ALLALONEAT35 Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 How do you know when it is completely over.?.. Since my husband left, the only contact we have had has been on my part only.. I am feeling like I need to just give up, but there is a piece of me holding on, waiting for him, wanting him to call or come see me.. I understand only time can tell, and trust me I have heard that old saying over and over, when you love someone let them go and if they come back they we're met to be yours, but is that really true... Looking back thru the years of being with my husband he lacked communication, and I am afraid that if I dont keep in contact with him he will find someone else.. However, there is apart of me thinking if I contact him he will never miss me and want to work things out... Any suggestions??? Keep in mind he is the type of guy that doesnt talk much, he never felt like he should write a note and tell me where he went, never really called to check in, did what he wanted to do, went months on end never seeing or calling his kids... Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Keep in mind he is the type of guy that doesnt talk much, he never felt like he should write a note and tell me where he went, never really called to check in, did what he wanted to do, went months on end never seeing or calling his kids... To put it bluntly - give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I realize it has not even been 2 months for you yet and you are still raw. Wanna know what part of your problem is? You don't think you deserve any better. Recognize these? He lacked the complete man thing, he is very selfish. It always seemed like I was doing all the work in the relationship. I felt alone alot, wishing we were able to communicate better, but he wasnt a talker. I would say he pushed me away more then bring us together. He would make dinner for his kids and there wouldnt be enough for everyone else. he would take his kids out for dinner and forget about everyone else in the house. he would let his kid play video games from the time he waked up to the time he went to bed. It just seem like the rules didnt apply to his kids, and my kids were being pushed to the back burner, just as thought he didnt even care about them. I see the mother inlaw taking care of the kids, not him. He can come and go. Doesnt have to worry about meals, what they are doing, or anything Here I am working my butt off trying to pay our bills why he gets to spend his money in anyway he wants, without thinking he doesnt call me. he doesnt come see me. I feel like a puppet on a string, and he is in control of me. saying I wished it wasnt like this. He says thats life. Here he has been a step father to my kids for 10 years, and he just doesnt seem to care about them I may not be the best person to be telling you this since you are where I was...but I was there for a year before the puppet strings were cut. Hardest damn year of my life. Tough love time--you haven't been following "the rules". Time to quit moping! Time to get a life! Here's something to think about--you are not giving him time to miss you. And that is a direct quote from my stbxH on my actions. You keep coming around, throwing yourself at him, wanting him back, one day sweet-talking, the next crying and begging. Reality check--you will not get him back this way!! Pull yourself up out of this slump and work on your self image! You are needy, clingy, weak, have no self-confidence and no self-respect. Its harder than it sounds--I have been there. You need a shock to your system to make you wake up. You keep hanging onto the little crumbs he throws your way, reading things into his actions. Wanna know what you sound like? Read my first few postings. That is what you sound like. I'm afraid to read them because they are not the person I was or am, nor do I ever want to be that person again. You want the guy back? Fine, then quit doing everything you are doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I'm sorry, but you would want this guy back because . . . ?????? LET HIM GO! Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Just to clarify my post. I don't mean to be getting down on you. But I know where you are right now and I know what you are feeling. I'm not telling you to get a divorce, I'm not telling you to get rid of him. Wait for him if you want to but don't put your life on hold. Do you want to be this way in a year? Or would you rather start getting your sanity back and taking control of your life again now? Where you are is a never ending circle and you can't break it unless you take control. Break your habits and you can break away from the circle. Link to post Share on other sites
alloneat35 Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 Lori, you seem to understand me, I realize everything I have done is wrong, but at least I can say I tried. I stopped calling him its a start. I do ask myself why do I bother, why would I want to save this marriage but seriously I love this guy to pieces... Only time well tell but honestly I do think is time to give up... Link to post Share on other sites
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