emotionally detached and bit of a sexist

[Guest]

hey everyone i'm a first time poster so this may be long.

 

i'm 17 years old (female) and my situation that i've had for a long time is that i am an emotionally detached person when it comes to guys. most of my life i have been unemotional, unaffectionate, and not very caring. the reason for this is because i have had bad experiences with guys in the past and have since gotten over them. since guys have (what i consider) a bad reputation on their behalf, it's hard for me to look at a guy as person to grow close with. i usually look at them as sexual partners (i'm still a virgin and think about having sex with someone i don't care about) other than anything else.

 

i really want to change this but i now long for the company of just one guy that i can call my own. i never had a serious boyfriend and didn't plan on having one until i was quite old. i think theres something wrong with me. not to sound cocky or pretentious but i never had a problem attracting guys, even older men. i guess it's because i never had a healthy relationship with my father and i've grown past it. i just need advice as to what i can do to change this. the irony is that i get along great with guys and prefer them as friends than females. can anyone give me any advice. i'd greatly appreciate it.

[norajane]

It sounds like you're afraid of getting hurt and afraid to trust guys, so you keep them at a distance. Do it long enough, and you start to feel distant from them, and become more and more afraid of intimacy.

 

AT 17, you haven't experienced all the guys there are out there. They aren't all the same, and they won't all treat you the same way. While it might be easy for you to attract guys, the trick to not getting hurt is to date the guys who like you for the person that you are, not just for what you look like. And for them to like you for the person that you are, they need to know you. So, someone that you are naturally not distant with (like those guys that are your friends), is a better bet than someone whom you've just met. If you know the guys, you also will know if they're players or not, and how well they treat the women they date.

 

Sex partners are easy to come by if you're an attractive girl. But sex is a hell of a lot more wonderful if you care about the guy you're having sex with and who cares about you. It's worth waiting for that. The other kind of sex can often leave you feeling empty.

 

If you can open up to your guy friends, you're not really detached and uncaring. You're just cautious about boyfriends, and that's really not the worst thing in the world.