horn4thor Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 You say you got married at 23, how old was she? She had a rough childhood, sounds like she may not have had a childhood. I don't know, but this situation sounds similar to what my ex is doing (though a lot sooner than yours did, sorry 'bout that), I'm a lot older than she. She's 20 and is out doing what a 20 year old needs to do, grow up! Sounds like your ex missed that step, perhaps by being in a serious relationship so early. Funny, my ex told me if we didn't break up now and ended up getting married and having kids to soon, she'd be cheating on me at some point and abandoning us. Upon hearing that, I had to let her go. We're still friends though. Heh, your post is a reminder to me as to why I need to keep letting go. It's tough, but you seem to be holding on to sanity, just take it easy on relationships right now, it helps to kill the pain, but its not fair to the new girl. I plan on taking several months off this time, I didn't after the last one and ended up falling hard in love with someone who wasn't ready. Link to post Share on other sites
WTF Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 people who have never made a living have no idea what it's like. She'll learn. Let see how much parting she does after a 10 hour shift at a hospital. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 You say you got married at 23, how old was she? She had a rough childhood, sounds like she may not have had a childhood. Exactly, she didn't have a childhood and was pretty sheltered when I married her (I was her first real boyfriend).. I wasn't really a Duan Juan at the time either.. I had a few girlfriends and one nighters when I was in my mid-late teens. I hooke dup with my now ex when I was 21 and she was 20, married 2 years later.. so I was with her 15 years, about 13 of which were happy. She told me that for the first decade of our marriage she "only thought" she was happy, I guess the gym and fast life showed her true happiness (without responsibility). Her world is completely collapsing now and I wouldn't take her back for the life of me. I have discovered what Gunny and Woogle have been piping ever since I joined this site. "There are plenty of other fish in the sea" It takes time, but the emotional attachment can be pretty much severed (although it took me over a year). Its not worth putting up with crap from someone who "loves you - but not in love with you anymore"..... Thats crap and these broads (or guys in some ladies cases) need to be kicked to the curb. I have met a few extremely nice, emotional, loving gals... almost have to fend them off. Too many flakey guys out there as well, good family marriage oriented guys are not a dime a dozen (but flakey broads are). I'm glad I'm finally at the point where I can move on, luckily I was able to keep my home and the kids as well. I really do feel sorry for my ex wife and I hope she finds some sort of hapiness with the choices she has made. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I have met a few extremely nice, emotional, loving gals... almost have to fend them off. Too many flakey guys out there as well, good family marriage oriented guys are not a dime a dozen (but flakey broads are). You got that right brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 She told me that for the first decade of our marriage she "only thought" she was happy I explain by tellling the story about the Begger of Bagdad In ancient Bagdad there was a begger, who was always smiling, always laughing and always happy, until a man came along one day and told him, "What is wrong with you? Why are you smiling? Why are you laughing? Your homeless, you beg for your every meal! You should miserable." Afterwards he was for a while ~ but true to his nature he soon returned to lhis natural lhappy go lucky self." The point? People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Pipping? Pipping? PIPPING? Practically preaching as though it came down off the temple mount. There's no shortage of good women, but there is most definately a shortage of good men for women. Factor out The flakey ones The crazy ones The violent ones The drunk ones The "Slackers" The "Under-acheivers" The "un-motivated ones" The married ones The ones that already have a LTR GF The Players The ones that are drugs The ones that that are or have been in prison The ones that can't or won't committ The ones that are only in it for the sex The users The abusers The child molestors The sexual deviats The Gay ones The bi-sexuals The ones that can't committ The ones working mimimum wage or above minimum wage jobs The ones that go azz raped in divorce court The ones that have been married multiple times The ones that are dead The older a man gets the more women there are. Women only hold the home court advantage in high school and college. and in some cities and areas where there are a higher concentration of men than women (Alaska for example) Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 wow , gunny that is so true LOL.... anyway to the original poster , i wish I read your thread earlier , but It is good to see that you had the strength and preserverance( spelling?) to kick that lady to the curb. wow , she didnt have any idea of what a good man she had . oh well , too bad for her I guess. Your kids have a good role model in your strength . take care Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 wow , gunny that is so true LOL.... anyway to the original poster , i wish I read your thread earlier , but It is good to see that you had the strength and preserverance( spelling?) to kick that lady to the curb. wow , she didnt have any idea of what a good man she had . oh well , too bad for her I guess. Your kids have a good role model in your strength . take care None of that applies to you Anna, with your heart, your spirit, your soul, your attitude, your perspective, your preserverance, your "stand by your man" attitude, your views on commitment, values, morals, and honor,...................you'll attract more good men than bees to nectar. I wish I was there where you're at, Me:cool: , Vinnie:mad: , and the Boys:mad: along with Mr. Hickory Axhandle :mad: would "roll" around and pay the DH a visit! :mad: and he would be like Link to post Share on other sites
anna13 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Your really sweet Gunny , Thank You Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 DAMN...she dumped me again? i tore up those d papers long ago! guess it single life for now Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Thanks guys.. Yeah her life is falling apart now... It is really sad. She does call the kids a couple of times a day, but I thinkits more to check up on me. She found out last weekend that I was dating someone and I think that ripped the rug out from under her feet. She was staying with some friends (an older couple in their 70's), but somehow that fell through, so I'm not sure where she is living now, she told the kids that she sleeps in her car sometimes in a sleeping bag...she may even be staying at a women's shelter.. I have no idea why she puts herself through this drama, she has a job now and about 10K cash on hand in her bank account, not to mention other assets.. but she continues to play the homeless drifter who lost her family (she gave us up!). Its just weird.. like an episode of the Twighlight Zone. A few years ago I would have said she had a pretty good head on her shoulders, but maybe those were just my dillusions. Now all she wants to do is to dress sexy, dance and party with kids 10 years younger than herself, showing little or no interest in her kids?? She turned into a teenager, she lost a husband who loved her, lost custody of her kids and lost her home all for what??? Nothing that I can see.. OUCH!! I guess that's the Mr. Reality that Gunny was talking about, comes in and rips ya up BIG TIME! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Yep!!! Mr. "R" he don't play! She might as well stick a fork in her azz? Cause ~ she's DONE!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Well, not much to update on, ex-wife is living her mystery life... Kids see her for about 6 hours a week and talk to her a 3-4 times per week on the phone. Technically she can see the kids alot more than that, but for some reason chooses not too. Pretty heartbreaking for my 7 year old daughter.. keeps asking why Mommy and Daddy got a divorce.. can't really explain it to her that her mommy went "looney", have to be PC and just tell her that Mommy and Daddy just couldn't live together but both still love her very much. My daughter did tell me that my ex wife was asking her lots of questions about my new GF, but told her not to tell me. So this X-mas I plan to have the new GF stay with me and the kids for a week or two, it will be interesting to see the ex wife's reaction if she meets the GF during that timeframe. I'll keep you guys posted, as I know I always wondered what happened after the breakups. Still wondering when or if she will come crawling back (don't want her back), just curious as to whether the theory will play out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Let me set your azz straight! The ONLY thing that matters at this point is your children and YOU!!!!! YOUR PRIORITY IS KICKING SOME AZZ ON MR "C" AND ON BEING "DAD" TO THOSE BABIES! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Let me set your azz straight! The ONLY thing that matters at this point is your children and YOU!!!!! YOUR PRIORITY IS KICKING SOME AZZ ON MR "C" AND ON BEING "DAD" TO THOSE BABIES! Didn't quite follow you Gunny? Me and the kids are my number one priority and always have been. I've been dating a nice gal (and great mom!) I met right after the divorce was initiated last August and she will be staying with me for a week or so this X-mas. I am however curious to see the ex-wife's reactions to having her safety net removed. I'm not being vindictive, I hope she goes on to have a happy life and has minimal involvement in mine! I am however curious to see if all the advice/theories I have read will play out here, and reality will set in so hard that she will be begging at the door. Its only been 3 weeks since she has been out of the house (4 months since filed for divorce; 1 month since divorce was final).. I really do hope she doesn't have a major meltdown and doesn't come crawling back, since that will just make it hard on me and the kids. Who is Mr. C? - Christmas? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 You and I, are singing from the same tune! My "bad" Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Mr "C" is your cancer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Thanks Gunny - "Mr. C" has been getting his ass kicked for 9 months as of my last checkup this December! I'm pretty hopefull he won't be coming around my house anymore! Have a happy holiday! I'm going to! Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Thanks Gunny - "Mr. C" has been getting his ass kicked for 9 months as of my last checkup this December! I'm pretty hopefull he won't be coming around my house anymore! Have a happy holiday! I'm going to! Awsome to hear that... I'd also be curious to see how your ex will react?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Ex wife is still living a nomadic existance (so I believe), She did indicate that she is looking for an apartment with one of her friends... but who knows, she doesn't tell me the truth. She has taken the kids once overnight and still isn't talking with her family, we have been officially divorced since 11/21/06. She has plenty of money, has been working full time. The other day she refused to accept her monthly alimony check ($500)? Said she wouldn't taake anything more from me??? Whatever, she's looney. On the flip side, I ended up breaking the heart of the girl I had a "rebound" relationship with. Started dating her right after I filed for divorce, got way too serious, had to break it off right after the new year. Sweet gal, but I guess most of the feelings I had for her were more for her filling that empty void left from my divorce/seperation?? Now I am looking forward to dating and meeting more people. I do feel bad and suggest to others to not get into anything serious until you have emotionally healed.. lots of people claim a year needs to pass? Life is going pretty good and I never knew how many single moms especially are really looking for a family focused guy.. they are crawling out of the woodwork! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Since I last posted on this thread my ex-wife has purchased a 3 bdroom condo (bought at the top of the market!) and has rented all three rooms out (she sleeps in the common area)??? She has stepped it up in the last year or so and does take our kids (now nearly 7 & 9 years old) every other weekend. She surprised me by catching up on all her child support payments.. she doesn't make a fortune, so only pays $450/month.. which helps a little (I spent $10,000 in Summer daycare/afterschool expenses last year). She sort of burned herself out with all the partying and now lives a pretty lame existance (in my opinion).. She tried to get back together with me 2 or 3 times, but has since stopped trying since I politely laughed off her all her attempts. I did sleep with her once about 8 months after our divorce.. it was terrible, no emotions.. yuck! I don't believe she is dating anyone anymore and has gained about 20 lbs.. I on the other hand went through a second "rebound" relationship which ended about 5/07, then decided I didn't need to find my next wife so soon and just had fun dating. I've met a girl this last November that I have been with ever since, who is committed, smart, everything the ex-wife wasn't... plus she WANTS to be with me! And we are tentatively planning to have a Star Trek wedding at the MGM grand hotel in Vegas this next winter! Sometimes I would just love to yell "Thank you" to my dumb ex-wife, as without her going on tilt, I would still be married to her. I've really realized that my marriage wasn't healthy, we were not right for each other. Sure we could have plodded along in life and been somewhat content, but now I have the wisdom and the knowlege to build a real partnership with someone. And my kids.. they have adapted wonderfully. It was hard on them at first, but as long as you maintain a stable, structured environment they do pretty darn good. I'm almost 2-1/2 years cancer free, have a new fiance, have custody of my kids and still live in my old house. Life is good! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Yea after a couple of stop and go's that were pretty rough and one re-bound relationship my Life is starting to turn around in many ways, and all that "you can pay now ~ and play later, or you play now ~ and pay later" is starting to pay off in spades. I'm not in a relationship ~ by choice. Most definately not wife shopping. And I'm very select as to whom I invest my time, effort, energy and money in. Glad to hear about the remission, probally had at least something to do with getting out from all that stress. And a lot of hard work on your part! Keep on trucking cta, you rock! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Thanks Gunny, you and Woogle had some great perspectives on life and reality... it's hard to help some of these poor souls on here, I guess everyone has to learn it on their own.. sorta like going through your teen years. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 You, Woggle, DARosster, ChromeB, djmargel, we all know the drill! Along with Lakeside, and the C-Lion? Up against the wall you red-neck muther, and down on your ever-loving knees. Add in Crying Canuk, along with ilmw, and a few others. We know what to do now! But it was Hell back in the day! There's no convincing the "If I'm extra special" and say please with sugar on top crowd differently! jmargel had it right! You walk out on me! There's NO coming back! Ever! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Billy Bob Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 Have been divorced for almost 3 years from ex-wife and now re-married for almost a year now, expecting a new baby girl any week now. I am very happy with my life and have a good connection with my new wife. Ex-wife still lives fairly close in her condo with rotating roomates, works part-time and has gained a bit of weight. She seems fairly content with her new lifestyle, although I think she is sick of condo living. Has the kids over every other weekend. Funny, she said during the divorce that I had held her back and that she would have been a millionaire if it weren't for me vetoing all her business ideas.. Now she's just working part-time, just enough for healthcare and hanging out at the gym with her girlfriends. As far as I know there haven't been any other guys in her life. The strong emotional attachment I had to my ex-wife faded fairly quickly after she first threatened divorce.. When the divorce was final 10-11 months after the whole "Love you, but not in-love" BS began, I was pretty much emotionally done with her and ready to move on with life. The ex-wife did say that she was excited that my new wife is having a baby and that our kids will have a new little sister. She even offered to babysit. To all those on the board that feel they will never really get over the spouse that stomped all over their hearts and treated them like dirt.. I disagree.. just give yourself some time. I wouldn't mind never seeing my ex-wife again, except for my kids. She is now merely an annoyance I have to deal with until my youngest turns 18. When I do have to deal with her she can be fairly rude, hanging up the phone without saying a simple "bye".. things like that.. just has to be rude in order to exert some little bit of revenge nastiness/controll?? I don't understand it, kind of funny in a way.. The last three years have been some of the best in my life.. It was all an adventure.. rediscovering myself, dating, finding new hobbies.. me in control of my life! I had a cancer recurrance, but it turned out to be a much less aggressive and small recurrance and was quickly taken care of with surgery. It still makes me value my time here on Earth and cherish my kids.. all through the divorce/cancer treatments I just wanted to make sure my kids grow up in a stable environment, not the chaos the ex lives in. Life is good.. I even know now that if for some reason my new wife went whacko and left me.. I'd be just fine! (she won't though).. Just have to be happy with yourself, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade! Link to post Share on other sites
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