It's crazy but I want him back

[Mary]

This sounds crazy to me as I'm writing it.

 

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me six months ago. I've tried for six months to come to terms with it - and the rational side of me just can't seem to get me convinced to let it go.

 

History:

 

A perfect relationship - we never fought, we were happy alone, just the two of us, or hanging around friends. He treated me like gold and I the same for him. The sex life was great. He took me home to meet his family - Thanksgiving dinner, no less. He gave me a ring for Christmas (not engagement, but still...)He even told me about asking his dad when you know that you've met the right woman...

 

My ex is the typical afraid-to-commit American male. He's 30 years old - had lots of lovers and only 4 girlfriends ever. It took him 5 months to break down and tell me he loved me.

 

I know he wasn't just in it for sex. I sent him away twice telling him I wouldn't and both times he came back. We didn't have sex till we were in the relationship for two months.

 

I never pressured him or even mentioned marriage. We joked about Vegas once or twice, but I never took it out of that realm. I did tell him that he's the only man I've ever really loved, though. And that's true.

 

I've been in a number of relationships before this one, and always been able to let go before. I've tried all my old tricks, but part of me is convinced that he's the one. I'm not 100% sure, I'm not 100% sure of anything, but I know I need another chance.

 

He left me for another girl - I'm convinced it was the easiest way for him to run away and not have to think about it. He cried when he broke up with me and admitted that he is a coward. He said he loves me, just isn't in love with me - I think, once again, a copout. I might be wrong.

 

I need advice. Guys, if this sounds like you, I could especially use some insight on how to handle it. There is a big chance I'll see him again. His best friend just moved into the apartment directly above me (from another state and not intentionally - freaky huh?)

 

Sorry so long, but wanted to give you a much to go on as possible.

[Totally Confused]

Before you consider taking him back, you might want to find out what happened to the girl he left you for. Did she break up with him or did he break up with her? Is he just coming back to you because he doesn't want to be alone or is it because he really loves you? Everything isn't always black and white, unfortunately. If it were, we could figure everything out no problem. Is this guy really a committment phobe or is he just a guy who likes women? Did he see another girl and like her better, than after spending sometime with her thought, she's not that great, Mary was better, let me go back to her. Even though you don't know the answer, there are ways to find out the truth. I don't think it was wrong of your ex to leave you for another, if he was fair and honest about the break-up. He had every right to go off with someone else, just to make sure he was doing the right thing by being with you. I've done it. I've broken up with guys, because I wasn't sure, and have dated other guys, only to find out I was in love with the original guy. It's part of the growing and learning process. As long as the guy didn't screw you over and treat you poorly, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't give this guy a chance. There are some steps you will need to take to protect yourself though.

 

1. Do not sleep with him. No matter how much you ache for him and yern for him. DO NOT. I would wait 3 mo. He has to prove himself to you again. If you want him to respect you, you must show yourself respect and make him wait. If he loves you, he will wait and not pressure you. that's one way to find out if he really cares for you. Mark my words. -WAIT!!!!!!!

 

2. Whether you do or not, tell him you don't want exclusivity with him. You can't let him know that you are so whipped that when he snaps his fingers, you will run to him. Let him know that if there are any other men out there that would like to casually date you, you will date them.

 

3. DO NOT bring up the past. what he did to you, what the girl means to him. It's in the past. You are starting over again. Do not bring up the past girlfriends, unless he does first. Only bring up the past when you two start dating again, so you can have piece of mind and so you can work out his reasoning for leaving you in the first place, but after that drop it, because it will only put pressure on the relationship. You'll know by his actions in due time, if he likes you or not, you won't need to ask.

 

4. Don't be as available to him this time. Make him work for you. Look at it as him being lucky that you're giving him a second chance, not that you are lucky he came back to you. Remember you are in the drivers seat, because even though you still are in love with him, he's the one that came to you and has realized you are what he wants. See that... You are what he wants. He needs you, he wants you. Remember that and make him work for it.

 

5. AGAIN........ NO SEX. Not for 3 MONTHS.

 

I hope this little list is helpful. Have fun and I hope it works out for you this time.