Pink Amulet Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 so sometimes I forget the bad stuff because it simply doesn't mean much to me- it's just a product of stress or a bad day or whatever. ...or a bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 ...or a bad relationship. But how often does it have to happen to make a "bad relationship"? And how bad do the fights have to be, etc etc etc. And what if everything else outside those times is ok, or good, or great? It just becomes this whole arbitrary mess. Although I suppose it's not how you fight, or how often, it's how you resolve things that indicate a good/bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I would just say the test for me is... "does he bring out the best or the worst in me?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 I would just say the test for me is... "does he bring out the best or the worst in me?" Hah! What if it's both? Link to post Share on other sites
DeeBrod83 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 It's not the sense that you're fighting, it's HOW you fight: are you productive and work through the problems or do you just degrade/name call/hurt each other and never actually get to the root of the problem? If you find out what you're fighting about, work out a solution while you both get as much of what you want as possible, than I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. But if you're fighting to fight, that's just bad. And I totally agree with PA: and to kind of say it a different way: "Does he make me a better person?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 It's not the sense that you're fighting, it's HOW you fight: are you productive and work through the problems or do you just degrade/name call/hurt each other and never actually get to the root of the problem? If you find out what you're fighting about, work out a solution while you both get as much of what you want as possible, than I'd say there's nothing wrong with that. But if you're fighting to fight, that's just bad. And I totally agree with PA: and to kind of say it a different way: "Does he make me a better person?" Interesting thoughts- maybe we need a whole seperate thread to discuss productive fighting. Link to post Share on other sites
DeeBrod83 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Oh geeze, you'd need A BOOK! There's a whole science to it I think! Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 Oh geeze, you'd need A BOOK! There's a whole science to it I think! Oh cmon! Like we couldn't figure out in one thread what's never been resolved over the last few dozen centuries! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I just popped in... Yes, I miss my X very much. He dumped me four years ago. I still get butterflies when I seem him around town. I wonder about him pretty much every day. Still look for his truck around town. They say the meaning of love is incompleteness without the other person. I know what that feels like. However, the last time I saw him was this summer, I pretended like I was completely over him to his face. (Survival technique) Don't think I'll ever get him out of my system. Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Do I miss him? Yes, I do. I miss his company- we were great even as friends. I miss hanging out with him, doing things like going on hikes and biking. We are in the same boat, KM, so I know exactly how you feel. If you ever need someone to talk to, PM me. Link to post Share on other sites
richardcruz Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Sometimes I miss my ex, but now with 2 months + of no contact at all (not even a sighting or visual) it is all begining to feel like everything that happended was a bad dream. The memories are slowly starting to become less vivid, less painful, and more fuzzy and dream-like. No one had ever hurt me or said such horrible things to me as when my ex decided to unload me overnight. I still can't believe that our relationship ended the way it did. I still can't believe that someone that said that they were my soulmate would hurt me to this extent. Last time for some reason I was remembering the nick names that we would call each other, but everytime that I think of the good times we shared, I suddenly remember everything she told me when she was trying to shake me off and her cold-heartness just overshadows everything else. The sad thing is that she even ruined the good memories that we shared by being so hurtfull towards me in the end. Bottom line: I miss her briefly up until the point when the bad memories come rolling in and believe me, it doesn't take long. Link to post Share on other sites
Grrr Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Like crazy Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Ah interesting thread. Do I miss him? 'YES, I miss him.." I have an opportunity to be with him again but I'm scared to take the risk and also afraid to let another one go. Wayne Dyer says that we hear and perceive what we hear and see based upon our values, beliefs, prejudices and personal history. Our feelings are reactions to what we CHOOSE to have. They arent just there. They are a choice whether conciously or subconciously. As I read his stuff he states that we need to practice taking control of our own minds and choose and practice feeling and behaving what we choose. Its not easy to do. We want to reject and deny that we have power over our emotions and feelings. I know I choose to miss "him" because I want what he gave me. It's not necessarily him in his flesh form I want its what I recieved from him when we were together. I liked it. I enjoyed it. It felt good. I can pin-point some of those things he did for me that I like. For example: calling me frequently, taking me out in public to different places, accepting what I wanted to do when I requested it, allowing me to vent, complain, share what was on my mind without rebuking me, etc. These things and more he gave me. But all these things I can find in another person. This I logically know. I have yet too learn how to become a free and healthy person by learning to think differently so I can remove the attachment of my wants and needs from 'him'. I know it is a choice.. I don't know yet if I want to choose that seperation from what I miss about him from him. If another man was able to give to me what he gave to me in full I wouldn't have the connection to 'him' anymore because my wants and needs are being fullfilled. Currently, they are not so my focus is on the one who fullfilled those needs. Once those needs are filled, detaching them from 'him' will be easier. It's kind-of selfish if you think abuot it. I have these wants and needs I want fullfilled. Right now 'he' is the one who did that so my focus is on him. If another man I found physically attractive fullfilled those wants and needs my attachement to 'him' would be shifted to the new guy in time.. That is what I logically understand about all this 'missing him' whirlwind of not wanting or being able to release my emotional attachment from 'him'. It's the wants and needs not being fullfilled in my life right now. Which can only come from another person. (More Ex: hugs, kisses, caresses, his smell, the feel of his skin. etc. Those senses that another person stimulates in us. I miss those things.. Being alone, single, and not having someone stimulate those senses gives me a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. I need to learn to take control of my thoughts to change my feelings and control them. They are not tamed. I have subconciouisly made choices my whole life and have unconcioiusly made choices out of habits. Not being concioiusly aware of the choices I have been making has created bad habits, obsessions, day-dreaming behaviors, addictions, denials, manipulations and all sorts of unhealthy behaviors and beliefs. I am in the first step of this and that is becoming aware of my illusions. Either I will take the chance and try to regain what it is I miss so dearly from this man I am focused on missing or I will find these missing actions and qualities in a new man. Wayne Dyer has great insight. Link to post Share on other sites
BBetsy Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Samantha on "Sex and the City" had a GREAT line about what you all were talking about a few comments up. She said something like: "It's easy to tell when you have a good relationship. Do you spend more time doing THIS (she smiles happily)....or THIS (she frowns). If you spend more time doing THIS (she frowns), it's time to give it up." Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Hanley Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 You poor dear. I am feeling for you and my situation isn't anywhere near the gravity of yours by the sounds of it. I miss my girl with the following symptoms: Can't sleepCan't eatFeeling sick as a dogThe bathroom is making me throw up when I go inI can't even look at our cat without crying!I have emailed the Samaritans, just so someone knows cos I feel like a danger to myself, even though I'm not the suicidal type....this is after only one day and night, and is suppossed to be just a break from each other! But I fear the worse because there's always subtle clues in her correspondance. What is wrong with me? I love Michelle with all my heart. I haven't been as attentive as men genrally ought to be, and am now paying the price. I would move to the middle of the desert if she said she was coming back to my arms. I am dying of a sad heart. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Author KittenMoon Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 I haven't been as attentive as men genrally ought to be, and am now paying the price. So many people don't realize this common issue- count yourself lucky and smart for realizing it... and don't make the same mistake again. (Not that this is the solution to all relationship problems but it's a good start!) Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen_Angel Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 It's been over a year now and yes, I still miss my ex. But I don't miss him as much as I used to. The urge passes more quickly now, and the urge is no longer as strong. I realized the guy I miss NO LONGER EXISTS. If he did, we'd still be together. And since he no longer exists, he is certainly not worth my valuable time. Link to post Share on other sites
litfish Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I miss my "him," too. I just wish things could have been different. Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 So many people don't realize this common issue- count yourself lucky and smart for realizing it... and don't make the same mistake again. (Not that this is the solution to all relationship problems but it's a good start!) Good encouragement. I like your attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddy7777 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I realized the guy I miss NO LONGER EXISTS. If he did, we'd still be together. And since he no longer exists, he is certainly not worth my valuable time. I couldn't have said it better. It has been 3 weeks for me and I miss the idea of him, of what he once was. I do believe the man I love is gone. Link to post Share on other sites
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