lovestruck234 Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 ....my bf's best friend... This is so so so so so so bad. I am so confused!!! On the weekend, Rhys (bf) got asked by Dane (best friend) to do some work for him. Rhys owns an excavator and Dane wanted hom to build a Supercross track for him on a bit of land he wanted cleared etc... Anyway, I was in the excavator with Rhys and met Dane and another one of his friends half way. Danes friend said he would hop in the excavator with Rhys to show him the way there, seeing as it was through the bush....so it was suggested I hop in the car with Dane. I have known Dane for about...hmm...2 or 3 years but never really was very good friends with him up until lately when Rhys has been spending more time with him. So I was in the car with Dane and we had to take the road way seeing as his car wouldn't be able to get through the bush...it just feels like we hit it off the minute we start talking to each other and I am so happy around him and I'm laughing non stop, he is so funny. We were waiting around for Rhys for ages cos he got bogged in the bush, so we were just talking and mucking around, making jokes....and all the time I was....the curiosity was getting the better of me....I wanted to kiss him. I just wanted to know what it would be like....being in the car with him was enough to turn me on....he has this thing about him....his personality....the way he walks.....it turns me on... I didn't end up kissing him cos my mind was going all over the place "Rhys, Dane, Rhys, Dane".. I would never cheat on Rhys....that's why I hate feeling like this. When Rhys finally arrived, he was clearing trees and everything in the excavator, and Dane and me and the other boys were just clearing up around the place....whenever I looked up I caught Dane staring at me, then he would smile and keep holding his glance.....he was seriously turning me on!! We would be over opposite sides of the land that Rhys was clearing and I would find myself sitting there watching him....then when he caught me watching him being stupid or whatever he would stop and give me that smile. I don't know if anyone has ever had this feeling but you know when someone is wanting you, they give you that smile. Or hold a glance a little longer. He was making heaps of excuses to be near me and told me he loves my laugh and my smile.... I don't know what I'm doing here!! That night I was in bed with Rhys and I had a dream about him (Dane) and we did kiss. It was so so so so so good. I can remember waking up just feeling awesome. But also in so much guilt. That whole day we were out clearing that land, Dane and I were flirting with each other....there's no doubt in that AT ALL. And I really did like it.... And that's so not good. I am deeply in love with Rhys, and although most of you will probably think I am a b*tch or whatever for feeling like this....I can't control my feelings....I think I have a crush on him. We drove out to his house to visit him yesterday afternoon and Rhys is like "Come in and see him" and you know what? I can NOT believe it but I had that butterfly feeling in my tummy...the one when you when you were in school and you'd see your crush walking past...it was like that. I didn't get out of the car. I was just so nervous.....why? Both Dane and I are both involved in someone else. He has a gf, Laura, and I have Rhys. I shouldn't be feeling like this! I don't want to have feelings for him. and I hate myself for feeling this way but he....man, .....there is just something about him that makes me want him sexually. So now I know this is only a crush. But I have found myself today thinking about him and thinking about kissing him or just sharing some sort of intimacy with him.... The thing is, when I don't see him or were not hanging out, the feeling isn't really there, but when I see him, is when they flare up again. I don't really think about him when I don't see him....except for today cos I'm writing this thread, but the feeling I think is really only physical attraction. Please just tell me to snap out of it and I'm stupid and everything... HELP!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 It's just a fantasy. File it in your "spank bank" and let it play out (in your head!) and you'll get tired of it soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally00 Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Girrrl. You're not alone. I once had a boyfriend... it was mostly an LDR. I didn't know why I was still with him because he was going to move across the country and start college himself. Our lives were going in different directions, but I guess we were still together for the enjoyment or somethin'. But anyways, there was this guy in my class who sat next to me and I thought he was freaking cute!! But I never looked his way... because I was afraid I'd fall for him. I would always pretend like I was sleeping... or I'd have my hair in my face so he wouldn't look at me, etc. But as time passed by, he ended up finding a way to talk to me and one thing led to another. We ended up kissing. I felt horrible the entire time. I kept thinking... why am I with my boyfriend anyways? It's not going anywhere. I broke up with the boyfriend for all of the reasons before AND the other guy. I never told the boyfriend about the other guy either because I didn't want him to remember me like that when he moved away... I wanted him to remember the good times we had. To this day, we're still friends. With my boyfriend nowwww, he has a best friend who I'm friends with, too. I noticed recently that he can look really cute at times. LoL. I think, "Hey. He's not too bad looking..." But then that's it. All I think about is that he can be cute sometimes hehe. But it's not enough to make me feel bad. My boyfriend thinks girls are cute, but we won't go off and cheat. And I know you won't too... just like you said. It's okay to feel this way. I think it's normal to think someone else is really cute and attractive. I mean, it's bound to happen, right? There are other people out there who are attractice, as well. But if you're serious with your boyfriend, a little attraction to some other guy isn't going to get in the way of the relationship you have now. The choice is up to you. Think about what you have... what kind of boyfriend you have. You seem really happy with him. Think about what you would do if you lose him. Is it worth losing him for his best friend? I don't know if you're actually thinking about going out with him or somethin'... But if you love your boyfriend and are very serious with him, try not to think about his best friend. Think about how GREAT your boyfriend is and how GREAT he makes you feel and how lucky you are... and how lucky he is... and what you have with him is SPECIAL. You shouldn't feel guilty. Atleast you didn't kiss him. That's when you should feel bad. Well, good luck!! It'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 These things are so much easier said than done.... I have been thinking about him all day so far....on the Saturday when I saw him when I was in the car with him, no joke, I was about THIS close a few times when we were alone to lean over and kiss him. Things were running over in my head, as in, what would I say before I kissed him....I was SERIOUSLY thinking about it. And that's not good. I AM lucky with Rhys, I really am....why would I want anything more? I shouldn't be craving anything else. I am fully satisfied. Uh...well, apart from these past 2 weeks we have been fighting a fair bit. Actually, alot. Except on Saturday we were fine and had been for those past couple of days, I was pretty happy at that point in time, and we haven't fought since then....our rough patch is over, I guess you could say.... So I shouldn't be wanting Dane!!! It's just....I find I "click" with him better....I really do. He is into alot of the same stuff as me....he gets me. Ugh.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 Come on, fellow LoveShackers!! I am in desperate need of some advice...ANY advice! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 1. It's normal to be attracted to other people even when you're in relationship. There are lots of great people out there! This will happen to you your whole life. Being in a relationship and loving your guy doesn't mean there aren't other guys that are going to be attractive for various reasons. There isn't only one "the one". 2. A lot of times, the new person you find attractive seems more exciting than the one you're with because it's a new infatuation. You are imaging how things could be between you, and not yet aware of the things you'd fight about or would make them unattractive. You're only looking/feeling one side of the story. 3. You're young and you and Rhys haven't been together all that long. It's entirely possible that Rhys isn't going to be the guy you end up with. (Not that Dane might be, just saying it takes a while to know your mind). You also change as a person over time, so who you are today and the kind of relationship that feels right for you now (or yesterday), might not be the same kind of person that will be right for you 10 years from now. Advice? Don't act on the attraction between you and Dane unless both of you have already determined that your current relationships aren't right for you and have ended them. It may seem really hard not to do anything with Dane, so don't spend any time with him alone and minimize the time you spend with him even with others. Your rough patch with Rhys is probably fueling this a bit. Give that time to settle and do something to reconnect with Rhys right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 1. It's normal to be attracted to other people even when you're in relationship. There are lots of great people out there! This will happen to you your whole life. Being in a relationship and loving your guy doesn't mean there aren't other guys that are going to be attractive for various reasons. There isn't only one "the one". 2. A lot of times, the new person you find attractive seems more exciting than the one you're with because it's a new infatuation. You are imaging how things could be between you, and not yet aware of the things you'd fight about or would make them unattractive. You're only looking/feeling one side of the story. 3. You're young and you and Rhys haven't been together all that long. It's entirely possible that Rhys isn't going to be the guy you end up with. (Not that Dane might be, just saying it takes a while to know your mind). You also change as a person over time, so who you are today and the kind of relationship that feels right for you now (or yesterday), might not be the same kind of person that will be right for you 10 years from now. Advice? Don't act on the attraction between you and Dane unless both of you have already determined that your current relationships aren't right for you and have ended them. It may seem really hard not to do anything with Dane, so don't spend any time with him alone and minimize the time you spend with him even with others. Your rough patch with Rhys is probably fueling this a bit. Give that time to settle and do something to reconnect with Rhys right now. Wow, thank you...that was really helpful. Your 2nd point makes heaps of sense in my circumstance. He IS new and exciting and has no necessarily BETTER points about him, but different... I really don't mean to sound harsh here, but yes, I am aware that I am young, but I can't stand when people say that Rhys and I are probably going to end up down different paths etc...The situation we are in is very different from lots of other relationships and I have strong thoughts of this lasting the distance. Although I may sound young and naive, and although I'm still growing, changing, developing, there is one thing I know I won't grow out of...that's Rhys. I want to come back on here in 15 years or so and prove to everyone where I did end up....with Rhys!! Anyway, just had to get that out of the way....sorry of that offended you, it wasn't my intention. I have been trying to do things to get him off of my mind, but I can't. This is so lame, but I am thinking about how I rang him yesterday, cos to see if he wanted to come motorbike riding with us, and thinking about how sexy his voice was on the phone. Lol I know....lame. But just the little things...just when he walks by....when he smiles.....when he's doing something and he doesn't know I'm watching him....why the f*ck am I thinking about this???? This isn't normal!! Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 What do you mean the way he walks turns you on? It's just walking!!! Describe this special way of walking....because now I want to walk like that and see if I can turn on some ladies Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Wow, thank you...that was really helpful. Your 2nd point makes heaps of sense in my circumstance. He IS new and exciting and has no necessarily BETTER points about him, but different... I really don't mean to sound harsh here, but yes, I am aware that I am young, but I can't stand when people say that Rhys and I are probably going to end up down different paths etc...The situation we are in is very different from lots of other relationships and I have strong thoughts of this lasting the distance. Although I may sound young and naive, and although I'm still growing, changing, developing, there is one thing I know I won't grow out of...that's Rhys. I want to come back on here in 15 years or so and prove to everyone where I did end up....with Rhys!! Anyway, just had to get that out of the way....sorry of that offended you, it wasn't my intention. I have been trying to do things to get him off of my mind, but I can't. This is so lame, but I am thinking about how I rang him yesterday, cos to see if he wanted to come motorbike riding with us, and thinking about how sexy his voice was on the phone. Lol I know....lame. But just the little things...just when he walks by....when he smiles.....when he's doing something and he doesn't know I'm watching him....why the f*ck am I thinking about this???? This isn't normal!! Aw, I didn't say you and Rhys probably wouldn't make it in the end. I said it's possible you might not end up together. I hope you do prove us wrong!!! Reread my point #1...is IS normal!! It's a crush, an infatuation - that's why his voice and his walk are so thrilling to you. By telling yourself NOT to think about Dane, you're setting yourself up to think about him. Instead, tell yourself that when you think of Dane's voice, you'll spend some time thinking about when you met Rhys and how his voice sent shivers up and down your spine. When you think of Dane's walk, think of Rhys's touch on your skin. Replace your Dane thoughts with thoughts of Rhys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 What do you mean the way he walks turns you on? It's just walking!!! Describe this special way of walking....because now I want to walk like that and see if I can turn on some ladies Hee hee well when I'm infatuated with someone....the way they sneeze could turn me on! I don't know. Infatuation is infatuation....everything they do is perfect! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 Aw, I didn't say you and Rhys probably wouldn't make it in the end. I said it's possible you might not end up together. I hope you do prove us wrong!!! Reread my point #1...is IS normal!! It's a crush, an infatuation - that's why his voice and his walk are so thrilling to you. By telling yourself NOT to think about Dane, you're setting yourself up to think about him. Instead, tell yourself that when you think of Dane's voice, you'll spend some time thinking about when you met Rhys and how his voice sent shivers up and down your spine. When you think of Dane's walk, think of Rhys's touch on your skin. Replace your Dane thoughts with thoughts of Rhys. I have been trying this all day...the whole replacing Rhys with Dane....but the more I think of Dane and everything about him, the more I start thinking about bad points in Rhys.... NOOOO! I don't want to think that. Yeah, I understand what you mean, sorry....I just get a bit defensive, that's all. Sorry. GARGH!! I HATE CRUSHES! THEY CAUSE YOU TO DO SOME SILLY THINGS!! Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 It's just a fantasy. File it in your "spank bank" and let it play out (in your head!) and you'll get tired of it soon enough. Agreed!! This kinda thing usually is more exciting in fantasy than reality!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 Agreed!! This kinda thing usually is more exciting in fantasy than reality!! I was waiting for someone to bring this up.....See, I was thinking the same thing but this fantasy is getting so exciting that all I want to do is kiss this guy! Really, that's all that's on my mind...i just want to kiss him!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Really, that's all that's on my mind...i just want to kiss him!!!!!!!!! Look - don't eat me, okay? (For what I'm about to say.) Take a cold shower. Not nice, was it? I appreciate your honesty about this whole episode, but how would you feel if these things were going through bf's mind?! My guess is... crushed. Comparisons are to be avoided at all costs, I think. Are you happy? Are you getting what you want out of your relationship? I suggest you try (okay, what would I know...) to put all the energy you have into your relationship, and see if that gets you to a deeper level, a deeper connection. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Don't do it! You will feel worse than you did in your dream...The guilt, the betrayal and even if it is just "one" kiss, it WILL lead to other things. And, it will ruin their friendship, and your relationship with R. And D's relationship with his girlfriend. Start focussing on negative things about him. He is NOT perfect and all that you're feeling is the crush. Sexual or whatever, it's not going to go anywhere, so fantasizing about him 24/7 is making you fall in deeper. You have allowed the crush to escalate into something more, so now you need to re-train your brain and get out of the habit of thinking of him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 What do you mean the way he walks turns you on? It's just walking!!! Describe this special way of walking....because now I want to walk like that and see if I can turn on some ladies Some men swagger *licks lips* Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 You have allowed the crush to escalate into something more Tell me about it!! It's just itching in my mind and has been all day... I'm just scared...Rhys and I have been together for what? Nearly 9 months now....we have just started, in the last 3 months or so FINALLY getting out and doing things on our own....we're still attached at the hip...but we're becoming more independent. I'm worried that as norajane brought up, the thrill of a new person stepping in and having all these qualities about them...what if one day I throw all my inhibitions out the window and I'm just over-whelmed by my feelings? I'm still learning how to deal with my feelings as it is...I guess this is a bit of a lesson, then, if you want to put it that way....I love Rhys, I'm IN love with Rhys....do you think love is enough? I believe it is, but I can never be sure. Look, cheating is out of the question, I would never cheat on him, I know how it feels to be cheated on and how much it sucks, I would never be that cold-hearted as to put him through it. No way in the world. When I have a crush on someone, I do some crazy CRAZY things. Rhys would back me up on this one when I first starting having a crush on him some of the things I would do. Call and message him about 10 times a day....then still go and see him...and....oh....i just get obsessed! I really do! And that's not healthy! Waaahhahahaah why am I so mixed up sometimes??!!??!! Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 ok so try this on for size... instead of IMAGINING that this DANE is so wonderful... imgagine you do kiss him, and he's got bad breath and gross teeth, that he smells of BO and you find out he does something out of habit that is one of your huge pet peeves.... Really he's only so attractive to you because you can fantasize that he's what you'd like him to be, and real life RARELY if ever lives up to it... break the cycle try to imagine for a minute this guy is human and flawed like all other men... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 ok so try this on for size... instead of IMAGINING that this DANE is so wonderful... imgagine you do kiss him, and he's got bad breath and gross teeth, that he smells of BO and you find out he does something out of habit that is one of your huge pet peeves.... Really he's only so attractive to you because you can fantasize that he's what you'd like him to be, and real life RARELY if ever lives up to it... break the cycle try to imagine for a minute this guy is human and flawed like all other men... Ha ha ha ha but you know what? He bites his fingernails (big pet peeve), he's pretty skinny (which I'm not too fond of either...I like muscles and a toned body), he told me he shaves his balls (BIG MOTHER F*CKIN PET HATE X EWWWW X 100000) and he is absolutley NOTHING I like in a guy....(looks-wise) But I'm still infatuated with him. I've heard so many bad stories about him and how he cheats on girls, is a big time player and how desperado he is ALL THE TIME).... All of these things I find a no-no in most guys...why is he any different? Because his personality wins me over. It's something about the way he tells me things, asks me questions, looks at me, smiles at me, walks by me (LOL)....that make me forget about all those pretty grose things about him and he somehow becomes this amazingly atractive guy in my eyes. I love his voice and his laugh and how incredibly funny he is. He can make me laugh just like that. He is hilarious... You know there's something there when you can see past all those flaws and find this amazing guy.... He somehow reeks of sex appeal. His personality is so smooth and the way he talks makes me feel like I'm melting at the knees.... Sickening, I know...but it's the way I feel. Usually, I am thinking about Rhys all day long...but I haven't thought about him all day...I'm just thinking about Dane... Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Ohh well now you just made that even easier no wonder you are giddy... he's the bad boy, the off limits and unavailable... seriously enjoy the fantasy in a week or two he'll do something you notice that'll totally turn you off and you'll be like WTF was I daydreaming about ACK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 Ohh well now you just made that even easier no wonder you are giddy... he's the bad boy, the off limits and unavailable... seriously enjoy the fantasy in a week or two he'll do something you notice that'll totally turn you off and you'll be like WTF was I daydreaming about ACK! Ha ha ha ha...I guess so. I wouldn't describe him as a bad boy....he's just....confident....lol And to me, confidence wins me over like THAT! See, there's a fine line between confidence and cockiness...and he's not cocky at all...he's just so damn sexy the way he looks at me...*melting into the chair*... He doesn't show off, and I love that. I love how someone can get my attention by not showing off at all. He's just so....*sigh*...ok I'll stop now... Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 lol you are making yourself nuts... take Magichands advice and go have that cold shower... Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Mr. Smooth Balls sounds like he really talks the talk and walks the walk (lol) But yeah, look but do not touch! Get it out of ya mind! Go smoke some dope with your mom...you won't remember what you were thinking about before Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovestruck234 Posted August 28, 2006 Author Share Posted August 28, 2006 Go smoke some dope with your mom...you won't remember what you were thinking about before ........................................that was pretty insensitive... Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 sorry lovestruck... guess it is, didn't mean it that way Link to post Share on other sites
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