I am in desperate need of help!

[Scared]

Hi, this girl and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 6 months and it was SO unbelievable. We both said that we were in love and would never do anything to hurt the other. When I came back after Christmas vacation she tells all of the sudden that we were spending way too much time together and really wanted to slow things down. So, I said fine we'll do that, even though I really didn't want do, but was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together. Then the very NEXT day she says that she doesn't want to break up. It wasn't 2/3 days later she said she did want to break up. I hope everyone can comprehend with how horrible I felt after being broken up with by someone whom I loved and thought loved me. All the sudden she wants to be "free" and spend alot more time with her friends and not have a boyffriend. Well, to make this long story shoter we decided to be friends and date some too. Well Monday I asked her about "us" and she said she did want to be my girlfriend, and I swear not 5 minutes later she said she just wanted to date. She is throwing my heart and emotions in a tail spin contantly. It's drving me INSANE! I want to be her boyfriend so bad I can't hardly stand it. But she said she likes me ALOT she just likes the freedom of not having one. How do I deal with this ? What do I say to her ? Is there anything that I can do to make her want me back ? I know that I shouldn't let her know that I am still here if she wants me, that makes me sound weak, but its the truth. She says she doesn't want to talk about being bf /gf at all anymore. So I told her I wouldn't say anything else about it, and the next time it comes up it'll be her to do it. Please help me, PLEASE tell me something!!!

[Tony T]

She's very confused. Give her some time. When you start seeing other girls, I promise you she will be at your door in seconds. Right now, she has all the power and control in the situation. Be a man and turn it around.

 

She's also jerking you around big time. Take charge of your life and don't let her play with your feelings like this. Start seeing other girls...and see what happens. Just be very cool about it.

[Laurynn]

My heart goes out to you. Things are good, then she wants to slow things down, then she doesn't, then she wants to break up, then she wants to get back together, THEN she wants to date casually with you (am I understanding this correctly?) and still have her freedom. She's calling all the shots here and your heart is getting a run around, in the process.

 

I'm not sure what age you both are, perhaps she's young (as are you?) and though she cares a lot about you, she feels like she's missing out on some things by being in a 'serious relationship' (time with her friends, freedom to come and goes as she pleases). If that's the case, that's her right to feel this way......but she can't keep changing her mind and hurting you (though I doubt she's hurting you intentionally).

 

If I were you, and I'm a fine one to talk, and I know it's not going to be easy at all...just back right off. Just nicely tell her that you feel like a pingpong ball and you don't think that's fair...that maybe she should just take some time for herself and you both take a total break from each other.....then break off all contact, if only for a week or two. Sometimes people have to "miss" us in order to realize what a good thing they had, ya know?

 

You're not weak to feel hurt and torn, the way you are......but it's a really good idea to NOT let her know how hurt you feel, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

 

What ages are you both?

 

L

[Anthony]

Well you might be getting played.. or more likely she is just confused etc. due to the function hormones play in

 

youth and how they affect judgement the same propably applies to you.

 

So i would say be patient it might just be seasonal or the

 

if you were apart for the vacation she might not feel the same way tovards you as she did before... the hormomnes thing again... just spend time with her and see how it goes maybe shell come back.. but who knows.

 

I have my own bad experiences with that...

 

For those whom want to comment on my writing style now..

 

well im trying to hold back on the sarcasm since noone here seems to be able understand it...

Hi, this girl and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 6 months and it was SO unbelievable. We both said that we were in love and would never do anything to hurt the other. When I came back after Christmas vacation she tells all of the sudden that we were spending way too much time together and really wanted to slow things down. So, I said fine we'll do that, even though I really didn't want do, but was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together. Then the very NEXT day she says that she doesn't want to break up. It wasn't 2/3 days later she said she did want to break up. I hope everyone can comprehend with how horrible I felt after being broken up with by someone whom I loved and thought loved me. All the sudden she wants to be "free" and spend alot more time with her friends and not have a boyffriend. Well, to make this long story shoter we decided to be friends and date some too. Well Monday I asked her about "us" and she said she did want to be my girlfriend, and I swear not 5 minutes later she said she just wanted to date. She is throwing my heart and emotions in a tail spin contantly. It's drving me INSANE! I want to be her boyfriend so bad I can't hardly stand it. But she said she likes me ALOT she just likes the freedom of not having one. How do I deal with this ? What do I say to her ? Is there anything that I can do to make her want me back ? I know that I shouldn't let her know that I am still here if she wants me, that makes me sound weak, but its the truth. She says she doesn't want to talk about being bf /gf at all anymore. So I told her I wouldn't say anything else about it, and the next time it comes up it'll be her to do it. Please help me, PLEASE tell me something!!!

[Scared]

Thank you guys so much for the advice. Yes we are both young, I am 17 and she is 18. It does hurt me verty badly to be away from her, but what hurts the most is that I can't tell if it effects her at all. I wish it did, but I dont' know. Anyways its been about 3 days since we have done anything (going out to eat etc...) together and its really taking a toll on me...but I dont' know about her. She told me to stop asking her about the boyfriend girlfriend thing because it made her want to be away from me more, so I have for the past few days. I just pray every night that she comes back and wants me the next day. I hurt so bad. I wo0uld go with another girl but when I told her that she was like fine do it...it won't bother me, and for some odd reason I believed her so I didn't do it. Maybe thats what she wanted though. I think she has serious issues right now, and I would love to be one of them but I'm not...someone please tell me they can relate to the PAIN and Cunfusion that I feel. I miss her baddly. Please pray for me, and tell me anything to make me feel alittle better. Thanks!

[boomerang]

Someone please tell me they can relate to the PAIN and Cunfusion that I feel. I miss her baddly. Please pray for me, and tell me anything to make me feel alittle better. Thanks!

Scared,

 

I think you're doing the right thing. It will definitely hurt before it gets better again. But it will get better again. Whether it will be with her or another woman in your life, time will show. When I was young and a bf would do that to me my brother would say to me: "go out and meet people. When you meet the right person you'll know what it can REALLY be like having someone return your love". So do go out and meet people, not to get back to her but because you owe it to treat yourself right.

 

You seem to be acting very mature and respectful for your age and I do admire that. Don't take it personally. This is her problem and she sees it that way, too, so she wants to deal with it by herself. Whatever happens btwn you two just forgive her and go on with your life, treat it as a learning experience.

 

Good luck!

[forgotten...again]

I know how you feel! I have been through the ringer with a guy I've been seeing. First, he wants to be with me, then he says he doesn't want a relationship. He says we argue too much (usually about something he's done), then he says we have a great time together. He tells me I am gorgeous, smart, loves sex with me, yet wants to keep it "casual" and says we should date other people! So I've decided I've had enough--this guy even got married (very briefly) three months after we broke up, then came back to me! We saw each other for about three months, and it was good, then he started cooling it off again. I was out of town on New Year's and he called--we talked 4 hours!!! But, guess what? I haven't heard anything since--except that he's moved to another town. And this guy is in his 30's! Your girlfriend sounds like she's enjoying jerking you around. Try to find someone else to get interested in. Yes, it will probably make her jealous and she'll come back, but once you ditch your new girlfriend for her again, she'll be up to her old tricks. You deserve someone mature and committed-like you.

Hi, this girl and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 6 months and it was SO unbelievable. We both said that we were in love and would never do anything to hurt the other. When I came back after Christmas vacation she tells all of the sudden that we were spending way too much time together and really wanted to slow things down. So, I said fine we'll do that, even though I really didn't want do, but was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together. Then the very NEXT day she says that she doesn't want to break up. It wasn't 2/3 days later she said she did want to break up. I hope everyone can comprehend with how horrible I felt after being broken up with by someone whom I loved and thought loved me. All the sudden she wants to be "free" and spend alot more time with her friends and not have a boyffriend. Well, to make this long story shoter we decided to be friends and date some too. Well Monday I asked her about "us" and she said she did want to be my girlfriend, and I swear not 5 minutes later she said she just wanted to date. She is throwing my heart and emotions in a tail spin contantly. It's drving me INSANE! I want to be her boyfriend so bad I can't hardly stand it. But she said she likes me ALOT she just likes the freedom of not having one. How do I deal with this ? What do I say to her ? Is there anything that I can do to make her want me back ? I know that I shouldn't let her know that I am still here if she wants me, that makes me sound weak, but its the truth. She says she doesn't want to talk about being bf /gf at all anymore. So I told her I wouldn't say anything else about it, and the next time it comes up it'll be her to do it. Please help me, PLEASE tell me something!!!

[queenie]

I can certainly relate, and i am twice your age. read my post, i am getting jerked around the same way. i just dont understand people who give up everything because they are "confused", or have issues. i was told every single day by this guy how wonderful i was and treated him and how he was lucky etc., and now he doesn't want a "relationship" and i keep thinking he is going to push me so far away and later settle for someone else when i was the best thing in his life. i want mine back too and i am giving him this space and time and dont even know what to think day to day. hang in there, i know you can cope with it//

Hi, this girl and I have been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 6 months and it was SO unbelievable. We both said that we were in love and would never do anything to hurt the other. When I came back after Christmas vacation she tells all of the sudden that we were spending way too much time together and really wanted to slow things down. So, I said fine we'll do that, even though I really didn't want do, but was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together. Then the very NEXT day she says that she doesn't want to break up. It wasn't 2/3 days later she said she did want to break up. I hope everyone can comprehend with how horrible I felt after being broken up with by someone whom I loved and thought loved me. All the sudden she wants to be "free" and spend alot more time with her friends and not have a boyffriend. Well, to make this long story shoter we decided to be friends and date some too. Well Monday I asked her about "us" and she said she did want to be my girlfriend, and I swear not 5 minutes later she said she just wanted to date. She is throwing my heart and emotions in a tail spin contantly. It's drving me INSANE! I want to be her boyfriend so bad I can't hardly stand it. But she said she likes me ALOT she just likes the freedom of not having one. How do I deal with this ? What do I say to her ? Is there anything that I can do to make her want me back ? I know that I shouldn't let her know that I am still here if she wants me, that makes me sound weak, but its the truth. She says she doesn't want to talk about being bf /gf at all anymore. So I told her I wouldn't say anything else about it, and the next time it comes up it'll be her to do it. Please help me, PLEASE tell me something!!!

[Woman]

The only thing I can say is that some people do not know what they want. Sometimes feelings change. Sometimes people change and the relationship just is not right for them anymore. I know it sucks and all when your on the receiving end but **** happens.

I can certainly relate, and i am twice your age. read my post, i am getting jerked around the same way. i just dont understand people who give up everything because they are "confused", or have issues. i was told every single day by this guy how wonderful i was and treated him and how he was lucky etc., and now he doesn't want a "relationship" and i keep thinking he is going to push me so far away and later settle for someone else when i was the best thing in his life. i want mine back too and i am giving him this space and time and dont even know what to think day to day. hang in there, i know you can cope with it//