Exes Who Dont Want To Be Found :(

[SwayLady]

I'm gutted I just tried emailing the ex, to see how he's doing and stuff and his email account no longer exists.

 

We were emailing one another, around a year ago. He came looking for me online, emailed me and we continued to mail/IM back and forth for a good four months. Then he suddenly and for no apparant reason, didn't mail back anymore. All I know is, is that we were getting along great, then the emails stopped.

 

Six weeks after I'd had no word from him, I went with a different ISP and I lost the email account I had with this ISP, where my ex would mail me. I didn't bother letting him know my new address, because I'd thought at that time, that if he wanted to remain in touch, he'd have mailed me back. I mean, if someone is interested in you, they don't not mail for long periods do they? Yet he'd appeared interested.

 

I did send a mail to him a few months ago, merely to check if his email account was open, because I had thought to myself that one day I would mail him back and it was open. I then unsent the mail, leaving no sign that I emailed him. But since then he's obviously deleted his email account. Now I'm thinking, has he done it because he doesn't want me to find him/get in touch with him online anymore *double sigh*

[magda]

Perhaps he has fallen in love with someone else and stopped contacting you so that he doesn't compromise his current relationship.

[bluechocolate]

Now I'm thinking, has he done it because he doesn't want me to find him/get in touch with him online anymore.

 

Seems like a pretty accurate guess to me. Take the hint.

[Pink Amulet]

Why do you care so much girl?

[ImmaBeAlright]

I'm gutted I just tried emailing the ex, to see how he's doing and stuff and his email account no longer exists.

 

We were emailing one another, around a year ago. He came looking for me online, emailed me and we continued to mail/IM back and forth for a good four months. Then he suddenly and for no apparant reason, didn't mail back anymore. All I know is, is that we were getting along great, then the emails stopped.

 

Six weeks after I'd had no word from him, I went with a different ISP and I lost the email account I had with this ISP, where my ex would mail me. I didn't bother letting him know my new address, because I'd thought at that time, that if he wanted to remain in touch, he'd have mailed me back. I mean, if someone is interested in you, they don't not mail for long periods do they? Yet he'd appeared interested.

 

I did send a mail to him a few months ago, merely to check if his email account was open, because I had thought to myself that one day I would mail him back and it was open. I then unsent the mail, leaving no sign that I emailed him. But since then he's obviously deleted his email account. Now I'm thinking, has he done it because he doesn't want me to find him/get in touch with him online anymore *double sigh*

 

 

Ok, lets backtrack a bit here. He is your EX, not your Boyfriend. Perhaps he is in a new relationship and wants to cut of all ties so as to not sabotage the new relationship. Exes can be friends but when they start dating other people, friendship can be a bit awkward. Stop emailing and 'searching' for him.... move on.

[Miss1984]

It might not be that he's met someone else, you can't know for sure. You can only speculate, but you aren't in contact anymore and it sounds like it's been a while since you broke up- so you have to be open to the fact it's a possibility.

 

However, I know that I cut contact with my ex because it hurt too much to talk to him and keep in contact with him. I knew we were over, but keeping them in your life is a constant reminder of how things aren't the same anymore. There's only so many times you can text someone to see how they're doing- there's not much else you can say, and it gets awkward. The 'friendship' ends up feeling like it's only going to last until one of you finds someone else- it makes it harder for both of you to move on and even more difficult for the one who has to hear their ex has moved on with someone else.

 

He may have stopped contacting you NOT because he doesn't care anymore, but because he DOES. Therefore, letting you go is the only way to stop both of you hurting and allowing you to move on. Either way it's for the best that you aren't in contact anymore.

 

You mention his emailing being a sign he's 'interested in you', yet you acknowledge he's your ex- so keeping the communication open is only going to give you false hope and end up in disappointment and confusion for you. It's best to hear nothing, than to get your hopes up and go through all that upset again. You clearly still care about him, and I promise you it hurts less that way.

[Ukwizard]

I find it hard to believe people would just `disappear`. Like many people nowadays. They have up to 3 email accounts. Hell, I know this becasue my ex had 3 email accounts, and she gave me all 3 email addresses. I m sure shes stopped using one of them.

 

The thing is that it could be he met someone else, and that he`s gone offline. This happened with my ex. She`s in a new relationship now, and they talk on the telephone instead of emailing.

 

Like I said before. How can someone disappear? You know where he stays right? I suppose he knows where you live too. He knows where you are, and if he wanted you. He would be in touch by now. The thing is that he`s stopped contacting you. It could be that he`s met somebody else.

 

His email address no longer exists? Well thats happened to my account. I didn`t log my account that many times, and it got cancelled. I lost a few addresses, and I moved home.

 

Today, you can still track people down. Sites like `Friendsreunited`, I assume you have his home address, you could write him a traditional letter (provided he hasn`t moved), text or phone him.

 

I truly learnt my lesson. I lost `touch` with my ex girlfriend, becasue we only emailed each other. I wished I phoned her a lot more.

 

I don`t thinks its wrong for SwayLady to look for her ex. It does happen. I think its better for her to know instead of meeting someone else, and having that thought in her head....`what if?`

[a4a]

My H deleted his email acct that his X had...... popped up from time to time and he would respond with bland replies.

 

Not trying to be mean but giving good hints that they just had nothing to talk about.........no attachment and nothing in common.

 

She got very persistant upon finding out about our relationship with the emails. So he deleted his acct. addy that she had.

 

Every person is different and he may very well not want contact. Again I cannot understand why people think that they should just pop in to another persons life if not invited to do so.

 

If they are signed up to a site like classmates or something like that it is a clear invite....... if they delete their email accts without notifying particular people then that is pretty much a clear sign that keeping in contact with you is not a priority in their life.

 

H also had a friend who turned into a complete ass...... he called here and H simply does not wish to speak to him...... so I got to be on the recieving end of that one...... just because you know somebody or you had any type of relationship does not mean that they want to speak to you now........ and they do not owe you that either. IMHO

[SwayLady]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I knew exactly what I'd hear because when an ex stops contacting us, what other reason could there possibly be for it, other than they don't want to communicate with us any further.

 

I'm adding some extra details, to give you a wider picture of the situation.

Perhaps I should've done this in my first posting.

 

He is an ex, but an ex from a long, long time ago. Back then this wasn't just a short term fling we'd shared, it was a long term relationship we'd had and he had meant the world to me. Hard as it was to move on back then, I did eventually meet someone else, got married, had children, (I'm single now). He's an ex who decides and after all of this time apart, to show up again and make this comeback into my life, I didn't go seeking him out.

 

When he showed up again, it took me totally by surprise, but I was really pleased to hear from him. It was also easy for me to welcome him back with open arms, because a long time had elapsed. During the time apart, all past hurts and bad feelings there may have once been, had long been forgotten. I did however think (or perhaps it was me just hoping), that perhaps he'd shown up after all of this time because he carried regrets and that maybe he'd showed up, looking for a second chance for us.

 

I decided to mail him back anyway and I tried not to think of the reasons as to why he may have returned. I looked upon the whole thing, like he was just some old friend who'd returned, but it was hard because admittedly I do still care about him a lot and there are still feelings. I revealed that I still cared for him, only when he'd revealed that he still cared for me, but any other feelings I may still have for him, I didn't disclose. I didn't want to scare him off and I guess that a part of me was also afraid to tell him how I still felt, because I doubt I could have stomached him rejecting me, had there been no feelings on his part for me.

 

In some of his mails, I would have a hard time figuring out what he was meaning, as there were a lot of mixed messages in them. I sensed that there was something he was trying to tell me, yet was unafraid to say it and I was afraid to ask him what he meant, incase I was interpreting it all wrong.

Besides this, things were going well between us and this led to him suggesting that the two of us meet up. I'd said it would be nice to see him again. He'd told me where and when he'd be at a certain place. He'd shown up but I couldn't make it. I mailed and explained why I hadn't made it, it would be great if we could arrange a second meeting and then I hear nothing back whatsoever from him and have heard nothing to this day.

 

I just find it odd that he didn't mail back, because if I was to show you his last email to me, evryone would agree that it didn't sound like an ex who was never going to mail back again. And this is why I'm left with such confusion over the whole thing.

 

If he'd wanted out, I'd have understood, wished him well and said goodbye. But I didn't even recieve a goodbye from him and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye either.

 

Months later and I decide to mail him, he's gone, doesn't exist anymore!

 

This ex is still alive by the way, LOL.

[a4a]

He is an ex, but an ex from a long, long time ago. Back then this wasn't just a short term fling we'd shared, it was a long term relationship we'd had and he had meant the world to me. Hard as it was to move on back then, I did eventually meet someone else, got married, had children, (I'm single now). He's an ex who decides and after all of this time apart, to show up again and make this comeback into my life, I didn't go seeking him out.

 

When he showed up again, it took me totally by surprise, but I was really pleased to hear from him. It was also easy for me to welcome him back with open arms, because a long time had elapsed. During the time apart, all past hurts and bad feelings there may have once been, had long been forgotten. I did however think (or perhaps it was me just hoping), that perhaps he'd shown up after all of this time because he carried regrets and that maybe he'd showed up, looking for a second chance for us.

 

I decided to mail him back anyway and I tried not to think of the reasons as to why he may have returned. I looked upon the whole thing, like he was just some old friend who'd returned, but it was hard because admittedly I do still care about him a lot and there are still feelings. I revealed that I still cared for him, only when he'd revealed that he still cared for me, but any other feelings I may still have for him, I didn't disclose. I didn't want to scare him off and I guess that a part of me was also afraid to tell him how I still felt, because I doubt I could have stomached him rejecting me, had there been no feelings on his part for me.

 

In some of his mails, I would have a hard time figuring out what he was meaning, as there were a lot of mixed messages in them. I sensed that there was something he was trying to tell me, yet was unafraid to say it and I was afraid to ask him what he meant, incase I was interpreting it all wrong.

Besides this, things were going well between us and this led to him suggesting that the two of us meet up. I'd said it would be nice to see him again. He'd told me where and when he'd be at a certain place. He'd shown up but I couldn't make it. I mailed and explained why I hadn't made it, it would be great if we could arrange a second meeting and then I hear nothing back whatsoever from him and have heard nothing to this day.

 

I just find it odd that he didn't mail back, because if I was to show you his last email to me, evryone would agree that it didn't sound like an ex who was never going to mail back again. And this is why I'm left with such confusion over the whole thing.

If he'd wanted out, I'd have understood, wished him well and said goodbye. But I didn't even recieve a goodbye from him and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye either.

 

This ex is still alive by the way, LOL.

 

ahhhhh this is a mess and I would not even think about trying to contact him.

 

You have feelings for this man and are unaware of his status.

 

He probably was going through something in his R or between R and took a walk down memory lane looking for comfort from you..... patched up things with his SO or found one or realized that contacting you was a HUGE MISTAKE!!!!

 

If he wanted you back in his life he surely would have contacted you or replied.

 

If you had a SO in your life right now would you bother to contact him at all?

[SwayLady]

You know where he stays right? I suppose he knows where you live too. He knows where you are, and if he wanted you. He would be in touch by now

 

He knew the area I lived, but it's a huge area and he'd have had as much chance of finding me, as he would a needle in a haystack. I never told him my address, he hadn't asked for it.

We exchanged no phonenumbers either....some friendship! I know where he is, yes, but I don't want to go stalking him, or face a rejection at his doorway. I'd prefer to mail him again, (which I was going to do and did), however 'this user is unknown' appeared on my screen. I had no other addy for him online.

 

I don`t thinks its wrong for SwayLady to look for her ex. It does happen. I think its better for her to know instead of meeting someone else, and having that thought in her head....`what if?`

 

If there'd been some kind of closure, like a 'goodbye' for instance, I'd understand and move on. But there was nothing at all and after things had been going well. And now, his email addy doesn't even exist so I can't contact him. So I'm also left wondering, did he delete it because he doesn't want to hear from me again and this puts me off trying to reach him again. Yet I feel I've got to reach him, because I wont move on with all of these unanswered questions in my head, until I do reach him and find out the answers.

[SwayLady]

ahhhhh this is a mess and I would not even think about trying to contact him.

 

You have feelings for this man and are unaware of his status.

 

He probably was going through something in his R or between R and took a walk down memory lane looking for comfort from you..... patched up things with his SO or found one or realized that contacting you was a HUGE MISTAKE!!!!

 

If he wanted you back in his life he surely would have contacted you or replied.

 

If you had a SO in your life right now would you bother to contact him at all?

 

Appears I may have been taken for a fool then.

 

The wisest thing I could've done, would've have been to say 'go and take a hike'.

 

I'm not sure what gives them the right, to think that they can show up in peoples lives after all of this time has elapsed, mess with peoples emotions along the way and then simply discard them when it suits them too.

 

And then he claimed to care!

[a4a]

Appears I may have been taken for a fool then.

 

The wisest thing I could've done, would've have been to say 'go and take a hike'.

 

I'm not sure what gives them the right, to think that they can show up in peoples lives after all of this time has elapsed, mess with peoples emotions along the way and then simply discard them when it suits them too.

 

And then he claimed to care!

 

well at the moment he probably did care.

 

There could be many reasons he decided to back out of contact with you.

 

But you cannot beat yourself over the head worrying about it.

If it was meant to be it would have...... it is not.

and if he just dropped you like a hot tater and went NC is that what even a friend would do to another friend? No.... not unless they go into a comatose state. Then it is ok to drop them so fast with out explaining.

 

and I completely agree with the bold statement in your post.

but I would add what gives them the right to just pop into the other persons life in the first place........ but that is me. I would not do it.

[SwayLady]

well at the moment he probably did care.

 

There could be many reasons he decided to back out of contact with you.

 

But you cannot beat yourself over the head worrying about it.

If it was meant to be it would have...... it is not.

and if he just dropped you like a hot tater and went NC is that what even a friend would do to another friend? No.... not unless they go into a comatose state. Then it is ok to drop them so fast with out explaining.

 

and I completely agree with the bold statement in your post.

but I would add what gives them the right to just pop into the other persons life in the first place........ but that is me. I would not do it.

 

The only time I'd ever think of contacting an ex, would be if I was serious in my intentions of looking for a second chance. I wouldn't just go barging into someones life, to raise false hope, to play with peoples feelings or to look for an ego stroke, which I'm beginning to think he's done.

 

This was an ex who knew how much he'd meant to me back then, he knew and knows that I had a hard time moving on.....yet who still chose to come back, risking raising false hope and likely knowing that he was going to let me down. I'm disappointed in him, I really am. He should've known better and NEVER shown up again....sad thing is, I should've known better too.

 

I welcomed him back into my life and for what? Nothing.

 

But while I'm saying all of this, there is a niggling doubt. Six weeks after hearing nothing, I closed my email account where he would email me. How do I know for sure, that he never tried to mail me back after these six weeks had passed? Maybe there was a reason that he didn't mail back so soon? If he did try to mail me, then he too would likely have recieved the error 'unknown user'. Perhaps he thinks and still thinks that it was I, that didn't want to hear from him anymore, that it was I who chose to close communication between us, hence my deleted email account. Perhaps he left his email account open for a while hoping I'd mail him back one day, but he gave up ever hearing from me again and he decided to close his own. He only had one email account for me and it was the account I closed.

 

It's just one of those situations where I won't know exactly what wrong, until an opportunity presents itself for me to know, if that opportunity ever comes.

[a4a]

The only time I'd ever think of contacting an ex, would be if I was serious in my intentions of looking for a second chance. .

 

 

But in general, not your situation in particular, I don't think that is right if you have no clue if that person is AVAILABLE for a second chance.

 

If you have an X on myspace or on some other form of public communication and it states I AM SINGLE..... go for it. If you don't know I don't think you have the right to barge into their life with any intentions of rekindling a romance.

[Ukwizard]

To be honest, I think your cut is a lot deeper than first thought.

 

He'd shown up but I couldn't make it.

So it sounds like you had a date. He felt stood up, because you `couldn`t` make it.

 

What where the reason why you couldnt make it. Remember that, if you set a date with someone, and you don`t turn up. How would you feel?

 

I think I would be extremely disappointed.

[SwayLady]

To be honest, I think your cut is a lot deeper than first thought.

 

 

So it sounds like you had a date. He felt stood up, because you `couldn`t` make it.

 

What where the reason why you couldnt make it. Remember that, if you set a date with someone, and you don`t turn up. How would you feel?

 

I think I would be extremely disappointed.

 

The thought that perhaps he was disappointed because I stood him up, has crossed my mind. Maybe he'd felt rejected, thought I wasn't all that interested in him or in meeting up again. I had to go away for a few days at that time, so wasn't at home, which is why I couldn't make it. I had already told him that I might not be able to make it, so it wasn't a definite that I was going to show up. Still, it might have peeved him off I guess, for he might have thought that if he was that important to me, I'd have put him first, above all else.

 

But still, if two people arrange to meet and one fails to show, then we would normally call or email, to ask where they were and why they couldn't make it and then arrange another time. I'd do this anyway, but he didn't.

[Ukwizard]

Hi Swaylady. A helpful hint for you BTW. There is no need to fully copy, paste, or quote me especially that my post is just above yours. This saves space on LS.

 

The thought that perhaps he was disappointed because I stood him up, has crossed my mind. Maybe he'd felt rejected, thought I wasn't all that interested in him or in meeting up again.

Yes, some people are very sensitive. If I was stood up I would`nt give that person another chance.

 

I had to go away for a few days at that time, so wasn't at home, which is why I couldn't make it.

Okay, fair enough.

 

I had already told him that I might not be able to make it

The word `might` does not justify why you didnt turn up. How do you know he showed up? You either tell someone your are, or you`re not going to make it, and not `might`, not make it and not turn up. There`s no excuse for it.

 

To be honest, I think you`re beating yourself up, because he was about to give you a second chance, and you blew it. Then again I suppose like you said,

 

I wasn't all that interested in him or in meeting up again.

 

If you`re not that interested in meeting up. The why are you on here? It must be important enough to give it a second thought.

 

If you set up a date with, say a friend. If you couldn`t make the date, then you would text or phone them to let them know you`re out of town. You wouldnt say, "I might make it"

 

To not show up, then I can understand why someone would give up on you. To stand someone up shows to the other person that they aren`t good enough, and their second best.

 

I can see why he`s not tried to contact you now.

 

Well whats the point of building up a conversation with someone, set up a date and disappoint them by not turning up!?

[SwayLady]

GRRR, man, read my posts correctly

 

I didn't say I wasn't interested in seeing him or meeting up. I'd said that he might have thought that I wasn't interested in seeing him and meeting up, cos I never showed up. I wouldn't be whinging, if this was a man I wasn't interested in.

 

I reckon he should've been more understanding of the fact that I couldn't make it to see him, rather than just blow me off. And even though I'd told him that I might not be able to make it, if he had been online a bit more, then I would've told him beforehand that I wasn't going to be able to make it. He'd likely just assumed I'd be there, because in the past I was always at his beck and call you see.

 

He wasn't showing up to specifically come and see me, he was in this area that day anyway and he'd said it would be nice for us to meet up while he was here and a place was arranged. So it's not like he made a special journey to come and see me and he wasted his time, he was here because he had other things to attend to in this area also.

 

Men, I dunno

[SwayLady]

Oh dear, aren't I naughty. I went searching for him and I found him

Maybe he's not hiding after all.

 

Now I'm wondering, should I mail him? Doubt I will though because I'm far too chicken. I couldn't face a rejection

[Ukwizard]

Hey Swaylady,

 

How did you find him? I suppose its like what you said to me. He knows where to reach you, but he hasn`t.

 

The main thing is though. If you do want to make contact. Be sure at first you may get rejected. He may not answer to you at all. If thats the case then at least you`ve got your closure.

 

A tip here would be try to explain logically what happened, and why you couldn`t make it. Your ex would have to be very sympathetic, and understanding before he would even contemplates replying to you.

 

Whatever way you choose, I say good luck.