zoso135 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 So i am only 18 and i am madly in love with my fiance. we have been going out for about 3 yrs and we know each other inside and out. people always say, "well you are too young, because you havent had enough experience". Well i understand that point of view completely, but what i say is i have had some experience and i love the experience i am in right now. anyways, i HAVE thought it through and i DO realize all the implications and i KNOW that getting married young is hard, but i am asking just for someone to listen, because no one will. Link to post Share on other sites
DeeBrod83 Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 I got married at 22.... and divorced at 23. I know why people say the things they do. BUT that doesn't mean all relationships that start early are eternally doomed. Just take this one piece of advice: there is no rush to get married. Being together, even engaged is good, and a great way to make sure you're doing the right thing. And if you have even ONE reservation, listen to it!! Don't make excuses for anything, like oh he'll/she'll change, this will get better with age, etc. People DO NOT CHANGE. Do not ever expect them to. I saw you're title and wanted to scream, but in the same token I hope the best for you. I just hope you're not doing it for the wrong reasons. Best of luck to you!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 Congratulations! Love knows no age and with devotion and self confidence and hard work and great communication (those go for any marriage at any age!) yours will last and you and your soon-to-be husband will meet each challenge together and your bond will continue to strengthen. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueStreak Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Why the rush? I know you're tired of hearing you're too young but there's a good reason EVERYONE tells you that! For now, why not just be together and happy? Do you really need to make it legal? More than likely things will go sour in your relationship. When that happens if you're not married you can both simply go on with your lives. When married you will both have a big nightmare to deal with! It's great to commit to each other but totally unecessary to bring in the legal aspect. Best wishes if you go through with it but your odds of surviving are VERY slim. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueStreak Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Congratulations! Love knows no age and with devotion and self confidence and hard work and great communication (those go for any marriage at any age!) yours will last and you and your soon-to-be husband will meet each challenge together and your bond will continue to strengthen. Sorry but get real! Who are you to say theirs will last? Your statement is insane! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 So i am only 18 and i am madly in love with my fiance. we have been going out for about 3 yrs and we know each other inside and out. people always say, "well you are too young, because you havent had enough experience". Well i understand that point of view completely, but what i say is i have had some experience and i love the experience i am in right now. anyways, i HAVE thought it through and i DO realize all the implications and i KNOW that getting married young is hard, but i am asking just for someone to listen, because no one will. If you're so happy to be getting married and you know you're doing the right thing, why are you needing someone to listen??? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Eighteen and life to go, like that Skid Row song. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 If your relationship is so wonderful and you're that much in love there's no harm in waiting a few years - like, at least until after college. What's the rush in getting married? Are you afraid it won't last if you don't? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zoso135 Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 Why the rush? I know you're tired of hearing you're too young but there's a good reason EVERYONE tells you that! For now, why not just be together and happy? Do you really need to make it legal? More than likely things will go sour in your relationship. When that happens if you're not married you can both simply go on with your lives. When married you will both have a big nightmare to deal with! It's great to commit to each other but totally unecessary to bring in the legal aspect. Best wishes if you go through with it but your odds of surviving are VERY slim. My mom says this, do you know that about 70% of marriages under 18 yrs old get divorced. and i say, well im glad that im in the other 20 percent. Look, i know how ****ty it could get, but i really have not just a gut feeling that i know that we are for each other, and it wasnt some online quiz that told me that. i no how many problems can arise. but every problem that She and I have had so far have been worked through in less than an hour. Im optimistic...im sry that you cant be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zoso135 Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 If you're so happy to be getting married and you know you're doing the right thing, why are you needing someone to listen??? i know what you are saying, but the only person that i can talk to other than her (and i think its more helpful to talk to my best guy friend), is in the west indies for 2 months. so i felt like just putting it out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Stay with him for a cuple more years, live with him test all of it out. You don't have to make anything legalized just yet. Get engadged..Some people last some people don't...but nothing ever really lasts ...but to come here and ask for that type of advice is crucial...were all bitter as crap and can not bear the fact of knowing that some people last...haha just kidding Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 My mom says this, do you know that about 70% of marriages under 18 yrs old get divorced. and i say, well im glad that im in the other 20 percent. Wouldn't it be the other 30%? Link to post Share on other sites
UnknowingOW Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 So i am only 18 and i am madly in love with my fiance. we have been going out for about 3 yrs and we know each other inside and out. people always say, "well you are too young, because you havent had enough experience". Well i understand that point of view completely, but what i say is i have had some experience and i love the experience i am in right now. anyways, i HAVE thought it through and i DO realize all the implications and i KNOW that getting married young is hard, but i am asking just for someone to listen, because no one will. My mom was 17 and my dad 19 when they got married...and ya know what...they just passed their 43 anniversary in July. :bunny: Me, on the other hand, would say hold off a few years and then do it. At least wait till your 21, and get the chance to see other people and if you still love each other go for it! I hate to say, you might "understand that point," but in all honesty at this point you really don't. I did the same thing at your age...I knew it all. Damn, I knew nothing at all. I'm in my 40's now and if I had the chance to go back to 18 and start all over again I would never say "I know or I understand" Because in all honesty I did not. I went back to colleged in my 30's an have many friends in their 20's' One of the things they all loved about me was telling them what was going to happened...and the only reason I could do that was because I had already done it and realized it wouldn't work. Give yourself some time. If you both truly love each other 3-years is nothing more then the beginning of stich in the thread of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 The problem is how much a person changes in their early 20s. You won't even recognize your current self when you are 25. But maybe not... if you are both the types that have yourselves and your lives completely mapped out and know what you both want then perhaps you're in the clear. Another reason people advise waiting is so that you have experience living on your own and taking care of responsibilities. Many couples fight about money, housekeeping, partying, things like that. If you wait you can get the partying out of your systems, have exprience keeping your place tidy and getting yourselves organized, and learning to manage money and things like that. If you wait awhile it saves you from 10 years down the line thinking you may have missed out. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartSprinkles Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 My mom says this, do you know that about 70% of marriages under 18 yrs old get divorced. and i say, well im glad that im in the other 20 percent. Look, i know how ****ty it could get, but i really have not just a gut feeling that i know that we are for each other, and it wasnt some online quiz that told me that. i no how many problems can arise. but every problem that She and I have had so far have been worked through in less than an hour. Im optimistic...im sry that you cant be. Optimism and fact are two different things! I once thought about a boy as you think about your girl. I was young and just out of highschool. We got along great and life was all rainbows and fuzzy kittens. Unfortunately, that isn't life...there is work...school...bills...taxes...I guess life is more like grenades and scary circus clowns. (This realization will come with time.) You also mentioned that you quarrel. What could you possibly quarrel about? (Who gets to play the Nintendo DS next or the chick you eyed up at the mall) You are too young to bicker about the real things couples butt heads over...e.g. paying electric bills, shoes on the newly cleaned rug, untimely baby feedings...blah blah blah... What I am trying to say is that I'm glad I didn't marry that guy...life is too long to spend with one person beginning at such a young age. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 life is too long to spend with one person beginning at such a young age. You could also say life is too short to spend with your loved one no matter what age. My wife was 19 when we got married, dated her since she was 16 and she would not have had it any other way. It does not matter how long you wait till, just look around on LS, your going to have problems if you marry at 50, nothing is ever 100 percent quarantee. If you want it to work you have to put work into it. As long as your both mature enough to realize what your getting into and know its going to have its up's and down's. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Its good to hear about peoples parents who have been together for a long time, but this is a different day in age now...ALOT DIFFERENT. Some people will last some people won't, and honestly too much changes occur for things to stay the same...just wait thats all you have to do..is wait Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Things to consider before marriage (hell mine is a mess but I waited almost 40 years ) But at your age you need to think of this and think hard: 1. where will you live? 2. where is your money coming from/ 3. Do you think you are ready for kids and can afford them? 4. once married people do change.... because you have to! 5. what happens if you have a conflict with your young husband? You have only been on this planet for 18 years. You are going to miss out on so many things if you get married now. Why not have very long engagement? That way you can really get thing set...... like a wonderful wedding, a wonderful honeymoon, buy a home, get financially set, and enjoy the fact that you and your bf are so committed to making your future marriage work that you are putting in the hard work to now to assure that your marriage is comfortable and solid in the near future. The actual wedding only takes a few hours.... the marriage after and preparing for ahead for it is the big thing..... If you need to prove your love to eachother start by planning now....... set goals.... and as you attain them you know that you are one step closer to having a awesome marriage Link to post Share on other sites
DeeBrod83 Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I agree a lot with what A4A is saying... but I also find that planning a wedding can be so much of a distraction sometimes that you forget what it's really all about and can make you feel like getting the wedding right means that you're going to have a good marriage. I certainly think that for a while you should just live life together, pay bills together, clean/make messes, work, go to school, talk talk talk talk talk, play etc together. And have your private times, and friend times and everything, but you need to find out how you two function in a full-fledged 'adult' relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Just to add to what I already posted after reading a4a post. We waited till she was 19 to get married so that she could finish high school, she was already working part time at 16 at a hospital, her school was nice enough to let her take a nursing course while taking her grade 12 and at 19 she was done with school, she already knew what she wanted to do with her life. It also gave us a chance to live with each other for 1 year before marriage which I think is a very good idea just to see how well you can get along. I had enough money to buy a small basic home and I was already working self employed with my dad's business and we had already decided no children for the first few years which in hind site was a big Fing mistake. So there are things to think about and living with each other for a year atleast would be a good plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zoso135 Posted August 25, 2006 Author Share Posted August 25, 2006 Optimism and fact are two different things! I once thought about a boy as you think about your girl. I was young and just out of highschool. We got along great and life was all rainbows and fuzzy kittens. Unfortunately, that isn't life...there is work...school...bills...taxes...I guess life is more like grenades and scary circus clowns. (This realization will come with time.) You also mentioned that you quarrel. What could you possibly quarrel about? (Who gets to play the Nintendo DS next or the chick you eyed up at the mall) You are too young to bicker about the real things couples butt heads over...e.g. paying electric bills, shoes on the newly cleaned rug, untimely baby feedings...blah blah blah... What I am trying to say is that I'm glad I didn't marry that guy...life is too long to spend with one person beginning at such a young age. Ok I'm not trying to start anything, but that is really judgmental without knowing me. 1st of all, if there is anyone that knows that life is not rainbows and fuzzy kittens, its me. Look, I used to be a real screwup...stealing, fights, breakin and enterin..w/e that all in the past, but i think that is a little narrow minded to say that just because we are young we dont have real lives together like any other relationship. for example, She is payin for half of my car insurance for 6 months to pay me back for a trip to China that i helped her pay for....an so far its been 4 months with no problems. i know thats one thing, but just because we are 18 doesnt give anyone the right to think 18 year-olds cant have a real, loving relationshp...that is the most conceded generalization ever. I love her and she loves me and i know its gonna be crappy at times, but i am sincerely motivated to make it work with her. Fact: if people think that 18 year-olds cant be able to live life like everyone else because of love...they are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Good luck to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 In this day and age it is very hard for people in your age group to make a marriage work. In our grandparents generation marriage was standard for your age group. In my opinion (which by disclaimer is only that) a leading factor in this change is what is expected out of marriage. In our grandparents generation gender roles in marriage were clearly defined and the meaning of marriage was more a cultural understanding than it is now. What does marriage mean for the two of you? Every marriage is a partnership, but how that partnership is defined varies from couple to couple. You need to really be able to define for yourselves what you want from your marriage and what your partner wants. Problems can arise when you can't really define for yourself what you want out of marriage or life in general. Career and life goal questions are harder when you are younger. I am very happy with where I am now (27), but it is not where I was headed at 18. Do you both know what type of career you want? Is it realistic that both of you will be able to pursue them at the same time? If not, who gets to go first? Are you parents still willing to pay for college if you are married? How are financial aid packets affected when you are married? What about health insurance? I doubt you can be on your parents insurance if you are married, and medical insurance is a must, but it's also $$$$$. (at least in the states, I don't know where you are). I'm not saying you will definitely divorce, you may very well be the type of people that can pull this off. If you are, then you will also be the type of people to take it seriously and answer these questions and lots of others honestly. Don't try and sugar coat the answers because that will come back to haunt you later on. Buy one or more of those questions to ask before you say I do books. You say that you realize that marriage is work. If you are serious about this marriage, then get working. Answer those questions together. Love is never enough. It takes much more than that. If you love each other then get out there and get the "much more than that" stuff too. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartSprinkles Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Ok I'm not trying to start anything, but that is really judgmental without knowing me. 1st of all, if there is anyone that knows that life is not rainbows and fuzzy kittens, its me. Look, I used to be a real screwup...stealing, fights, breakin and enterin..w/e that all in the past, but i think that is a little narrow minded to say that just because we are young we dont have real lives together like any other relationship. for example, She is payin for half of my car insurance for 6 months to pay me back for a trip to China that i helped her pay for....an so far its been 4 months with no problems. i know thats one thing, but just because we are 18 doesnt give anyone the right to think 18 year-olds cant have a real, loving relationshp...that is the most conceded generalization ever. I love her and she loves me and i know its gonna be crappy at times, but i am sincerely motivated to make it work with her. Fact: if people think that 18 year-olds cant be able to live life like everyone else because of love...they are wrong. twas only food for thought! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleWingedOne Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I say, marry when you want if you are of age and so in love, but prepare to deal with the consequences of marrying someone and it not working out. Its a bit different than just breaking up with a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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