Emily Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 We have been married 6 years. Recently, I have found some messages between he and a girl he graduated high school with 13 years ago. She searched for him and found him online. I know it was her that found him because the messages say so. Anyway, they have not met, or arranged a meeting, and he mentioned me a couple times. After mentioning me, she said "I guess you want me to back off?" and he said he was happy and not looking to hurt me. Then a couple days go by and he messages her and says "I guess you don't want to hook up?" That's when I confronted him, and threatened to move out. Even though he hasn't physically met up with her, I am still very, very hurt. My trust is out the window. He says that he was only flirting, and it was nice to have someone take interest in him. (she kept mentioning in the emails that she had a "major thing" for him years ago) He gave me permission to email her and tell her I found the emails which I did. She is married as well. I wasn't nasty because she does not know me. Should I move out? I love him dearly and we are in the process of undergoing fertility treatment. I just don't know how I can trust him any time he gets on the computer. If he was trying to meet up with her, who's to say that he hasn't done this with any other female?? Please, any thoughts would be appreciated:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I too would be very upset about this, but what else is going on in your relationship? You mentioned fertility treatment, this is so stressful and perhaps it has made him question his 'manliness' or it's putting a lot of strain on your relationship. I'm not making excuses for him but these things don't happen in a void. I wouldn't be so quick to move out, if you are both looking at starting a family together, this must be a relationship worth fighting for. Perhaps you both need some marriage counselling before you go any further with the fertility treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Britchick is right. This may be simply that. This girl is "badgering" him...IMHO...for a relationship. He says a few statements to the positive AFTER saying many that indicate he wants nothing. I can understand your concerns, but this is a stressful time for both. Moving out will not solve your problems. Moving out will make a statement to him, but it will also leave the door open for this OW. Suddenly, your husband who had no intentions of cheating is left vulnerable. Suddenly, six years of your life have been lost without the possibility of reconciliation. I believe this can be worked out. Long talks and possibly counseling will go along ways. And he should end all contact with this OW before it becomes a problem. And you should learn to put it behind you all. BTW, how did you "discover" these emails? Did you have reason to suspect anything? Or have you been a bit overly concerned? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Email her and tell her that you've read the emails, to leave your husband alone and if she doesn't then you're going to forward ALL the emails to HER husband and then she can justify HER actions to her own hubby. WTF. She shouldn't be lusting after your husband, offering herself up! And, he shouldn't be looking for "friendship" with her like that. Old friends are just that...Old friends and usually don't come with intention of ruining marriages! Don't move out, but take this opportunity to find out WHY he finds the necessary to seek attention from her. Maybe some of his needs at home are not being met. And yours...I mean, are you two happy? Do you both feel satisified with your marriage? Maybe this is a good thing because the marriage can be fixed and made better by talking and going to marriage counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
ddw5195 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 so take the computer out. why do you need one. for this purpose? if it is for bussness then use it only for bussness. I went through years of infertility treatment and it takes its toll on both of you. maybe to just get his mind off other things. I dont think he ment to hurt you and if he did say in the email that he was happy and that he loved you and did not want to hurt you then I would then turn to her. you were nice to her? WHY??? because she does not know you!!! please, I would have wtfo!!!!! if he told her he was married and that he loved you and did not want to hurt you, and you said there was no more emails till she emailed him again..... HUMMMMMMMM lets see..... I think she needs a wake up call and find out who you are and get to know you the hard way. yes he is guilty but not as guilty as she is and I would print the emails out that she sent and send them to her husband cause he probley is a devoted husband and she is screwing him over big time. would you want to be hurt like that. it just so happens you found it and really it is her starting it and look how hurt you are. I am sure she is and would sleep around on her husband. just think she would have slept with yours if he gave her the time and day. would you want to be him? send them without a return address and address them to him. Link to post Share on other sites
JandT Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 visit our website at http://www.whataretheydoingonline.com if you have any questions we'd be happy to help. [email protected]! Link to post Share on other sites
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