Girl in "the friend zone" shot down?

[lone she-wolf]

God.

Met a guy. He flirted a lot. Got me thinkin'.

Both of us in a new town, with a mutual friend.

Sparks fly for 3 months, when we are in same room.

Mutual friend programs each of our phones with the other's number.

Neither of us calls.

Upon next "same room" visit, I ask him to an outing.

He says yes, then cancels at the LAST minute. I retreat.

Guy FINALLY calls for a "get-together".

 

This back and fourth/cancel and re-schedule goes on for MONTHS.

The "dates?" are enjoyable and weekly phone calls are LENGTHY and promising, with MANY personal and sexual info. disclosed. Nothing shocking.

Cut to present (4 MONTHS LATER!!!) Last 2 "dates" got SLIGHTLY sexual.

Dance floor grind. Arm around me. His Quotes: "YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO AWESOME" "I REALLY FIND IT SO EASY TO TALK TO YOU" "YOU'RE BAD AND I NEED TO GIVE YOU A SPANKING" (my personal favorite). Keep in mind that no KISS has happened yet.

 

SO! THE PROBLEM!

On our last date, he says that he would like to come to my house on Sat. night, watch movies and hopefully spend the night (we live 20 miles apart). This request is followed by several sexual comments (in good fun). A week later and it's Fri., 8pm. I have not heard. So I call. Machine. He calls back at 10:30pm to CANCEL our night. Says he has to work that DAY, and will be too tired. The excuse sounded detached and he offered NO reschedule date.

 

I was horrified. All the build up. I was looking forward to it all week. I was short with him on the phone, leading him to ask "are we still friends?" I said yes of course, but I wanted to kill him. I think he sensed this and he TEXT me (we never do this) that he "felt really bad about canceling and I deserve better and he was gonna make it up to me somehow".

 

SO! THE QUESTION!

Quit? I could answer his calls, engage in small talk, but make no plans with him in the future. OR

Answer his next call and tell him how I kind of thought we were heading out of the "FRIEND ZONE!!!!" and I take it personal that he canceled our big night, without a definite reschedule day. Basically tell him I want him.

 

Just to note. He has canceled plans with me several times before (LAST MINUTE) but usually reschedules and shows. I'm not sure if he is really that interested. The text mails KIND-OF make me feel like he cares..........BUT....

I don't need a flat-out rejection right now. Should I just call this cancelation a passive rejection and move on?

 

Any comments would be well received.

Thanks

[Road Rage]

Move on.

 

 

And don`t look back.

[directx]

Oh, I recognize this behavior! He just wants a booty call. He's just looking at you for sex and thats it. Give it a whirl if you want, but he has no desire to date you whatsoever.

Notice he does nothing at all to spend time with you.

Those 'dates' he cancelled? He was either going out with someone else or out with other friends.

 

NOTE:

When someone cancels, always call back or try to verify the reason they cancelled.

[inarut]

It sounds like there is definitely someone else that he is involved with too. I would find this out for sure. Don't make him feel like you will be at his beck-and-call.

[lone she-wolf]

Hey People.

Thanks so far!

So damn, maybe I shouldn't even pick up the phone.

Just to clarify, we have gone on MANY dates, and he has NOT tried to bed me or booty call me, so I am a little confused as to why I should recognize him as player-ific. I just thought he was a flake. I mean YES it does occur to me that he flakes on me for something he would rather do, but this was OUR FIRST SLEEP-OVER. I thought this is what he was working up to?

Another Chick? MAYBE, but this dudes 34, short and balding.

Then again I like him. Also, we are "friends", so I thought maybe I should talk to him about this, but now I'm wondering if I should just let him get my voicemail.

I REALLY appreciate the different perspectives.

[bella_girl]

Hmm... I'd quit answering the phone...

 

There was a guy a few years ago who asked me out... all very nice etc but he kept cancelling our dates... He'd be like 'yeah I'll come see you on Friday night' lots of flirting on the phone etc but then like 10.30pm on Friday night I'd call and he'd say 'yeah sorry I got caught up'....

 

hmmm that may be so, once i can understand, a couple times in a row and I'm starting to question it.

 

I decided that if he couldn't keep dates that I stopped answering his calls.

 

Things petered out... and then six months later he called me... I was like 'oh hi' we chatted and then I never heard from him again.

 

I'd ask him, hell what (at this point) have you got to loose? Just say 'hey, is this going anywhere, you seem to cancel our dates a lot and it's quite annoying and I'd just like to know before we waste much more time. '