Guest Posted August 22, 2006 Share Posted August 22, 2006 I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, but my boyfriend lied to me about previously being engaged. Like any other couple, the question came up at the beginning of our relationship. Now, 2 years later (and a child on the way), I found out that he had proposed to an ex-girlfriend. I found out from his family. They brought it up once just a get-together. It totally threw me off. I just didn't expect it. I asked him why he lied to me and he said that it didn't concern me. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. We didn't know each other then ... but for some reason, I just keep picturing him proposing and then celebrating with friends and family. The engagement was later called off because she cheated on him. Why am I being so childish about this? Has anyone else ever felt this way? Link to post Share on other sites
Annacabana Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I would reconsider a relationship where I was lied to. If you don't have trust, it can be a hell of a ride. I wonder what else he thinks doesn't concern you? Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Not telling you doesn't seem as bad as his reply of it doesn't concern you. If he didn't want to tell you because it was a painful memory or because he didn't want to get into a discussion about it, it would be more understandable. Perhaps you could (calmly) say to him that his reaction bothers you and ask him if he really meant it. After all, men sometimes get defensive about things that embarrass them. It may have been a kneejerk reaction to cover his discomfort. You do need to talk about it though. Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 He's going to make a life long commitment to you and he dismisses a very important question by you as "not concerning you"? WTF! He may as well have patted your head and told you "Now you don't worry about such things, go play on your swings". Screw that! I believe in completely transparent, intimate relationships being established before a couple even begins considering something as sacred and important as marriage. It is very important that you know about his previous engagement, the circumstances surrounding it, and the break up. It could affect his ability to trust you in the future, even though you weren't the one that cheated on him. Does he or his family know why she cheated on him? Was she just a skank or did he abuse her emotionally or physically? His quick dismissal of your concerns is alarming, especially when your concerns are so valid. Think twice about marrying this man! If this is a sign of things to come, you're in for a roller coaster ride through hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Damn, time for me to change my avatar Link to post Share on other sites
ddw5195 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 every one has a past..... I am sure you have had some things you have not shared with him. is he the only guy you truly were in love with? because most of the time we have had a few before we call the old ball and chain out. I am sure there was someone in your past that you loved and would have married had things not worked out. you truly need to put it in the past and let it go. I will tell you this. make sure your not a rebound. are you the next girl that he dated after the previous relationsip. the one were marrage would have happened and make sure he truly loves you cause it is a nightmare for the rebound person. I am speaking from experience of 18 yrs of hell. I take that back 17 cause the first year was good cause I was to stupided to see he was trying to make the ex jelious., I was very young and stupid. and now at 32 and a 5yr old I am lost in love with someone who truly does not love me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts