My God...I hurt SO bad!!!

[Tormented]

Green...thank you so much for the words of support. Certainly helps when you've got others in your corner who KNOW how you feel, what you're going through.

 

But now I'm going through yet ANOTHER twist in this never-ending drama. Seems my ex's girlfriend (the one he left me for) has decided to take up the sport of stalking me!!

 

Please read my thread "What the hell???" for the ugly details. Tell you what, if this continues I'm calling the police. I will NOT tolerate some nut job stalking me.

 

Oooohhhh....I'm SO tired of it all!!!

 

~Tormented~

[Greensleaves]

Oh dear, Tormented, that does top it off. I guess if it continues you should probably tell the police. They probably don't do anything until she breaks the laws, but who knows, maybe she has a history of stalking or something. Worst thing is that she seemingly doesn't even refrain from dragging your son into it. That is sooo wrong, but I guess she doesn't really hear and see reason anyways.

Maybe you should tell him, but then again you probably don't want to contact him. Maybe her husband could enlighten the thing a bit further.

 

Hmm, in a weird twisted way it probably can be seen as an evidence that you must have made an impression or definitely meant something to your Ex or else she wouldn't bother to stalk you. I know that doesn't help though.

 

Hope you will find a solution to that problem soon and that you can continue to live your life in peace. Jeez, that definitely tops it all.

Hang in there, somehow-

[B-3128]

Hey,

You’re most welcome. You’ve helped me out loads too, so thank you back! Reading about BPD has helped me make sense of so many things. Throughout, it was as though I was on a mission to ‘save her’ etc. Now I realise that it is impossible to fill the bottomless void, and that I have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Stalking eh? Whoa! That’s something I know very little about. Maybe it’s just a one off case. Bear in mind that you WILL assume the worst of her, so there is the (slim) chance she was just visiting someone who lives down the road or something. I would wait and see if it happened again before getting the police or something. The truth is, she was probably checking to see if your xbf was at your place. She probably has pretty bad paranoia.

 

The phonecall: that’s FREAKY! It’s not fair on your son for having to be put through this by her (if it is her). That’s just out of order. Remember though, we have a lot of assumptions and not enough proof at this stage. Even if it is her, best thing to do is not panic. Maybe it will stop. Maybe she’s doing it to try to get you to contact your ex about it, thereby fulfilling her greatest fear: abandonment. If she’s a BP, she’ll behave in funny ways like that to confirm her world view. Man, these people are just such a headache! Can’t help but feel sorry for them too, but they’re still a headache.

 

I got the first missed call last night. Fortunately, I didn’t have to ignore it because I genuinely missed it! Tough times lie ahead…

 

B

[Tormented]

Maybe you should tell him, but then again you probably don't want to contact him. Maybe her husband could enlighten the thing a bit further.

 

Hmm, in a weird twisted way it probably can be seen as an evidence that you must have made an impression or definitely meant something to your Ex or else she wouldn't bother to stalk you. I know that doesn't help though.

 

Hope you will find a solution to that problem soon and that you can continue to live your life in peace. Jeez, that definitely tops it all.

Hang in there, somehow-

 

Hello Green,

 

No, calling my ex about this is out of the question. I am firm in my resolve to never speak to him again. I have decided that if it happens again, I will notify the police. Perhaps a visit to his house from the police department would put an end to it. That way, not only is she going to have to answer to the authorities about her bizarre behavior, but she will also have to answer to my ex as well. It would be a most embarrassing moment for her, no doubt. But at least she would get the message loud and clear that I will not put up with her stalking.

 

I honestly don't know why she's doing it. I just found out from a friend who saw her recently that she has died her hair blonde (I am blonde), which I found very bizarre. This poor woman is majorly screwed up in the head. She has been diagnosed as ADD and Borderline Personality Disorder by a professional. The poor thing lacks any job skills (so when she does work, it is for minimum wage), she tends to run to weight, and is in the position of having to be with a man to support her.

 

And I think it is here that my ex is attracted to her. He is a complete control freak...prefers his woman to stay at home because he is very jealous, wants to know where his "woman" is at all times, likes to call the shots in everything about the relationship, insists that his woman lives with him....and even went as far as telling me (more than once) that if it was still legal, he'd insist his woman wear a chasitie belt. No kidding!!

 

This is where he and I had major problems. I am very independent...don't want nor need for anybody to tell me what to do or how to live my life. I am a professional, own my own car (his now-girlfriend does not and relies on him to allow her to use his car)...I rent a nice house and do not need to live with him (whereas she can't afford a place of her own), and in general, can take care of myself....whereas she needs to be taken care of. He can control her...he can not control me and this frustrated him. However, when he and I were together, he told me that he did not respect her. So, why he went back to her is beyond me.

 

Yes, I have thought about talking to her soon-to-be-ex-husband. From what I hear, he is doing okay with it all. According to him, she has left him 5 times before and he is tired of it. Said that in many ways he is relieved. He also said that my ex and she "deserve each other" because they are both "coniving liars." I agree with him, they are.

 

I'm sure it's been quite an ego bruiser for them both (she and my ex) that her husband nor I have contacted either of them, have not pined for either of them, have not called, begged, or have tried to make contact in any way. I'm sure they both fully expected all this drama from the husband and I, but have received none. And really, that's the worst thing her husband and I could do to them...to move on with our lives and leave them be. Now they're pretty much stuck with each other with nobody else to run to, nobody waiting for them or wanting them in the wings.

 

Saw my ex yesterday. He drives a logging truck and passed by me as I drove by him during my lunch break. He had the nerve to smile and wave at me. I just kept driving, pretended I didn't see him...just ignored him. After all that has happened, after the horrible way he broke my heart, he waves as if we're suppose to be "best buddies." Is he out of his friggn' mind??? I tell you, Green, I'm seriously thinking about moving away from this area...just start over somewhere new.

 

Maybe THEN I'll get some peace.

 

Thank you for your words of support. I very much appreciate it.

 

~Tomented~

[Tormented]

Reading about BPD has helped me make sense of so many things. Throughout, it was as though I was on a mission to ‘save her’ etc. Now I realise that it is impossible to fill the bottomless void, and that I have nothing to feel guilty about.

 

Stalking eh? Whoa! That’s something I know very little about. Maybe it’s just a one off case. Bear in mind that you WILL assume the worst of her, so there is the (slim) chance she was just visiting someone who lives down the road or something. I would wait and see if it happened again before getting the police or something. The truth is, she was probably checking to see if your xbf was at your place. She probably has pretty bad paranoia.

 

The phonecall: that’s FREAKY! It’s not fair on your son for having to be put through this by her (if it is her). That’s just out of order. Remember though, we have a lot of assumptions and not enough proof at this stage. Even if it is her, best thing to do is not panic. Maybe it will stop. Maybe she’s doing it to try to get you to contact your ex about it, thereby fulfilling her greatest fear: abandonment. If she’s a BP, she’ll behave in funny ways like that to confirm her world view. Man, these people are just such a headache! Can’t help but feel sorry for them too, but they’re still a headache.

 

I got the first missed call last night. Fortunately, I didn’t have to ignore it because I genuinely missed it! Tough times lie ahead…

 

B

 

Hey B...

 

First missed call, huh? Okay, it's time now to put all the strength you've worked so hard to get to work now. Use it as a shield against her...do NOT allow her in. She will no doubtedly freak out at the "new you," as she is use to the "weak you." But be warned...she will find the new, strong you alluring because it will present a challenge for her. Borderlines have serious abandment issues. In fact, as sick as this is, they are drawn to situations that will leave them feeling 'abandoned.' They will even set themselves up for it. So, if you refuse to jump to her "beck and call," she will immediately set out to fetch your attention, lure you back into her web. And when you refuse, she will of course be the "victim" again...something Borderlines are quite skilled at...becoming the 'victim.'

 

Ahhh...but you already know this, don't you? Even so, knowing it doesn't always make it easier to resist them because they are quite polished at what they do. I've got faith in you, though B. I've conversed with you enough to acknowledge that you're quite intelligent and seem to have a good, solid head on your shoulders.

 

Yes, I do believe you're in for a rough few days...or perhaps weeks, ahead of you. But you know we're here for you, right? Instead of picking up the phone and dialing her number, or answering your phone to her call, or opening the door to her knock....turn on your computer and come here instead. Bang out whatever you need to on your keyboard...just vent how you feel and let the urge pass. And when I see your post, I will immediately respond...I promise.

 

As for my ex's "stalking" girlfriend....no, she wasn't visiting anybody as there are no houses where she was parked. It's an open field where she was. There was absolutely no other reason for her to be there. The hang-up's are getting frequent....daily....and today was no exception. My son said 10 minutes before I got home from work today, somebody called here and then just sat silently when he answered.

 

As I mentioned to Green in the above post, a friend of mine saw her recently in town and said she has dyed her hair blond (same color as mine). I found that very bizarre. I don't know, B....I just think this woman is a complete psycho. But she's a psycho my ex can control which is why he is with her. Please read my post to Green about his controlling issues.

 

As for the phone call to my son at his work, he is quite sure it was her as he knows her voice well. She use to go into the store he works at on a daily basis and bought sandwiches, so he talked to her frequently and knows her voice. My son isn't the type to over-react to much...he's basically laid back, rational, and mellow. So I believe him when he says he believes it was her. If this phone call was the only thing that happened, I probably wouldn't feel it was her. But with the hang-up's we're getting, and seeing her parked by my house and then ducking down when I drove by, I'm almost positive it was her. And I agree...if it continues, I will call the police.

 

Saw my ex today, B. Think I mentioned to you before that he drives a logging truck. Well, he drove past me as I was driving home for lunch. As I mentioned to Green, he had the nerve to smile and wave at me...as if we're suppose to be "buddies" after all that he has done! What??? Is he nuts??? I pretended I didn't see him...just ignored him and drove by.

 

I don't know, B, I'm seriously thinking about moving out of this area. Just make a clean break...start a new life.

 

I'm tired of my gut feeling ripped up, my heart heavy with pain. Guess I'm just tired of it all....

 

~Tormented~

[Mary3]

I'm sure it's been quite an ego bruiser for them both (she and my ex) that her husband nor I have contacted either of them, have not pined for either of them, have not called, begged, or have tried to make contact in any way. I'm sure they both fully expected all this drama from the husband and I, but have received none. And really, that's the worst thing her husband and I could do to them...to move on with our lives and leave them be. Now they're pretty much stuck with each other with nobody else to run to, nobody waiting for them or wanting them in the wings.

 

Saw my ex yesterday. He drives a logging truck and passed by me as I drove by him during my lunch break. He had the nerve to smile and wave at me. I just kept driving, pretended I didn't see him...just ignored him. After all that has happened, after the horrible way he broke my heart, he waves as if we're suppose to be "best buddies." Is he out of his friggn' mind??? I tell you, Green, I'm seriously thinking about moving away from this area...just start over somewhere new.

 

Maybe THEN I'll get some peace.

 

Thank you for your words of support. I very much appreciate it.

 

~Tomented

This is simply beautiful what you are doing ! Ignore them BOTH ! And as for moving it might be a good idea .

 

My words of advice though : If she is a true NUT job then you calling the police is going to incite a vengeance inside of her ( I do recommend you call the police ) but be prepared that she might totally lose it on you. !

 

Watch your back ...from then on.

 

Maybe find a new place to live and THEN call the police and file a complaint

[Greensleaves]

Tormented, it sounds as if you have got your life on track and maybe there was one good thing in everything turning out to be that dramatic: you for sure are never going to pine over your Ex because he and his GF behaved so appalling that there is no cell or bone in your body that aches for him and want him back.

 

About moving: sure why not, if that is something you have been contemplating before and if it is possible for you and your son jobwise it might help. If it is just for them don't do it, you might regret it. They, especially her, should rather move...

 

It is strange, my brother has been divorced for 5 years now and him and his Ex do not talk but live in a fairly small town (less then 2000 inhabitants) and for some reason they never, absolutely never run into each other.

 

Haha, I know it is not really funny, but I do find it slightly amusing that she died her hair the same colour as yours. That is freaky, but of course I do not know much about BDP, so probably cannot put it into the right context. As for the control freak part: it is odd, men that are control freaks occasionnally go for the independent type and then hope they can get her to become dependent, the minute you are dependent you are less attractive or respected. my Ex wasn't a real control freak as such but has that streak. He has never been super bad with me when it comes to that but very very bad with his daughter's mom some years ago.

 

Hu, I'm having a job interview tomorrow and have to prepare a presentation. Keep your fingers crossed for me, as having a new job will be a milestone on my agenda of getting a new life....

[Mary3]

Another look into her psychotic mind : Her 2 afflictions ( ADD and BPD ) cause her to be helpless in some sense. { Not all ADD and BPD's are unemployed }.

 

So she has a hard time holding down a job. She needs to eat,. She needs a roof over her head. So she has to depend on someone, So she gets a guy ( your now ex ) who is controlling and must have things his way.

 

She complies ( for her meal , sex , privilages ) and he is as happy as a clam shell on a sandy beach. She deep inside is miserabe because she HAS to comply to get life necessities.

 

So she has passive agressive tendancies. She will pay him back daily as her revenge for his poor treatment. She will cheat because that is her revenge. Stealing is another ( in her case as past performance ) She will always seek to retaliate against her controlling partner.

 

Now she has grown bored with him a bit so she has set her targets on YOU. NOW is a time for you to become more AWARE.

 

 

In her bored little mind she has NOTHING to think about except to TARGET YOU. SO thats where the stalking comes in.

 

Next its probrobly going to be some form of *contact*. I know she told your son to get the F** out or she will blow the house. You can bet she has ample time to collect her thoughts....

 

You are busy working and living your new life. SHe is busy lying to her former ex about the convertible, dying her hair like yours ( because she KNOWS that she does not deserve him so she has become * like * you ...similar....because in her screwed up mind she has to BE you. )

 

And you need to be GONE ( in her mind ) . So please be careful .

 

If I were you I would install video surveilance cameras ( if you can afford it ) because its amazing to find out whats going on at your house when you are not home. My supervisor had a program where he could look on the internet LIVE at his house anytime he wanted and it was a form of Security Service he paid. I think it was $ 30 a month.

 

This girl is majorly screwed up . She will continue to hurt people. We could formerly relish in the fact that your Ex will get hurt ( hurahh ! ) but now she is focusing on YOU. And thats scarey.

[B-3128]

Hey T,

 

How's the stalking thing? It's been a couple of days so I thought I would check up.

 

I'm slowly getting better. More missed calls. It's testing my resolve, but it's good training. When it rings, my heart rate speeds up by 20%!!!! Hopefully soon, I will be unaffected, but slowly slowly. Fingers crossed, but I think I'm out of the worst of the depression. Went to a club a few days ago and started approaching girls etc. Nothing came of it except some banter, but it would have been impossible for me to have done that a few weeks ago. Slowly slowly...

 

Thanks for the support so far. Let me know how you're getting on.

 

B

[Tormented]

This is simply beautiful what you are doing ! Ignore them BOTH ! And as for moving it might be a good idea .

 

My words of advice though : If she is a true NUT job then you calling the police is going to incite a vengeance inside of her ( I do recommend you call the police ) but be prepared that she might totally lose it on you. !

 

Watch your back ...from then on.

 

Maybe find a new place to live and THEN call the police and file a complaint

 

Hey Mary...

 

I quite agree...ignoring them really IS the best thing for her husband and I to for ourselves, and the worse them for them. I mean, can you imagine how crappy that must feel to hear NOTHING from 2 ex-significant others that you THOUGHT couldn't live without you? A silent phone, no e-mails, no letters, no drive-bys....nothing but an ego-bruising silence to confirm that you are, indeed, NOT missed? Which, of course, leaves them with nothing but each other, and knowing these 2 the way I do (especially him), that won't last long. They both thrive on drama, and without any, this "blooming" romance will wither on the vine once the newness wears off.

 

And when that happens, they will both find that the doors they exited (her husband and I) are permanently shut and locked and entrance for them will not be permitted. Well, I know mine is locked...I hope her husband sticks to his resolve and keeps his locked as well. Otherwise, she will continue to use him...as she has done 5 times prior to this.

 

As for moving, I'm still kicking that idea around in my head. I'm researching various counties/areas not far from where I live...checking out the job situation, the population of each, the crime rate, etc. I love the area I live in now...absolutely gorgeous, but has many downfalls to it. Jobs are scarce, shopping is limited, and the available singles here are...well, let's just say they're single for a reason!!!

 

I do agree with you that I need to watch my back. This is one disturbed, sick puppy. She's a certified nutjob (has been diagnosed by a professional), so that alone bears watching. Haven't had any episodes the past few days, but when you're dealing with a flaming nut, you can never really exhale because you never know when or where they may strike. With a nut, there doesn't need to be rhyme nor reason to their bizarre mindset or actions. What irks me is that she is HIS problem, not mine...and I want nothing to do with either one of them. I just want to be left alone.

 

If the stalking continues, I won't hesitate to call the police...even if that means a back-lash from her. To do nothing isn't the answer because that could be taken as a green light to "harrass" at will by her. And THAT I won't tolerate. I'm leaving them alone and I expect the same.

 

You know, I wonder if her husband is getting harrassed. Think it's time for me to pay him a little visit. If he is, maybe he and I can come up with a solution.

 

Thanx for your words of encouragement, Mary.

 

~Tormented~

[Tormented]

Tormented, it sounds as if you have got your life on track and maybe there was one good thing in everything turning out to be that dramatic: you for sure are never going to pine over your Ex because he and his GF behaved so appalling that there is no cell or bone in your body that aches for him and want him back.

 

No, I will NEVER take him back...under ANY circumstances. I just recently made a shocking discovery about him, pointed out to me by the psychologist I work with. I told him everything that happened, what my ex had done, the bizzare way of which he chose to end it with me, his behavior prior to this incident, and how it has effected me. The psychologist asked me several questions about our relationship while we were still together. How he treated me in general, how he reacted when I disagreed with him, how much attention he required from me, about his possessiveness/jealousy, questions along these lines. When I answered them all, he said...."I'll tell you what's going on with him, and it has nothing to do with you. He's a classic example of a Narssistic Personality, and men like him should be avoided at all costs. He will eventually drain you to the point you will be left an empty shell, and he will never change.

 

So I spent yesterday afternoon doing extensive research on this disorder and at one point, jumped out of my chair in complete shock. Green, my ex fit this category to a "T." Just as B was shocked when he discovered his ex was a BPD, so was I when I discovered what my ex was. The patterns listed as examples for NP's (Narssistic Personality), I've seen my ex do several times. I won't go into the pathology of this disorder because it is SO deep and complicated, it would take me forever to type it. But if you get a chance, read up on this disorder. If anything, to arm yourself against these types should one cross your path in the future. They are HORRIBLE to be involved with. There were so many things he did and said that sent me in a tailspin wondering what I had done to provoke it, and now, thanks to this psychologist...and extensive articles written on this disorder by a man named Sam Vaknin (who is a narssistic Personality himself), I am completely aware now and feel I can now protect myself from him and from others LIKE him in the future.

 

According to Sam Vaknin, my ex WILL come back...narssistics always do. It's part of their disease. And this time, I'm armed and ready! lol....

 

About moving: sure why not, if that is something you have been contemplating before and if it is possible for you and your son jobwise it might help. If it is just for them don't do it, you might regret it. They, especially her, should rather move...

 

Actually, I've been thinking about relocating for a while now. As I stated to Mary, I love this area...it's beautiful here, but jobs, opportunities, and available singles are scarce. Just might be time for me to move on....

 

It is strange, my brother has been divorced for 5 years now and him and his Ex do not talk but live in a fairly small town (less then 2000 inhabitants) and for some reason they never, absolutely never run into each other.

 

I have taken special precautions to prevent seeing my ex in town. I live in the mountains, in Northern California, and the county I live in consists of several small mountain towns. I live on the other side of the mountain from my ex, and unless I have to drive into the town he lives in, the risk of seeing him is small. Problem is, he's a logger and drives through my area daily, which increases the risk of us seeing each other, as we did the other day. Not much I can do about it except ignore him when I see his truck approaching.

 

Haha, I know it is not really funny, but I do find it slightly amusing that she died her hair the same colour as yours. That is freaky, but of course I do not know much about BDP, so probably cannot put it into the right context. As for the control freak part: it is odd, men that are control freaks occasionnally go for the independent type and then hope they can get her to become dependent, the minute you are dependent you are less attractive or respected. my Ex wasn't a real control freak as such but has that streak. He has never been super bad with me when it comes to that but very very bad with his daughter's mom some years ago.

 

As mentioned above, I now know why he feels the great need to control, and it's sad, really. After learning what I have, and discovering that he suffers from a disorder that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy...I'm torn between hating him and pitying him. The disorder he suffers from is equivalent to hell on earth. Sad part is, they destroy those who come in close contact with them. Many of their 'victims' end up having to seek long-term therapy because the damage is so severe. I don't feel the need to seek therapy...I somehow escaped with minimal damage, but you can bet your bippy I will NEVER allow him back in now that I know how dangerous NP's are.

 

Hu, I'm having a job interview tomorrow and have to prepare a presentation. Keep your fingers crossed for me, as having a new job will be a milestone on my agenda of getting a new life....

 

Good luck, Green!!! By now, you would have had the interview. How did it go??? C'mon, girl. Spill it!!!

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Hey T,

 

How's the stalking thing? It's been a couple of days so I thought I would check up.

 

Hey B...

 

Haven't heard (or seen) anything the past few days...thank God! But as I said to Mary, that doesn't mean I won't, or that I should let my guard down. This is one sick woman!

 

I'm slowly getting better. More missed calls. It's testing my resolve, but it's good training. When it rings, my heart rate speeds up by 20%!!!! Hopefully soon, I will be unaffected, but slowly slowly. Fingers crossed, but I think I'm out of the worst of the depression. Went to a club a few days ago and started approaching girls etc. Nothing came of it except some banter, but it would have been impossible for me to have done that a few weeks ago. Slowly slowly...

 

Oh, B...so glad to hear you're doing better. I know how hard it is to stare at a ringing phone, fully knowing who it is, while battling a myriad of emotions arguing why you should or shouldn't answer the phone. I'm so glad the emotions of "reason" won out and you DIDN'T answer that phone. When she calls, does she leave a message? If so, what does she say? If she's not leaving a message, sooner or later she will because it will eat at her as to why you're all of a sudden unavailable to her "highness." She'll wonder what you're doing, where you are, but more importantly...with whom. I mean, you're suppose to be at home...missing her, pining for her, crying tears in your beer. How dare you pursue a life of your own, to seek happiness, without her!!!

 

Just let that phone ring, B. Do NOT answer it. If you do, you're back to square one, and you know it. You've worked far too hard to be knocked back to where you started by ONE phone call. Chin up...stay tough!

 

Thanks for the support so far. Let me know how you're getting on.

 

B

 

I'm hangn' in there, B. Just discovered something shocking about my ex. Found out, through a Psychologist, that my ex exhibits behaviors (quite a few, actually) that meet the criteria of a Narssistic Personality. Just as you reacted with shock upon learning that your ex is a BPD, so did I upon my discovery. I spent a great amount of time yesterday researching this disorder and found myself with a dropped jaw as I read. B...this guy not only meets criteria, he's a classic text-book example! I feel like a fool for falling into his trap, but on the other hand I feel liberated as well. Learning about this disorder has helped me tremendously with all the nagging "whys." I now understand that it was nothing I did (besides being blind and stupid), nor was there anything I could have done to change it...just as you couldn't in your case. I won't go into the long and complicated pathology of NP, but if you get the chance, read up on it. There's a man by the name of Sam Vaknin, a NP himself, who has written extensive articles (and a book) on this disorder which has helped me tremendously to understand why my ex is the way he is, and why he did the things he did. And in many ways, KNOWING this has helped to ease my pain.

 

I tell ya...I sure know how to pick them, don't I???

 

I've decided to cool it with the new guy I was seeing. He began to demand more time with me. Started asking me a lot of questions about my ex, my relationship with him, and if I'm over him yet. Suddenly, I started to feel uncomfortable..started to feel like I was being pushed, and I'm not ready for that just yet. I've got some major "trust issues" to work through after what I've been through, and until I work through it and defeat it, I won't succeed in another relationship. Got to dump my baggage before I proceed into the next door.

 

May take a while.

 

~T~

[Mary3]

Hey Mary...

 

I quite agree...ignoring them really IS the best thing for her husband and I to for ourselves, and the worse them for them. I mean, can you imagine how crappy that must feel to hear NOTHING from 2 ex-significant others that you THOUGHT couldn't live without you? A silent phone, no e-mails, no letters, no drive-bys....nothing but an ego-bruising silence to confirm that you are, indeed, NOT missed? Which, of course, leaves them with nothing but each other, and knowing these 2 the way I do (especially him), that won't last long. They both thrive on drama, and without any, this "blooming" romance will wither on the vine once the newness wears off.

 

And when that happens, they will both find that the doors they exited (her husband and I) are permanently shut and locked and entrance for them will not be permitted. Well, I know mine is locked...I hope her husband sticks to his resolve and keeps his locked as well. Otherwise, she will continue to use him...as she has done 5 times prior to this.

 

As for moving, I'm still kicking that idea around in my head. I'm researching various counties/areas not far from where I live...checking out the job situation, the population of each, the crime rate, etc. I love the area I live in now...absolutely gorgeous, but has many downfalls to it. Jobs are scarce, shopping is limited, and the available singles here are...well, let's just say they're single for a reason!!!

 

I do agree with you that I need to watch my back. This is one disturbed, sick puppy. She's a certified nutjob (has been diagnosed by a professional), so that alone bears watching. Haven't had any episodes the past few days, but when you're dealing with a flaming nut, you can never really exhale because you never know when or where they may strike. With a nut, there doesn't need to be rhyme nor reason to their bizarre mindset or actions. What irks me is that she is HIS problem, not mine...and I want nothing to do with either one of them. I just want to be left alone.

 

If the stalking continues, I won't hesitate to call the police...even if that means a back-lash from her. To do nothing isn't the answer because that could be taken as a green light to "harrass" at will by her. And THAT I won't tolerate. I'm leaving them alone and I expect the same.

 

You know, I wonder if her husband is getting harrassed. Think it's time for me to pay him a little visit. If he is, maybe he and I can come up with a solution.

 

Thanx for your words of encouragement, Mary.

 

~Tormented~

 

Absolutely you should contact her x husband ! I was going to say that with the words ready to spill out of my mouth and you suggested talking to him ~Great Idea ! I hope he can successfully shake the scabies off his skin the way you have done so with your ex worthless bummer of a guy.

 

I think its delightful that you are on IGNORE regarding him. Did you get that idea from this forum or did you come up with it yourself ? I know that if I had not been on LS I would have done some dumb things but its NC galore for those who are not worthy of any form of contact. Didn't we learn sooooo much from LS ??

 

And when that happens, they will both find that the doors they exited (her husband and I) are permanently shut and locked and entrance for them will not be permitted. ( I love this sentence )

 

Listen think of her as Terrorist Material. She is quiet for now and then WHAM she strikes ! Just like the terrorists do as they plot the next surprise for us...

[Greensleaves]

Dear Tormented,

 

thanks for your update. Well I guess the good thing about your findings is: there was no way that you could have done anything different, anything better because of his disorder it wouldn't have lead to any other result and it equipped you with everything you need to withstand any further temptations. So that's all very good.

 

Read some of the traits linked to narcissists and i reckon that my dad and even my ex possess a fair share of them, even though they are probably not fullorn ones. (as to what I can gather...)

 

Well, maybe moving actually then is a good idea. Especially if it helps with the career and besides has the nice side effect that the single base you can draw from is much bigger and sounder

 

it is also good that you stopped seeing this other guy, especially since he started to be pushy. There definitely is no need for you at this particular point in time to be asked when you think you will be over your Ex. For God's sake, nobody can answer that question beforehand anyways... Too bad as it started out as a nice thing, but yepp, you are right, you need to get rid of that baggage of yours before planning for a new relationship for sure...

 

Alright, back to me: nope I think unfortunately the interview didn't go too well. (ok I haven't received confirmation yet, but I do know) I had to give a presentation which went really well and I could see that they were impressed, but then they asked me lots and lots of technical questions that I could have answered with more time at my hand but all of sudden my brain froze if you know what I mean and I realized this is not going to work. Hmm, too bad. Now i gotta continue looking. ( i kinda put my career on a little hold for my ex e.g. moved places and shifted focus, not because he requested it but because it was easier for the relationship and now of course I am struggling a little, having moved again and all ...)

 

Hu, this redesigning of my life is not an easy task and I must admit if I had enough medical coverage I would probably go for some therapy sessions, too....

 

Oh well, I am kinda young, attractive, intelligent, compassionate and dedicated, so something HAS to come up eventually

[Relax]

Remember back to your life before your lover. It might seem like a mystery to you how you managed without your lover before you met them, but it's obvious that you did. You did live your own life without even knowing he or she existed at some point.

 

 

You did what you did, had dreams and hopes, plans for the future, possibly friends, family, a job and many more things in your life that had nothing to do with your lover. It is important that you find who you are again on your own without your lover so you feel OK about being separate from him or her and being a person in your own right. Going back to your older self, your dreams, hopes and desires, can help you separate psychologically.

[B-3128]

So she keeps trying to call... I don't want to speak to her at all. She sends me a message saying that she has something important to tell me... important eh? Hmm... a pregnancy? an STI? unlikely/impossible, but that would be "important" by my definition... I ask her to txt me what it is because I don't wanna talk. And after all, she says she wants to apoligize... well, that's nice. I'm obviously beyond the state where an apology makes any difference... it's quite belated after 2 months, and I have already adjusted to life with her as a b*tch from the past.

 

Still, fair enough. I accept the apology, validate her feelings by telling her that I can see that she's guilty and upset (I have read that it is important to always do this with BPs), but I also tell her that I need to look after myself, and that to do that, I need to keep some distance between us.

 

She replies telling me that it's really sad that I want to end it like this, and that Ipromised her to always be friends no matter what, but that she'll respect my decision. That's just her trying to project her guilt onto me. Common BP behaviour. It's not going to work though. I know what I need to do, and I know that I would never have made that promise if I had seen her to be capable of the horrible things that she did. Also, she promised me that she would never hurt me like other girls had in the past, so it's hardly going to keep me up at night...

 

I didn't answer... it's just hopeless... there is nothing that she will add to my life. I'm not going to fix her, and I have exams this year that determine my whole future. Quite simply, she's not worth it. Some people are, but she isn't. I want to help her, but not if it involves being put through her subconscious efforts to push me to the limits and abandon her. That's the thing with her... just pushes and pushes the limits to end up in the situation that she fears the most. It's classic BPD... Tormented, I would never have been able to understand all this without your help, so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! It's crystal clear now. I felt so guilty before, but now I understand how she warped my perception of what was normal. Now I understand how she completely destroyed my ability to think for myself and replaced it with only the ability to think for her. This has all been painful, but it has made me stronger. Let's just hope it doesn't affect my grades too much....

 

So, there is hope for the miserable after all. QED. I was in such an awful state when I began posting, and now... well, I'm a lot better. Not 100% ok, but I can eat, sleep, and generally not worry about it too much. Glad to be rid of her. I realise now that she was holding me back. How could I perform well in my life if I didn't feel good about myself and believe that I deserved to? One day, when seeing her picture and mention of her new boyfriend (who she cheated on me to get with) don't send my pulse racing and hurt, I might even be ready to help her get on track to helping herself. I don't think many people understand her as I do. Maybe I can open her eyes to how f***ed in the head she is... in a considerate and understanding way. She has a lot of potential, and it would be a shame if it went to waste. That's gonna be some time away... maybe in a year's time when my exams are done and I have less to risk. She is dangerous to me and I don't believe she is worth that much expense...

 

Now? Well, some more weeks to recover back to my old charming self , then time to get out there and take on the world... at my own pace... (the manic crashdown prevention disclamer).

[Tormented]

Absolutely you should contact her x husband ! I was going to say that with the words ready to spill out of my mouth and you suggested talking to him ~Great Idea ! I hope he can successfully shake the scabies off his skin the way you have done so with your ex worthless bummer of a guy.

 

Well, Mary...the past 3 days have been bizarre, enough so that contacting her husband isn't just a good idea, it's a neccesity at this point. My ex has lost it...he truly has. He has switched his driving route around to ENSURE that he passes by me everyday when I drive home for lunch. And within 10 or so minutes that I get home, the phone rings and when I answer, he just sits there and says nothing. I know it's him because he use to call me during lunch and because he just saw me drive by. And I can tell by the hollow sound of the phone that the caller is on a cell phone...which is what he uses while driving. Also, he's calling me on my cell phone (his number showed up on my "missed calls" list. He called me at 12:20 am two nights ago, waking me from my sleep. I didn't answer the phone and he didn't leave a message...just hung up. I was so angry and bothered about it, I couldn't get back to sleep and I was an exhausted mess at work the following day. There are several more calls on my cell...all hang-ups. Why in the hell is he calling me...wanting to drive by me everyday? I mean, he's got his ex-now-current girlfriend, so WHY is he bugging me??? At this point, I need to find out from the husband if he's receiving these type of calls from her. And then, he and I need to discuss how we want to handle it.

 

I think its delightful that you are on IGNORE regarding him. Did you get that idea from this forum or did you come up with it yourself ? I know that if I had not been on LS I would have done some dumb things but its NC galore for those who are not worthy of any form of contact. Didn't we learn sooooo much from LS ??

 

No, I didn't learn to ignore him from the advice of this board (although, I HAVE learned other valuable things from those on this board)...I ignored him because I wanted to. When somebody does what he did to me, the desire to avoid that person at all costs comes automatic, or, at least, it did with me. It's been a month now since I've talked to him and he's starting to crumble. He'd best get use to it because I'm gone!!

 

Listen think of her as Terrorist Material. She is quiet for now and then WHAM she strikes ! Just like the terrorists do as they plot the next surprise for us...

 

Yeah, except...now it's HIM who's doing the stalking. You know, Mary...these two are sick and suit each other well. It's like her husband said..."they deserve each other." AMEN to that!

 

Know what I think? I think they (he and she) expected the husband and I to react strongly to what they did. You know...act out, bring on some big drama...pine away for them, beg...all that jazz. And when we didn't, it came as a big (and VERY disappointing) suprise to them. So now, due to the lack of excitement and drama they were HOPING for but have not received, they are trying to generate it.

 

How sad is that? Tell you what...I don't give their relationship but a few months before they fall apart. And what a horrible, grave discovery it will be for them both when they find NO TAKERS in the wings.

 

What goes around comes around....

 

~T~

[Mary3]

Remember back to your life before your lover. It might seem like a mystery to you how you managed without your lover before you met them, but it's obvious that you did. You did live your own life without even knowing he or she existed at some point.

 

 

You did what you did, had dreams and hopes, plans for the future, possibly friends, family, a job and many more things in your life that had nothing to do with your lover. It is important that you find who you are again on your own without your lover so you feel OK about being separate from him or her and being a person in your own right. Going back to your older self, your dreams, hopes and desires, can help you separate psychologically.

 

So beautifully spoken....

[Tormented]

Read some of the traits linked to narcissists and i reckon that my dad and even my ex possess a fair share of them, even though they are probably not fullorn ones. (as to what I can gather...)

 

Horrible disorder, isn't it? Especially for those who are intimately/romantically involved with these sick pups. My ex possessed more traits than not, and when I researched this disorder, it was as though somebody had hit me over the head with a solid brick. So much of what took place in our relationship, of his sometimes irratic behavior, his outlook in life became crystal clear to me. It was like having a blind fold snatched from my eyes and I could finally see clear. Man...talk about a brutal awaking!

 

 

it is also good that you stopped seeing this other guy, especially since he started to be pushy. There definitely is no need for you at this particular point in time to be asked when you think you will be over your Ex. For God's sake, nobody can answer that question beforehand anyways... Too bad as it started out as a nice thing, but yepp, you are right, you need to get rid of that baggage of yours before planning for a new relationship for sure...

 

Yeah, I'm really disappointed with this because I enjoyed his company and was hoping something could slowly blossom between us. But when he started pushing for more time, for answers that were impossible to give, well....it pushed me away. I finally told him I need more time to lick my wounds, to dump my baggage before getting into another relationship. He's called me twice since then and was very nice, non-pushy, so maybe he realized he pushed me a bit too hard and will back off some. If he does, maybe we can continue to date now and then...just take our time and see where it goes.

 

Alright, back to me: nope I think unfortunately the interview didn't go too well. (ok I haven't received confirmation yet, but I do know) I had to give a presentation which went really well and I could see that they were impressed, but then they asked me lots and lots of technical questions that I could have answered with more time at my hand but all of sudden my brain froze if you know what I mean and I realized this is not going to work. Hmm, too bad. Now i gotta continue looking. ( i kinda put my career on a little hold for my ex e.g. moved places and shifted focus, not because he requested it but because it was easier for the relationship and now of course I am struggling a little, having moved again and all ...)

 

Ah, Green...I'm sorry to hear it. I know how important this interview was for you, how anxious you are to begin a new job, and with that, a new life. But you know what? That just means that there is another one out there that you're better suited for. DO NOT LOSE FAITH, GIRL!! And do NOT give up the fight. Because that last mile, the one you think you can't do, is the mile that makes all the difference. I do believe that's YOUR ship coming in from the fog!!

 

Hu, this redesigning of my life is not an easy task and I must admit if I had enough medical coverage I would probably go for some therapy sessions, too....

 

I hear ya. I just started my job 2 months ago and won't be eligible for medical coverage until I've hit the 3-month mark. And yes, I believe I could use some therapy as well. I've gotten past the grieving part, but I seem to be stuck in the "anger" phase. Doesn't seem to be lessening as time goes by. In fact, in some ways...it's getting worse. Then again, if I wasn't receiving hang-up calls from my ex, and semi-stalking by his girlfriend, perhaps I wouldn't be so angry?? Boy-oh-boy...I certainly know how to pick 'em, don't I?

 

Oh well, I am kinda young, attractive, intelligent, compassionate and dedicated, so something HAS to come up eventually

 

Yep...all the traits that add up to=WINNER. You know, Green, when you've hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up. Old saying, I know, but the reason it's repeated so much is because there's great truth to it.

 

You and I and many people on this board who are hurting right now....OUR DAY WILL COME!!!

 

We will survive. We will make it. And we all will know happiness again.

 

~T~

[Mary3]

Yeah, except...now it's HIM who's doing the stalking. You know, Mary...these two are sick and suit each other well. It's like her husband said..."they deserve each other." AMEN to that!

 

Know what I think? I think they (he and she) expected the husband and I to react strongly to what they did. You know...act out, bring on some big drama...pine away for them, beg...all that jazz. And when we didn't, it came as a big (and VERY disappointing) suprise to them. So now, due to the lack of excitement and drama they were HOPING for but have not received, they are trying to generate it.

 

How sad is that? Tell you what...I don't give their relationship but a few months before they fall apart. And what a horrible, grave discovery it will be for them both when they find NO TAKERS in the wings.

 

What goes around comes around....

 

~T~

 

Dontcha know how much those two LOVE the drama ? The drama they created in their own relationships ( yours and her x ) and the one they had together and then the NEW drama of messing with you. Looks like TAG TEAM effort ! On BOTH their parts.

 

Her obsesssing wishing she were YOU. She has nothing going on...no job...no hope ...no dreams....just your former man who she is likely very bored with and tired of his controlling ways...

 

I think its Delightfulthat you both are ignoring them !

 

Whats even more freaky is your X is becoming Stalker # 2........I think they both belong in the nut house. If they don't ending killing eachother first...

[Tormented]

Remember back to your life before your lover. It might seem like a mystery to you how you managed without your lover before you met them, but it's obvious that you did. You did live your own life without even knowing he or she existed at some point.

 

So very true, Relax. I only wish my life prior to him hadn't been interrupted by him. Uh-huh...and how many of us here could say the same thing? Ah well, you know what they say...hindsight is always 20-20.

 

You did what you did, had dreams and hopes, plans for the future, possibly friends, family, a job and many more things in your life that had nothing to do with your lover. It is important that you find who you are again on your own without your lover so you feel OK about being separate from him or her and being a person in your own right. Going back to your older self, your dreams, hopes and desires, can help you separate psychologically.

 

And I still have all those things. And I am grateful. It just takes time, you know? A breakup is similar to grieving the death of a loved one. They are suddenly absent in your life, just as the death of a loved one. Instead of creating new memories together, you are staring at old pictures, letters, gifts, etc...remembering the "good 'ol days"....just as you do with a deceased loved one. You go through moments (sometimes several a day) missing your ex, just as you do a deceased loved one. But the BIG difference is...when a loved one dies, although you miss them, mourn them, you can take solace in the fact that they didn't leave you by choice, would be with you if they could. Not so with an ex. They CHOSE to leave you. They have the ability to be with you, but choose not too. So, in many respects...a breakup can be more heartbreaking than the death of a loved one. But I do understand what you're saying here.

 

Thank you for your response, Relax. Very much appreciate it.

 

~T~

[Tormented]

So she keeps trying to call... I don't want to speak to her at all. She sends me a message saying that she has something important to tell me... important eh? Hmm... a pregnancy? an STI? unlikely/impossible, but that would be "important" by my definition... I ask her to txt me what it is because I don't wanna talk. And after all, she says she wants to apoligize... well, that's nice. I'm obviously beyond the state where an apology makes any difference... it's quite belated after 2 months, and I have already adjusted to life with her as a b*tch from the past.

 

Yep...same here, B. The calling and hanging up has started. In fact, it's been bad the past 3 days. The jerk called my cell phone at 12:20 am the other night, waking me in the process. I didn't answer the phone, but I checked the number and it was his. He didn't leave a message. There are 6 more calls made to my cell phone, and he hung up in each of them. He's also re-arranged the timing in his trucking route to assure passing by me at lunch hour. I ignore him, pretend I don't see him, but within 10 or so minutes that I get home, the phone rings, and when I answer, he just sits there until I finally hang up. What the hell does he want?? Why is he doing this?? It's been almost a month now. Why has he resurfaced now??? Hell...I just want to be left alone at this point.

 

Still, fair enough. I accept the apology, validate her feelings by telling her that I can see that she's guilty and upset (I have read that it is important to always do this with BPs), but I also tell her that I need to look after myself, and that to do that, I need to keep some distance between us.

 

Wait...does this mean you answered the phone? You talked to her in person (on the phone)? If so, that's a dangerous move for you, B. I'm glad you were able to keep your resolve to stay away from her, that you remained calm and rational, but don't push it too far. Remember, your wound is still fresh. Yes, it's starting to scar over, but the scar is fresh and could easily be re-opened. Careful there, my friend. Protect yourself!

 

She replies telling me that it's really sad that I want to end it like this, and that Ipromised her to always be friends no matter what, but that she'll respect my decision. That's just her trying to project her guilt onto me. Common BP behaviour. It's not going to work though. I know what I need to do, and I know that I would never have made that promise if I had seen her to be capable of the horrible things that she did. Also, she promised me that she would never hurt me like other girls had in the past, so it's hardly going to keep me up at night...

 

Ah, yes...the "victim role." Borderlines are masters at this. It is designed to incite guilt from you, as you well know. I'm very glad that you didn't fall for it. And I'm SO glad you researched this disorder to better arm yourself. She was fully expecting you to fall into the old pattern of falling at her feet. I've no doubt she sat and stared at the floor in complete disbelief after her conversation with you. Remember, she's not use to the NEW (and now educated) you. But beware...the new you has now presented a challenge for her...something Borderlines thrive on. She will turn her manipulation skills up full power now. And YOU, in return, will have to get out of the line of fire..because it's coming! Don't allow yourself to get burned like you have in the past. But then...I know you're already aware of that.

 

I didn't answer... it's just hopeless... there is nothing that she will add to my life. I'm not going to fix her, and I have exams this year that determine my whole future. Quite simply, she's not worth it. Some people are, but she isn't. I want to help her, but not if it involves being put through her subconscious efforts to push me to the limits and abandon her. That's the thing with her... just pushes and pushes the limits to end up in the situation that she fears the most. It's classic BPD... Tormented, I would never have been able to understand all this without your help, so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! It's crystal clear now. I felt so guilty before, but now I understand how she warped my perception of what was normal. Now I understand how she completely destroyed my ability to think for myself and replaced it with only the ability to think for her. This has all been painful, but it has made me stronger. Let's just hope it doesn't affect my grades too much....

 

No, B...you can not "fix" her. Hell, even professionals struggle with Borderlines. Many professionals admit to feelings of 'frustration' when dealing with them. They are beyond taxing...will emotionally suck you dry. So, if people who are objective (professional) have a difficult time dealing with them, what chance does one who is involved, or was involved with them stand? The answer is: NONE.

 

I know you feel bad for her, B. I know there's a part of you that wants to save her...but at what risk? For her to bring you down? And really, that IS what will happen. You love her, I know this, and I won't fault you for that. It only proves that you ARE capable of loving another. But you deserve to be loved back.

 

So, there is hope for the miserable after all. QED. I was in such an awful state when I began posting, and now... well, I'm a lot better. Not 100% ok, but I can eat, sleep, and generally not worry about it too much. Glad to be rid of her. I realise now that she was holding me back. How could I perform well in my life if I didn't feel good about myself and believe that I deserved to? One day, when seeing her picture and mention of her new boyfriend (who she cheated on me to get with) don't send my pulse racing and hurt, I might even be ready to help her get on track to helping herself. I don't think many people understand her as I do. Maybe I can open her eyes to how f***ed in the head she is... in a considerate and understanding way. She has a lot of potential, and it would be a shame if it went to waste. That's gonna be some time away... maybe in a year's time when my exams are done and I have less to risk. She is dangerous to me and I don't believe she is worth that much expense...

 

Oh, many Borderlines show great potential in many areas of their life. And that's what makes their disorder so hard to deal with...so alluring. It's like a horrible emotional rollercoaster they take you on. So many ups and downs...to the point you're left reeling with confusement. And the fact that they are quite skilled at playing the "victim," and in doing so, inciting guilt in their victim only makes this ride more treacherous. My advice? STAY OFF THE RIDE. If you get back on, you'll be lost in the ups and downs once again, and THIS time, you just may not be so lucky.

 

B...I'm so glad you're doing better. Keep your focus on the things that matter...like your studies, friends, hobbies, and other things you enjoy in life. It is THOSE things that will lift you, take you to new heights in your life. SHE will only bring you down, and once you are, she will leave you there without so much as looking back.

 

But then...I know you know this.

 

Now? Well, some more weeks to recover back to my old charming self , then time to get out there and take on the world... at my own pace... (the manic crashdown prevention disclamer).

 

Yep...same here. I still have my ups and downs. I seem to be stuck in the "anger" phase. But really, with this latest bout of "hang-ups," drive-bys, and her stalking...is it any wonder the anger remains?

 

Oh Lord...how I crave some peace!!!

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Dontcha know how much those two LOVE the drama ? The drama they created in their own relationships ( yours and her x ) and the one they had together and then the NEW drama of messing with you. Looks like TAG TEAM effort ! On BOTH their parts.

 

Exactly! And you know what's sad? That they feel the need to go outside of their relationship to seek "excitement." In other words, they are bored with each other and are obviously curious as to WHY the husband and I haven't reacted to them. And I've no doubt they are curious as to what the husband and I are doing...but more importantly, with WHOM we are doing it with. From what I understand, the husband has a new girlfriend and appears happy. He's not exactly mourning her....that's for sure! Me? I'm dating a man, but it's nothing serious. I've also been going out with friends and having a good time doing it. I'm also a gun-ho hiker and have been going out on hiking trips with a group from the hospital I work for. I keep very busy with my job, my son, friends, dating and attending different social functions. So, it's not like I'm sitting at home missing him. Apparently, the fact that the husband and I have moved on and are living our lives effectively WITHOUT them is driving these 2 nuts. Sad, isn't it?

 

Her obsesssing wishing she were YOU. She has nothing going on...no job...no hope ...no dreams....just your former man who she is likely very bored with and tired of his controlling ways...

 

Oh, Mary....you couldn't find more opposites than me and her in every department...ranging from physical attributes to personalities. She may or may not wish she was me...but I am HAPPY I am not HER!!!

 

I think its Delightfulthat you both are ignoring them !

 

They don't!!! ::::laughing::::

 

Whats even more freaky is your X is becoming Stalker # 2........I think they both belong in the nut house. If they don't ending killing eachother first...

 

Yeah, I'm a bit freaked out over his recent phone calls/drive bys. I wonder if she knows he's calling me, driving by every day. Probably not. I would imagine he's keeping her around just in case I don't come back. If that's the case...he'd better get use to her face cause I'm NOT coming back!

 

You know...the fact that they're stuck with each other now is poetic justice, isn't it?

 

~T~

[Greensleaves]

Hey Tormented,

this for sure is taking a twisted turn, but you know what, it is not too bad to be in the anger phase for a while, because that for sure will recover you from ever falling back into the mourning phase and become susceptible again. So in a weird way it is actually good that X and GF turn out to be complete and utter losers.

Must admit I sometimes wished I could be angry because it definitely speeds up the process; I'm afraid I'm stuck in the mourning phase still, even though it has been two months now.

 

Having said that, of course I wished they didn't take it to such an extreme, you must feel really uncomfortable sometimes knowing that they potentially stalk around. It is scary, for sure and I think you are handling it really well, I would be quite freaked out.

 

Good that your guy backed back a little again, but obviously does seem to be still interested, that's not bad at all, as you said once you lost your baggage something actually might come out of it and if he is patient and willing enough and you both like each other...

 

Regarding my job: yeah, it is a little frustrating for sure, as I stay with friends and then a little at my parents, but I can never stay there for too long and feel comfortable because of huge issues from the past. So I am still in a suitcase mode which for sure, as you pointed it out rightly, does not help in getting a new life and probably keeps the old life too fresh if you know what I mean. My x sent me an email with a job suggestion but other than that nothing, so I don't think he cares that much after all or if he does he won't show so that I won't think he is coming back. Fair enough, that might be something I might be thinking (wishing?) if he contacted me regularly.

 

I do agree, everybody had a life before the lover, therefore that was good input by Relax, but the one I had I gave up for the one I went for and there is no chance in hell of going back to the same old life. But I guess it is a special case when everything changes: country, job, friends, extended family and bf. So yepp, not an easy task, but thanks for your kind words, Tormented, so maybe you are right and this is meant to be and resulting from it, I will become a stronger, better person and maybe eventually meet the one I was supposed to meet...

 

Hope you will get some peace eventually, but I assume those two will eventually stop if they don't get the reaction they desire, and yes you could be right, it most likely won't last that long and both of them will end up being really really miserable and yes, I would definitely think that that is fair and just.

 

Ya, the medical coverage bit sucks when starting a new job, at least it seems to be a little faster for you (at my last job it was six months!!). Well but you are almost there, and as you are keeping yourself very busy time will fly by.

[B-3128]

Tormented, I didn't speak to her on the phone. I told her that I didn't want to and that I only wanted her to text back. That kept me safer from being upset.

 

You guys and your therapy and medical cover... seriously, by the time the medical cover kicks in, you'll be over it all and won't need it! Promise!

 

B