy, but I look at it this way. What you put into it, (CBT) is what you get out of it. A good therapist will let you work at your own pace too - So don't be worried if you go to one and you don't click or it doesn't work out after afew sessions. Keep looking until you find the right person who you like and trust.

 

Definately check out CBT therapists in your area! Maybe your DR knows of someone too, so do some googling and look in your local phone book too.

 

I'm not one to take meds, and I've managed fine without them, so don't feel pressured into taking 'em if you don't want to. Unless your Dr feels it's completely necessary, I say try your best to do it without.

 

Cut out sugars, coffee, anything that has caffeine in it. Eat well, try to rest when your body needs it. Do breathing exercises, yoga and visualizations to help you keep more calm.

 

Start a journal and write down your symptoms, what it is that is giving you anxiety daily. Getting stuff out helps. And talking about it!

 

When I told my friends and family about my anxiety I was ashamed and embarressed, but the support I got was wonderful! I think they all knew something wasn't right with me, but just didn't know what. I'm glad I finally spilled it all because holding it in made me feel so much worse.

[monkey00]

The biggest question to ask is why is it so important that others dont 'dislike' you? is there a reason you seek their validation, religion, morals perhaps? Arguments happen even in family, not everyone is going to like you in this world. Are you going to let someone worse than you in a game/sport beat you because you didnt want them to feel bad about sucking?

 

ill bet there are things in the relationship you odnt like very much, yet havent said anything. But im willing to bet, one of these days you'll blow up.