a little lost....

[brokendown]

hope you guys got some time to kill............ this is a long one..

 

some months back i was on here posting about how my no ex and i were on the virge or breaking up, or things just seemed bad........ well, she canceled our marriage, was talking to someone else in the process and is now married... all in under 3 months.. im fine with that. i do believe things happen for a reason, and i believe that because of what has happened with me and her it has changed me. im much more emotional now.. things did with her that i cannot do..... things that didnt really have much meaning to me, now have enormous meaning.. things like just a backrub, going to the store with that person.. little things that i did before that i just never really felt anything for..

 

my new dilema is a chic i met during my bad time with my ex.. a bartender at a bar i drink at.. originally she had the hots for a buddy of my.. he wanted nothing to do with her, one night at the bar she pretty much cornered me and asked me what his intentions with her were.. i told her none, just cut your losses.. i had only met her a couple times, but i developed a quick crush on her.. i could sit at the bar and just see saddness on her face.. im a sucker for sad girls. their sad, im sad. maybe we can make each other feel better *not even in a sexual way*.. so early on i expressed to her that i had a crush on her *late may*. most of the time through june i'd go and shoot pool with her at the bar, drink a little.. or other times we'd actually make plans to do someone..

 

here some of the major examples:

 

one day outta the blue *6/11* she called me up, asked me if i wanted to hang out. the day wound up being 11hrs long, we shot pool, went back to her place had some dinner, looked at old photo albums, shot hairties at her pez dispensers and i got a kiss goodnight..

 

couple weeks later we had a mini-golf night planned, we went did that, shot some pool afterwards, drove her homw. hug, quick kiss. i went to pull her back for a longer kiss 8no tongue, just more contact*, and she went into panick mode. "not sure what i want it, its not you".

 

that weekened we had plans to go and play some mini golf with her unbilogical father...... funny, early when we got to his house he made a joke about me and her sitting in the back of the van "you guys can pull the shades clsed and do whatever it is you do"

 

we even had a joint fathers day date.. me, her and our father went to the pool hall and we all shot each other..

 

another one was the time i was at the bar, her shift ended and she goes "what to do". so i didnt even ask, i just said, lets go to the lake.. she was totally cool with it.. we walked by the lake, shot stones in the water, tickled and played around a little bit..

 

i kinda took little looks here and there.. a certain look in her eye or something like that.. the looks that i qouls take as... she's interested.. to some degree

 

july 3rd turned out to be a disaster.. we went to a local music fest here with a friend of her for the fireworks.. we all drank a little had some horeseplaying in the parking lot.. the evening progressed, at one point we 8me and her8 got seperated.. we spent close to an hour and a half playing phone tag, txting back n forth.. trying t find each other.. this isa festival that had like 80,000 peole there a day.. so i cant find her, get angry, i start walking to the car.. i get to the car, i turn into a child.. im just going home. so i start wlking, stop at a local bar, she calls.. i tell her im just going home..

 

july 9th, she calls me up after a longgggggggggggg *free* day of drinking and tells me she wants to shoot some pool. i told her i had to work the next day, but i'd still go out fr a bit with her.. the night turned into a trainwreck.. i had so much to drink that we got to the bar and i basically sat at the bar rambling about her to a male friend of hers.. bar closed we all went upstairs to his house, i remember nothing about it.. she did call me the next morning telling me she wsnt really sure how to deal with me..

 

most of june we were hanging out just about every couple days.. we'd show up to after parties together, even in seperate cars, id walk in the dor 7 leave with her.. people all around us would make comments on us being boyfriend / girlfriend, or even ask me.. she knew i was really interested in her as i always complimented her and gave her certain looks.. things that i think an interested person would do..

 

most of july was really dormant with us.. a txt message here or there, a couple hang out times.. during june she'd call me on saturday night and ask me when i was gunna get to the bar to shoot pool with her.. so july alot of them things didnt hapen..

 

i pretty much told myself, i cant dwell on someone who's not gunna dwell on me.. i've told her as much as i can, she knows my plan and what im all about.. this is on her..

 

here's where things change........ at least in my opinion..

 

aug 12th, i get a txt from her asking me to come n shoot pool. so i do. we close the bar, go to a friend of her's house. we wrestle, pretty vilently.. we wind up on opposite ends of the couch with her legs over mine, me runnging her calfs as she falls asleep..

 

aug 13th *morning*, i wake up to a txt message telling me sometime when she drinks she gets cuddly, she had fun, no regrets.. she told me to call her when i woke up. i responded with a txt saying i was awake, immediatre call from her.. tld her what happened i wouldnt really consider cuddling. cuddliny would be spooning..

 

aug 13th evening. we talk on the phone, she's hungry but has no food and no cash to buy food. so i invite her over for dinner. i cook some food, we talk about nonsense for a bit, then i say we should go to the living room 8for a serious talk8. we sit on seperate cuches, i bring up the leg rub thing and we talk pretty deep for about an hour. she tells me she's not sure what she wants. she's scared to get hurt.. she knows im really into her and yada yada yada.. i told her number times befire that what i have for her feeling wise isnt the feeling of just wanting to get laid, that i do actually like her personality and that kinda stuff.. she said she respects me for that *in a previous phone call after the drunken rambling night i told her, i know enough about you to know i wanna know more about you, and if there is a chance fr this to go further, then i want it to be done at a pace that YOU are comfrtable with. her response was very minimal...* so that sunday night ended..

 

aug 16th, i get 2 txt message and a phone call from her at 10:10-10:20. 1st txt telling me shes' throwing up. 2nd one asking me what im up to, and the phone call i didnt answer, well i didnt answer the txt's either.. its odd that she'd txt me her thrwing up. i know that when i get drunk i get more emotional to that signifigant other.. maybe she did the same?

 

aug 17th. phone call on lunch break, i called her back when i left work.. she wants to know if im free that night t go car shopping.. am. we go eat some dinner, go car shopping.. we wound up at her place on the couch watching tv.. at one point she took her sandals off and wanted to lay down, but if she did her feet would be in my lap.. i told her"you can put your feet there, but im telling ya, i WILL be touching them.. so she put em there, i wound up masaging her feet, eventually her calf as well. i went to look over and say something to her and seen she was asleep. i didnt get up and leave right away. i keept on rubbing her feet/ calf and eventually her lower thigh.. i wouldnt do anything more then that.. musta went on for an hour or so.. before i had to waker her up so i could leave. i remmeber sitting there just looking over at here from time to time think "i just wanna get to know you more". yeah i think more then that, but i try to limit my feelings. i tell myself i shouldnt be thinking some things yet..

 

aug 19th *this past saturday* she gives me a call in the afternoon, vents to me about buying some broken stero and tells me i should come down n shpoot pool. so i do.. get to the bar at about 10:15. we close the bar. i get in a small argueent with the bar owner, in the middle of this the girl drives off. bar owner leaves, i get in my car.. and she calls me up.. so i ask her what she's doing and she says nothing, on her way home.. the bar is actually right near my house so i know she's not far from me. i tell her to come over, hang out.. she does.. we sit in the lving room on seperate couches and we wind up doing the deep talk thing a little more, along with some bull**** talk.. she tells me she's still not sure if she's over her ex 82yrs after the broke up8, but she knows he's still not completely over here.. she asks for a blanket, i get her the one off my bed.. this was probably 4am.. at some point she makes a comment about wanting to lay down.. we wound up laying next to each other on the bed.. she got up at one point to use the bathroom and when she came back she put her head on my chest and said "my good friend, i know that if i fall asleep her you wouldnt try to do anything with me".. with in a matter of seconds it goes to "im horny, i havent had any in awhile, i dont wanna do this if it's gunna mess with you, but i dont know when or if i'll feel like this again *i can vaguely remmeber a "but i do now* comment in there as well".. with a goregous girl *one that im super interested in, and yeah have feelings for* telling me i may not have a chance at this again, i fell into it.. clothes come off, and things start.. i believe in taking care of a womans needs first *1, i like to, and 2, its outta the way*, .. so i had no problem doing that.. once i was done she went to do the same, i continued to massage her backside and her...ah hemm*, but she wound up stopping.. if i remmeber correctly i can remember her asking me if it was ok if she stopped. the reason was either cause her stomach wasnt well, or her area was too sensitive.. i know she does have a possible ulcer and she shouldnt be drinking.. but she did a fair amount that night.. answys it stopped, we layed in bed nude till about 10.. various spooining, her running to the bathroom naked, me stroking her nekkid skin *drools.. sorry its been 6 months since i felt that*... she left around 10:15, she tried caling at 11 but i was asleep. when she left she asked if she could take a shirt.. she didnt wanna wear her corset'ish type shirt in the morning.. i said suree.. she ran to the store before going home to find a stero system, then to a local record store we both go to.. i can picture her walkin in with my shirt on.. a shirt no one else in my city has.. later that afternoon, i sent her a txt asking her if she got her stero. she said yeah,. and invited me to a bbq that she got invited too. i said sure.. she called be half hour before i was suppousda meet her telling me that a friend of mine who im on the outs with right now was there, and that if i didnt feel comfortable going that she'd understand.. and yeah i did feel ackward so i didnt go.. later that evening i sent her a txt telling her how good it felt to have her next to me that morning.. no respnse..

 

im sure that i will get one, i dont believe this is over.. but im unsure of how this is gunna turn out.. part of me feels used from that night.. she got off, then the rest didnt matter.. maybe im wrong.. maybe she just didnt feel well.. part of me says cut my losses, ignore her & move on.. i tend to think i analyze things too much.. ive been in a relationship since i was just about 20, i've pretty dumb to reading signals.. but from my opinion, she has some interest, why elese would she call me to go car shopping, i know she has a ton of other peole she could take with her, and things of that nature.. i'll even tell myself, im not calling or txting.. later that day or the next....... guess who's calling me.. so its odd.. i know what i want in life, and i know how i wanna treat that person next to me.. i know she's got alot going on in her life, and im sure its difficult for her.... i myself am majorily stuck on the "i just wanted" things.. i just wanna hold her, let her know that someone care. i just want her t know that i enjoy spending time with her and sharing small moments with her, i just wanna put a smile on her face *and i have. even that night i made a smple "you look nice" comment, and she gave me a thankful smirk, and that was perfect for me*....we both have alot of the same life experiences, and that is part of what i took as a possibility.. "we've both had this happen, we can both relate, wow we both want this in life....... maybe this can happen" im a person with no patients.. its hard for me to hafta sit here and go "when's she gunna call" it eats me up inside.. being in my own place, sleeping alone at night......... friends haver always pretty much over the past years been non existant in my life.. makes for a lonely world..

[norajane]

I don't know what her deal is...but she doesn't sound like she knows either. And she sounds a little flaky and complicated to deal with.

 

If you don't put all your eggs in her basket, you'd probably be better off. Keep an eye out for another girl who catches your attention and might be a little more stable and looking for the kind of relationship you're looking for. This one sounds like a temp, not a keeper.

[brokendown]

well i definitley dont have ALL my eggs in this baskety, but it does have the majority of them.. if i ran across a girl that was interested in me and showed it, i'd definitley look in that direction..

 

and at this moment im dwelling on this girl again...

[norajane]

You know when you're with the right girl when you're happy, like this -->

 

and not sitting around feeling like this --> or this all the time.

[brokendown]

couldnt agree with you more.........

 

 

the whole thing is.. we're not even a couple.. its all just me. the things i'd like to do.. the things i wanna be for that person....

 

 

the booze is kickin in... this is gunna be magnified by the time i fall asleep :/

[TJettman]

Hey man, don't feel like you're alone. There are hundreds if not thousands of us right now doing the exact same thing. It's hard but take a little solice in that. When I'm really in the ****, I think about all us guys dealing with it. Even though I can't see or hear all of ya'll, it helps a little to know that the universe isn't just picking me out of the crowd. All I can tell you man, is just try to find stuff (and I know it's very f**king hard to do) that will preoccupy your time. Drinking don't help (been there). You gotta do things that are fun for you. Do some guy stuff. Things that don't entail having the girl with you anyway. If I could, I would pat you on the back. I'm with ya man.

[brokendown]

hey man thanks for the support.. this happening to people evrywhere isnt really some thing that has crossed my mind.. i wish i could say that looking at it from that perspective will help, but right now that doesnt.. a little selfish at this point right now..

 

i sit back and look at my situtation and go "wow, whats this chicks deal. sitting right in front of her, is a guy who wants to treat her right, make her feel special, who compliments her every aspect, who wants to listen to her ramble, who doesnt mind standing in the rain car shopping just cause he's spending some time with her........". If it was all vice-versa, i'd be asking myself "and i'm not giving this relationship a shot for what reason??"

 

i also have a major thing with not taking my own advice.. i use a phrase at work alot.. "people think to much".. someone might say "yeah i thought i could squeeze it on through" "yeah, people think too much".. i need to do the same for myself.. i "thought" me and her had a connection.. *did we?*. i "thought" that with our similarities more was possible...

 

biting the bullet is hard to do..

[brokendown]

so yesterday at luncvhtime i gave this girl a call asking her if she'd be interested in getting dinner that night.. told her i got a big bonus check at work anfd that whenever i do that i normally go and just do something i normally wouldnt.. usually food wise.. she mentioned she had made plans but that she wasnt sure if they'd actually do them.. she'd call and let me know........... im sure you all know where this is going.........

 

no call..

 

devestated..

 

game plan: not sure. i run a dozen different things through my head.. the main 2 are (1) go the cold shoulder route, just blow her off for awhile see how she reacts.. not mad at her, but definitley disappointed. tell her nothing else, let her do the talking.. *optimisim* maybe once i stop spilling my guts to her and being the nicest guy to her.. she stops seeing that, she'll realize something in the whole situtation.. (2) sever all ties, take the *possible* realization that this will never happen..

 

i do believe she will call or txt at some point.. 2 reasons.. (1) i dont believe that there was nothing between us. we did some really fun things together and i dont believe them things would have been done if there was no connection.. (2) she still has some of my belongings.. things of value that she wont keep, so at one point she'll wanna return em..

 

 

any ideas or opinions..

[Rossco]

I'm thinking you're way too obsessed w/ her. Just by the way you have dated all the times you were together, it's not healthy. Stop thinking about ways to get her back. That's just going to drive you nuts! I'm not saying this to be mean because I did the exact same thing w/ my "guy friend". I wrote every stupid thing we did together in a journal. I made our "relationship" way more then it was to him. I know it's hard...and yes you are NOT alone. Thank goodness for this website.

[norajane]

Opinons? You have way more to offer than this girl can accept, wants, or even knows what to do with. No need to waste so much energy when you can be using that same energy with a woman who would be thrilled to give it right back to you.

 

I know you're hurting...but I can guarantee one day you'll barely remember this neurotic bartender.

[brokendown]

yeah i have been somewhat obsessed with the situtation.. the dates i listed for the past 2weeks were done with the calender, i just rembered what days what happened.. all of the other time we hung out, that were meaningfull, i have no idea on them.. but i have dwelled on it alot.. i just sit back and go "i just wanted to be...." "i just thought..." and that really is what has kept me holding on..

 

yeah ive looked at the scenario as "how can i get her to see this" numerous time.. treat her this way, treat her that way........ ive said all i can to her.. she knows more then she should, in order to make a deciscion..

 

friday night there a show of a friends band that i attended, one of his bandmates work s the bar with her. she actually worked his shift.. normally afterparties go on at his house.. i had a good feeling that she'd stroll in at some point.. sure enough..... she's known most of these peole longer them me, her ex was there as well, but he's seen me and her together hanging out, and me at the bar when she's working.. she strolls in says whats up.. gets a beer, walks away.. i was still pretty pissed off about the phone call thing so i wasnt even happy to see her stroll in. i honestly wanted to just grab my keys and leave when i seen her.. there was really n conversation between us, aside from her asking me what happened to my head, then i wound up leaving at 4am, she fell asleep on the couch.. no contact from her saturday *normally id go to the bar and shoot pool, or she'd invite me down*.. and its 11am and i just got a txt message frm her asking me what i did last night.. part of me wants to ignore her completely.. but the other part of me wants to treat her ****ty like she's treated me.. and then there is a smallest part of me that wants to just be myself and see whats on her mind....

[Rossco]

Yeah, that's a tough one.... I'm always running into my friend at the bar. Sometimes I have to force myself to stay away from certain places just for my own sanity. I saw him last night, but he was w/a girl. It still stings a little. Get this...I used to draw a big pink heart around the date on my calendar for every night we spent together. Except for the last one, I guess for some reason I knew that was going to be the last time or maybe I just felt I was going crazy thinking about it/him/me/the whole situation.

[brokendown]

yeah i never went outta my way to jot anything down about me and this girl, just some of the pictures i looked at regularly from my camera held the date so i knew THEM days.. but nothing else..

 

the bar....... i'll go to the bar. im not gunna let what me and her have or dont have dictate that scenario.. if i wanna go drink and shoot pool, ima go and drink n shoot pool. on saturdays when she closes i'll just hafta leave before close, otherwise i'll end up sitting there after close and who knows what will happen.. if she ASKED me to stay i probably would though. but if she left it upon me to decide, i'd throw it back at her.. it's not about what i want, its about what she wants..

 

i did respond to her txt this morning. told her what i did last night and made a comment that i had to go and run some errands *which was true*.. never got a response.. she could have taken it as me avoiding her *which is partially the case* or she didnt wanna know anything else then what i did last night *which would be odd IMO*. normally a txt like that from her would lead to us hanging out.. BUT, IMO if she really wanted to hang out she woulda sent a response back stating something of that nature *yeah it woulda been nice to get that from her*.. and she didnt send one.. so...... *shrugs*