A mans pov on booby staring?

[a4a]

Well, it just seems to me that what you want from your husband is a little tougher than the norm with your business and all.

 

It's hard to be romantic, spontanious, and full of surprises if you have to worry about infringing on schedules or when the unexpected is expected on an almost daily basis.

 

In fact, I would have to say that it would hinder any planning on his part, (a lot of times), in fear of messing up your work load.

 

 

Not really..... I have a calendar with the schedule on it. I am working right now... I am also posting here while doing so. So my work is not that much that it could not be arranged for a weekend away. Far from it. But it would take effort on his part to find a sitter for the kids to do so wouldn't it? effort to book it, effort to arrange things in general..... hell a night at a local motel would be fun (as long as it is a clean one)..... leave here at 7 pm back here by 10 am........ no sitter needed.

 

And who says we have to go anywhere for it to be spontaneous.... I mean he could just leave me a new riding crop with a note on the front seat of my truck and I would consider that a thrill. For that matter a CD I have been wanting or bring home a movie I have been wanting to see. That is all great in my view.

 

Movie nite could be great fun.... popcorn..nasty sugar candy and a movie....

 

I would love a cook out.... maybe I will do this for him and get him one of those Burger King hats and have him wear it for the day...... make him a sceptor from a toilet brush (new one of course) and tell him is is king for the day...... see it is not that hard to do things.... I think I would love it if he would do something like that for me.......but again it would take effort....ya gotta go to the store get the food, get the burger king hat, get the new toilet brush/sceptor.... oh and make the royal scroll invitation to invite him to his Royal Cook Out :lmao: :lmao:

 

Really tho this could be whipped out on any day.... freeze the food, and have the hat and toilet brush in hiding in the house......

 

Now picturing him naked except the Burger King hat holding the toilet brush secptor....... :lmao:

 

See how simple things could be if you just plan a little in advance and put a little effort into it.

[Moose]

If you didn't have a job, or business, and he was the sole bread winner....I personally feel the needs you have and so desire could be met more efficiently and easily.

 

I'm curious.....what would your response be, (keep in mind, I already have a pre-concieved notion, but I will write it down, and keep it to myself until I see a response, and then I will post it), if I told you that your marriage could be one that is only written in fairy tales with the, "Live happily ever after", at the end if you just hand over the bread winning duties to your husband?

[Walk]

If you didn't have a job, or business, and he was the sole bread winner....I personally feel the needs you have and so desire could be met more efficiently and easily.

 

I'm curious.....what would your response be, (keep in mind, I already have a pre-concieved notion, but I will write it down, and keep it to myself until I see a response, and then I will post it), if I told you that your marriage could be one that is only written in fairy tales with the, "Live happily ever after", at the end if you just hand over the bread winning duties to your husband?

 

You're proposing that if the man is the sole bread winner then life will be a fairy tale?

 

I believe I am proof that this is definitely not the case. SO is sole bread winner.

 

In addition, although my father was primary bread winner for many years in my childhood.. those were the "bad" years. The years he was a pissed off, moody, and had a instantaneous hair trigger temper. When I was 10, mom went back to work. Dad changed, wasn't so pissed off all the time.. Everyone got along better. And when mom took over full bread winner status, the two of them got along great. They are happier then ever now.. and been married 38 years. My dad is really proud of my mom's accomplishments and success, even though she made/makes more money than he ever did.

 

But when dad was sole bread winner... things weren't rosey and happy. A lot of anger, fighting and slamming and banging things. Mom crying all the time...

 

 

However.. I am curious as to the reasoning and facts behind your belief. If a4a is not amendable to hearing your "solution", then perhaps you could post a seperate thread regarding this? Please state it with evidence though. Or I'm going to take it as an opinion of dubious standing.

[Walk]

What he says is that he plans to do things for me in his head (grand things), but the actual attainable things do not meet his standards.....

I can relate to this...

 

I always have this grand ideas I'd like to do for my SO, but then reality always bites me in the ass when it comes to executing them. I don't have the money, or something came up and now I can't get to the store to get that one thing I really needed... or.. or...

 

But I'm kind of a perfectionist about stuff that is really important to me.

[a4a]

If you didn't have a job, or business, and he was the sole bread winner....I personally feel the needs you have and so desire could be met more efficiently and easily.

 

I'm curious.....what would your response be, (keep in mind, I already have a pre-concieved notion, but I will write it down, and keep it to myself until I see a response, and then I will post it), if I told you that your marriage could be one that is only written in fairy tales with the, "Live happily ever after", at the end if you just hand over the bread winning duties to your husband?

 

 

I actually had a serious discussion about shutting down. My husband immediatley protested this idea.

 

I do not want a "fairytale life" ........how dull that would be for me. Not use or function for myself. I have my own goals moose. I am very good at what I do and it helps others. To shut that down would be a shame. That would make me miserable. And the H does not want me to shut down we had this discussion already.

 

I certainly should not have to stop working for him to pay bills anyway, all of my earned money could go towards investments, retirement, or charity.

 

and let me guess I need to have kids too so the fairytale is complete? :lmao: that is not a fairytale to me but more of a nightmare or hell itself.

 

My fairytale marriage would be that neither of us ever has to work and we can do what we want and I can expand my business so we are able to help others more. travel and enjoy every moment...... but we both would still work for the challenge but probably like it more because less pressure financially. We would both love to build upscale homes for the challenge and fun of it. Maybe give a few away small homes to those in great need.... yep that would be a dream marriage.

 

Now tell me how to reach our ideal, (not yours)of a fairytale marriage and I may listen. Or send me a check to get our home building idea off the ground and put my H into a new position and business of his own.

 

BTW his friend of 30 years is living your traditional fairytale marriage..... he is in hell, he and his wife are miserable. He neglects her to provide for her and those kids and she is a venonmous at best towards him. His father did the same... as soon as the kids were grown his mom bailed. The fairytale was not real. Now she works and loves her life. He is alone in a nursing home in a vegetative state in another country. She finally escaped the fairytale marriage.

 

Walk is right..... you need to start your own thread on this, maybe then you would realize that your fairytale is not the same as others have.......and maybe just maybe, you will learn to tolerate and maybe understand people that do not share your values or beliefs just a little bit.

[a4a]

I can relate to this...

 

I always have this grand ideas I'd like to do for my SO, but then reality always bites me in the ass when it comes to executing them. I don't have the money, or something came up and now I can't get to the store to get that one thing I really needed... or.. or...

 

But I'm kind of a perfectionist about stuff that is really important to me.

 

Walk you have to plan ahead if you want the "perfect" gift to give.

I plan it out way ahead. You cannot procrastinate at all.

X-mas is around the corner.... start now.

 

Come up with a savings plan for the gifts that you want to get that cost a bit more. Make a list of the fun not so expensive gifts and fun ways to present them and stockpile them....... just leaving them in a fun place with a note is good enough at times.

[Moose]

You people amaze me.......

 

Where did I ever say that this, "fairy tale" marriage was a reality?

 

Where did I say that this was MY fairty tale marriage?

 

I wish you all would quit taking my posts and turning them around on me and my life.

 

It was a Hypothetical question, and I got the answer I was expecting......

[Mz. Pixie]

What he says is that he plans to do things for me in his head (grand things), but the actual attainable things do not meet his standards.....

 

 

I can relate to this somewhat in my current marriage. I am like the least material woman that I know or that I work with. I have worked hard all of my life and fully expect to do so. I can't relate to many finer things in life at all- I've never had them.

 

My husband's parents are pretty well off. His clothes came from the best stores-his mother has antiques- and crystal. Her freaking luggage cost more than I spend on clothing in a year. He is used to the nicer things in life.

 

Every year on our anniversary he plans to take me somewhere amazing. Last year we went to a older hotel with a 40M spa. This year the place was unbelievable. Very old money- fancy. It was wonderful and I loved it. We fit in just fine-but it was just so over the top for me!

 

So, when we come back he's telling me about how he just doesn't think any little vacation will do for me. I was like huh?? Because I thought he meant that now I EXPECTED things like this- which couldn't be further from the truth. He said, "No, baby, I feel like you've worked hard all of these years and with how much you do for me and the kids- I feel like you DESERVE a fabulous vacation every year. You deserve to travel and be spoiled"

 

For Christmas I got a Waterford ornament for the tree and he says he plans on giving me one every year. WTF?? What the heck do I need that for??

But yet, these are the things he was raised with and that he feels like I deserve. I would have been happy with one from Hallmark!

[a4a]

You people amaze me.......

 

Where did I ever say that this, "fairy tale" marriage was a reality?

 

Where did I say that this was MY fairty tale marriage?

 

I wish you all would quit taking my posts and turning them around on me and my life.

 

It was a Hypothetical question, and I got the answer I was expecting......

 

well then your question made no sense to me at all.

 

more so this part if I told you that your marriage could be one that is only written in fairy tales with the, "Live happily ever after", at the end if you just hand over the bread winning duties to your husband?

 

Your example is not good then...... your "fairytale" brings to mind cinderella or snow white crap... helpless woman saved by prince charming. And woman never has to work nor should she want to and they live happily ever after.

 

I like earning my own money so how could I live happily ever after not doing so? Gives me a feeling of accomplishment. If just handed to me I would not want it or if I was always limited to an amount dished out by another I would find that degrading as well. So a happily ever after could not be accomplished by me shutting down my business.

 

You need to rephrase your questions and be more clear in communication.

 

And really you are very passive aggressive and IMHO like to not say what you really mean moose.... speak my language if you want me to hear it. Be blunt. Make a point directly instead of attempting to twist things to do so.

[a4a]

I can relate to this somewhat in my current marriage. I am like the least material woman that I know or that I work with. I have worked hard all of my life and fully expect to do so. I can't relate to many finer things in life at all- I've never had them.

 

My husband's parents are pretty well off. His clothes came from the best stores-his mother has antiques- and crystal. Her freaking luggage cost more than I spend on clothing in a year. He is used to the nicer things in life.

 

Every year on our anniversary he plans to take me somewhere amazing. Last year we went to a older hotel with a 40M spa. This year the place was unbelievable. Very old money- fancy. It was wonderful and I loved it. We fit in just fine-but it was just so over the top for me!

 

So, when we come back he's telling me about how he just doesn't think any little vacation will do for me. I was like huh?? Because I thought he meant that now I EXPECTED things like this- which couldn't be further from the truth. He said, "No, baby, I feel like you've worked hard all of these years and with how much you do for me and the kids- I feel like you DESERVE a fabulous vacation every year. You deserve to travel and be spoiled"

 

For Christmas I got a Waterford ornament for the tree and he says he plans on giving me one every year. WTF?? What the heck do I need that for??

But yet, these are the things he was raised with and that he feels like I deserve. I would have been happy with one from Hallmark!

 

Well I come more from your husbands background but I had to earn my own things growing up. Nothing handed to me ever. I was quite lucky to have experienced the finer things in life and travel. But I was taught the value of a dollar and watched money wasted away on material things as well.

 

H comes from a middle class background. Not aware of much to do with the finer things. I bet he would not even know what waterford ornaments are or limoge is. Probably never shopped at Neimans or sat foot in such a store.

 

Nor have I ever wanted these things from him.... it is old hat to me. I would prefer a handmade bench from him, or a fun trip. I have never requested or mentioned such things to him. I scoff at expensive things in the most part unless it is something of use. A new horse trailer, a pair of field boots, a nice home is important to me. I enjoy good wine and good food. But hell good food can be made at home.

 

His grand ideas are his own desire.......not mine. But they hinder him from even attempting to meet my desires.

[Touche]

"If just handed to me I would not want it or if I was always limited to an amount dished out by another I would find that degrading as well."

 

I fully understand wanting to work and make your own money as I have done so my whole life. Now, as a stay-at-home wife and mother I STILL work but it's working for my family in a different way.

 

I don't really understand why some women feel that this is "degrading." It's OUR money. When I worked my paychecks all went into OUR bank account. We've never had separate accounts. And neither one of us needs or required the other's permission to take any funds out.

 

No one "dishes" out anything to me. I have full access to all of our accounts just as I always have.

 

Just thought you might like a different perspective, A.

[Mz. Pixie]

I had to earn my own things growing up. Nothing handed to me ever. I was quite lucky to have experienced the finer things in life and travel. But I was taught the value of a dollar and watched money wasted away on material things as well.

 

 

Well, he had the finer things in life but he has had to work as well. His parents did buy him a new car when he graduated from college but before that he had their hand me downs etc. They did travel some and she always made sure her boy has dressed well. But he's always worked not one but usually two jobs.

 

Perhaps your husband thinks because of your upbringing that he needs to do those kinds of things?

[Moose]

And really you are very passive aggressive and IMHO like to not say what you really mean moose.... speak my language if you want me to hear it. Be blunt.

Yeah......well, you don't want me to go there.....I think you're entertaining, and predictable.....so predictable....

[a4a]

"If just handed to me I would not want it or if I was always limited to an amount dished out by another I would find that degrading as well."

 

I fully understand wanting to work and make your own money as I have done so my whole life. Now, as a stay-at-home wife and mother I STILL work but it's working for my family in a different way.

 

I don't really understand why some women feel that this is "degrading." It's OUR money. When I worked my paychecks all went into OUR bank account. We've never had separate accounts. And neither one of us needs or required the other's permission to take any funds out.

No one "dishes" out anything to me. I have full access to all of our accounts just as I always have.

 

Just thought you might like a different perspective, A.

 

For me I would not like how much money I spend or invest to be dictated or limited by another party. I like the freedom to earn as much as I want or to work.

 

This was not a cut on you or other non working women. If you are happy in your life and your h is happy that is all that matters. For me I like input on where the money needs to go. Not all non working women are allowed the same thing you are Touche. Some are given allowances and do not have full access to marital funds. If that were the case in your R I think you being as independent as you are would not like things that way either. I do not have to answer to the H if I spend $300 of my own earned money on new gates here. I may mention that I am going to do so but in the end he cannot protest it as it is my decision to use my extra business funds as I see fit. Just like I think if he needed a new tool for work I would not question it, nor would I care.

 

IMHO stay at home moms with small kids bust their asses 24/7 ..... but if they do so under the dictatorship of the sole bread winner I think that would be very degrading....... see what I mean now?

[a4a]

Yeah......well, you don't want me to go there.....I think you're entertaining, and predictable.....so predictable....

 

 

Moose then why do you keep posting to this thread?

 

Dang it.... why do you want to be in my life so bad? :lmao:

 

go away... go away ..... go away......

 

like a damn gnat.

[a4a]

Well, he had the finer things in life but he has had to work as well. His parents did buy him a new car when he graduated from college but before that he had their hand me downs etc. They did travel some and she always made sure her boy has dressed well. But he's always worked not one but usually two jobs.

 

Perhaps your husband thinks because of your upbringing that he needs to do those kinds of things?

 

No I do not mention those sort of things around him at all. I really don't find them to be important. I have no desire to shop in expensive stores, I have no desire to buy frivolous things.... I will spend money on important things. I will pay more for better quality for things of use.

 

I am looking at log splitters right now...... models for $699 or $1300. If research proves the $1300 is better and will last longer I will go for that one.

 

I won't purchase for name brand. I have never mentioned an expensive trip or going to europe..... been there done that. I have mentioned renting a boat with friends for a fun weekend. I have mentioned one day buying a small boat.

But nothing extravagant like he seems to day dream about for me. Like a 190' yacht he probably thinks I mean when I say a boat that can seat 6 people or a used pontoon boat for having fun on.

[Moose]

Moose then why do you keep posting to this thread?

 

Dang it.... why do you want to be in my life so bad? :lmao:

 

go away... go away ..... go away......

 

like a damn gnat.

For the same reason people gawk at car wrecks I suppose.....trust me, I don't want any part of your life.....and no, I won't go away......

[a4a]

For the same reason people gawk at car wrecks I suppose.....trust me, I don't want any part of your life.....and no, I won't go away......

 

:lmao: :lmao:

 

liar liar pants on fire...... you love me...... you want me so so bad.

 

my naughty independent ways turn you on so much you cannot go away.

 

I always wondered what kind of men liked to go to a Mistress to be dominated and flogged....... now I know. :lmao:

[Touche]

For me I would not like how much money I spend or invest to be dictated or limited by another party. I like the freedom to earn as much as I want or to work.

 

This was not a cut on you or other non working women. If you are happy in your life and your h is happy that is all that matters. For me I like input on where the money needs to go. Not all non working women are allowed the same thing you are Touche. Some are given allowances and do not have full access to marital funds. If that were the case in your R I think you being as independent as you are would not like things that way either. I do not have to answer to the H if I spend $300 of my own earned money on new gates here. I may mention that I am going to do so but in the end he cannot protest it as it is my decision to use my extra business funds as I see fit. Just like I think if he needed a new tool for work I would not question it, nor would I care.

 

IMHO stay at home moms with small kids bust their asses 24/7 ..... but if they do so under the dictatorship of the sole bread winner I think that would be very degrading....... see what I mean now?

 

Well most of us who do it, do it because we want to, not because we're under a "dictatorship". But I guess I see what you're saying.

 

I have FULL input on where our money goes by the way. Just because I'm not personally making any right now does not mean I have no say in any major expenditures. It was the same when I worked. No difference.

 

"Not all non working women are allowed the same thing you are Touche. " But see for me, it's not a matter of what's ALLOWED here. It's my RIGHT. Having equal say in financial matters, as well as other matter, is not something my H ALLOWS me to do. Do you see that? It's my right and I exercise that right accordingly.

 

If other women let their husbands dictate to them how and when their money should be spent, well that reflects on the WOMAN IMO, more than it does on the husband.

 

I think all major purchases, outside of the usual expenses, should be agreed upon by BOTH parties.

 

But anyway, I guess I'm off-topic with this. Carry-on and excuse the OT discussion.

[a4a]

Well most of us who do it, do it because we want to, not because we're under a "dictatorship". But I guess I see what you're saying.

 

I have FULL input on where our money goes by the way. Just because I'm not personally making any right now does not mean I have no say in any major expenditures. It was the same when I worked. No difference.

 

"Not all non working women are allowed the same thing you are Touche. " But see for me, it's not a matter of what's ALLOWED here. It's my RIGHT. Having equal say in financial matters, as well as other matter, is not something my H ALLOWS me to do. Do you see that? It's my right and I exercise that right accordingly.

 

If other women let their husbands dictate to them how and when their money should be spent, well that reflects on the WOMAN IMO, more than it does on the husband.

 

I think all major purchases, outside of the usual expenses, should be agreed upon by BOTH parties.

 

But anyway, I guess I'm off-topic with this. Carry-on and excuse the OT discussion.

 

Well I guess I was referring to the 50's style marriage.... the grocery allowance, the clothing allowance and such that many still seem to think is the way to go and how a marriage should work.

 

Of course you should have input..... if your H retired before you and you still worked well of course it should be up to him too how your funds should be spent.

 

But I think that when a man/woman puts himself/herself into becoming a financial dictator to the spouse regardless if the other is working or not is wrong wrong wrong.

 

I do agree that major purchases or financial goas should be discussed in any marriage regardless of who makes more money.

 

But lets face reality.... there are marriages where the main bread winner uses the statement " I make more so you cannot spend our money like that". Or will go out and spend a boat load of money without consulting the non working partner about a major purchase....like a new car, boat, or expensive toy because "they earned it". It does happen. I would never do that unless it was agreed upon and I found a way to surprise the H with something we both already agreed that we wanted that was a major expense.

 

On the other hand I stand to make some money off building this new home... yet the H is not on board with me or supportive. So should I just not do it? Even though it will be a good base to build more investments from and will benefit us in the long run.

[Mz. Pixie]

I will pay more for better quality for things of use.

 

 

Well my mother in law is like this too. But for the life of me I don't see how you could need a $500.00 piece of luggage. I guess if it lasts 20 years and you travel alot it's useful though.......

 

You have different tastes though- kind of like my stepmother. She has a whole workshop of wood tools and such that she putters in!

[a4a]

Well my mother in law is like this too. But for the life of me I don't see how you could need a $500.00 piece of luggage. I guess if it lasts 20 years and you travel alot it's useful though.......

 

You have different tastes though- kind of like my stepmother. She has a whole workshop of wood tools and such that she putters in!

 

I got those too.......useful things....but a cheap $30 drill will not suffice if you use it that much so ya gotta invest in the $160 model.

 

My Husband stole my chainsaw!!! :mad:

He uses mine now. :lmao: Cuz its bigger and better and a better quality than his.... :lmao:

[Mz. Pixie]

I got those too.......useful things....but a cheap $30 drill will not suffice if you use it that much so ya gotta invest in the $160 model.

 

My Husband stole my chainsaw!!! :mad:

He uses mine now. :lmao: Cuz its bigger and better and a better quality than his.... :lmao:

 

 

My ex mother in law didn't have a dishwasher- hers was broken but instead of asking for one of those for her birthday- she requested a tiller for the garden!!

 

I just didn't understand that one. It would be hard for me to live without a dishwasher!!!

[Touche]

Well I guess I was referring to the 50's style marriage.... the grocery allowance, the clothing allowance and such that many still seem to think is the way to go and how a marriage should work.

 

Of course you should have input..... if your H retired before you and you still worked well of course it should be up to him too how your funds should be spent.

 

But I think that when a man/woman puts himself/herself into becoming a financial dictator to the spouse regardless if the other is working or not is wrong wrong wrong.

 

I do agree that major purchases or financial goas should be discussed in any marriage regardless of who makes more money.

 

But lets face reality.... there are marriages where the main bread winner uses the statement " I make more so you cannot spend our money like that". Or will go out and spend a boat load of money without consulting the non working partner about a major purchase....like a new car, boat, or expensive toy because "they earned it". It does happen. I would never do that unless it was agreed upon and I found a way to surprise the H with something we both already agreed that we wanted that was a major expense.

 

On the other hand I stand to make some money off building this new home... yet the H is not on board with me or supportive. So should I just not do it? Even though it will be a good base to build more investments from and will benefit us in the long run.

 

 

That's a REAL toughie, A. I can't answer that as you guys are set up differently than we are. I mean in our case, if one of us didn't agree then it just wouldn't happen. But seeing as to how you guys have your own accounts and it was agreed on before marriage, I assume then you're free to invest that money as you wish. He would have no leg to stand on as I assume he can spend his money as he wishes whether you're in agreement or not.

 

There's no right or wrong way here. Whatever works for each couple is great by me.

[a4a]

My ex mother in law didn't have a dishwasher- hers was broken but instead of asking for one of those for her birthday- she requested a tiller for the garden!!

 

I just didn't understand that one. It would be hard for me to live without a dishwasher!!!

 

Well maybe she liked washing dishes. My H will often handwash dishes instead of putting them in the dishwasher I don't get it either but he does it and as long as I don't have to........keep washing those dishes baby!! knock yourself the hell out.....