Should women ever propose to men?

[Guest]

Do women ever propose to men? Does it ever work out? Or should a woman always wait for him to propose?

[Tony T]

Women propose marriage to men all the time. The ones who are shy hint like hell until the guy does it. Nothing at all wrong with a woman stating clearly her wishes.

[magichands]

Women propose marriage to men all the time. The ones who are shy hint like hell until the guy does it. Nothing at all wrong with a woman stating clearly her wishes.

Stereotypes... be gone! I love the way you string words together... Tony T, will you marry me?

 

Whoops - I got a bit carried away there. And I forgot to get down on one knee... what's wrong with me today??!!

[Outcast]

Considering you've asked me to show you my bosoms, MH, I think you better figure which gender you're after

[norajane]

I don't see why a woman shouldn't.

 

Yet, I don't know even one woman who actually has proposed.

[alphamale]

I don't see why a woman shouldn't.

then women should also pay for dates all the time and fight on the front lines during war.

[magichands]

Yet, I don't know even one woman who actually has proposed.

You've got a point - surely she would have been on the cover of Time. Hang on, maybe that should be People. I wonder who would snap up the movie rights?

[norajane]

You've got a point - surely she would have been on the cover of Time. Hang on, maybe that should be People. I wonder who would snap up the movie rights?

 

 

Although lots of women do bring up the subject of marriage and commitment, I think most believe if a man really wanted to marry her, he'd ask, and if he doesn't, asking him won't accomplish anything but a rejection.

[soberminded]

If the woman I'm dating feels that strongly about me being "the one" then she should propose. She should take that risk. Why should men be the only ones proposing and the only ones taking the risk of rejection?

 

If she's not willing to risk the rejection of her proposing then I'd say she does not see me as "the one." Once you find someone who is the one you want to marry then all these rules go out the window as to who should propose to who.

[superconductor]

...if a man really wanted to marry her, he'd ask, and if he doesn't, asking him won't accomplish anything but a rejection.

Blatant sexism.

[alphamale]

Why should men be the only ones proposing and the only ones taking the risk of rejection?

Because both men and women prefer it that way. Don't screw around with a process that has stood the test of time and been approved by both sexes.

[laRubiaBonita]

I would think(hope) the couple had kinda discussed the whole marriage thing first, despite who is the first one to pop the question.

[Guest]

Or should a woman always wait for him to propose?

 

Not always. I think a lot depends upon the man in question. An easy-going liberal fellow would probably be okay with being proposed too; a more traditional or conservative man may feel emasculated.

 

I know one couple where the woman proposed. She was only half-serious, but he accepted, so go them. He said he was reluctant to propose because he could not work out what her answer would be! Most of my female friends were impressed by her gameness, but partner and some of his mates found the idea terrible.

 

So, ultimately, I'd say play it by ear. If you're thinking of proposing to a man, you should know him well enough to work out which side of the fence he sits on!

[soberminded]

Because both men and women prefer it that way. Don't screw around with a process that has stood the test of time and been approved by both sexes.

 

 

Speak for yourself. I'm a man and I would like the woman to propose and take the risk too.

[norajane]

Blatant sexism.

 

Perhaps, but isn't it true? As alpha says, it's pretty well-established that men do the proposing. So if he's not, it's safe to assume he doesn't want to get married.

[soberminded]

Perhaps, but isn't it true? As alpha says, it's pretty well-established that men do the proposing. So if he's not, it's safe to assume he doesn't want to get married.

 

 

Not necessarily. It may be his heart's desire to get married but he's just afraid of getting rejected. He may be hesitant about taking that risk that comes with proposing. Maybe he feels she would say no.

 

You can't apply one general rule to all men on this. It's a serious blow to a man's self esteem when a woman rejects his marriage proposal. That's why I don't think men should be the only ones who have to take that risk.

[ladyinwaiting]

You can't apply one general rule to all men on this. It's a serious blow to a man's self esteem when a woman rejects his marriage proposal. That's why I don't think men should be the only ones who have to take that risk.

 

I was discussing this with a mixed group of friends the other day (precipitated by a Coupling episode, ironically enough). The general consensus was that men propose when they are sure they know what their girlfriend's answer will be. Rare is the man who jumps in blind, because the blow to the self-esteem is so severe.

 

Fwiw, I think it depends on the individuals concerned whether it would be appropriate for the woman to propose. Most men are probably going to want to do the proposing, because they see it as their role. It's also likely that the man will be the more indecisive and reluctant - he's proposal means he's ready, and that he's sure she is too (she's probably hinted like hell...). In most cases, the gamble taken by the woman is likely to be far larger. But that's not to say it wouldn't ever work. I'm sure there are men out their who want to get married, whose girlfriends are poker-faced about the concept, and who are very relieved when they propose instead....

 

Btw, as to the comment from Alphamale that:

then women should also pay for dates all the time and fight on the front lines during war

 

I pay for myself on every date, and have occasionally shouted the Man. I'd love to fight on the front lines - scored highly in all the requisite fields in recruit training and everything. Problem is, the damn law won't let me - largely because conservative men keep saying it's wrong (while simultaneously saying that women don't deserve full rights because they can't fight on the front lines ...). But someday that'll change ...someday.

[soberminded]

I was discussing this with a mixed group of friends the other day (precipitated by a Coupling episode, ironically enough). The general consensus was that men propose when they are sure they know what their girlfriend's answer will be. Rare is the man who jumps in blind, because the blow to the self-esteem is so severe.

 

Fwiw, I think it depends on the individuals concerned whether it would be appropriate for the woman to propose. Most men are probably going to want to do the proposing, because they see it as their role. It's also likely that the man will be the more indecisive and reluctant - he's proposal means he's ready, and that he's sure she is too (she's probably hinted like hell...). In most cases, the gamble taken by the woman is likely to be far larger. But that's not to say it wouldn't ever work. I'm sure there are men out their who want to get married, whose girlfriends are poker-faced about the concept, and who are very relieved when they propose instead....

 

Btw, as to the comment from Alphamale that:

 

I pay for myself on every date, and have occasionally shouted the Man. I'd love to fight on the front lines - scored highly in all the requisite fields in recruit training and everything. Problem is, the damn law won't let me - largely because conservative men keep saying it's wrong (while simultaneously saying that women don't deserve full rights because they can't fight on the front lines ...). But someday that'll change ...someday.

 

 

I believe women are notorious for sending mixed signals. I don't go by any subtle hints that women give. I think it's better for a man not to assume what his girlfriend's answer would be until she says the magic words "I want to marry you." If she's not saying those magic words then he must assume that she does not want to marry him.

 

Bottom line is that if a woman has a go getter attitude then she's not going to worry about rules concerning who should propose to who.

[allina]

I would never ever propose, ever.

[rina_r]

I did propose to my ex-husband.