My God...I hurt SO bad!!!

[gold26]

I hear you my friends,

I jump from feeling sprry for myself to complete anger.. Anger that here i am feeling just awful for the years i wasted on a total loser.. and he is out in there without a care in the world.

How the hell do they do that? people like that have absolutely no sence of same..

Tormented i read up on the narccisitic personality dissorder and thats hi exactly..

except he is old almost 60. very short. not good looking at all. The woman he dated told me he was the least goodlooking she has ever gone out with.. he has a disease that has caused his teeth to fall out and has had full bridge made durig our breakup that makes him look like a bad used car salesman..

 

i cant imagine what kind of game he is playing with his profile up on match.. and the webpage republished and running for the world to see..

 

That makes him such a low degraded dog in my eyes..

 

i just hope others see thru him much faster than i did.

 

hugss to all of you

[Mary3]

Well guys, I was told some things a few days ago about my ex's g/f that should had given me the satisfaction of knowing that he truly IS stuck with a using loser (like I didn't already know that), but instead, it has stirred a fresh streak of anger. I really haven't slept well the past 2 nights since my new discovery, and to be honest, I was so upset about it I couldn't even bring myself to post here.

 

But now, here I am, wide-eyed at 2:15 am. Looks like I'm in for another restless night. I'm so tired of this...I truly am.

 

A co-worker and I were talking this past Thursday, and she mentioned the name of my ex's g/f's husband. In fact, she knows him well. I told her that the man she moved in with is my ex, and one thing led to another.

 

Turns out she knows my ex's girlfriend quite well, in fact, use to live next to her a few years ago. She told me that she (ex's g/f), was heavily in to drugs, had men in and out of her apartment day and night, and according to her, the police were over there frequently.

 

But here's the kicker...

 

Turns out she had 3 small children, one was only a month old. These children were taken away from her for abuse and neglect. Things were so bad that a neighbor called the Child Protection Services Department who took the children out of the home and placed them with her mother. According to my co-worker, she never fought for them, doesn't want them...is suppose to be attending substance abuse meetings as a step to get her kids back, but can't even be bothered to attend these meetings.

 

What in the hell kind of woman, or man, for that matter, could turn their backs on their own children??? But worse...what kind of person could abuse/neglect their OWN kids???

 

Further more, according to the co-worker, she uses men...always has, and says she's using my ex because apparently she and her husband were being evicted from their house they rented.

 

NOW I understand WHY she re-appeared in my ex's life. She needed a place to stay. She needed a man to take care of her because apparently her husband wasn't doing it to her satisfaction.

 

I wonder if my ex knows all of this?

 

I don't know, you'd think I'd take some pleasure in knowing that sooner or later, he's gonna get his. This woman will once again tear his heart out. Well, of course she will. She's a hard core BPD if there ever was once.

 

Instead, if anything...the pain that was beginning to dull some has returned. It's not easy knowing that you were put on the back burner for a woman who has NO loyalty to ANYONE...not even her children. Who has repeatedly hurt people, used people, a past and present drug addict, and has NO morals whatsoever.

 

I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I say that I was placed on the back burner, but I don't know if that's completely the case or not. A part of me thinks he never meant for me to find out that he was in contact with her, and when I showed up unexpectly and found her at his house that day...well, the cat was out of the bag and he was now stuck with her because I walked away. I honestly don't know if he planned to move her in and break it off with me or if he was going to send her down the road and hope I never found out she was there that day. I don't know anymore...

 

It's GOT to be horrible living with a woman you can't trust, and I know he doesn't. I can't count the times he's said to me in the past that he could never trust her again. My ex has some major trust issues as it is...can you imagine what he's going through living with a woman who has proved to him from past history that she can't be trusted? I honest to God can't understand how he can live with that. I know I couldn't. There's no damn way I could live with, or have a relationship with a person I know I couldn't trust.

 

He did try to contact me several times...not this past week or so, but he has tried. And I can't help but wonder if he knows he's made a horrible mistake. If he knows that he lost a decent woman who loved him, who he could trust by his deceit. Does he know that? Does he think about it? Does he miss the security he had with me? I don't know...

 

But even if he did make contact with me, what could he say for himself? Is that why he calls and falls silent or just hangs up? Does he believe I hate him now, will never talk to him again? Does that make him sad? Does he truly regret his actions?

 

I don't know....

 

I know my ex VERY well. Hell, you can't spend as much time as we did together, spend hours upon hours talking, sharing, dreaming...and not come to know that person well.

 

But THIS...well, I just can't understand it. For the life of me, I can NOT understand where his head was at when he got involved with her. Yet...he continued to try to contact me, even when I told him to never call me again the last day I saw him.

 

I'm having a REALLY hard time, guys. I really am. There are so many unanswered questions, so many things I don't understand...but NEED to. And only he has the answers.

 

I know it would be unhealthy to talk to him...yes, I know. But on the flip side, I need some friggn' answers! I don't know that he'll be able (or willing) to provide me with what I need because it seems to me he's confused as well. And after what he pulled, I don't trust him enough to be honest with me.

 

So...I'm torn, you see. I need some answers, yet...I don't trust him enough to provide them.

 

Yeah, I know...I'm rambling. Just typing random thoughts as they enter. Thoughts that are keeping me awake at night. Thoughts that are constantly haunting me...and I need some relief.

 

I've thought seriously about contacting him, telling him I want some answers...that he OWES me THAT much.

 

But at what cost? Is it worth risking another heartache to get some answers? Will seeing him to get the answers screw my head up even more than it already is?

 

I don't know...

 

And there it is....I TRULY don't know anymore.

 

~T~

 

Turns out she knows

 

First of all I have many questions for this prick of an ex bf you had the unfortunate experience of EVER getting involved with .

 

Why does he pick a chunky , drug infested , diseased , worthless- mother-figure ?

 

Why does he find an attraction to this crackwhore ?

 

Is it because she is sunk to the lowest depths and he feel she is his EQUAL ?

 

Is it possible HE uses or ( did ) use drugs ? Is that the connection ?

 

YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP GIVING THIS WASTE OF HUMAN JERK_OFF ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME ! DON'T FEEL ANYTHING . Let the anger do its thing and LET IT GO !

 

You see its like pure evil.,,

 

YOU give this prick LIFE ! KILL HIM ! Well in the mind sense of course Kill the thoughts.! Take an invisible daggar and stab him in the heart! . Make him DEAD !. Dead to your thoughts. He is road kill. He is a rotted fetid corpse that you keep breathing life into. Bury Him !

 

Okay that was being somewhat kind...

 

GOOD GOD LET HIM GO !

 

He is living with a LOSER ridden Bi*ch !

 

Let him go and fall. Let them both fail. Let them do whatever the he** they want .

 

PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease try to get some sleep. This bastard robbed you of everything. ! NOW get a new life. HE DOES NOT EXIST.

 

He is a creeeeeeeep ! Think of the song by Radiohead

[Greensleaves]

Sorry guys, haven't been online for a few days, just short note, will answer to your posts individually in more detail. Hu, seems like quite a few things have come to the surface since I have been online last time...

[Greensleaves]

Green...quick question. Are you British or American? I ask because I noticed in your last post you used the word "whilst." That's a word the British use alot while writing.

 

Because, if that's the case...I had to laugh when I thought to myself..."my, my...would you look at this? Two Brits and a yank pulling together for survival." :::laughing:::

 

Hmm, Tormented, neither to be honest. I studied in the UK a few years ago (which is where the "whilst" might have been picked up ) and last 1,5 years I lived in NA. I am back in Europe now and had the interview in the UK, but my folks resides in Europe's No 1 beer country and in fact right now I am visiting friends at the biggest beer festival in this part of the world ...

So we are truly multicultural here

 

 

Well, I guess you can say B and I are having a real go of it right now. Kinda like undergoing an emotional enema to rid ourselves of the muck within. It's hard. About the time you think you've got the bull by the horns, the bull decides to shake loose and knocks you on your ass.

 

That's alright, though. Just means we have to get back up, wipe the dust from our butts, and grab hold of those horns again.

 

Sooner or later, the bull is going to get tired and lay down. And THAT'S the day I, and many here, look forward to.

 

I know. Sometimes I am not even too sure if that is what I want. I guess i do. But right now I am battling with the fact that I let myself allow to believe that my past relationship was meant to be and that I allowed myself to build it into so many dreams even though I should have had doubts. I truly should have had.

So basically I am scared that that might happen again, so right now I do not desire to fall in love ever again. Nope. It is soo painful and frustrating. I secretly hope to see the day where i will post that I have and you will reply: "We told you so" but am not expecting it or even desiring it if that makes any sense whatsoever...

 

 

Any job prospects on the horizon? I've no doubt you'll land one soon because you have such a strong will to obtain one. At least you're not caving in to self-pity and giving up. I know I said this once before, but you honestly NEED to pat yourself on the back for this. It really is quite an amazing feat considering all that you're dealing with.

 

Unfortunately not. I am now in one more roster, meaning that I have been added to several databases as an expert, but that doesn't mean that there will be a project soon. It sounds as if the guys from the interview still ahven't made up their minds (according to the recruiter) so not all hope is lost yet, but I guess I gotta be patient

 

Drove by my ex again today. I didn't even look up at him...not even a "sneak" peak like I usually do.

 

This is SO damn hard, ya know?

 

Love sucks.

 

~T~

 

I hear ya. it is. Will post more as reply to your others.

Green

[Greensleaves]

Thing is, I really do hate myself sometimes for seeing him as Mr. Beta. I feel like if I think that, I am being overcome by dark emotions of jealousy. I don't like to think of people as lower than me. Handling my pain badly etc. Sure, he looks like a nerd in the photo, but I feel bad about judging on appearance. Still, whatever floats her boat I guess. You know, I stole this girl off someone in the very beginning... the xbf she would go to every holiday when we weren't at uni together. That's a lesson learned: once cheating scum, always cheating scum. Well, that was a fun time in itself if compartmentalized, ie. viewed separately from the rest of it... So let's leave Mr. Beta out of it. I don't think I'd punch him in the face if I met him. In fact, I empathise with him more than I do her. Today I'm the victim. Tomorrow, he might be. Nevertheless, I'm sure he's not without his visually concealed qualities. I'm making a big judgement about someone just because he's chinese and wears big specs.... hehehe

 

Oh well, a little bit of gloating here and there is healthy I think. I definitely had to laugh because I pictured him with enormous specs, with big 60ies frames and groomed straight shiny hair.

 

Well, I'm in a better mood than I was two days ago. I'm still not ok. Quite disaffected with a lot of things. I'm not sure.... I've been thinking a lot that the point of life is that there is no point, and all of it is a big quest to realize just that. To stand back, take it easy, and realise that it's not a big deal. Maybe I'm becoming all zen about things... more likely, it's some sort of manifestation of depression. Not suicidal or anything... I'd only self harm as a means to getting antidepressants. Doctors here only take you seriously if you self harm. They don't believe you're depressed otherwise. God... sometimes it pisses me off that people of composure are seen to have fewer feelings than those who lose it and behave like children. She used to throw tantrums and be a psycho... and me... mr. calm, who therefore has no feelings.... jeez.... people are stupid - they piss me off sometimes...

 

You know guys, despite my angry post, I do, like T, miss it all. I really really miss her. I can't choose my feelings. I wish I could, but I can't help it. Still, by doing things like NC, I can try and channel them in the right direction (ie. into the busom of some other chick ). Busom is such a funny word. Very Shakespeare. This is obviously a metaphor. Contact with mammaries belonging to another girl is obviously not the whole answer. Still, perhaps going for someone else, like all the bad feelings that must be felt, is just another step on the way through it all. Another move towards the emotional self sufficiency we seek but never arrive at, but can paradoxically only ever get closer to by bonding with other people. We humans are funny creatures.

 

And although I can post all sorts of philosophical nuggets of wisdom and alcoholic metaphors, and although it will make you think that I've got my head screwed on because I'm not hysterical, it's catch 22. You remember what I was saying about people of composure? Despite all this, I hurt just as much as someone hysterical does. I just have the bull by the horns. The bull has them by the testicles. And because of that, we get left in the cold. Nobody feels like a hero talking to a troubled someone who's not in trouble. What is there to gain? They don't even understand that you can be so troubled and yet have a lot of things going well for you. I think that I'm the best person at feeling sorry for myself. Is that because I'm self-indulgent, or is it because they're blind? I'll never know.

 

Despite her horridness. Despite my best efforts, I still really feel for this girl. "What a fool" you say. Well, you guys don't. You love your human turds just as much as I love mine, despite their stench. Still, sometimes I think I'm just cursed with the ability to see the gourmet meal in the piece of shi+. A magic power I wish I was without.

 

Not a day goes by where I don't think about trying to help her etc. But I can't. It's a horrible position. And I bet she thinks I'm a traitor for abandoning her. She probably expects me to come apologizing. I have 6 weeks or so till her birthday. I think about it every day. I want so much to give her something I know she would love. It's not even something expensive. But then I think, it might just be a cheap gift with none of the sentimental value it would have had before. Then again, I could just mail her a bland card. That'll be quite a symbol of the failure of our friendship and our relationship. But you know, while she was busy sucking Beta's giblets, she found time to write me the blandest of bland postcards. One of those "Went there, did this, weather was x y z". So maybe I owe her something similar. But then I hate myself for being vengeful. She used to call me vengeful alot. Perhaps it was her way of trying to extract my complete subordination. Being a person can be tough sometimes. If only I could measure these things with litmus paper or something... Only thing I can really do is wait for the day, see how I feel, and put my feelings into action. Sounds simple eh? And there I was, going on about how life isn't a big deal. Feelings into action... who would have thought it was that difficult!!!

 

What a mess.....

 

B

 

I guess despite the NC achknowledging her birthday is probably something you should do, one way or the other, but I have to admit, it is difficult to find the right balance: something nice but not too nice, something personal but not too personal. Something that will evoke nice memories of the person she once fell for , but still something not too full of memories, not too deep, dunno how to describe it better, but you probably know what I mean anyways.

 

You know maybe she actually does have all the potentials you see in her and maybe she would be able to overcome her difficulties to a certain extent, but only if she really wants to and wants to work on it which obviously she is not interested in. So you might have been able to help her if she had been ready, which she is not and maybe never will be. Who knows? But even that is not really news to you as you have figured that all out as well. Sometimes it just helps to hear it several times.

 

But yepp, it sucks, I do agree. Sigh. (Which reminds me of Shakespeare now: Sigh no more ladies sigh no more, men were deceivers ever, one foot in sea and one on shore to one thing constant never... ) Sorry, but I am sure you will find adequate lyrics that describe the deficiencies of our sex, too:p

 

Green

[Greensleaves]

But even if he did make contact with me, what could he say for himself? Is that why he calls and falls silent or just hangs up? Does he believe I hate him now, will never talk to him again? Does that make him sad? Does he truly regret his actions?

 

I don't know....

 

I know my ex VERY well. Hell, you can't spend as much time as we did together, spend hours upon hours talking, sharing, dreaming...and not come to know that person well.

 

But THIS...well, I just can't understand it. For the life of me, I can NOT understand where his head was at when he got involved with her. Yet...he continued to try to contact me, even when I told him to never call me again the last day I saw him.

 

I'm having a REALLY hard time, guys. I really am. There are so many unanswered questions, so many things I don't understand...but NEED to. And only he has the answers.

 

I know it would be unhealthy to talk to him...yes, I know. But on the flip side, I need some friggn' answers! I don't know that he'll be able (or willing) to provide me with what I need because it seems to me he's confused as well. And after what he pulled, I don't trust him enough to be honest with me.

 

So...I'm torn, you see. I need some answers, yet...I don't trust him enough to provide them.

 

Yeah, I know...I'm rambling. Just typing random thoughts as they enter. Thoughts that are keeping me awake at night. Thoughts that are constantly haunting me...and I need some relief.

 

I've thought seriously about contacting him, telling him I want some answers...that he OWES me THAT much.

 

But at what cost? Is it worth risking another heartache to get some answers? Will seeing him to get the answers screw my head up even more than it already is?

 

I don't know...

 

And there it is....I TRULY don't know anymore.

 

~T~

 

Turns out she knows

 

 

Hu, Tormented, this is all super super bad. If he really did know all that he is the biggest idiot ever. Nope, no matter how bad I was i definitely wouldn't give up on my children and the fact that she cannot even bother to attend her meetings is sooo bad, hu, it makes me super angry. Definitely not the type of person I would want to be with and neither would you. Gosh. Well, he must have known some of it, at least, first of all it is difficult to hide a severe drug addiction and second it would be difficult to hide away three little kids, too. Maybe he thinks he can help her or something stupid, twisted.

 

I can see that you would want to have some answers. Same with me I am still looking for some answers, too. And obviously he does want to talk to you. But I guess as long as he doesn't have the courage to leave you a message and tell you what he wants to talk about, you won't be endangered that much. I must admit if he left a message I would probably talk to him, as long as the message sounds reasonable. Don't just contact him, though, I do agree with B. Leave it a NC, if he really takes the courage and tells you what he wants and if that agrees with you only then and then only I would consider talking to him again. I know it is difficult. I really do.

Actually maybe drawing up that list B suggested is a good idea. If you really think you would benefit from talking to him after you thought it through then go for it. But most likely it will just make you feel even worse and you will lapse back again in your struggle.

Let us know how you feel and how you got along.

 

Green

[Guest]

Dr. Phil once said that a woman who steals a man from another only ends up with the booby prize. So in the end she isn't really winning is she? Let his alcholohism be her problem now. You can do much better.

[Greensleaves]

Tormented, just got back from my night out, which was nice, but as you might know only distracts you for so and so long, so I really can't wait for the day the distraction will be continous....

 

Thanks for caring about what is going on with me; well, I think I still haven't reached the anger state yet, I am angry occasionally, but mostly rather sad and therefore cannot vent that much, even though it probably would help.

I am not beginning 2o anymore, so I do know my values and i do know that all in all I am not a bad deal at all. Why my Ex chose to give up I still haven't quite understood and dare say that if I knew it might even be more painful after all.

As you both have pointed out it is hard work keeping your composure, so for me it is hard work focusing on all the things, e.g. job, so I do appreciate your positive comments.

I am trying to feel responsible for little projects which I have set up just to have means to force myself to do things, get up, etc etc so yepp, I guess all in all I'm coping, but it doesn't come with ease which you and B can relate to.

Alright. I hope you feel much better already and your urge has calmed down or even vanished.

Take care.

 

Green

[Mary3]

But even if he did make contact with me, what could he say for himself? Is that why he calls and falls silent or just hangs up? Does he believe I hate him now, will never talk to him again? Does that make him sad? Does he truly regret his actions?

 

I don't know....

 

I know my ex VERY well. Hell, you can't spend as much time as we did together, spend hours upon hours talking, sharing, dreaming...and not come to know that person well.

 

But THIS...well, I just can't understand it. For the life of me, I can NOT understand where his head was at when he got involved with her. Yet...he continued to try to contact me, even when I told him to never call me again the last day I saw him.

 

I'm having a REALLY hard time, guys. I really am. There are so many unanswered questions, so many things I don't understand...but NEED to. And only he has the answers.

 

I know it would be unhealthy to talk to him...yes, I know. But on the flip side, I need some friggn' answers! I don't know that he'll be able (or willing) to provide me with what I need because it seems to me he's confused as well. And after what he pulled, I don't trust him enough to be honest with me.

 

So...I'm torn, you see. I need some answers, yet...I don't trust him enough to provide them.

 

Yeah, I know...I'm rambling. Just typing random thoughts as they enter. Thoughts that are keeping me awake at night. Thoughts that are constantly haunting me...and I need some relief.

 

I've thought seriously about contacting him, telling him I want some answers...that he OWES me THAT much.

 

But at what cost? Is it worth risking another heartache to get some answers? Will seeing him to get the answers screw my head up even more than it already is?

 

I don't know...

 

And there it is....I TRULY don't know anymore.

 

~T~

 

Turns out she knows

 

 

Hu, Tormented, this is all super super bad. If he really did know all that he is the biggest idiot ever. Nope, no matter how bad I was i definitely wouldn't give up on my children and the fact that she cannot even bother to attend her meetings is sooo bad, hu, it makes me super angry. Definitely not the type of person I would want to be with and neither would you. Gosh. Well, he must have known some of it, at least, first of all it is difficult to hide a severe drug addiction and second it would be difficult to hide away three little kids, too. Maybe he thinks he can help her or something stupid, twisted.

 

I can see that you would want to have some answers. Same with me I am still looking for some answers, too. And obviously he does want to talk to you. But I guess as long as he doesn't have the courage to leave you a message and tell you what he wants to talk about, you won't be endangered that much. I must admit if he left a message I would probably talk to him, as long as the message sounds reasonable. Don't just contact him, though, I do agree with B. Leave it a NC, if he really takes the courage and tells you what he wants and if that agrees with you only then and then only I would consider talking to him again. I know it is difficult. I really do.

Actually maybe drawing up that list B suggested is a good idea. If you really think you would benefit from talking to him after you thought it through then go for it. But most likely it will just make you feel even worse and you will lapse back again in your struggle.

Let us know how you feel and how you got along.

 

Green

 

 

Sorry Green but I disagree with the part about EVER talking to this guy again. I kind of came in on this post and try to post when I can. But Green the guy is not WORTH 2 cents of her time. He needs to go away. !!

 

Seriously Green after all he DID to her and with that other whore , why in the world could having a conversation soothe her shattered heart ? I know its going to take time for her . I wish you the very best too. I dont post as much as I would like but I hope you heal from this too

[Greensleaves]

It's ok, Mary, I guess I do not have too much experience with breakups in general and weird abusive extreme people in specific.

 

I just thought if Tormented after carefully evaluating the pro's and con's comes to the conclusion that talking to him might give her more answers it might be worthwhile considering, but having said that I also know that chances are that it might make her feel better at first and then again worse after a while.

 

I surely agree that he is not worth it, I just understand Tormented needs' of getting answers and hopefully some peace. But maybe that's delusional, I don' know.

[Josalina]

ouch, cor tormented that has got to hurt.

u poor thing, just think though everything is done for a reason, easier said than done i know.

it sounds like your ex hurt u bad but understand it is not your fault, when someone goes off with an ex lover they r craving something that they gave them, if that ex was as much of a thug as u said who stealed things etc maybe he is not over the drinking as u though and he thinks u r 2 good 4 him, that is y he has gone back to someone who knows no better. understand, u done nothing wrong, he was into you once if not he wouldn't have started seeing you in the first place so there is nothing not attractive about u in his eyes, but remember u never really know someone until its to late.

if he acts like that now it is better u have seen it now rather than later.

u deserve someone who can c your worth.

[Greensleaves]

Tormented, this time it is me feeling really bad. I guess that came with returning from my friends, I have the feeling I can't stand staying with my folks anymore: i have been away for too long and I never feel welcome (well, there were huge issues in the past I don't really wanna talk about).

So the last two months despite being courageous and putting lots of efforts in, my situation still hasn't changed: no home, no job, lovelife still on hold.

I know, you and B, you are struggling to keep NC up, I sometimes just wished that there were reasons to enforce NC, in fact, I never said I wanted NC, on the contrary I said that I would like to hear how everything is going and he said for sure yes, he will drop a line occasionnally. But it doesn't really happen. Maybe it is for the better, who knows, but for sure right now it just makes me feel stupid. I guess had I insisted on NC I could always tell myself; well he generally would be interested to hear how I was doing but he can't contact me as I told him not to...

Maybe that is the whole secret of NC, who knows?

 

Anyways, enough ramble, life goes on, I just hoped it was going quicker.

Heard from the recruiter today that the company I went for the interview has decided not to hire anybody until their IT Manager from the US comes over, so still no yes or no, just another delay...

[Tormented]

First of all I have many questions for this prick of an ex bf you had the unfortunate experience of EVER getting involved with .

 

Haha! Oh, Mary...I SO love your spunk, girl!

 

Why does he pick a chunky , drug infested , diseased , worthless- mother-figure ?

 

Good question.

 

Why does he find an attraction to this crackwhore ?

 

Another good question.

 

Is it because she is sunk to the lowest depths and he feel she is his EQUAL ?

 

This is basically the conclusion I've reached.

 

Is it possible HE uses or ( did ) use drugs ? Is that the connection ?

 

Bingo! Yes...he's got a history of both alcohol and drug abuse. He always use to tell me that I didn't understand the dynamics of alcoholism and drug abuse...and he's right. I don't. I'm not a drunk OR druggie, and because she is, I guess he and she "understand" each other. But if that's the case...why oh WHY is he attempting to contact me, hanging around trying to see me drive by, etc. Know what I think, Mary? This sick, twisted jerk wants what he can't have. Seems to me he's NEVER happy with what he has.

 

YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP GIVING THIS WASTE OF HUMAN JERK_OFF ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME ! DON'T FEEL ANYTHING . Let the anger do its thing and LET IT GO !

 

Yeah, I hear ya. And the anger IS doing it's thing...I just wish he'd let it die, stop trying to contact and stay in my sight. Sure would help with my healing process if he did.

 

You see its like pure evil.,,

 

YOU give this prick LIFE ! KILL HIM ! Well in the mind sense of course Kill the thoughts.! Take an invisible daggar and stab him in the heart! . Make him DEAD !. Dead to your thoughts. He is road kill. He is a rotted fetid corpse that you keep breathing life into. Bury Him !

 

I'm TRYING to bury him but like B said..."he's a zombie." And the thing about zombies is...THEY REFUSE TO REMAIN BURRIED. He's GOT to know I'm done with him, will never return to him. So why does he continue with this sick chase? Especially so when he's got a woman (and I use the term VERY loosely), living with him? Makes no damn sense at all....

 

Okay that was being somewhat kind...

 

GOOD GOD LET HIM GO !

 

He is living with a LOSER ridden Bi*ch !

 

Yes, he is...but apparently he's not happy with his "living arrangement." But you know, that's NOT my problem. He made his choice, but he doesn't want to settle for the consequences of his choice. What a loser!

 

Let him go and fall. Let them both fail. Let them do whatever the he** they want .

 

Oh, and they will...no doubt. Just as they did the first time around. It is my hope she breaks his heart harder this time around because he's got it coming, Mary. But when it happens, he best not come sniffing around MY door for sympathy. I have nothing but contempt for him at this point.

 

PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease try to get some sleep. This bastard robbed you of everything. ! NOW get a new life. HE DOES NOT EXIST.

 

The ability to sleep comes and goes. I slept good last night, but the night before I couldn't turn off. It's been like this since our breakup and is starting to take a toll on me...both physically and mentally. Sometimes, my attitude sucks. Here lately, I've been snapping at people without meaning to and then feel bad about it later. Most people around me know what I've been through, and continue going through, but after awhile people expect you to snap out of it. I'm doing much better with it but really, I feel as though I should be getting over this faster than I am and I'm frustrated with it.

 

He is a creeeeeeeep ! Think of the song by Radiohead

 

Yes, he is....but does HE know it? I think he does, and I think he loathes himself....hense, going back to an ex who not only tore his heart out of his chest not even a year ago, but stole from him, cheated on him, and even married another man. Perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve anything better than this? Well, she better stick with him because her husband is absolutely through with her. Apparently, he's filed for a divorce and has a new girlfriend he's happy with. In fact, he's relieved to be rid of her. So, she no longer has him to run back to, and if my ex kicks her to the curb, this lying, cheating, using bitch will have NO where to run to nor anybody to use. Would definitely serve her right after all the people she's hurt...ESPECIALLY her children who she abandoned for her own selfish needs. And if I was a CRUEL, heartless bitch, I could arrange just that. I've no doubt that if I picked up the phone, called my ex and told him I wanted him back, he'd most likely kick her out. But you know what? I can't do it to either of them although they BOTH deserve it. At this point, I just want to move on...I want nothing to do with either of them. I just wish they'd move on as well...

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Dr. Phil once said that a woman who steals a man from another only ends up with the booby prize. So in the end she isn't really winning is she? Let his alcholohism be her problem now. You can do much better.

 

 

Hey Guest...

 

Dr. Phil showed his wisdom in the above statement...much truth to that. And you're right, he AND his problems are now HER problem...just as her MANY issues is now HIS.

 

They deserve each other.

 

Thank you, Guest for posting this. Much appreciated!

 

~T~

[Tormented]

ouch, cor tormented that has got to hurt.

u poor thing, just think though everything is done for a reason, easier said than done i know.

 

Yes, it did hurt me horribly...down to the core. Like everybody on this board, I honestly thought this man was "THE ONE." He wanted to be with me 24/7, bought me nice things (although I never asked for anything...materially, that is), constantly showed me affection, talked about our future frequently, and just basically made me feel very special and very loved. We did break up a few times (I always initiated it, but I did so because there were some serious issues in our relationship that never seemed to get better), but my love for him remained strong and genuine which is why we always went back together. But there IS no fixing it this time, he crossed over the line. I'm gone for good this time around, but he doesn't seem to believe it.

 

it sounds like your ex hurt u bad but understand it is not your fault, when someone goes off with an ex lover they r craving something that they gave them, if that ex was as much of a thug as u said who stealed things etc maybe he is not over the drinking as u though and he thinks u r 2 good 4 him, that is y he has gone back to someone who knows no better.

 

Yes, she is every bit the "thug" I described her as. Why, just ask her 3 small children she abandoned for her own selfish needs. She's a REAL winner, this one!

 

understand, u done nothing wrong, he was into you once if not he wouldn't have started seeing you in the first place so there is nothing not attractive about u in his eyes, but remember u never really know someone until its to late.

 

Oh, I know it's nothing I did to bring this on, and I also know it's his issues that is the culprit in all of this...but knowing it doesn't always lessen the pain. But I agree...by the time one gets to know another, it's too late to prevent a broken heart because the feelings have developed by then. Sucks, doesn't it?

 

if he acts like that now it is better u have seen it now rather than later.

u deserve someone who can c your worth.

 

Well....there IS one positive to this. And that is...AT LEAST I DIDN'T MARRY HIM!!!

 

:::shuddering at the thought:::

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Tormented, this time it is me feeling really bad. I guess that came with returning from my friends, I have the feeling I can't stand staying with my folks anymore: i have been away for too long and I never feel welcome (well, there were huge issues in the past I don't really wanna talk about).

 

Ah, Green...I'm so sorry you're going through this. As I've said to you before, a breakup alone is hard enough...but to add all that you've got to a full plate is enough to drive somebody screaming for the funny farm. Somehow, reaching out to you through a post on a breakup board seems so useless...wish I was there (in person) to give you a hug instead because it certainly sounds like you are in need of one. Mere words at this point is like placing a bandaid on something that needs surgery!

 

So the last two months despite being courageous and putting lots of efforts in, my situation still hasn't changed: no home, no job, lovelife still on hold.

I know, you and B, you are struggling to keep NC up, I sometimes just wished that there were reasons to enforce NC, in fact, I never said I wanted NC, on the contrary I said that I would like to hear how everything is going and he said for sure yes, he will drop a line occasionnally. But it doesn't really happen. Maybe it is for the better, who knows, but for sure right now it just makes me feel stupid. I guess had I insisted on NC I could always tell myself; well he generally would be interested to hear how I was doing but he can't contact me as I told him not to...

Maybe that is the whole secret of NC, who knows?

 

Well, considering the fact that this nightmare has continued for two looong months, it's not a wonder you're feeling the way that you are! My God, don't be so hard on yourself, girl. Do you realize that a great many people could NOT hold up as long as you have? Many would've crumbled by now. And as hard as it is to do right now, please focus on the positive of this....on your obvious strength. Personally, I think NC for you right now is for the best. You are at a very low point in your life at this time, and ANY negativity (rejection from him, for instance), will only send you spirilling down into a deeper depression. Why take that risk? No, not worth it. Instead, place your focus on things that WILL change your life. A job, a residence (your OWN residence), your friends, your hobbies and passions....and when you are ready, a new man in your life. Seriously, Green, as hard as it seems right now, THESE are the things that will bring you happiness. Rejection from your ex will only feed into your feelings of worthlessness and depression. DO NOT TAKE A BITE FROM THAT FRUIT. Walk away from it, Green, and find those things that are healthy for you.

 

Anyways, enough ramble, life goes on, I just hoped it was going quicker.

Heard from the recruiter today that the company I went for the interview has decided not to hire anybody until their IT Manager from the US comes over, so still no yes or no, just another delay...

 

Another delay, yes, but NOT a permanent thing, right? Which is why you've still got HOPE in your corner. NEVER let go of hope. Do that and you might as well lay down because you're already dead. Without hope, we have NOTHING. Never forget that.

 

I'm here for you Green, as is everybody on this board.

 

~T~

[Tormented]

I hear you my friends,

I jump from feeling sprry for myself to complete anger.. Anger that here i am feeling just awful for the years i wasted on a total loser.. and he is out in there without a care in the world.

How the hell do they do that? people like that have absolutely no sence of same..

 

Hey Gold...so sorry it took me so long to respond. I've had mega computer problems this week not to mention a nasty case of depression. But hey...it's all better now, both me AND my computer!

 

Yep, the yo-yo feelings of sadness/depression is normal and should be expected. I've come to the conclusion that it's part of the healing process. And as painful as it is, there's nothing we can do about it except to let it run it's full course until it decides to die. Kinda like the flu virus. We can do things to help lessen the discomfort of the symptoms, but we can't completely kill the "virus." Unfortunately, only time can do that. But when you are in pain, time can seem so loooooong.

 

How can people do this, you ask? Well now, there's the question at hand, isn't it? Wish I could pinpoint the answer to this. But I can't, don't think anybody here can. In order to understand these type of people, you've got to be able to THINK like them, BE like them. And speaking for myself, understanding them is NOT worth such a heavy price. Nope. I'd rather stay in the dark as to how and why these people can do what they do and remain a caring person...even if that does place me at risk of becoming a target for these types. Guess that's the price we have to pay for having the ability to love, for having a conscious.

 

Tormented i read up on the narccisitic personality dissorder and thats hi exactly..

except he is old almost 60. very short. not good looking at all. The woman he dated told me he was the least goodlooking she has ever gone out with.. he has a disease that has caused his teeth to fall out and has had full bridge made durig our breakup that makes him look like a bad used car salesman..

 

Yep, I knew you'd see him in this disorder. Thing is, what makes getting involved with a narcisstic man is the fact that they are so skilled at manipulation. There is a certain charm about them that seems to attract women...especially trusting women, so the absence of "good looks" can be overlooked. They don't rely on their looks, they rely on their manipulation, their empty promises, their CHARM. What's doubly dangerous here is that they actually believe they are in love with you, and because they themselves believe it, it's not hard to convince YOU of such. In truth, this disorder prohibits them from feeling GENUINE love. They haven't the ability, not like "normal" people. Their "idea" of love is so twisted and dysfunctional that their targeted victim(s) feel as though they are stumbling through a darkened maze...never seeing the blockade that lies ahead. And that's just it...we NEVER see the end coming, or why. Which is why you and I are feeling the way we do today. And knowing we are not at fault doesn't help lessen the pain. Again, only time will do that. Sucks, doesn't it?

 

i cant imagine what kind of game he is playing with his profile up on match.. and the webpage republished and running for the world to see..

 

Golden, again consider his disorder. The answers (as complex as they are) lie within it. He wants a reaction from you, wants to be re-assured that you're still hooked on him because, as you know, narcissists MUST feed their egos. DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM!!!

 

That makes him such a low degraded dog in my eyes..

 

Yes, he is. And deep down inside, he knows it as well. Which is WHY he needs to constantly feed his ego...to validate his worth.

 

i just hope others see thru him much faster than i did.

 

Well, if he's a true narcisstic, chances are they won't. There WILL be more victims, unfortunately. You must understand that these men are VERY polished in their skills and even the most savvy, intelligent women can and WILL be fooled by it. Just as you and I did....

 

hugss to all of you

 

A BIG hug back to you, my friend! Keep yer chin up, girl.

 

~T~

[Mary3]

Yes, he is....but does HE know it? I think he does, and I think he loathes himself....hense, going back to an ex who not only tore his heart out of his chest not even a year ago, but stole from him, cheated on him, and even married another man. Perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve anything better than this? Well, she better stick with him because her husband is absolutely through with her. Apparently, he's filed for a divorce and has a new girlfriend he's happy with. In fact, he's relieved to be rid of her. So, she no longer has him to run back to, and if my ex kicks her to the curb, this lying, cheating, using bitch will have NO where to run to nor anybody to use. Would definitely serve her right after all the people she's hurt...ESPECIALLY her children who she abandoned for her own selfish needs. And if I was a CRUEL, heartless bitch, I could arrange just that. I've no doubt that if I picked up the phone, called my ex and told him I wanted him back, he'd most likely kick her out. But you know what? I can't do it to either of them although they BOTH deserve it. At this point, I just want to move on...I want nothing to do with either of them. I just wish they'd move on as well...

 

~T~

 

First of all I have many questions for this prick of an ex bf you had the unfortunate experience of EVER getting involved with .

 

Haha! Oh, Mary...I SO love your spunk, girl! Thanks ! Its just something that comes out when I see a Jerk Alert !

 

Why does he pick a chunky , drug infested , diseased , worthless- mother-figure ?

 

Good question. Because deep down inside he knows he is a worthless LOSER to the CORE !

 

Why does he find an attraction to this crackwhore ?

 

Another good question. I think he likes the drama filled life of a drug user, It never ends @ !

 

Is it because she is sunk to the lowest depths and he feel she is his EQUAL ?

 

This is basically the conclusion I've reached. Yes me too. He doesn't have to wonder about why he is all fu***ed up because she won't question it and you know this brings to mind : She stold because she needed ways to get drugs. She stold from him and she will steal again !

 

Is it possible HE uses or ( did ) use drugs ? Is that the connection ?

 

Bingo! Yes...he's got a history of both alcohol and drug abuse. He always use to tell me that I didn't understand the dynamics of alcoholism and drug abuse...and he's right.I understand the dynamics of the Alcohlic because I used to live with one....You NEVER WIN. The booze always WINS !gie, and because she is, I guess he and she "understand" each other. Yeah he understands her alright ! But if that's the case...why oh WHY is he attempting to contact me, hanging around trying to see me drive by, etc. Know what I think, Mary? Because he is sick obsesses, sick of what he did to you , sick inside and sick in his diseased mind . RUN !!! This sick, twisted jerk wants what he can't have. Seems to me he's NEVER happy with what he has.He can't ever be happy with what he has so he uses stimulants and nasty crack whores to keep him up

 

YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP GIVING THIS WASTE OF HUMAN JERK_OFF ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME ! DON'T FEEL ANYTHING . Let the anger do its thing and LET IT GO !

 

Yeah, I hear ya. And the anger IS doing it's thing...I just wish he'd let it die, stop trying to contact and stay in my sight. Sure would help with my healing process if he did. Thank YOU !

 

You see its like pure evil.,,

 

YOU give this prick LIFE ! KILL HIM ! Well in the mind sense of course Kill the thoughts.! Take an invisible daggar and stab him in the heart! . Make him DEAD !. Dead to your thoughts. He is road kill. He is a rotted fetid corpse that you keep breathing life into. Bury Him !

 

I'm TRYING to bury him but like B said..."he's a zombie." And the thing about zombies is...THEY REFUSE TO REMAIN BURRIED. He's GOT to know I'm done with him, will never return to him. So why does he continue with this sick chase? Especially so when he's got a woman (and I use the term VERY loosely), living with him? Makes no damn sense at all....LOOK he is dead. I dont care if he stares through you window at nite while you sleep you have to pretend with ALL YOUR BEING that he no longer exists.

 

Okay that was being somewhat kind...

 

GOOD GOD LET HIM GO !

 

He is living with a LOSER ridden Bi*ch !

 

Yes, he is...but apparently he's not happy with his "living arrangement." But you know, that's NOT my problem. He made his choice, but he doesn't want to settle for the consequences of his choice. What a loser!He screwed up BIG TIME. Now let him eat crow !

 

Let him go and fall. Let them both fail. Let them do whatever the he** they want .

 

Oh, and they will...no doubt. Just as they did the first time around. It is my hope she breaks his heart harder this time around because he's got it coming, Mary. But when it happens, he best not come sniffing around MY door for sympathy. I have nothing but contempt for him at this point. He will probrobly kill himself . Disasterous but highly likely when the drug den girl ditches him.

 

PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease try to get some sleep. This bastard robbed you of everything. ! NOW get a new life. HE DOES NOT EXIST.

 

The ability to sleep comes and goes. I slept good last night, but the night before I couldn't turn off. Can you try some sleeping pills.? I take one that is non addictive . It's been like this since our breakup and is starting to take a toll on me...both physically and mentally. Sometimes, my attitude sucks. Here lately, I've been snapping at people without meaning to and then feel bad about it later. Thats because you are suffering from lack of sleep.Most people around me know what I've been through, and continue going through, but after awhile people expect you to snap out of it. I'm doing much better with it but really, I feel as though I should be getting over this faster than I am and I'm frustrated with it.

 

He is a creeeeeeeep ! Think of the song by Radiohead

 

Yes, he is....but does HE know it? He knows he is lower than pond scum but druggies and drinkers have a disease ! and the disease always wins unless they get therapy. I think he does, and I think he loathes himself....hense, going back to an ex who not only tore his heart out of his chest not even a year ago, but stole from him, cheated on him, and even married another man. Perhaps he feels he doesn't deserve anything better than this? Well, she better stick with him because her husband is absolutely through with her. Yeahhhhh lucky husband for dumping this weird chick !Apparently, he's filed for a divorce and has a new girlfriend he's happy with. Weeeeeeeeeeee ! In fact, he's relieved to be rid of her. So, she no longer has him to run back to, and if my ex kicks her to the curb, this lying, cheating, using bitch will have NO where to run to nor anybody to use. Thank GOd for thatWould definitely serve her right after all the people she's hurt...ESPECIALLY her children who she abandoned for her own selfish needs. And if I was a CRUEL, heartless bitch, I could arrange just that. I've no doubt that if I picked up the phone, called my ex and told him I wanted him back, he'd most likely kick her out. But you know what? I can't do it to either of them although they BOTH deserve it. Oh HECK NO !At this point, I just want to move on...I want nothing to do with either of them. I just wish they'd move on as well...

 

~T~

I hope some of the above highlights help you out

[Greensleaves]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greensleaves http://www.loveshack.org/forums/images/red/buttons/viewpost.gif

Tormented, this time it is me feeling really bad. I guess that came with returning from my friends, I have the feeling I can't stand staying with my folks anymore: i have been away for too long and I never feel welcome (well, there were huge issues in the past I don't really wanna talk about).

 

Ah, Green...I'm so sorry you're going through this. As I've said to you before, a breakup alone is hard enough...but to add all that you've got to a full plate is enough to drive somebody screaming for the funny farm. Somehow, reaching out to you through a post on a breakup board seems so useless...wish I was there (in person) to give you a hug instead because it certainly sounds like you are in need of one. Mere words at this point is like placing a bandaid on something that needs surgery!

----------------

 

Haha, thanks, I like that comparison. For sure it is one that comes from a nurse . You are right. It is difficult to stay sane. I worked in my Aunt's vinyard yesterday, which was a little therapeutic, as it is physical work. However, the harvest is in already, therefore not a logterm option. I even managed to joke about the situation with them, something that you seem to do as well: keep on that masque, keeping people entertained and on a good day it even works for a while, but as we both know we are not that advanced yet for it to work all the time...

 

-------------------

 

 

Well, considering the fact that this nightmare has continued for two looong months, it's not a wonder you're feeling the way that you are! My God, don't be so hard on yourself, girl. Do you realize that a great many people could NOT hold up as long as you have? Many would've crumbled by now. And as hard as it is to do right now, please focus on the positive of this....on your obvious strength. Personally, I think NC for you right now is for the best. You are at a very low point in your life at this time, and ANY negativity (rejection from him, for instance), will only send you spirilling down into a deeper depression. Why take that risk? No, not worth it. Instead, place your focus on things that WILL change your life. A job, a residence (your OWN residence), your friends, your hobbies and passions....and when you are ready, a new man in your life. Seriously, Green, as hard as it seems right now, THESE are the things that will bring you happiness. Rejection from your ex will only feed into your feelings of worthlessness and depression. DO NOT TAKE A BITE FROM THAT FRUIT. Walk away from it, Green, and find those things that are healthy for you.

 

---------

Of course you are right. I am pretty sure it will all get much better once I have a job and my own place to live. As for hobbies, right now I don't feel calm enough for them, or say I always think, maybe I shouldn' indulge in them, who knows how long my money will last, which is a valid thought, but maybe it is time to show more confidence. I should land a job very soon, I just underestimated how slow the job market is. That's at least what I am hoping for.

And like my previous bf (not the Ex) used to say: We complain on a very high level. True enough. It would be even more difficult was I living in a country where people starve and little kids are in orphanages not because their mother is a drug addict but because their parents died of diseases.

Strangely enough, knowing all this doesn't make one stop complaining and worying. I wonder why...

 

 

 

Another delay, yes, but NOT a permanent thing, right? Which is why you've still got HOPE in your corner. NEVER let go of hope. Do that and you might as well lay down because you're already dead. Without hope, we have NOTHING. Never forget that.

 

I'm here for you Green, as is everybody on this board.

 

~T~

 

Thanks, Tormented, that does help, especially in these moments where the dark waves roll over your head and even though you know it will pass and that you are just being paranoid, you cannot just ignore it, either ...

 

 

Anyways, it sounds as if you managed to stick to your first resolution and I am glad to hear that despite the week being difficult you managed to move a little again. And I think it is good that you keep up your high morals. Although we all know that your Ex and his GF deserve loads of sh** you are still not taking advantage of it. You are not demeaning yourself to lower yourself to their level. In the long run that will haunt them even more, at least your Ex it will. ( I am not sure how much of a level she has anyways....)

I do agree with one comment you made: I think he always wants what he doesn't have and therefore will never be happy. I guess we are all a little bit like that that we crave things which are difficult to get, but what a nightmare it would be if you can never enjoy what you got/achieved/received.

I actually know a guy like this, too. He for sure displays full signs of a narcissist. We once were good friends until I finally realized that he craves drama and will not stop from hurting people to achieve it.

So I guess, it is good that you both, Tormented and Gold, are getting away from it all. (Haha, btw. he was not good looking either, but very very charismatic, therefore people fell for him all the time, intelligent, educated men and women alike, there were few that could resist him...)

[Greensleaves]

Hey Tormented, just to let you know: there is some more hope on the job front, wahey, a company I worked on a contract before have posted a new position which would be exactly what I would love to do and besides I have still friends in the town, ok they want someone with a PhD, so nobody is promising anything. However there are more options coming up now, i have applied for more jobs and in between I have an interview on Thursday for an interim position, just technical drawing basically, but at least if I get it it will give me the financial freedom to get my own residence and even if it is only temporary ....

So yepp, a little more hope on the horizon again.

When it comes to my subconscience: I constantly dream either of my Ex, his daughter and new again: of my previous bf and his new gf. So lots on the go there, which hopefully time will bring out and moreover clean it all out, gotta have more patience for that, though.

 

Hope you didn't have to face another drama this week, e.g. that the phone calls subsided and that nobody is lurking around your front porch anymore. What happened to the nice guy you have been hanging out with? Is he still around?

Other than that, we haven't heard from B for quite a while, hope there are positive reasons for it.

[B-31]

alive, well, healing, computer broken

[Tormented]

alive, well, healing, computer broken

 

I was beginning to worry about you, B. Glad to hear you're alive, well and healing. I ran into some computer problems last week, but I'm up and running again.

 

When you've got the time, and when your computer desides to behave itself...let us know what's going on with you.

 

~T~

[Tormented]

LOOK he is dead. I dont care if he stares through you window at nite while you sleep you have to pretend with ALL YOUR BEING that he no longer exists. [/b]

 

You know, Mary...it's a damn if I do, damn if I don't situation here. In order to "kill" him in my mind, I've got to let my anger run wild. It's my anger that probits any "fond" memories of him, thus speeding up my healing process.

 

BUT...it's also my anger that keeps him alive in my mind. If I cut the anger, I fear the alternative. So, I guess I'll just have to let the whole thing run its course. Doesn't appear to be any short cuts when it comes to the human emotion(s) and heart.

 

Something funny happened today that I'm STILL grinning about. My computer went down last week (windows crashed), and the computer tech I work with came home with me during lunch to take a look at my computer and fix any bugs left over. While driving to my house (the computer tech guy was in my car), my ex drove by and his eyes about bugged out of his head when he saw a guy in my car, heading towards MY house. I completely ignored him, acted like I didn't even see him while laughing at something my co-worker said.

 

How much do you think THAT ate at my ex??? :::::laughing hard::::

 

I hope his gut and heart were twisted up all day, like he has done to mine for the past 2 months.

 

 

I hope some of the above highlights help you out

 

It sure did...it always does, Mary. Thank you!!

 

~T~

[Tormented]

Hey Tormented, just to let you know: there is some more hope on the job front, wahey, a company I worked on a contract before have posted a new position which would be exactly what I would love to do and besides I have still friends in the town, ok they want someone with a PhD, so nobody is promising anything. However there are more options coming up now, i have applied for more jobs and in between I have an interview on Thursday for an interim position, just technical drawing basically, but at least if I get it it will give me the financial freedom to get my own residence and even if it is only temporary ....

So yepp, a little more hope on the horizon again.

 

Great news, Green!! I knew something would come through for you sooner or later if you held on....although I knew how hard and frustrating it has been for you. When all of this has settled, and begins to be like a fading nightmare years from now, you can take pride (and comfort) in the strength you found within YOURSELF to get through it. And then you can face life with more confidence, KNOWING that no matter what life decides to throw at you, you can make it on you OWN. This will prove to you that you need nobody to make it through. There is a BIG difference between WANTING a partner and NEEDING a partner. And believe me, WANTING is much more attractive to a potential mate. Congrats, girl!!!

 

Hope you didn't have to face another drama this week, e.g. that the phone calls subsided and that nobody is lurking around your front porch anymore. What happened to the nice guy you have been hanging out with? Is he still around?

 

Ha! Funny that you should mention that. As I told Mary, my ex passed me today during lunch (as always) and saw a male co-worker in my car as we were driving to my house. My computer has been giving me mega headaches lately and this guy is a computer tech who was coming over to take a look at my computer. You should have seen my ex's eyes when he saw my co-worker in my car. Thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head! I completely ignored him, acted like I didn't see him as I was laughing at something my co-worker said. I'm STILL laughing about it!

 

Other than that, we haven't heard from B for quite a while, hope there are positive reasons for it.

 

Don't know if you read B's latest post, but apparently I'm not the only one having computer problems. B said his is acting up as well. Hopefully, he can come back here soon. I miss him!!!

 

~T~

[Greensleaves]

Quote:

 

Great news, Green!! I knew something would come through for you sooner or later if you held on....although I knew how hard and frustrating it has been for you. When all of this has settled, and begins to be like a fading nightmare years from now, you can take pride (and comfort) in the strength you found within YOURSELF to get through it. And then you can face life with more confidence, KNOWING that no matter what life decides to throw at you, you can make it on you OWN. This will prove to you that you need nobody to make it through. There is a BIG difference between WANTING a partner and NEEDING a partner. And believe me, WANTING is much more attractive to a potential mate. Congrats, girl!!!

 

Thanks for all your kind comments, I guess i was a little too overoptimistic again on the job front as I found out today, they promise you more out there than they can keep, but I haven't lost hope yet. Oh well.

 

You are right about the wanting and needing, I guess, up to now I haven't really seen myself as a needy person and I don't think it was so much needing, it was more that I wanted to be with the person who had my heart. I guess once you are in love there is a really fine line between wanting and needing; it makes you believe you need that particular person; of course in a way you don't. I think I want a partner or maybe even need a partner for having a family, something I have set my heart on with my Ex, but nope, I am not prepared to go for anything, if no potential partner comes along I would also be happy to adopt and pull an "Angelina", though I gotta make some big bucks first and who knows maybe a "Brad" comes along at a stage, nice thought, really

 

 

Ha! Funny that you should mention that. As I told Mary, my ex passed me today during lunch (as always) and saw a male co-worker in my car as we were driving to my house. My computer has been giving me mega headaches lately and this guy is a computer tech who was coming over to take a look at my computer. You should have seen my ex's eyes when he saw my co-worker in my car. Thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head! I completely ignored him, acted like I didn't see him as I was laughing at something my co-worker said. I'm STILL laughing about it!

 

 

Ha, that's sooo good. Of course his eyes popped out. Glad to hear that. Good work, Tormented.

You are right about your anger you wrote about in your post to Mary; it is good that you have so much at this particular point in time, it will speed up healing and moving on....