Dislike my hubby's best friend

[Guest]

I am not real crazy about my H BF, they are OK apart, but together they seem to drop IQ points. They act like teenagers. They seems to have this secret language and ways of joking that is so juvenile. What's worse is my H got him a job with him, so they are together alot. My H really enjoys his friendship, but I find myself disliking his BF more and more. I mentioned something to him a few days ago, because I feel it's the BF egging my H on and causing him to make poor decisions at work. He (best friend) also treats his wife poorly and they have a two year old that he (in my opinion) is not the greatest dad to. I don't want these poor traits eeking in to my marriage. But I also don't want to be a nag and get in between his friendship. He said that he has known this guy longer than me, so he's not going to change all of a sudden b/c of this friendship. We've been together for 12 years. He met his friend a year or two before me. About 6 years ago he moved away and life was good, then about 2 years ago he moved back and started working with my H, and I can feel the tension starting to rise. I don't want to become resentful of his friendship, but it's already starting. What can I do?

[Guest]

I wish I had an answer for you!

 

I am kind of going through the same thing. My husband met this guy at work, who happens to be single, and a total womanizer. They do the same thing you described with your Husband and his friend; act like teenagers!

 

Worse, I can tell my husband sees the freedom this guy has, and is missing being a single man. He even made a suggestion that he take his friend out, to help him meet girls, and be his "wing man."

 

I just about lost it.

 

When I brought up that I didn't care for his friend (there are many other reasons too, but I don't want to make this into a long post) he became pretty upset, defensive and it got pretty ugly.

 

I'm curious to see some suggestions as well.

[Guest]

I am not real crazy about my H BF, they are OK apart, but together they seem to drop IQ points. They act like teenagers. They seems to have this secret language and ways of joking that is so juvenile. What's worse is my H got him a job with him, so they are together alot. My H really enjoys his friendship, but I find myself disliking his BF more and more. I mentioned something to him a few days ago, because I feel it's the BF egging my H on and causing him to make poor decisions at work.

 

He (best friend) also treats his wife poorly and they have a two year old that he (in my opinion) is not the greatest dad to. I don't want these poor traits eeking in to my marriage. But I also don't want to be a nag and get in between his friendship. He said that he has known this guy longer than me, so he's not going to change all of a sudden b/c of this friendship. We've been together for 12 years. He met his friend a year or two before me. About 6 years ago he moved away and life was good, then about 2 years ago he moved back and started working with my H, and I can feel the tension starting to rise. I don't want to become resentful of his friendship, but it's already starting. What can I do?

 

 

 

I don't have a good answer for you. I am in the exact same situation!

 

My fiance's best friend annoys the crap out of me. He doesn't respect women, he's cheated on his girlfriend numerous times, he talks about inane, stupid stuff all the time. But it's a friend my guy has known since childhood and they are like brothers. He wouldn't give him up for the world. And I wouldn't ask him to.

 

I've told my fiance' that I don't like his friend and I feel his friend doesn't like me. He is OK with me not spending time around his friend. I try to avoid him whenever possible. He doesn't come to our house very often, usually my fiance goes to his place or meets him out.

 

We just have an understanding that the two of us don't really get along. So he tries not to have us in the same place too often.

 

Once in a while it's unavoidable...in which case I just make do.

 

Listen, there will be friends or relatives of yours that your husband will not be able to stand. It's part of being in a relationship. You sometimes have to put up with people you'd prefer not have around.

 

Unless his friend is doing something physically harmful, emotionally abusive or illegal to you and your family, you cannot forbid your husband from having him as a friend. It will only drive a wedge between you

 

You have to find a way to come to peace with it

[whichwayisup]

You have to understand most men are like this, they revert backwards when with their bestfriend or a gang of buddies.

 

What you can control is HOW your husband is at home. If he starts being a jerk to you or your son you DO have say in that. What he does and how he acts when he isn't around you really doesn't matter. Let him act like a 12 year old with his buddy...He's having fun and if he screws up at work because he's picking up bad habits from his BF, well, he'll suffer the consquences and learn the hard way.

 

When you feel the tension rising in you, count to 10 slowly, take a deep breath and walk away...

[whichwayisup]

Oops, OK as long as he isn't out chasing other women and being a wing man!

 

But if he does stupid immature guy things, you don't wanna know about that stuff...Just like when you see your girl friends, what you do and talk about isn't your husband's concern.

 

Try to see the BF only when he is with his wife. On weekends, insist that is family time and seeing as he works with this guy, weekends are offlimits. Hope this helps!

[britchick]

I used to have the same problem with my SOs best friend. They also act like 5 year olds when they're together, private jokes etc. It wasn't so much his friends behaviour, my SO just became really unattractive to me when I saw them together. Since they had known each other since they were kids, I didn't feel I had any right to interfere in their relationship and for a time I just avoided seeing them together.

Over the years, I have grown quite fond of his best friend and now would consider him a friend of mine. I never thought I would say that! 'Bestfriend' even suggested my SO leave me at one point early in our relationship because I was quite seriously ill. I was so angry at the time, but came to see that he was concerned that his friend was taking on a lot (sick woman with two kids). Now, unfortunately, best friend is in a serious relationship with his first child on the way and his girlfriend has forbidden him from seeing my SO (she has major jealousy issues). I think this is really sad and we both miss him.

IMO men aren't great at making 'best' friends (at least mine isn't) but it's just as important for them to have a friend they can confide in and feel relaxed with as it is for us women and who knows if they have someone like this, it may stop them striking up a 'friendship' with that really understanding woman at work!