Dumped a second time

[Billy Bob]

Well, I kind of expected it. Short facts, wife and I have been married for 14 years, 2 kids 5 & 7. Wife was from Cambodia (Chinese), had a very troubled childhood. She did not excell in school, I married her anyway, wanting to take care of her... 13 years later we buy a beautiful expensive home - everyone's happy - wife doesn't work - has all day to do whatever she and the kids want.

 

The kids were finally at a age where I started watching them more and letting her have more time to pursue working out at the gym. She met some girlfriends (single/divorced) at the gym and asked if she could go out dancing with them.. she really enjoyed going out with them - so I watched the kids..

 

Flash forward 6 months - wife makes it routine to go out with her girlfriends every Saturday night (I go see movies with my male buddies usually on Friday nights), she's been hitting the gym pretty hard and looks really good (which I continually tell her).. I see things getting a little out of control and ask her to stop the nightclubbing and explain that 4 hours/day at the gym is too much.. She shocks me by saying I am being controlling and she can do what she wants. I get the "not in-love" speech. This spirals out of control for about a month then she wants a divorce. I drew up some paperwork, her family got involved, we went to marriage counseling...

 

For the next 8 months we fought about committment issues, she still wanted to go out and started training to become a bodybuilder at the gym. Has so many "friends" she is like a teenager. She likes to pretend she is single, doesn't wear her wedding ring, etc.. She routinely neglects the kids and calls me too snoopy, feeling like she is living under communism (I was just trying to find out what happened to my wife?). Syhe is completely focused on her body image and has all these fantasies of being single and having her own place.

 

After about the fourth threat of "seperation" a few weeks ago I said fine to her plan of getting her own place and getting divorced. She claimed she still loved me, blah blah blah. That this was something she needed to do to see if she could make it on her own.

 

I drew up papers and had her served yesterday, of course she is going to have her lawyer friends look at the papers. As far as I know she wants me to have the kids... She has told me she just doesn't like being a housewife. We have been having sex up until I had her served..

 

So, the wife looks really hot now, it has to be an affair right? Or she is planning on going after some guy, as soon as me and the kids are out of the way?.. Right now I really don't want her back, but I am curious how long before she comes crawling back..

 

I have a master's degree in engineering and make a pretty good living and have always spoiled her. She doesn't know how the real world works, she doesn't even know how to really use a computer. She has no education and is looking for a job as a nursing assistant. I think some players from the gym or nightclubs have fed her lines that she's all that.

 

So that would explain the emotional distancing over the last 1-1/2 years, either she has been thinking of trading up to a richer guy or she's been cleverly seeing some guy and covering her tracks? Can people just fall in-love with the single lifestyle?

 

Thing is she was such a sweetheart before she got wrapped up with all these gym people (who are mostly 10 years younger than her).

 

I wonder if reality will ever set in and how long will it take to do so. I imagine it might start occurring when she moves into a little crappy apartment away from me and the kids.. or whatever guy she is pining for just uses her and throws her away?

[Billy Bob]

What I do know is that I have to get a divorce.. If somehow she convinced me to take her back in the future I sure as hell won't marry her again

 

But after all the crap I've gone through the last couple years its probably for the best that she move on to her greener pastuers.

[dgiirl]

cta, I'm really sorry to hear what's been going on You have every right to be angry, just dont _do_ anything when you are angry. Take a few days out before making any major decisions.

[Billy Bob]

I've put 100% into this releationship for too long, I actually felt kind of relieved having her served with divorce papers. As hard as it is to believe that the gal I married and had children with has changed into something else, I know whats best for me.

 

It took me nearly a year to really beat it into my head. I plan on being happy.

[Guest]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. People do change, however.

 

I am personally going through a pretty big upheaval in my relationship, mainly due to the fact that my guy no longer seems to care about my feelings, respect me or my family.

 

It is a painful loss to comprehend, this person you thought you were destined to share life with becomes a stranger.

 

Your wife may be hitting a 'mid life' crisis perhaps? She decided to pursue youth and beauty with vigor and in doing so, may have lost sight of what is truly permanent in life.

 

I think she needs to experience life on her own and I guarantee, a woman who has been taken care of and spoiled to the degree she has is in for a rude awakening.

 

Good luck. I hope you find happiness again down the road

[Ladyjane14]

I wonder if reality will ever set in and how long will it take to do so. I imagine it might start occurring when she moves into a little crappy apartment away from me and the kids.. or whatever guy she is pining for just uses her and throws her away?

 

If that doesn't get her attention... I imagine paying child support will.

[Lor]

Hey CTA, so sorry to hear this for you. Hopefully your kids will adjust and you find happiness.

 

You tried, that's all a person can ask for.

[dgiirl]

I plan on being happy.

 

And so you shall be! Believe me, this has been my determintation and strength throughout this whole ordeal. I was determined to make this decision _right_ for me! If you put your mind to it, no matter what happens, you will be happy.

[Billy Bob]

So now I am sitting her waiting and smiling as her copies of the divorce paperwork are sitting over on a table collecting dust... 16 more days until she defaults!

 

She thinks I am going to beg her to stay, keeps dropping hints that when she moves out she is never coming back (except to visit the kids she's abondoning occasionally). heh heh, its all some sort of control game with her, and I'm playing along like a lost puppy.

 

A couple of days ago she suggested that I keep her name on the credit card so she could buy stuff for the kids after we are divorced.. LOL

 

She's in a fantasy world.

 

Can't wait until the dorr hits her in the ass on the way out. Me and the kids will find a good stepmom who values us.

[Billy Bob]

Even though we have been sleeping in seperate rooms, she has been coming into my bed in the mornings for nookie (last three days)? I personally think she is trying to play me and keep me hooked.

 

I'm sure she is having fun with her fantasy plans of moving out, starting a business and becoming a millionaire, but she wants to keep me as a safety net.. Or maybe deep down she knows she is full of sh*t and won't be able to make it on her own and is trying to get me to make her stay?

 

Ahhh, she's phsyco.. good riddance.

[Billy Bob]

She defaulted! Filed the motion for default today at the county courthouse. Think I am going to walk away with the house and the kids.

 

Also met a nice gal that has a great income.. and is sweet as heck, especially on me. I'm seeing so many positives for the future out there. Of course I am going to keep her a secret from the wife until the divorce is final.

 

But after all the crap I have gone through, I am finally seeing how much better life can be.

 

67 more days until freedom

[Gunny376]

Man, let this "****" go!

 

Your honor is intact! Your integrity is in tact! You've done right, you've more than done right! You've done right by your children! You've more than done right by your wife. I don't know who the SOB was that wrote that Mama is suppose to play, and Daddy's suppose to pay, but I'd like to be at his hanging!

[LakesideDream]

A question you didn't address, assuming you are in the USA, did your soon to be ex wife become a naturalized citizen? If not, does she realise that she could find herself on a plane, against her will winging toward Cambodia (lovely country.. Not!, been there done that).

 

She sounds extremely immature. Sadly, so do you. Both of you sound like you are consumed by appearances and material things. I hope the children aren't to horribly affected by all this.

[Sup]

She defaulted! Filed the motion for default today at the county courthouse. Think I am going to walk away with the house and the kids.

 

Also met a nice gal that has a great income.. and is sweet as heck, especially on me. I'm seeing so many positives for the future out there. Of course I am going to keep her a secret from the wife until the divorce is final.

 

But after all the crap I have gone through, I am finally seeing how much better life can be.

 

67 more days until freedom

 

Just make sure MAN that you got ALL your ducks in a row about this. Have you talked to your lawyer about all this, about ANY possible surprises she could throw at you? Go for FULL custody, and the house. Just becareful, don't get cocky, she'll run you over if you don't look out.

[Billy Bob]

She sounds extremely immature. Sadly, so do you. Both of you sound like you are consumed by appearances and material things. I hope the children aren't to horribly affected by all this.

 

Well, she has had a personality transformation for sure. I myself could care less for appearances and material things. Sure I bought a nice house for my family to live in and really enjoyed my wife caring about her appearance.. However I was diagnosed with cancer right in the middle of all this divorce commotion (back in March). Believe me all that is important to me is the welfare of my children and having a loving relationship.

[Billy Bob]

Just make sure MAN that you got ALL your ducks in a row about this. Have you talked to your lawyer about all this, about ANY possible surprises she could throw at you? Go for FULL custody, and the house. Just becareful, don't get cocky, she'll run you over if you don't look out.

 

Doing the best I can, have had some discussions with a lawyer. 54 days and counting until I can have the divorce finalized. So far it looks like I am getting the house (I will owe her 1/2 equity) and the kids (she wants them to live with me).

 

Wife is still showing some signs of being wishy washy... For some reason she all the sudden started cleaning up around the house and doing my ironing? She even stated the other day that she was still "in-love" with me.. heh heh not falling for it. What is happening is she is getting scared about being on her own.

 

For you other troubled souls out there, I've been through it, the "not in-love" speech, the maritial couseling, the disbelief, etc.. I think once a gal (or guy?) goes into the "Flakey broad" mode (as Gunny calls it), you can try to hang on and try to fix it, but if both of you are not 100% committed to fixing the relationship your just prolonging your misery.

[Billy Bob]

So yeah, I don't have a lot of love for the girl I married at 23, suffered through the death of our first child together, raising our other two children together. I went to work every day and held a good job so she could have the opportunity to raise our kids without daycare, etc..

 

Now I am battling cancer at 36 years old, being abandoned with a 5 and 7 year old to raise. I'm pretty bitter towards my stbxw who is only interested in weight training and clubbing with her single friends. I really felt family was more important than that. It boggles my mind.

[Sup]

Doing the best I can, have had some discussions with a lawyer. 54 days and counting until I can have the divorce finalized. So far it looks like I am getting the house (I will owe her 1/2 equity) and the kids (she wants them to live with me).

 

Wife is still showing some signs of being wishy washy... For some reason she all the sudden started cleaning up around the house and doing my ironing? She even stated the other day that she was still "in-love" with me.. heh heh not falling for it. What is happening is she is getting scared about being on her own.

 

For you other troubled souls out there, I've been through it, the "not in-love" speech, the maritial couseling, the disbelief, etc.. I think once a gal (or guy?) goes into the "Flakey broad" mode (as Gunny calls it), you can try to hang on and try to fix it, but if both of you are not 100% committed to fixing the relationship your just prolonging your misery.

 

Yeah, she's sucking up right now, It's good that you're not buying it. DON'T let her suck ya in MAN! Take this (Divorce) all the way into the ground if you have to.

[Gunny376]

If you've noticed we've not heard from Wolf in a while. His DW came back begging, pleading and conceding once he kicked it up a notch, and served her with LS papers.

 

Looks like your going to have to carry this all the way through, and let her get he azz get stomped by Mr. "Reality" before she wakes up and smell the coffee ~ if she ever does.

 

My former BIL went through this with my X-Hex's sister. They ended up getting back together ~ and he's been hating life every since.

 

But being for real about it CTA, you don't need this in your life. Regardless of how you started out, this is where you ended up. And, you've got a right to be PO about it. You've taken this women in, put a roof over her head, clothes on her back, jewelry around her neck, food in her mouth, givien her a above standard of living, cars to drive. And, this is how she repays you? Forget her. You deserve better. And there is better.

 

Anything that she's got to offer you can find just as good, if not better, and more of than she's bringing to the table. Of course she wants you to take the children, it might crimp her new lifestyle and slow her down. She's being totally selfish, and self-centered. I know I was married to one cut from the same cloth.

[Billy Bob]

Divorce is done as of Nov 22nd! Took exactly 92 days after I filed! Today she signed a quit claim deed and I set up a lien against the house for her equity. I got physical custody of the children.. Everything worked out pretty well for me. I had to pretend to be pining for her for 3 months! All the while I wanted to kick her out on her a$#! Mr. Nice guy departed today!

 

I'm pretty much over the ex-wife now, I asked for the house keys back today after we signed the final paperwork on the house, she reluctantly gave them up (threw them at the table)... she figured she'd be able to keep spending the night here (occassionally) to be with the kids???? I reminded her that we are divorced now. She has been getting quite angry with me lately... her fantasy world isn't working out so well, boyfriend dumped her, etc..

 

She's pretty much abandoned me and the kids.. we see her every 2-3 days for a few hours. But the kids are getting along pretty well in before and after school daycare.

 

But, life goes on... I've met a nice gal who is the polar opposite of my ex-wife.. life is looking bright, cancer under control. Things are looking up.

[Rooster_DAR]

She's in a fantasy world.

 

From my experience and research, this is almost always the case. When women have affairs (I'm convinced she is) they seem to lose touch with reality and themselves, except of course for their sexuality. You are incredibly held together condidering the circumstances, some men don't get off that easy. She will come to a crash at some point, and the real wreck in the end is going to be her.

 

Good luck!

[Rooster_DAR]

But, life goes on... I've met a nice gal who is the polar opposite of my ex-wife.. life is looking bright, cancer under control. Things are looking up.

 

I would watch out with jumping right into another relationship, that could be a problem. Usually it's a good idea to take some time off from the whole shebang to figure things out.

[Sup]

Divorce is done as of Nov 22nd! Took exactly 92 days after I filed! Today she signed a quit claim deed and I set up a lien against the house for her equity. I got physical custody of the children.. Everything worked out pretty well for me. I had to pretend to be pining for her for 3 months! All the while I wanted to kick her out on her a$#! Mr. Nice guy departed today!

 

I'm pretty much over the ex-wife now, I asked for the house keys back today after we signed the final paperwork on the house, she reluctantly gave them up (threw them at the table)... she figured she'd be able to keep spending the night here (occassionally) to be with the kids???? I reminded her that we are divorced now. She has been getting quite angry with me lately... her fantasy world isn't working out so well, boyfriend dumped her, etc..

 

She's pretty much abandoned me and the kids.. we see her every 2-3 days for a few hours. But the kids are getting along pretty well in before and after school daycare.

 

But, life goes on... I've met a nice gal who is the polar opposite of my ex-wife.. life is looking bright, cancer under control. Things are looking up.

 

 

Make sure that you change ALL the locks to your house! She may have made a spare key!

[Billy Bob]

Thanks guys.. Yeah her life is falling apart now... It is really sad. She does call the kids a couple of times a day, but I thinkits more to check up on me. She found out last weekend that I was dating someone and I think that ripped the rug out from under her feet.

 

She was staying with some friends (an older couple in their 70's), but somehow that fell through, so I'm not sure where she is living now, she told the kids that she sleeps in her car sometimes in a sleeping bag...she may even be staying at a women's shelter..

 

I have no idea why she puts herself through this drama, she has a job now and about 10K cash on hand in her bank account, not to mention other assets.. but she continues to play the homeless drifter who lost her family (she gave us up!).

 

Its just weird.. like an episode of the Twighlight Zone. A few years ago I would have said she had a pretty good head on her shoulders, but maybe those were just my dillusions. Now all she wants to do is to dress sexy, dance and party with kids 10 years younger than herself, showing little or no interest in her kids?? She turned into a teenager, she lost a husband who loved her, lost custody of her kids and lost her home all for what??? Nothing that I can see..

[Rooster_DAR]

Its just weird.. like an episode of the Twighlight Zone. A few years ago I would have said she had a pretty good head on her shoulders, but maybe those were just my dillusions. Now all she wants to do is to dress sexy, dance and party with kids 10 years younger than herself, showing little or no interest in her kids??

 

This sounds like she is having a crisis. It's the same thing my EX is doing, but she is living in our house still. She practically abandoned her family, neglects the dogs, and in debt over her head. I honestly never thought she would do this either, but I guess something snaps in these women and they go on this delusional rampage. I also must have been dilusional not to see it coming, but when they engage in an affair I guess it's to be expected.

 

Sad