mizq Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 I have been dating a man for 1 year. 9 months out of this year, he was incarcerated. Now. I know what everyone says about the man fresh outta the bink... they are going to cheat. Well, this particular man and I have taken the steps to help our relationship work (like everyone does) but the other day, we were just chillin and one (of two) of his baby's mamas came over and demanded to know what kind of game he was playing, she said they'd been messing around and that they were going to make it work for their daughter. The whole time he sits there like a bump on a log, looking stupid. Then later on, he calls me from her phone and told me that his heart was with her. So I told him that I hate him but I hope he's happy with his decision. Not an hour later, he's calling and leaving messages that he's sorry and he doesn't want her and he's not going to be with her even if we're not together. He just wants me to answer the phone and we need to talk about this... she made him do that because she said he won't get to see his daughter and all this "wantcha back" type of stuff. Well then, the baby's mama calls to have "a girl-to-girl" talk about this. I simply told her that I'm not into that messiness and I'm not messing with him anymore, so I hope they have a happy life together... she didnt' say anything, so I hung up the phone. Now my heart is torn in half. On one hand, I hate him and on the other hand, I remember that I've never been closer to any other man before in my life. I am shocked and appalled that she would say the things that she did, just so we won't be together, but I am also a baby's mama and there were times that I acted less than the woman that I am... love has crazy affects on everyone. So I talked to him and told him how hurt I was and that I have no trust in him, but that's just it... I don't trust him and I want to call it off, but half of me is still in love... I dont' know what to do. I know if I decide to be with him, that I will have to forgive and move on from that point and in past relationships, I'd assume hurt that person back than to be the bigger person. what do ya'll think? Link to post Share on other sites
LittleWingedOne Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Ok, I will respond to this without going into the jail thing, because in the end it has nothing to do with it, neither does the fact that he has two children with different women. Stuff like that happens a lot, and it doesn't mean that a man can't come out of it and have a healthy relationship. The bottom line is, if he will just up and leave you like that, without explaining the situation with the woman (wanting him to see the kid and all) he's not worth it. For him to call you like that (from her phone no less!) is beyond awful. There are so many men out there, and you can find one that wants to be with YOU and isn't going to be changing his mind every day. He's obviously immature and doesn't know what he wants. If you know you can't live without him, then try, but dont be blind to the fact that he may just hurt you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 I have been dating a man for 1 year. 9 months out of this year, he was incarcerated. Now. I know what everyone says about the man fresh outta the bink... they are going to cheat. Well, this particular man and I have taken the steps to help our relationship work (like everyone does) but the other day, we were just chillin and one (of two) of his baby's mamas came over and demanded to know what kind of game he was playing, she said they'd been messing around and that they were going to make it work for their daughter. The whole time he sits there like a bump on a log, looking stupid. Then later on, he calls me from her phone and told me that his heart was with her. So I told him that I hate him but I hope he's happy with his decision. Not an hour later, he's calling and leaving messages that he's sorry and he doesn't want her and he's not going to be with her even if we're not together. He just wants me to answer the phone and we need to talk about this... she made him do that because she said he won't get to see his daughter and all this "wantcha back" type of stuff. Well then, the baby's mama calls to have "a girl-to-girl" talk about this. I simply told her that I'm not into that messiness and I'm not messing with him anymore, so I hope they have a happy life together... she didnt' say anything, so I hung up the phone. Now my heart is torn in half. On one hand, I hate him and on the other hand, I remember that I've never been closer to any other man before in my life. I am shocked and appalled that she would say the things that she did, just so we won't be together, but I am also a baby's mama and there were times that I acted less than the woman that I am... love has crazy affects on everyone. So I talked to him and told him how hurt I was and that I have no trust in him, but that's just it... I don't trust him and I want to call it off, but half of me is still in love... I dont' know what to do. I know if I decide to be with him, that I will have to forgive and move on from that point and in past relationships, I'd assume hurt that person back than to be the bigger person. what do ya'll think? well im kinda in the same situation but not as serious. well my bf is locked up right now and he has a baby momma. his son is almost 1. but the girl kept telling me things that supposively went on when he was out here and when i was at work or school. thing is i actaully started believing her and i wrote him all kinds of things but just simply telling him to admit if the things were true. i love him and im gonna stay with him because our love is too strong and his actions show me that he doesnt want anything to do with her because otherwise he would still be with her today you know? but back to your situatioin sometimes you have to let go of the things you love. if the girl is causing trouble now it might just get worse but if your willing to go through that you should give it a try. but if you need to talk about it some more let me know ok. take care and hope things work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 I think you both should know that you both probably deserve better. I guess you can answer that yourselves...Do you deserve better than what these men are offering? Love hurts sometimes, yes, but you have to weigh it all. These situations can only bring pain. We enter relationships with thoughts of happiness don't we? No matter what, somewhere along the line, you can guarantee that this situation will make you cry, this will break your heart, and at a point you will have to make a choice about staying or leaving. This is guaranteed. I say this because...There is another woman in the equation, who either wants, or is with your man. Ten times out of ten, there will be drama! I too, will not speak on the incarceration. *biting my tounge* But I hope that I can save you ladies anymore pain and heartache and you will take heed to my words and leave these men. If a man has a child, no problem. But and this is a big BUT...he has to be dedicated to YOU in the relationship. The relationship between him and the mom must be strictly about the child's welfare. How do you know this? There will be no secrets about you when dealing with the mother. He will never call you and hurt you or disrespect you in front of her. She could never force him or coerce him to do anything vicious toward you. He will openly express that he is in love with you and dedicated to you and he will assure you that he is with you to keep you happy. From what you said here, neither of these men have done this. Let them go, be with someone who is devoted to you and only you! Good luck to you both. Please come back and let us know what you've decided. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Try to forgive him but don't chose to be with him unless you are aware that the consequences of continuing a relationship with this man would probably be pretty bad. He already hurt you in such a horrible way. I doubt I would ever be able to fully trust someone like that again, and you would constantly be looking, looking, looking behind yourback, through his things, in his cellphone -- because once he has betrayed you like this, it will always be in the back of your mind that he very well may stray again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mizq Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Don't I know everything everyone has said! And thank you... the problem is that I've never forgiven anyone before and his actions are showing that he's trying to reassure me that its over with, but I just can't forget that it happened in the first place. I have always started cheating and playing games at this point in a relationship, but I almost lost my life to the games that I was playing in a past relationship, so I don't want to go that route with this, I know I need to break it off and let it go... the response that said "you'll always be looking over your shoulder" was absolutely right! AND, since then, he had a voice message from her, letting him know that she was home from work! So now, I'm a stupid idiot that lets this person still tell me this bs and sticks around to get kicked in the face again... I can't say anything about the voicemail because i know that I shouldn't have been checking it. Sooooo what am I going to do? I'm going to go catch him in the act so that I can rightfully let it go!!! Stay tuned... Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Sooooo what am I going to do? I'm going to go catch him in the act so that I can rightfully let it go!!! Stay tuned... Or you could rightfully walk away. Simply because you want to. No explaination needed if you choose not to give one. If you must have a reason, I think you've gotten it already, use that! Link to post Share on other sites
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