Plagued With Doubts

[sakeeta]

My ex and I agreed to stay friends, although I have moved several hours away. We have split twice. The first time I left, because I got tired of competing with his ex in laws for his attention. We were living on their property at the time..which is a long story itself. The second time he split with me, because I asked for some of his time which would have interfered with his time with his ex in laws. I decided that I had better move on with my life, because he has never been able to seperate from his ex in laws, although there is apparently no interest on his part or his ex wife's part to get back together. As a matter of fact, she is remarried. It is strictly the rest of the family that he has never been able to make a break from. To be sure it is an odd situation. He is a wonderful guy in a lot of ways, but his inability to make a break from these people and move on with his life will keep us apart.

I have spent the last three months putting him right out of my mind. I love this man with all my heart, but I have decided that if I was in fact the woman for him, my love, caring and respect for him would have been what finally pushed him to break from his past life and ex family. It was a hard reality to face, but I have put a lot of thinking into it and have done my best to just move on. I had also convinced myself that I would probably never talk to or see him again.

The other day he called. He asked me when I was coming down and wants me to come see him. He told me that he misses me. He said I was better to him than anyone ever has been. Trouble is, he has told me that before. When we split up the last time, he told me that he wasn't ready to fall in love yet. That is such an old cliche, you know? Even though he now says he misses me, that doesn't change the fact that he still doesn't love me, does it? And a part of me can't help but wonder if it is really me he is missing??? Or is it more likely to be the companionship of a woman, someone taking care of his every need and want, as I had done before. Last but not least, what are the chances that he is just horney??? Since love is not what he is wanting, but he KNOWS how I feel about him, why is he doing this? Why would he keep stringing me along? Isn't it probably true that I am not really the one for him? I want to rock someone's world, I want them to think that I am the best thing to happen to them...and I really don't think he sees me that way. Any ideas??