Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I am dealing with a tough situation. I really like a girl that I work with (I am her supervisor). We get along really well together, regular light touching, very close emotionally, enjoy work trips together and do a few things outside of the office. She has a long-term boyfriend who is pretty much a bum. Instead of criticizing, I choose to not talk about him at all (essentially pretend he does not exist), which makes the relationship a little odd because we talk about everything else. She has never asked me why I don't - I pretty much assume she knows that it is because I like her. However, after many months of this going on, we have never once had a discussion as to what is going on or what our relationship is about. I will say that because of my actions, she rarely even mentions the guy to me anymore. I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested? I guess I find it very strange that she does not seem uncomfortable about the fact that her boss, whom she is very close to, will not even acknowledge the existence of her boyfriend. I would be happy to share additional facts and my opinion, but I want to see what other have to say. Thanks for any and all comments. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 well T2004....you're playing with fire and will most likely get burned eventually. Keep a professional relaitonship with your subordinates. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Been there, done that. She's in to you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 She's in to you. yeah, but for a promotion or raise only. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 yeah, but for a promotion or raise only. Nope..not necessarily. The OP describes the EXACT situation that led to my first marriage. I wasn't looking for a promoton or a raise. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Nope..not necessarily. The OP describes the EXACT situation that led to my first marriage. yeah and I can see that relationship worked out well... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 yeah and I can see that relationship worked out well... I didn't say it worked out well. I don't think that's what the OP was asking. Go back and read the original post. The girl is very obviously into him. The OP didn't ask whether it was a good idea or not. Of course it's not....on so many levels. But again, that's not what he asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 Touche, I would like to hear more about your personal situation. You can send me a PM. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Touche, I would like to hear more about your personal situation. You can send me a PM. Ha! Trust me you don't want to know! In all seriousness...the fact that he was my boss had NOTHING to do with the fact that we crashed and burned after 9 years. What's your age difference by the way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 We are both in our 20's. I am a few years older. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 We are both in our 20's. I am a few years older. That's cool. By the way you can't receive PM's but I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 I would like to hear your comments regarding my question. If you are the girl in that position, how would you act? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I would like to hear your comments regarding my question. If you are the girl in that position, how would you act? "I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested?" I was living with my boyfriend at the time I was falling in love with my boss. And yes, had I not been interested in my boss I would have stopped all personal conversations and mentioned my b/f a lot. BUT since I WAS interested I did not stop those things from happening. Once I realized that I was head over heels in love with my boss, I moved out of my b/f's and began a relationship with my boss. Does that answer the question? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Once I realized that I was head over heels in love with my boss, I moved out of my b/f's and began a relationship with my boss. Yes, that confirms my theory that many women are like monkeys swinging from trees....they will never let go of the last branch until they have a firm grip on the new branch. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 I guess my question is this, ladies (or gents): if you are this girl, and still loved your boyfriend (and/or did not have extra feelings for your boss), wouldn't you continue to talk about him, and/or try to put some distance between yourself and your boss (e.g. stop all touching, try to not be so emotionally close) in order to show you are not interested? What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Yes, that confirms my theory that many women are like monkeys swinging from trees....they will never let go of the last branch until they have a firm grip on the new branch. Not true. We had a nine year relationship that ended in marriage and then divorce. I let go of that branch with NO grip on any new branch. Of course I met someone else three days later! He's been my husband now for 11 years! So there goes another one of your theories flying out the window! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 What was the scenario in which you finally told him your feelings? Spur of the moment? Also, why were you the one to do it, and not your boss? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 What was the scenario in which you finally told him your feelings? Spur of the moment? Also, why were you the one to do it, and not your boss? What do you mean "Why were you the one to do it?" Do what? Not sure what you mean. The scenario was that I was sensing that my feelings for him were mutual. Like you said about the touching...conversations getting personal, etc. One day after work, on the spur of the moment, I asked him out for a drink. We stayed out VERY late and at the end of the night we kissed. That was the beginning.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 Oh, ok, so it was mutual. I was just wondering who was the one to basically say "I like you more than just friends." I know we will eventually have that discussion, but I am not sure when or where. I do thank you for all of your thoughts. This has been a difficult situation, and it is good to know that others have been through something similar. Link to post Share on other sites
princessa Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 Maybe it's just me and maybe I'm weird like that.. But let's say that I am friends with a guy, and am pretty close to him, and I have a boyfriend and he's aware of that. If I'm confident about my relationship I see no need in constantly mentioning it. I just upfront assume that the other guy (friend) knows that he's just a friend and has no chance with me. I would try to keep a certain distance between us, although depending on the girl that distance might include some light touching (some chicks are confortable with that coming from friends). It makes perfect sense to me to never talk about my boyfriend if I happen to notice that my friend is uncomfortable talking about him and never brings him up. I'd just go with the flow and try to keep the great friendship without the drama. Just because somebody's NOT trying to be cold to you doesn't mean they're interested. Maybe she's comfortable with the friendship as it is, and since you're not pulling any moves on her why would she bother trying to push you away and put distance between you and ruin the friendship? NOT TO MENTION WORKING ENVIRONMENT!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 I have seen a woman warm up to the boss like that for business reasons. Just makes it easier for her to get her way. I suspect this is more likely to happen in a situation where the woman knows she will be moving on in time so the ramifications in that job are secondary to playing the boss in the present moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texas2004 Posted September 24, 2006 Author Share Posted September 24, 2006 I just wanted to let you guys know that I learned she broke up with her boyfriend this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeto Posted September 27, 2006 Share Posted September 27, 2006 first of all what kind of touching???? you said light, do you mean like a touch on the shoulder which could mean your so funny, or really I did not know I am sorry or the eye thing like humm I wish I could see you but I cant cause I love someone else? or a at on the butt, you or her doing the touching?? if you are just doing light touching I would say you could be getting the signals all wrong. I am the kinda of person who is light touchie. I do the shoulder thig exclude the touch on the shoulder like I wish I could but I cant.... I am an easy going person and can laugh and joke witht he best of them and also have a beer and just get confortable where ever I am. I have had the oppsite sex take it the wrong way when I had no intentions for that happening!!!!! I am just myself and sometimes that gets me in trouble. there is only one guy that I have had a relationship with that is so fun to be friends with and I will never have to worry about him taking it the wrong way and we are best friends me his wife and my husband. I have taken him to the airport and eat with him etc. it is cool having the fun relationships to have a beer and just chill so do you think that when you go places thatis what it is and not what you thought it is. just asking. Link to post Share on other sites
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