Hurt like helll

[avoj]

Ok. I have read a lot on here about how we seem to fall in love with our best friends and they usually do not return the same feelings.

Let me tell you what happened to me. I will try to summarize it. BTW we are both female(lesbians) and in our 30's.

 

1. Met a girl back in September, at the time I didn't think anything of her, I was not attracted to her at the time. (she also had a girlfriend at this time)

2. I noticed she is a very flirty person. By November I was starting to get a crush on her.

3. Her g/f moves to another state (900 miles away) end of November.

4. Now my sorta crush out of the blue starts calling me all of the time. Phone calls that last 3 - 4 hours every single night.

5. We both are very emotional with eachother. Like telling each other emotional stuff, secrets, she tells me things she has never told her g/f.

We discuss her relationship with long distance girl. My sorta crush is not sure she wants to be in a relationship anymore. This relationship was a rebound from a previous 3 year relationship that was abusive (emotionally/physically). My sorta crush was in all kinds of debt b/c of the abusive 3-year-old relationship.

6. Ok so I was there for her. Listened to her, supported her, we were intimate with eachother (cuddling, hold hands)

7. As time goes by I realize I really like this girl. She is everything I would want in a partner & could honestly spend the rest of my life with her.

8. I start seeing some girl in February. I take her to one of our practices. I notice sorta crush doesnt speak to me & acts like shes pissed.

9. I start spending lots of time with my February girl. Sorta crush girl calls me on phone while I am with Feb girl. Gets weird on the phone.

10. March rolls around. My sorta crush girls calls me on the phone as soon as I walk in door after work to tell me she is going to break it off with her long distance girl and asks if my february girl would be OK with me dating others.

11. That same night we go out. My sorta crush(best friend) and I sleep together for the first time.

This is her reply "I'm thinking that I would like to have an even closer friendship than what we have. That will give us both time to heal. Then if we still feel the same when we are done working on ourselves we can talk about what comes next. I think it is possible and I have even talked about it with ..... But right now relationships scare me""I do think I will want to date, but I know whenever that happens it will not be serious. I don't want that kind of fling with you. Inside I'm thinking if we would start something now it would be bad because we both are not ready. But I can't really say that about you because only you can answer that one""So I do not know what is next. I don't know if we could be physical with each other and be with other people. That may be weird. I may get jealous, maybe I would be okay with it. I have thought about it and don't know how to answer that one. Maybe until we figure that one out we should really try to be emotionally intimate and really cuddle. Heh, heh... that may be hard.""You shouldn't feel sorry for telling me this. I was wondering what was next too""

 

12. One night in APril we were out at a dinner, made out and she asked me to come home and cuddle with her, ended up having sex again.

 

13. We just seem to be getting closer and closer. My feelings for her have gone out of control. I want to be with her so bad. She still calls me all of the time, cuddle, hang out with her every single day, all weekends, ect. Slept together again in June. Also in June I can remember her saying to me "thanks for not pressuring me like my ex g/f does." and "what i like about you is your responsible, own a house, can keep a job, ect."

How would you all read into that?

 

14. Since she was having these financial problems I invited her to move in with me to help her out. I brought up my feelings again. Now I am in the worst pain ever. I love this woman and she broke my heart.

 

15. She tells me Not to wait for her and for me to date. (Which really meant "I will never date you." b/c I asked her) She told me I read into everything she says. That yes she did have feelings for me, but realized it was all emotional. She basically told me the sex meant nothing. her words "i thought we were just having fun." or "I had been drinking and when I get drink I get horny." "I want to feel passion for who I am with." "I need attraction."

She said she wants an open relationship, but isn't ready for a relationship with anyone and not to worry she isnt ready to start dating yet.

So right now I think she is a bitch. She hurt me so bad, confused the hell outta me.

Our friendship is no longer intimate. She lives with me. I live everyday looking at this woman, wishing, wanting to hold her, to kiss her. but that will never happen.

apparently she doesnt think i am good enough. yes i was good enough to ***.

she talks about someone she has a crush on and i asked her not to talk to me about it b/c it hurts. she came back with "well you made out with someone in front of me and you are the one dating right now, but it doesnt bother me."

 

Well boys and girls I am extremely hurt. My self-esteem is at a all time new low. I love her and I hate her at the sametime. I don't understand her thinking. I don't understand how someone can go from those kind of extremes. One minute she has feelings & is jealous, next she just wants to be friends. She did tell me that when I told her I was madly in love with her, she freaked out and ran.

I already told her I couldn't promise a friendship with her. She got upset.

Even though we live together,, she emails me constantly at work. She freaks when I don't reply soon enough or if I give her one line replies. If I dont email her she emails me to say hey.

 

It really sucks when the person you connect with, are so compataibale with in every possible way can't return the feelings. I always thought maybe she was scared. I am everything that she has talked about wanting, (characteristics) but just not me.

[TJettman]

Sucks don't it. They tell you what they want. They basically describe you back to you. But they just want it in a different package.

[ro_amor25]

Sucks don't it. They tell you what they want. They basically describe you back to you. But they just want it in a different package.

 

couldnt have said it better myself!!!

[Outcast]

They tell you what they want. They basically describe you back to you. But they just want it in a different package.

 

Oh yeah. I know that feeling.

[TJettman]

Couldn't have lived it worse myself.

[dennen]

You've got to get her out of your house ASAP! There are people like that out here and it scares me too. Some people are just wired that way. (See my post a few down from yours). They have to meet you halfway or it's not worth having and it just won't work in the end. Best of luck.

[avoj]

I just need to vent this here. Apparently I must be a very overly-emotional person. I feel a lot of anger & resentment towards my so-called best friend. What kind of friend says to you about our sexual history, "I thought we were just having fun?" or "I thought the first time we had sex was the best." let's see what else. "You just want something you can never have." or "Your read into everything I said and want to believe what you want to believe."

The best. "I did have feelings for you, but realized it was all emotional and nothing else." "I treat all my friends the same."

What I wanted to say was so you sleep with all of your friends.

I get sick of hearing her talk about who she thinks is hot and wants to mess around with. I asked her to stop b/c I don't want to hear about it. She said "well you make out in front of me and have been dating, but it doesnt bother me."

Or how she wants this or that in a partner. (Sucks b/c I am all of that)

I dont know what to do. Sometimes I catch her looking at me. We are playful sometimes. Like throwing straw wrappers at each other and laughing while in a restuarant. In my heart I want to believe she does really have feelings for me but is scared. My head & the hurt/resentment I feel says NO she used you for sex and doesnt give a rats ass.

 

So I guess I misinterperted this email after the first time we had sex. Or that was just a nice way of her saying NO.

 

""Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I have feelings for you too. You are right though in that I need to take some time, so I don't repeat anything like my last situation.

I'm thinking that I would like to have an even closer friendship than what we have. That will give us both time to heal. Then if we still feel the same when we are done working on ourselves we can talk about what comes next. I think it is possible and I have even talked about it with ..... But right now relationships scare me""I do think I will want to date, but I know whenever that happens it will not be serious. I don't want that kind of fling with you. Inside I'm thinking if we would start something now it would be bad because we both are not ready. But I can't really say that about you because only you can answer that one""So I do not know what is next. I don't know if we could be physical with each other and be with other people. That may be weird. I may get jealous, maybe I would be okay with it. I have thought about it and don't know how to answer that one. Maybe until we figure that one out we should really try to be emotionally intimate and really cuddle. Heh, heh... that may be hard.""You shouldn't feel sorry for telling me this. I was wondering what was next too""