Brother-in-Law

[Guest]

I am writing this to get this off of my chest, I need to talk about it.

 

This may be long so I apologize now. I am 40 year old woman married for 7 years. My sister is 34 married to her 35 year old husband for 15 years.

 

Recently I started to notice how attractive my brother in law is. Maybe it is because my sister would always tell me that he is very compassionate, caring and sweet to her. Something that I am not getting at home, yea maybe it is that 7 year itch thing, I don't know.

 

My sister recently told me she has not made love to her husband in 18 months. I could not believe this, I inquired as to why, she said since the birth of her last child it is physically painful for her to have intercourse.

 

Here is what I still cannot believe, last weekend there was a family cookout at my brothers house. We needed some more tables which I had at my house, since my brother in law has a truck he said he would go get them. I was not thinking of anything more then getting the tables and I jumped in the truck with him. It is about a 10 minute drive to my house and on the way we were talking and just as we were pulling in a thought ran through my head. I want him...I cannot believe I was actually thinking that. I am such a bad person. He went to the garage to get the tables from the attic and I went into the house. I really could not get him out of my mind and here we are alone....I just wanted him to load the tables and get going.

 

Well that is exactly what we did we went right back to the party. Knowing how long it has been since he has made love and for me it has actually been 8 months, but i am just not interested in what is at home. Again maybe the 7 year itch. I cannot get him out of my mind, I want to be with him so bad, I don't know what to do. I lay awake dreaming of being in his arms. My sister even told me that if he cheated she would not be upset....I have rationalized that as permission to sleep with her husband. I know what I feel is so wrong but I also know it would be so right.

 

What to do?

[SoCalCatman72]

Recently I started to notice how attractive my brother in law is. Maybe it is because my sister would always tell me that he is very compassionate, caring and sweet to her. Something that I am not getting at home, yea maybe it is that 7 year itch thing, I don't know.

 

Maybe you need to take a much closer look at your home life and marriage.

 

My sister even told me that if he cheated she would not be upset....I have rationalized that as permission to sleep with her husband.

 

Um.......IMO big mistake. Whereas she said that "if" he cheated she would not be upset (which I doubt), things tend to change when the person they cheated with a someone she knows intimately (YOU) and not some nameless, faceless bimbo.

 

I know what I feel is so wrong but I also know it would be so right.

 

Honestly, I HATE this line. It's a prima facia example of someone trying to justify an action that is not justifiable. It might "feel" right for a few minutes, but the fact that you "know" it's wrong should be a warning bell.

 

Personally there's some things I know are wrong but I'm sure would 'feel' right, like emptying a magazine full of 9mm 147gr JHP into a certain someone's head, sure would feel right, but the police and DA would tell me that they know it's wrong.

 

What to do?

 

Take an honest look at yourself and your marriage. Try to fix it, and if it can't be fixed, then end it and have the courage to stand alone, on your own two feet before finding someone else to be with. As the old line in "Some Kind Of Wonderful" goes 'It's better to be alone for all the right reasons, than to be with someone for all the wrong ones.'

 

Good luck.

[GuestAnswerer]

I am such a bad person.

 

First and most importantly. You are NOT a bad person. People have these kinds of feelings often. People ACT on these kinds of feelings often, that's why there's a Jerry Springer show.. But seriously... Here's the deal..

 

As long as marriage is involved. It's off limits for you (or he) to ACT. Period. No action, no sleeping together or anything even close. NO ACTING OUT. Understood?

 

However, nobody ever said just because you are married it doesn't mean you can't look or smile or giggle or be attracted and keep a good thing in it's place. Obviously, you are not alone in the world for feeling this way http://www.misterpoll.com/2428076783.html - sexuality is a normal, human thing. Keeping it in it's proper place is the true task at hand. As long as you both have the discipline to keep from crossing that physical activity line, there's really no reason you can't enjoy his existing and vice-versa.

 

Fantasy is a wonderful thing and completely within the realm of the reasonable. There's really no point in you beating yourself with a verbal stick and telling yourself how "bad" you are (unless that kind of thing turns you on) - but otherwise the goal is to stay within the boundries of ACTUAL PHYSICAL REALITY and enjoy life. By using your mind instead of your body you can accomplish that goal.

 

However, (a disclaimer) if you are not the type of person who is strong enough to follow through keeping things in their proper place with your physical actions once you've made a decision - best you NOT flirt or fantasize or humor the idea any more, because in such a situation you'd be in danger of crossing that line physically and that's just a NO GO situation.

 

All the best to you.

[whichwayisup]

My sister even told me that if he cheated she would not be upset....I have rationalized that as permission to sleep with her husband. I know what I feel is so wrong but I also know it would be so right.

 

No no no...Don't give yourself permission because she said that. I don't believe she meant it at all, and if she did by chance, the last person who should be thinking outside the box with this, is you.

 

Fix your own marriage, focus on your husband. You say it's the 7 year itch? Well, deal with it. Go to counselling, talk to your husband, shake things up by surprising your hubby and doing something different. Go on a weekend get away with him...But please, do NOT be so selfish and help yourself to your sister's husband. So many people will be affected by this and it's so wrong.

 

Control yourself, you're an adult. Lust is lust, attraction is attraction. You CAN control and make yourself stay away from him.