I don't want to be this way anymore!!!!

[lo_lo]

As a little girl i went through so much hurt and drama. And it turned me into this fragile person. Always getting hurt and taken advantage of and not doing anything about it. Before i wouldnt care about anything. And when i say anything i literally mean it. The only consolation i would get, was from writting in journal and letting all my feelings out. I never really liked talking about my problems growing up. I kept everything inside.

 

Now that im 20 years old going on to 21 things are almost the same. In some way im still afraid to stand up for myself. It's not that i don't want to, but something inside me won't let me. I get so mad at myself for this. I try not to blame my past life or my life as a child. I don't want to be blaming anyone. This is my life and i should be the one taking responsibility for my own actions.

 

But lately i feel so bad and ashamed for being this way. I want to take control of my life and sometimes i just don't know how. I don't want to be this poor girl who everyone is gonna feel sorry for because of the things i've been through. But the truth is that, I am a strong person and can live life just fine. But trying to find a way to actually living it right is the difficult part. I'm not sure where to start with myself or my life.......

 

Can my attitude towards life be changed or even helped?? ( i know it can) LOL but how??

 

I'm getting sick of myself!! I need to be different and not be this sad person!!!

[Jizzosh]

Yea..I was kinda the same way for awhile. In fact I still am in many situations, the quiet shy guy who doesn't talk or stand out even if it's against what he believes in. That's only when I'm alone though, like don't have anyone familiar or no friends around me.

 

The only thing I can tell you is, you're going to regret it. You don't want to live life with any regrets, and that's why I've changed so much in the past few years. I used to be the loser who had no friends and no girls would ever give me a look, and let me tell you it wasn't fun. Everyone holds themselves back because they fear change. They think people are gonna think they're weird or stupid for changing. Then I thought to myself, 'do you really want to look back on this when you're older and be content'? I knew I'd regret my high school life. Everyone was out having fun with friends and getting involved, but I wasn't. I decided I wouldn't have any regrets anymore.

 

Just like start making strong bonds with one person and be their freind. Just one, don't try to rush anything. Then once you've got that good friend, you'll be able to make friends with their friends and it'll be easy.

[norajane]

Confidence in yourself will get you where you want to be.

 

Start small - set small goals for yourself and work to achieve them. Let your small successes build on each other and give you more confidence with each step. Stretch yourself a little and set goals that you think might be slightly out of your reach. Each time you 'just do it' reward yourself with a little treat that makes you feel good.

 

For example, if you have trouble speaking up for yourself, set a goal that the next time you don't get the right order or your order is over-cooked, too salty, whatever, at a restaurant, you will politely tell the waitress.

 

Or if a friend says something that hurts your feelings, that you will politely say, "That hurt my feelings."

 

Work your way up to the bigger things. You'll get there.

[Becoming]

Are you afraid that if you actually stand up for yourself that someone will hurt or reject you?

 

If you were abused as a child or neglected, please, please get into counseling with someone who specializes in recovery from child abuse/neglect. Do the rest of your life that one favor because you'll keep repeating the abuse on yourself internally, which is what it sounds like you may be doing--all subconsciously.