To give second chance, wait, or run? !

[Rose_22]

So my ex came back. We were together almost 4 years and apart about 6 months. He’s the one that broke it off because he thought we needed some space, maybe see other people, and see how we feel later on.

 

I have been going out with friends very often and met people, but really didn’t have any feelings for any guys I met. I wasn’t looking for anybody, just wanted to get out and have some fun.

He is seeing somebody (not serious), but says he is really unhappy being her. Says he has dated a couple people since our break and nobody compares to me. Went on and on about how much he realized he is in love and wants to be with me forever. Wants to work this out and have us back like old times.

 

He says he’s breaking if it off with that girl. She has some of his things he wants back. Also, she gave him a fancy cell he's using since his broke and he wants to give it back to her.

If he’s serious would he would just break it with her over the phone and exchange stuff later?

He says he feels it’s only right to break it off with somebody in person.

What do you guys think of that? How long does it usually take a person to go and break it off with somebody?

I know it can be hard. I have been the dumper a couple times and I always had a hard time getting up the nerve to end it. It hate hurting somebody like that.

Anyway, I just hope he means it and isn’t just saying he’s leaving her to get me back around right now and drag that out as an excuse.

 

He asked me to hang out tonight, but I said no. 5 minutes later he sent a text asking when we are going to hang out. I replied: not until you keep your word.

Hope that wasn’t mean or too controlling. I don’t want to force him into doing anything. It’s just that I have heard of guys saying, ‘I promise I’m going to leave her!’ but then they never do.

That’s why I want to wait to make sure.

I totally am in love with him and would die to see him, but I want to make sure he’s serious. Am I being smart about this and/or handling it in the right way?

Any suggestions?

 

Thanks ahead

[LaraV]

Rose - Hmm. Interesting. Before I comment on this, I guess I need to ask how did he make his comeback? Did you guys keep in touch while broken up? Did he come back out of the blue? How did you handle the break up and the subsequent months without him?

[norajane]

You're totally right not to have anything to do with him until (IF) he breaks it off with his girlfriend.

 

As to whether you want to give him another chance, it's hard to say. Were you happy in your relationship before he broke up with you? Like, really happy, or were you having problems? Can you trust him? It sounds a little like you might not at this point, since you're questioning his story a little about why he hasn't yet broken it off with her.

 

Personally, I have a problem with guys who say they want to be with you while they're still dating other people. It's like, if he's unhappy in his relationship, why not break it off with her and THEN tell you he wants to start seeing you again? Did he need the security of knowing you'd want to go out with him before he was willing to break up with the other girl? Maybe he wouldn't break up with her if you had said no? Just sounds like a weenie move to me.

 

Even if he breaks it off with her, you shouldn't just welcome him back with open arms. Make sure you talk about his space issues which led to your break up, and any other issues in your relationship and how/why things would be different this time, or how you would address the issues. Also, go back to 'dating', where he has to ask you out and win you over all over again. Don't just jump right back into it as deeply as you were before. You need to take it slow and re-evaluate this guy and whether you really want him in your life.

 

6 months isn't a long time. Just because you didn't meet someone during that time, doesn't mean you won't. It might be nice to go out with someone who wasn't trying to get away from you before, someone who is totally into being with you and doesn't have the hesitations your bf has/had.

[bluechocolate]

He goes on a break from your relationship & then proceeds to tell you about the girls he's dating & the current one he's seeing? And the gifts she's given him & the stuff he's left at her place? And the 'respect' he feels for her by doing the right thing & breaking up in person?

 

hmmm.... what about doing the right thing by her by not talking to exes like this behind her back? I wonder if she even knows that he is on a 'break' & is being measured up & compared to his relationship with you?

 

What about doing the right thing by you in having enough sensitivity & maturity to not parade his playing the field whilst on a break in front of your face?

 

Of course the right thing to do would have been tidy up all loose ends before coming to you with a sob story about how no one compares to you & how he wants to be with you forever.

 

Sorry, but this guy sounds like a right dufus to me.

[neiu]

hows this, run hard and don't look back. if even after moving ahead, he catches up with you then maybe see but i would say that he's got some work to do before he can have you again. let me ask you, why would you give everything to someone who broke your heart and proceeded to get other girls as he set out to do in the first place. how is this fair to you? I'm sorry but if it were me, my ex would have to be coming back crawling on her hands and knees for me to even speak to her...oops wait i'll probably never talk to her again even if that happens. Thats just me though. Don't be the back up, second best to anything, you deserve more and are more than that. Sometimes the past should be left where it is. You never know what you're missing out on. but hey its your battle to fight, you'll do what will put you at peace, just be smart about it.