crossed line

[Guest]

I am MM and have become close friends with a woman at work that is in a LTR. We both commute a long distance to work and have been platonic room-mates sharing a house a couple of nights a week. My wife is aware of are friendship and has no issues. Her boyfriend is very possisive and she does not tell him the extent of our friendship. Our friendship has always been appropriate and not crossed any lines until the other night. She is transferring closer to home and our last night as room-mates we got drunk together and ended up with me giving her a 3 hour back, leg, and butt rub. She was very passive and did not give any indication to stop the activity. We both mutally ending this activity. Since then she has been avoiding me, she talks to me but I can tell she is bothered. The two issues I want a womans opnion on is how do I fix this situation with my wife? I know this was cheating and I did not intend for it to happen. The second is I feel completely responsible for the line crossing with my best friend. I feel like I violated our trust in each other and don't know how to make amends. I realize that with her job move our friendship will naturally drift away and I am okay with that, but I want it to drift on a good positive note not the guilt of what happened. Women, what is going on in her head right now? How do I tell her I am sorry and get our friendship past this? Also do you feel that we have been in an emotional affair and just didn't realize it? I don't feel that she did anything wrong because I was the initator, Am I right to feel this way?

[Pink Amulet]

Giving some one a massage is probably not "cheating". But I think you have realised you came pretty damn close to crossing the line.

 

Forget "moving past thing" with your friendship. End it. Immediately.

 

Your wife is trusting you with this woman, and you are having impure thoughts.

 

You want to know what's going through her head? She does not want to be your OW.

[Adunaphel]

Women, what is going on in her head right now?

 

Guilt, and the sensation of having screwed up things. Quite a lot of embarassment. Perhaps some anger at you.

 

How do I tell her I am sorry and get our friendship past this?

 

Apologize, tell her that you are very sorry about what happened, put all the blame on you and tell her that it's better if you do not see each other for quite a long while.

 

Also do you feel that we have been in an emotional affair and just didn't realize it?

 

I don't know if you were having an emotional affair all along, but I would certainly regard your friendship inappropriate to some extents.

 

Her boyfriend is very possisive and she does not tell him the extent of our friendship.

 

This should have been a red flag.

It does not matter how possessive her bf is - she either accepts him as he is and respects him, or breaks up with him.

She has been lying to him, even if she thought that she was not doing anything inappropriate, she did not respect his feelings.

 

I don't feel that she did anything wrong because I was the initator, Am I right to feel this way?

 

No. Unless she was completely drunk and she did not know what she was doing (which would put you in a very bad position) she should have stopped you.

Would you say it's okay for a woman to engage in inappropriate behaviour with a married man just beacuse *he* was the one who pursued her?

(if so, you would be wrong - and this is coming from someone who had sex with a married guy. and even if you thought so, it's not like she is single)

 

Would you accept from your wife a "I did not do anything wrong, I let him massage my legs and back and butt for thee hours but he was the one who initiated it, so get upset with him, not with me" excuse?

 

You sound like a nice guy.

 

I'd say tell your wife what happened. You tell her that you did not kiss her, did not have sex with her, you gave her a massage that you felt was inappropriate. You were drunk, you did not intend it to happen, that you are feeling very sorry, very guilty and did not want to break her trust.

You tell her that your friendship was never inappropriate until the other day, and that you are willing to cut all contacts, never see her again, and never talk to her again. (of course, if she ask you to, do it)

Tell her that you never thought your friend was attractive, she really was just a friend. You were not interested in her, she was not interested in you. And neither of you is interested now. Your friend is unconfortable as you are. You got drunk, you did something inappropriate, you are sorry and it is never going to happen again.

I think the majority of women would forgive you under such circumstances.

 

If you choose not to tell her anything, please at least do not spend any more alone time with her(after you apologize to her and the two of you talk about what happened).