Desperate to win back an ex

[guyinlove]

Hello there...i'm new to this forum, and I would love to get some advice on my own problem. It all started a year and a half ago, New Years Day 2005...I met a really sweet girl. We had so much in common, neither of us smoke, neither of us drink, and we are both virgins.

 

From the first moment we spoke, there was a spark, we just enjoyed talking to each other so much, and from that moment I realised that she was the girl i'd been waiting my whole life to meet. About a month after we met, she started dating somebody, and she really liked him...but he acted a real jerk to her, and she was really hurt because she thought he was different.

 

I was always there for her, and I helped her through it and made her happy again.

 

We flirted with each other a lot, I knew she liked me, and she knew I liked her...a few months later in April, while chatting on MSN, I finally got the courage to tell her that I had fallen in love with her...she replied asking me how long i'd felt that way about her, and I told her a couple of months, then I told her that i'd have to wait until she fell for me...so she replied with "what do you mean wait?", and logged off, leaving me to wonder.

So the next time we spoke, she told me that she had fallen head over heels with me and we decided to get together.

I swear I had never been so happy, she was, and still is everything I want in a woman.

 

In June we had a hiccup when she went to Church Camp for two weeks and told all her friends about me, most of them were happy for her, and most of them had told her to be careful, so because of those people, she decided that we take a break from our relationship. I wasn't fine with that, but I tried really hard not to show it...she told me that if we were meant to be then we would be together, but now she needed a break. So I gave her her space.

 

We got back together a few weeks later, and it was like that problem had never happened, we just got right back where we left off, and I was happy again, and I did everything in my power to make her happy.

We had another hiccup in September when she was suffering from depression, and she felt like everyone was against her, so again she asked to take a break, and this time I had no problem because I wanted to help her through it. This time she told me that she loved me so much to put up with her, and I said that I did love her, but it wasn't like putting up with her.

 

During this depression period she sent me one of those trick e-mails with questions like "who is your biggest crush?" "who would you have a one night stand with?", and the answers I gave would be sent to her (I didn't know that obviously).

 

I didn't hear from her until a couple of weeks later where she was starting to feel a little bit better, and again we picked up where we left off, like nothing had happened. We were getting real serious, even talking about marriage and children. I was never afraid to commit myself to her, it's what we both wanted.

 

In early November, some guy had developed a crush on her, and was slapping her on the butt and doing all sorts of stuff, she told me not to worry because she wasn't interested in him at all, so I didn't worry, I trusted her...I just didn't trust him. A few weeks later she told me not to freak out, but that this guy had forced a kiss on her, and she was like a deer in a headlights, and when she got over the shock she pushed him away. Again I trusted her, but I did admit that I was scared that this guy was gonna take her away from me, and she told me not to be scared because she wasn't interested in him.

 

So again we picked up where we left off, I was even talking about proposing to her and asking her what kind of ring she would like. (Obviously the actual proposal was gonna be a surprise). On New Year's Day 2006, she sent me a message via myspace telling me that again she wanted to take a break from me, because she wanted to concentrate on school, and that she knew that she loved me, she just didn't know if she was IN love with me, and she hated feeling like that, so she begged me to give her space, and that she wasn't saying we would never be back together again, but she wasn't saying that we would either.

 

A week later I caught her on MSN, and she told me that she wasn't in love with me anymore, and that she wanted somebody else. I was devastated, it was like my whole world and everything I had been planning had been destroyed. Ironically she told me that the guy she wanted was the guy that forced a kiss on her, when I reminded her of that fact, she told me he was civil now and she forgave him for that.

 

A few weeks after they started dating, she told me that he made her mad because he wanted to concentrate on his school work, but wanted her to remain exclusive to him, meaning she can't date other people, it made her angry, and they broke it off.

 

A couple of weeks later, she was telling me that she caught him kissing her friend, and her feelings were smashed into a thousand pieces. She then apologised to me for putting me through all that.

About a month later she told me that this creep almost had sex with her while she was blind drunk and didn't know about it, her friends had to tell her.

 

That was the only thing I ever worried about with her, someone trying to take advantage of her. She thanked me for being there for her, and told me she loved me.

 

A month after that, she told me that she was flicking through her artwork, and she saw a picture that she did which I was the inspiration for...she told me that after seeing that, she did have thoughts about getting back together with me because I treated her so well. When I asked her if she was still considering it, she told me she couldn't give me a definite answer.

 

A few weeks passed before we spoke again, and she told me the same thing, but told me she didn't know if she could be with me again because she still had feelings for this guy.

 

A few months ago, she told me that we would never be getting back together, and that really hurt me that she would choose someone who hurt her so much over someone like me who was nothing but a perfect gentleman to her. I couldn't accept the fact that she didn't want to be with me, and I still can't. I know she still likes this other guy, she's made dozens of myspace bulletins saying so, but I just find myself trying everything to win her back, I must have cried more over the last eight months than I have my entire life.

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I even spoke to a friend at work who gave me the advice to just leave her alone and not contact her...which I have been doing, and she seems to be viewing my myspace profile every time she logs on, and she even left me a comment telling me that she hopes i'm well, so I sent her an e-mail telling her that if she misses me so much all she has to do is come on MSN, because all I do is wait for her.

 

Is there a chance for us to get back together? Am I getting the wrong signals with her viewing my profile every day? I hate not being in contact with her, but it's the only thing I haven't tried. I pray every night asking for her to be kept safe and that no harm comes to her, and especially that one day she'll be mine again.

 

Should I keep doing what i'm doing? I just miss her so much that I break down all the time now, wishing she was mine.

 

Please help....thank you.

[BatteredByLove]

this girl is crazy.... go NC.

[Greensleaves]

Oh dear, yes, BatteredByLove is definitely right, it sounds as if she can't make up her mind what she really wants; a guy that is good for her or taking the risk and going for the somewhat more exciting bad one. It is not too uncommon, really.

It seems as if she knows that you are better for her which is why she tries to string you along in case going for risky guys doesn't work out.

Go NC and leave her alone, maybe she will come around but it seems as if there is a lot of work to be done and I wouldn't hold my breath.

[Ukwizard]

Guyinlove, I really do feel sorry for you. Why? You`ve not already lost the battle once. In fact, I think you`ve lost her many times before, and not realised it.

 

When people take breaks from relationships, it means they`re not happy with something. You need better communication with her to find out what she wants.

 

I don`t know you, and I especially don`t know what you are like, when you are with her, but try to find out what she really wants, and at least you can take it from there.

 

How do I know this? Well, my ex was very poor ather commuincation. It wasn`t until after we split, that she told me what she wanted, or what our relationship was lacking. To be honest there where a lot of things that couldn`t have been fixed to make my ex happy, but she couldn`t tell me. So she left to find it with someone else.

 

If you can find out what makes her happy, then that`s half the battle, but like I said, I think you`ve already lost. Not just once, but a couple of times!

 

Do you really want a girl that comes, and goes out of your life so easily? Can you trust her after someone forced a kiss on her, and she told you not to worry about it, and she falls for him?

 

I don`t think so my friend. It sounds like your ex loves attention. It must be boosting her ego to feel wanted.

 

I need to advise that it will take time before you move your thoughts onto someone else who will have you, and NOT leave you. Only time will tell.

 

You have to focus on yourself now, and if you do find someone new. (which you will! I did!!) Try to put your ex in the back of your mind, and focus like I said on someone who takes you, and cares for who you are without having the insecurity of them leaving.

 

I WOULD NOT put up with that. Your second best. No one likes being second best.

 

Take care.

[guyinlove]

Well, to update everyone, a few weeks back, a good friend of mine took it upon herself to contact my ex (without my knowledge), and showed me exactly what my ex said, and she said that she still loves me as a friend, and right now is ignoring me....hoping that it will result in me letting her go...and ignoring me is something she doesn't want to do. She also told my friend that she hates causing me pain, but also wants to live her life without worrying what will hurt me 24/7.

 

This is all so frustrating, because I don't know where all this is coming from.

Apparently she still has a crush on the other idiot that hurt her so much.

 

I know you all probably think i'm nuts, but I still want her. She was my first proper long term relationship, i'd waited so long for her to come into my life...why is it so wrong that I wanna make her happy and treat her right?

 

Fact is, I don't want anybody else...if I did i'd have started dating other people by now. I would do absolutely anything for a second chance. I just don't even know what to do right now.