A mans pov on booby staring?

[RecordProducer]

You are nagging and not helpful to me. I actually find it highly annoying. It is like rehashing something that certainly does not need rehashing over and over again. Please don't post here anymore your advice is appreciated but will not work in my situation or for me. But the reason I wish you would not post is because you give advice without looking at the facts and without realizing that your ideals should not have to become mine.

No problem. This is my last post here. I just wanted to hear the facts from you since I obviously didn't understand them the first time. But you didn't want to post the facts again.

 

Even though my advice may not apply in this very case, I still think it's good advice overall to overcome your anger and request things from your husband rather than expect from him to be perfect by default and read your mind. But you think that's bad advice so do whatever is best for you - be angry and threaten with divorce. Good luck!

[Moose]

Happy Anniversary.

 

Is this really only your first? For some reason, I was under the impression you two have been together for several years......

[a4a]

Happy Anniversary.

 

Is this really only your first? For some reason, I was under the impression you two have been together for several years......

 

We have but only married one official year..... before that were were friends and together for about 2.5 or longer. I don't recall exactly when our friendship really blossomed past just casual aquaintances.

 

Thanks for the nice thoughts moose.

[a4a]

No problem. This is my last post here. I just wanted to hear the facts from you since I obviously didn't understand them the first time. But you didn't want to post the facts again.

 

Even though my advice may not apply in this very case, I still think it's good advice overall to overcome your anger and request things from your husband rather than expect from him to be perfect by default and read your mind. But you think that's bad advice so do whatever is best for you - be angry and threaten with divorce. Good luck!

 

ahhh again you error with this statement. He in no way shape or form has to guess or read my mind. I have given examples, why, and what I would like him to do to make me happy.........

 

So this in itself is proof that your advice does not suit the situation, you are advising again and making statements without the facts....

 

So can you see why I rejected your advice?

[Walk]

Can I interrupt the flow a moment? I'm not sure if this applies, or exactly why/how your husband thinks.. but I am seeing a commonality between how you describe him, and how my bf describes me (to me). And I see it in me too. And maybe.. if you feel this describes your husband, then you can understand his reasons better, (since he may not understand it himself) and can circumvent the problems a little better...

 

My bf will give examples of ways that i can do things he would appreciate and feel special from. (Kind of like what you've done for your hubby)

I'm going to attempt to describe what happens and why to see if you can relate..

 

For instance, he'll ask that I do an action for him, in which it really wouldn't take me that much of an effort to do. But I don't understand what he would get out of it. I know he's said in passing he would like this.. But then I never do this thing. Which has caused a great amount of animosity in him. He feels I don't want to, and that if I was really concerned for his happiness, then I would do those things he's said would make him happy.

 

But I don't do them very much, or if I do something it's not like he had asked for. Not that i don't want to make him happy. But there are different reasons for this. One is because even though he "asked" for me to do this, and gave an example, I figured he didn't want "THE EXAMPLE". I guess I thought I was supposed to come up with my own stuff that would be "like" the example... but it seemed like a cop-out for me to just do the "example". He said he wanted effort put into it to show I loved him. If I did the example for him, then I believed it didn't show any effort, and thought he'd see it as no effort either. (it would've taken the easy route and just followed directions is how I saw it. but he wanted effort so doing the example wasn't an option.) The example was not available for me to use anymore.

 

Once the "example" was ruled out.. then I had to come up with a different way that would prove effort and desire, and that he would like. So I'd try different things. (Those things I chose to do seemed to equated to running to the gas station on the way home and picking up a fake rose..) Personally, I thought it showed effort and that I was thinking of my SO, and had a desire to make him happy. He didn't place the same importance on it that I did.

 

I don't think the same way as he does. So anything I came up with on my own, were probably not going to be the "important" things to my SO. Or if they were, it is incredibly hit or miss.. then I get FRUSTRATED because I feel like I'm putting forth a great amount of effort and he doesn't appreciate it. So I go back to doing the same old stuff I was doing before I got frustrated... stuff I was comfortable with doing... but I didn't go out of my way to find a better way unless he threw a fit again. Then I'd do everything except the examples he gave, get frustrated, quit, and then status quo for a while until he got upset about it again..... over and over.

 

Not entirely sure I figured out a way out of it... I do know that I need very direct statements of do this and do it during this time. Like.. "I need more hugs, and I need one right now." 'Cause otherwise I figured it was something they wanted more of but then I had to guess when they needed it to happen... which left me back in "how would I feel if I were in their shoes? I really wouldn't want a hug right now... so they wouldn't want one either."

 

Maybe none of this makes sense... Part of the reason I don't immediately start doing as my SO has said they wanted is out of embarresment. Part from pride. Partly from me attempting to place it in a context *I* understand.. which is usually not how *they* understand it.

 

NOt sure this helped much... I was just thinking that if you understood why he isn't acting, or isn't acting in the ways you had hoped for.. then by understanding the thoughts that caused the inaction, then you could communicate a better understanding to him. Or come up with a good solution. And if you find one, can you share it with me?

[Walk]

I'm glad you figured out my whole marriage by that one line. I bet you figured out what my mother's maiden name is also, right?

 

Honestly, I said that line from more than just her needs. It is from all of her responses together, from her own threads and others. I did not invalidate her needs, I'm simply stating that she may have a slight problem of her own, that may add some unneccessary stress to her husband. I could not think of a nicer way to word it, because that's the only term I know it by. It's not like I'm calling her a "whore" as in a "slut".

 

How about this? I think she has an "overwhelming need to be in the spotlight". We can't always be the center of attention; share the stage.

 

Actually,... I probably did. You're concerned with shifting the burden of responsibility onto others shoulders.

 

You invalidated her problems by saying, "We can't always be the center of attention; share the stage". You are stating, she is complaining about stuff she has no right to complain about, and that she does not deserve to get what she is asking for. Is that not what you were saying?

 

Plus, you quickly shifted all blame for the insulting post onto everyone but you. As though "we" are the ones wrong for not understanding you. Yet YOU are the person who is not communicating effectively. You sent the message.. it's your responsibility that you convey what you think. Not ours. If you do not mean to call her a whore, then its YOUR responsibility to find the words to convey what you mean. Stop shifting responsibility to everyone else.

 

I would say you probably send a lot of harsh, and negative messages to your wife, and then blame her for misunderstanding you.

[a4a]

NOt sure this helped much... I was just thinking that if you understood why he isn't acting, or isn't acting in the ways you had hoped for.. then by understanding the thoughts that caused the inaction, then you could communicate a better understanding to him. Or come up with a good solution. And if you find one, can you share it with me?

 

It does make sense to a certain degree with my situation.

 

I mean if I said : I would like that white sweater for my birthday and he went and got me the white shirt for my birthday, looking from the outside it would seem he put no real well planned or thoughtout independent effort into the gift...... he simply followed orders (in so many words).

 

But in my life I give examples to him :

 

What would make me happy is if you :

 

planned something.... as simple as a backyard picnic or a night in a hotel just for fun.... but planned it without me having to keep telling you that it would be fun (repeating hey why don't you make us a picnic until he actually does it).

 

I would be happy if you just came to me on a Saturday and said today is your day what do you want to do, or hey tonight is movie night.

 

That is an example of the examples I give him. He says he remembers the V-day incident clearly. Me telling him not to bother to get drive through flowers for me..... yet he did do it.

 

I cannot figure it out for the life of me why he doesn't do anything. He states he has the intentions to do these things in his mind. I asked if he thinks just because he has it in his mind that his intentions are in his view equal to actually taking the action to do it....... I think I may have hit on something there?

 

In his mind the act of just thinking about it is enough without the act?

[Walk]

n his mind the act of just thinking about it is enough without the act?

 

Potentially correct. Maybe it's more along the lines of him thinking about doing it... but never figuring out a good way to initiate it? Is he some what of a perfectionist when it comes to important things to him?

 

Or possibly he means too, but it never seems like the right time? You're busy, he's busy.. or he feels your enjoying what you are doing at that moment so doesn't think to change things up? Like if you two are getting along fine and you discuss lunch options, his mind might not be on.. "oh yea.. she said she wanted a picnic" He might be thinking, "Oh, she wants lunch. Get food ready."

 

Maybe?

[Walk]

was just thinking.. I would absolutely love to do everythign my bf would like in order to make him feel loved/appreciated... yet, I seem to never act on a lot of his "suggestions".

 

BUT, if I'm trying one thing.. and he says.. "You know what would be great, is if you did X right now."

 

Bam, it's done. Well.. done as well as I can, but I respond to it right away and try to do it.

 

So maybe.. you could try that with your hubby? Like, when you're discussing lunch plans, say "You know what would be great, a picnic right now."

 

Maybe just do it once as an experiment to see how he reacts. If he jumps on it, and tries to make it happen right then.. at least it'd be a positive sign that he does want to do things that would make you happy... If he doesn't.. hmm.. Maybe he has a hearing problem? Too many forks in his head?

 

p.s. I know it takes away the feeling that he's acting on his own to do something to show he loves you.. but if he's seriuosly lost in this.. then maybe a few steps back for a while might help give him confidence again?

[Becoming]

Just thinking of you, a4a,

. . . and hoping

. . . for happy.

[a4a]

Well his plans got pooped on again...... actually my fault this time. He never said we had to do something at any particular time.

 

I had a client stop by for a half hour and had to run a errand (4 hour errand).

So it did not allow him to finish his plan of an outdoor picnic dinner. complete with torches and dinner laid out on one of our huge rocks in the back yard.

 

But he did make me a hand carved card...... with a poem in it that he wrote.

 

Yep massive effort.... The card was really amazing. Carved wood front with a copper wire binding ..... he also wrapped it in fabric with the coolest copper wire bow.

 

Then he made a funny.... he said he wanted to go buy me a new ring, but no way he could afford the one he wanted to buy right now so made me a wooden one. It was actually quite amazing and must have been difficult to make one.

 

This means much more to me than any store bought thing ever could. A store bought card or ring takes little effort or thought..... this was pretty amazing.

 

Seems like my message is now getting through loud and clear.

 

And yes Walk he is a perfectionist. He does not like to do things half assed or to stray outside of what he thinks is ideal.

 

I say I want a flat screen for the bedroom...... he thinks 60 inch plasma.... I am thinking a 21 inch lcd would be just fine.

[a4a]

was just thinking.. I would absolutely love to do everythign my bf would like in order to make him feel loved/appreciated... yet, I seem to never act on a lot of his "suggestions".

 

BUT, if I'm trying one thing.. and he says.. "You know what would be great, is if you did X right now."

 

Bam, it's done. Well.. done as well as I can, but I respond to it right away and try to do it.

 

So maybe.. you could try that with your hubby? Like, when you're discussing lunch plans, say "You know what would be great, a picnic right now."

 

Maybe just do it once as an experiment to see how he reacts. If he jumps on it, and tries to make it happen right then.. at least it'd be a positive sign that he does want to do things that would make you happy... If he doesn't.. hmm.. Maybe he has a hearing problem? Too many forks in his head?

 

p.s. I know it takes away the feeling that he's acting on his own to do something to show he loves you.. but if he's seriuosly lost in this.. then maybe a few steps back for a while might help give him confidence again?

 

 

Walk you now what could help fix this thing with your bf....

 

he says something you write it down or remember it then do it when he least expects it. IMHO that would me the world to me as well.

If I mentioned something in passing to my H 3 weeks ago with specific details and it appeared weeks later I would be thrilled..... and I think that does count as effort and thought. It would take planning.

 

Presentation and timing means a lot too. I mean he could go out and buy me store bought earrings for $10 if they were left lets say in the frig with a flower and a note....those earrings would be worth so so much....(planning on his part there) or something left on the front seat of the truck.

 

Would that help you at all feel like you are doing something he would appreciate? Would it be a big enough surprise for him if you presented it to him in an out of the ordinary manner?

 

I am thinking if things go well, I am going to send him out on a gift scavenger hunt. I know enough people and can pay enough people to make it fun for him........ send him to the feedstore..... have the owner give him a card and while he is there pick up something I picked out for him (they are also a tackshop with clothing) the card will send him to Lowes where a tool he likes is waiting with a card..... then to somewhere else..... then somewhere else... then maybe end up meeting me for dinner. Hell I am looking at an Alaska cruise right now... maybe he should end up there instead... pack his bags while I am making him run around town.

 

Actually I just thought of a hell of an idea.... I should do this for a living... set this up for people :lmao:

[Walk]

WOW!!!!!! Your hubby really came through!!! Congratulations! What an awesome guy.

 

Will you remove the fork from his head now? Or are you gonna wait a little while for that?

 

 

he says something you write it down or remember it then do it when he least expects it. ..... and I think that does count as effort and thought. It would take planning.

 

Would that help you at all feel like you are doing something he would appreciate? Would it be a big enough surprise for him if you presented it to him in an out of the ordinary manner?

 

I like that idea. Change it up slightly, but not enough to take away the fundamental desire he had. hmm... Maybe I need back up plans like your hubby did for your anniversary though.. like how the picnic didn't work out, but he still had the other things. Seems as if my plans fall through and I'm left holding air a lot of times. Need back up plans!

 

I'm really happy your hubby came through for you though. Gives me faith in mankind again.

[Becoming]

I should do this for a living... set this up for people

 

Then it wouldn't count because the spouse didn't think of it. :lmao:

 

I'm so glad all went well. He is an amazing guy! He got it!

 

Another item of info from my H this weekend regarding why he doesn't do some of the things I really want and have been asking for for years: He told me this a.m. that he's afraid of messing up because if he messes this up, which is so important to me, it means the end of the marriage. (Which I haven't said or even think--ok, at least I don't think I have. ) But that he hasn't been aware of this fear, which is so huge that he couldn't face it. So he simply avoided doing it all! Which, of course, is silly and guaranteeing him that he will get what he most fears.

 

This was an astonishing revelation. My H is afraid of messing up and losing Super Hero status. He's afraid of being human and losing me for being so. Which is crazy, of course, . . . :D But who says this stuff is rational.

 

The real person he doesn't want to know he's not Super Human, tho, is simply himself. I want the human guy. Not the "Great Oz" projection.

 

A wooden ring, huh? WOW.

 

I sent my H on a scavenger hunt all over town one time, ending with candlelight dinner in a hotel I'd booked and a wonderful night of love. Highly recommend.

[a4a]

WOW!!!!!! Your hubby really came through!!! Congratulations! What an awesome guy.

 

Will you remove the fork from his head now? Or are you gonna wait a little while for that?

 

 

 

 

I like that idea. Change it up slightly, but not enough to take away the fundamental desire he had. hmm... Maybe I need back up plans like your hubby did for your anniversary though.. like how the picnic didn't work out, but he still had the other things. Seems as if my plans fall through and I'm left holding air a lot of times. Need back up plans!

 

I'm really happy your hubby came through for you though. Gives me faith in mankind again.

 

Honestly I don't think the gift is as important as timing as the presentation of the gift and timing most of the time ( a plastic spider ring will not suffice as a real gift tho)

 

Of course if my H would have put a note on my coffee cup that said something like: I request that you join me at 6pm please meet me by the big tree in the pasture promptly at 6 pm...... well his plan would have worked out.

 

My life does have quite a bit of unexpected turns.... If I knew he wanted to meet me at 6, I never would have let the client come over.

 

I have pulled some good ones in my past with others.

 

A ring poking up out of a piece of cheesecake delivered by a waiter.

Surprise rooftop dinner when it was supposed to be just watching a video.

Things left in cars..... funny stupid things too...can of whipped cream delivered to our table with a note attached "this is for later baby"......

 

And doing things just because it is Thursday.

 

I tell you what people are so willing to help you pull off these surprises. They cooperate very well in 99% of the cases.

 

and hubby did come through.... he busted out the frozen wedding cake and sliced it, was even cuter and got out the stray pilsner glass that was found after the wedding ......poured himself a beer in it and had to say :this is the glass from our wedding. Too cute.

 

His poem was kinda funny in a nice way though.

 

The last line was : One down, forever to go. :lmao: I think that could be taken kinda either way.....good or bad...... but I know it meant good. I hope :lmao:

[Mz. Pixie]

Awww, A- seems like he is really trying.

 

My work friend's hubby just turned 30. He had an entire day. 30 gifts. Big and small- each one came with a note with little foam letters tied on it. Each gift had a poem to go along with it. It was really really neat. His first outing was golf with the guys- then they took him to lunch- then it was on and on. She had his parents come in as one gift- his sister as another, etc.

 

He was blown away. She's kinda crafty and stuff so that was a good thing for her to do. She wrote all the poems herself.

 

I would never be able to pull all of that off- he had no idea!

[a4a]

Awww, A- seems like he is really trying.

 

My work friend's hubby just turned 30. He had an entire day. 30 gifts. Big and small- each one came with a note with little foam letters tied on it. Each gift had a poem to go along with it. It was really really neat. His first outing was golf with the guys- then they took him to lunch- then it was on and on. She had his parents come in as one gift- his sister as another, etc.

 

He was blown away. She's kinda crafty and stuff so that was a good thing for her to do. She wrote all the poems herself.

 

I would never be able to pull all of that off- he had no idea!

 

GRRRR ! Put some effort into it woman!!! :lmao:

 

what a great idea she had.

[JamesM]

I think I have a possible reason why you don't get many spontaneous planned events from your husband.

 

First, he doesn't have the confidence to do something and KNOW that you will like it. Even one word of criticism (ie you could have told me it was at six!) is enough to kill the next ten years of anything like that ever happening again. Wasn't that day your anniversary? Didn't he expect that you would be available? How was he gonna know that a client would be there at that time? Part of the "taking charge by him" is having him do it all...and not finding out that it wasn't done right. Unfortunately, you had a client. Unfortunately, his thought is "Here we go again...I forgot one little detail. Because of that it all goes down the tubes" Yes, I know of these things. Recently I have planned numerous things...evening out, a day away...that I wanted to spring on my wife. Her night was free, but then she decided something additional without checking with me. Telling her about the plans prior takes away a bit of the surprise. She thought I wanted a dinner...I had begun plans for a night away. (And yes, I have done those things...her 30th birthday will never be forgotten...total surprise..flowers, night on the town, hotel reservation, and I met her at the door in a tux and a chauffered limousine. That was quite a night!). So, it has been awhile since we have had one of those perfect planned surprises.

 

Second, he doesn't have the confidence to know what you like and choose the right thing for the mood that you will have on that day. Are you a bit unpredictable? Today a dinner at an Italian, but tomorrow a night a the club...depends on your mood? Can he plan an outdoor picnic and know because three weeks ago you liked it, you will like it today? And just because you wanted a certain item three weeks ago, you will want it today...or worse yet...you may have already purchased it?

 

I do not believe that a guy who takes charge of fixing other people's problems doesn't have the assertiveness to do the same for his wife. He either doesn't want to...passive aggressive, or he doesn't feel that it will be completely appreciated...with zero criticism. When either occurs, the safest route is not to do it....even when he knows that you want it.

[a4a]

James I am a little lost here.

 

What he says is that he plans to do things for me in his head (grand things), but the actual attainable things do not meet his standards.....

 

I want him to show me that he care about me through effort and planning.

He would like to do that as well but to his standards.... like a picnic and surprising me with a set of 2 karat diamond earrings.... he is the one that does not see the value in just the planned picnic......so then he just skips out on the whole thing because he cannot get the 2 karat earrings.

 

I certainly did not critize him at all last night..... I apologized for having the client over. I had no clue he was up to anything at all, nor did I expect anything. Would have been nice I thought......but probably not going to happen.

 

So it is a matter of him not meeting his own set standards(perfection) as to what he thinks I would like.

 

Yes I do have an odd job, I may have to pack a bag and leave for two weeks or more.... hurricane is acomin'.....but not really a surprise for him to have to deal with that....hell I may have to go wrangle a stray emu today.. (where is my emu head sock?)..who knows. But that is only a timing issue and rare thing to happen.

 

 

You said this: the safest route is not to do it....

 

but this is not because of me, this is so he does not feel bad about lacking the 2 karat earrings.....not me being disappointed. Perfectionist.

[a4a]

sorry I did not address this: Am I unpredictable or when my mood changes ....the 3 week thing you mentioned.

 

No... unless ill, foul weather, or I am committed to do something I cannot get out of..... if he served me up dinner picnic style I would be thrilled.

 

I am not one to change my mind or require newness at every corner. I am the kind of woman that can indeed make do. I certainly would have a good chance at winning that survival reality tv show without whining or b8tching..... well just as long as I was allowed an occassional cigarette

 

I am not demanding at all when it comes to where we eat or what we eat, where we go, or what we do..... maybe I should be?

[JamesM]

a4a, I said a possible reason...not probable. Putting my experiences into yours.

 

As for mood swings and criticism, truthfully...and don't shoot me...only he can answer that in privacy. Why? because my wife also says that she is not moody or critical, but I know better. Hey, she even told her friends that she thought she was a passive wife...they laughed and told her NOT. But I love her the way she is and definitely have learned to deal with her. So, I will accept your answer, but his view would be better. (And no, he won't disagree with you when you are around...and especially not when YOU ask. ).

 

If it is because he is a perfectionist, then why... when you will be tickled pink with whatever he does? My wife has said many times that she would rather I pick flowers from my gardens (Yes, I do alot of gardening. She loves to sit in the backyard looking at them, because she knows that I plant everything with her in mind), then to purchase roses. She would rather I plant the flowers then bring them home in a vase. Yes, I do on a rare occassion, but my point is that I know what is important. I know that just spending time with me is more important to her than where we go...just as the idea of flowers is worth more than the money spent. Have you explained thoroughly that spending relaxed conversation in your backyard is better than all of the jewelry in the world? Some of your earlier posts seem to place quite a bit of value on jewelry. On the topic of jewelry...my wife enjoys it mainly because I bought it for her. She could easily have purchased it, but she likes that I got it.

 

I am not sure where this is going except to say that repetition is good....repeat over and over (not all at once) that it is the thought that counts...not the present. It is the time spent together not where you go. And above all, it is the thought that counts (see, I repeated it) but above all, it is the fact that he spent the time thnking of what to do, when to do it, where to do it....by himself with no imput from you ...well maybe a little...simply because all of this says "I love you" more than any diamond will ever say. He needs to hear time and time again, that any special thing he does whether perfect or not will be a token of his love for you. And quantity is better than quality, because the more times he does this, the better chance he has to do it right.

 

Just my two cents.

[Moose]

1. This is your official 1st Anniversary.....why invite a client on this day?

 

2. It's was a Sunday.....even though you don't subscribe to the thought of Sunday being the day of rest....mose businesses are closed anyway. Was this an emergency meeting of sorts?

 

3. How can you expect him to schedule or make plans knowing that you do have such a sporatic job and may need to jet out at any time?

 

Sorry to sound like I'm nit picking.....

[a4a]

a4a, I said a possible reason...not probable. Putting my experiences into yours.

 

As for mood swings and criticism, truthfully...and don't shoot me...only he can answer that in privacy. Why? because my wife also says that she is not moody or critical, but I know better. Hey, she even told her friends that she thought she was a passive wife...they laughed and told her NOT. But I love her the way she is and definitely have learned to deal with her. So, I will accept your answer, but his view would be better. (And no, he won't disagree with you when you are around...and especially not when YOU ask. ).

 

Oh I am far from passive. I am much more man like in my thinking. Blunt and to the point. I never hide my feelings... I will say I am angry... hell I have said that to him point blank. I am angry and I having a hard time not being angry. So no I am not moody. I do not get PMS either. Can you believe it..... I don't bust out into tears and I don't clammer to all things that have ruffles or glitter I do prefer to vent here rather than to hold things in and let them fester tho.

 

Have you explained thoroughly that spending relaxed conversation in your backyard is better than all of the jewelry in the world?

 

yes to no end. But he is not hearing me. In his mind he needs to show up with a new truck for me to make me happy.

 

Some of your earlier posts seem to place quite a bit of value on jewelry.

No actually I am not a fan of jewelry.. far from it. It can actually be a danger or get lost easily in my line of work. Nor have I ever shopped for it for myself unless needed for an occassion..... earrings to make an outfit presentable........ as a matter a fact it has been over one year since I have sat foot into a mall.... no desire to shop at all for girlie things.

But jewelry seemed to be a good example for others to understand here on LS.

 

He needs to hear time and time again, that any special thing he does whether perfect or not will be a token of his love for you. And quantity is better than quality, because the more times he does this, the better chance he has to do it right.

 

I agree.... and I do praise him to no end....... hell if he makes my coffee in the morning I do appreciate it and tell him so. This is the first attempt he has made to actually plan or put thought into something for me without my input or seeming to be a specific request that is repeated to him time and time again..... like the shoe rack he built for the closet but I had to ask for it repeatedly.

 

Your thoughts and ideas are appreciated.

I am a very different type of woman I guess. More vulcan like than most

 

I did explain it to him like this in terms that he would understand since he does know my business:

 

I would respect and admire a person who took a horse from the range and made it into a champion themselves much more than I could respect and admire someone who simply just purchased the horse in champion condition.

[a4a]

1. This is your official 1st Anniversary.....why invite a client on this day?

 

I did not invite the client nor was it prearranged. My husband has never made any plans for us. He informed me our dinner plans were canceled last week and did in no way hint that he had plans for that evening. He spent most of the day outside in his shop. If he would have stated that he had plans I would have cleared my schedule. So since the client returned from a trip and was unable to come on monday and we were just sitting here..... why not? She simply retrieved her animals from us. She was here for 1/2 hour max, he was aware that she was coming when she called at 3 pm. and her arrival time of 7 pm... we could have done the dinner at 7:30 or 8 ... he opted out as it could not be perfect in his eyes? Note that he really did not attempt to pull this off as far as cooking anything...... he set out some torches...it was not set up other than that.

 

2. It's was a Sunday.....even though you don't subscribe to the thought of Sunday being the day of rest....mose businesses are closed anyway. Was this an emergency meeting of sorts?

 

I work 7 days a week 365 days a year when needed. No choice I work with living things so you don't get Sundays off or holidays unless you arrange to have a person cover for you. He is well well aware of this. Sunday is not a special day to me at all.... I like Friday nights better. Weekends are typically our biggest days as the majority of our clients have weekday jobs.

 

3. How can you expect him to schedule or make plans knowing that you do have such a sporatic job and may need to jet out at any time?

 

The same way any person would with kids or a job. Prearrange it.

Find a sitter, book the reservations, and go. I don't hide my schedule from him. He knows when I have meetings or trips that I cannot cancel. It is hurricane season now so we are on alert. He know I cannot take a vacation now. Nor through June or July.... otherwise wide open. And for him to simply say keep the calendar open the first week in december would not ruin any surprise he might have.

 

When you ask a woman out on a date and want to surprise her do you just show up at her door and expect her to jump in the car?..or would it make more sense to say "Hey I would like you to go out with me on Friday night, I am not telling you anything else"

 

It seems a little extreme to expect it to work that way and to expect the plan will go without a hitch. I certainly cannot be at his beck and call.... I would imagine most people could not either..... just skip out on work or obligations at the drop of a hat. Or I might be "washing my hair" that night.

 

Now if I were to arrange a day for him (which I have).... I get sneaky and call his work to make sure he has the day off..... I arrange it.....that way nothing can fall through.

 

For that matter he could have faked me out with a appt that was work related......it is not that difficult to arrange things with me.

[Moose]

Well, it just seems to me that what you want from your husband is a little tougher than the norm with your business and all.

 

It's hard to be romantic, spontanious, and full of surprises if you have to worry about infringing on schedules or when the unexpected is expected on an almost daily basis.

 

In fact, I would have to say that it would hinder any planning on his part, (a lot of times), in fear of messing up your work load.