Being Sad..

[dominsane]

I don't know if this is normal...but I...live off of being sad.

Even when I'm happy, I'm sad.

I..don't understand it.

I used to read sad fanfiction...of people being sad or broken up with, attempting to commit suicide..being depressed...and it..kinda ..turned me on..?

 

And I've realized that I'm making my own life sad.

I've been pushing people away and not realizing it.

When I was with my ex-fiancé(we were together for a year), I would have "fantasies" that we would break up, and I'd be sad and die..or...something.

 

I cry almost every day. I have these moments where I feel helpless...and I don't know what to do..

 

I don't want to feel sad, but I guess...subconciously I do?

 

Has anyone else ever felt like this?..

Well, I mean, I'm sure someone has...

 

And I used to see a therapist...but I stopped...when I got together with my ex.

I've felt this way for as long as I can remember, but I've taken meds and visited several psychologists...and nothing has helped.

 

(My best friend feels almost the same way, and nothing has helped her either..)

 

Well, I just thought I'd post this, since it has really been bothering me lately...

[magichands]

And I used to see a therapist...but I stopped...when I got together with my ex.

I've felt this way for as long as I can remember, but I've taken meds and visited several psychologists...and nothing has helped.

What strategies (or strategy?) did each of your psychologists follow? Can you give us some insight into what was discussed/suggested?

 

I have no advice... well, okay - how about this: relax and try to enjoy the simple things for a few days. See if that gets us anywhere...

 

Have you thought about keeping a journal?

[dominsane]

Actually, one of my therapists suggested keep a journal, which I still do...

 

What would happen is that we would just talk..alot...about whatever was bothering me, and she would keep telling me to think of positive things, not dwell on negative thoughts.

 

None of them really gave me advice on what exactly I should do. They were pretty much all the same "keep a journal" "don't think about sad things" "think about what makes you happy".

 

And now, it's been getting worse. I've been thinking of actually dying. Not of me killing myself, just dying in general, by accident. I've imagined getting into a car crash and being sent to the hospital. (And I actually got into an accident two days ago, nobody was hurt though..)

 

I took paxil for a while, I took prozac, also, but nothing worked(and I kept having thoughts of suicide, which I still have sometimes)...

[magichands]

None of them really gave me advice on what exactly I should do. They were pretty much all the same "keep a journal" "don't think about sad things" "think about what makes you happy".

Can you tell me what makes you happy? Even if they are simple things...

I took paxil for a while, I took prozac, also, but nothing worked(and I kept having thoughts of suicide, which I still have sometimes)...

Were you on them for a while? I guess Paxil is a SSRI?

 

How do you manage your thoughts? There are a lot of really creative people that have the black dog biting at their heels - so please don't lose hope.

[KittenMoon]

dominsane-

 

I don't have much advice for it, but you're not alone. I also deal with that omnipresent "sad" feeling, so much more so now that I'm alone. Its riduculous when you can be having a great time and at the same time want to go hide and cry.

 

Just curious- have you tried a "natural" approach to dealing with it? Since the pills haven't worked- have you tried (or have you ever been counseled to try) a regime of exercise, vitamins, cutting out sugar and caffeine, etc, hydration and getting extra sleep?

 

Also- have you had bloodwork done for thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, etc? What about a serotonin level test?

[dominsane]

I don't know what makes me happy...(is that bad?)

But I try doing things to take my mind off of..everything...

I listen to music, I paint, I watch tv, I read...but there isn't much else that doesn't remind me of anything sad.

 

I haven't tried anything natural, diet or excercise...

I go for walks everyday...but I don't really eat much to begin with...just the regular three meals a day...sometimes..not even that.

 

I haven't had any tests done either...

 

But I haven't been to any doctor in almost a year...

 

I think I'm going to go see a therapist...again...sometime soon...

[KittenMoon]

I see you are only 17- it could be hormonal as well- some of those good ole "growing pains".

 

SInce you've been on meds and they've done nothing, try talking to your doctor about it- making sure to tell them the meds didn't help.

[destination_unknown]

Hi D,

 

I had depression as a teenager too, and its very very possible for you to change things. KM is right, I notice that your hobbies - reading, walking, painting, tv are all quite solitary activities and none of them will push you physically (unless you are hill walking or power walking).

 

What about taking up a hobby that is more conducive to social interaction and/or physical exertion? Seriously, I took meds for a few years too, but I have found that real exercise gives me great feelings, more energy and I am more positive in my daily thinking as a result. Exercise has been shown in a few studies to be more effective than meds (I'm definitely not saying replace you meds without the advise of your doctor BTW) but that taking up exercise can give you a great boost.

 

Also, the social interaction part. When we spend alot of time alone it is very easy to become overly involved with ourselves, with what we have, what we don't have, our inadequacies and pity party ensues. When we spend time with other people we see that our problems really aren't that big, we want to help our friends feel better when they are down. We spend time laughing with them, working together and they help us out in return. So, how bout volunteering or focusing on spending more time with friends or making friends.

 

Hey, I think its very insightful and mature that you can show such a degree of self awareness in your question. You realise that you are making yourself sad, and hence within that realisation you realise that you can make yourself happy! Now, that brings a little responsibility to your plate to make the effort to be happy. You were saying your not sure what makes you happy, I used to feel like that too. You become so used to the solitude and introversion that you don't know what you enjoy anymore. The thing is, it doesnt really matter weather its rock climbing or helping out at your local shelter just keep doing new things. One will lead to the next and you will figure out what you like best.

 

Also, I havent looked up your previous posts but I was wondering these fantasies of disaster you mentioned. The central focus of these seems to be that you are the romantic soulful victim of a harsh world. [i'm not judging, I think that its part & parcel of depression, and after two suicide attempts years ago, I can relate.] Is that stemming from a trauma of some sort, childhood or otherwise? Because as a child we are quite helpless and dependent on others caring for us. As an adult you are not helpless. We all FEEL helpless at times, and to some degree we have to accept that we dont have control over bad **** happening. But what we do have control over is not letting it get us down. [Hence the "**** Happens" bumper stickers]. It sounds like you are really becoming an adult, because like I said with that realisation that we are in control of our own happiness comes that responsibility for it.

 

Try the exercise, twice a week really exert yourself, and take up one thing that will get you out talking to other people. Say for three months try it.

 

Oh, and as an aside about diet - they used to try to get us to eat bannanas in the psychiatric hospital. Lack of postassium can cause depression - but hey we were all banannas at the time anyway :lmao:

[blind_otter]

Whatever you focus your energy and intention on is what will manifest in your life.

 

So "think positive" is sage advice, but very often it falls on deaf ears. Visualization really is a powerful tool. For example, when an olympic athelete visualizes themselves engaging in their sport, the very same areas of the brain are activated that become active when they are actually engaging in the sport IRL! Concert pianists and musicians also practice this visualization technique.

 

I recommend meditation. The thing about meditation is that there are two kinds -- insight and tranquility. Most practice tranquility. Calming themslves. Insight requires a more vigorous practice and can be completely non-denominational. It's about training your mind.

 

Mostly we feel that we are the passive victim of our own thoughts. That we are floating around like a feather in the wind, pushed in directions by the wind and not by our own efforts. That's not true, though. If you really analyzed every thought you had, you would be paralyzed and overloaded with information.

 

We pick and choose what we focus on, even on a subconscious level. Meditation trains you to build focus and clarity, to observe the flow of your thoughts without control or judgement, and then to subsequently attempt to direct your thoughts in specific ways, I.E. -- "Focus on the positive".

 

It is truely shyt, though, that most therapists allude to this without explaining, offering a methodology, or very often even practicing this themselves. It's so much easier to sit in the effing armchair and dish out advice if you don't follow it yourself.