A Jew and a Muslim

[freechechnya]

I wasn't born Jewish, but near the end of high school I decided to convert, and I've been a devoted Jew ever since. Around this time, I met my boyfriend, who is Muslim. This has never caused problems for us until his family became involved.

 

His family has always made it clear that my boyfriend is expected by both his family and God to marry a Muslim woman and have Muslim children. I knew (from horror stories he has told me about how controlling his family is) that it would come to him either losing me or his family. I thought this meant it was worth looking into Islam.

 

Unfotunately, my boyfriend chose that time to tell his mom and closest sister about me. I met his sister with the hope of becoming a Muslim, but I made it VERY clear that I love Judaism and it is very possible I won't convert. She assured me that as long as I make the right decision for myself, she will understand.

 

Well, in the past few weeks, I have realized that I just can't give up Judaism. I told my boyfriend this, and while he was a bit disappointed and not very understanding at first, he embraces this now. I called his sister a few days ago to set up a meeting with her to tell her of my decision. She didn't answer, so I left a message.

 

Well, my boyfriend started to worry about the way we would raise children. It turns out that he talked to his sister about this, and she found out through him that I am not going to convert to Islam.

 

His sister threatened to tell his father, who would surely pull funding for his college at finding out his son is dating a non-Muslim. His sister also said that I am a liar, because a week ago I "had her convinced I was going to become Muslim."

 

Complicating things further, he is moving in with this very same sister in a week.

 

I never think anything should come before a loving family, because family is what is always there for you. But, his family is not like that. His family is controlling and manipulative, and clearly does not care for him. I told my boyfriend that I would not let our relationship continue if it meant him dropping out of school, and he ASSURED me that he would do anything (which means lying about our relationship to his family) to keep me. I know that if we stay together, it will mean that he will eventually have to lose his family. But I am afraid of what will happen to him if he DOESN'T get away from these people.

 

I just...don't know what to do.

[MissSenorita]

I hope you find peace and love in this relationship. I lived with a family in the mideast for a year, so from experience IMHO by converting to Judaism, on principle, you may not realize the extent to which middle eastern families associate Judiasm, the religion, with the actions of Israel as a nation. Especially after what is happening in Lebanon, I don't know how a traditional Muslim family will accept you unless you speak with them very directly and soon about your reasons for conversion.

[norajane]

Walk away now. Your bf will never go against his family's wishes. He may think he can try, but when push comes to shove (mom and dad get involved), he will not choose you over his family... and that is exactly how his family will put the choice to him: it's us or her.

 

Even if he were to somehow manage to get over the family issues to marry you, your own faith will always be marginalized in your life. You'll feel like an enemy in your own home. It's really not fair to yourself to choose a life where you would always be struggling to have your religious views respected or even tolerated.

[burning 4 revenge]

But I am afraid of what will happen to him if he DOESN'T get away from these people.

 

That might be what they're afraid of

[alphamale]

I always was under the impression that one could not truly convert to Judiasm. The only way I'm aware of to become a Jew is if your mother was Jewish.

[Yentush]

I always was under the impression that one could not truly convert to Judiasm. The only way I'm aware of to become a Jew is if your mother was Jewish.

 

Orthodox Judaism pretty much believes that you are what you are born into, and that is what G-d wishes.

 

If one wants to convert, they must be turned away three times, thus showing that they truly do want to convert and follow the religious laws. Only after being refused three times and coming back, studying for a given period of time Hebrew and the religious laws, will someone be able to convert (this is in Orthodox Judaism, not Conservative or Reform).

 

Once someone converts, it is for lie. They are considered Jewish no matter what.

 

I personally am against mix marriages when religion is concerned. There are too many land minds, especially when children come into the picture.

[hooghie]

That might be what they're afraid of

 

What exactly are you saying here?

For the record- Jews are much much much less likely to accept a non jew than muslims. If religion is important to someone- then it makes a lot of sense for their life partner to have the same religion. It's very simple.

 

Here, religion is obviously important to both parties but unfortunately, the religions are different. THAT is the issue.

[amerikajin]

There are too many land minds

 

Don't you mean car bombs?

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[Guest]

What exactly are you saying here?

For the record- Jews are much much much less likely to accept a non jew than muslims. If religion is important to someone- then it makes a lot of sense for their life partner to have the same religion. It's very simple.

 

Here, religion is obviously important to both parties but unfortunately, the religions are different. THAT is the issue.

 

That's right!!

 

Sometimes I wonder whether I am in the USA or some remote village in a third world country when I hear about such things. I personally hate it when people get stuck on religion. I wonder if these people meet someone interesting the first thing they would ask is "Is this person the same religion as mine?". Its 2006, its time for such religious bigots to go back and hide in their caves.

[slinkysu]

walk away

 

If his family can not accept you for who you are and would want to forcibly make you choose to believe their religion then they are not worth being around or having them influence your children.

[Fun2BMe]

I always was under the impression that one could not truly convert to Judiasm. The only way I'm aware of to become a Jew is if your mother was Jewish.

 

Jews hold converts in higher esteem than if you are born into it because converts CHOOSE to become a Jew when they don't even have to. Abraham was the first convert, and King David's great grandmother Ruth was another among many well know converts in Jewish history.

 

For those who don't want to convert claiming they are already Jewish, for them they have to show that their mother was Jewish (and these days with DNA testing or their father for that matter).

 

To the OP - he has to be honest with his family and take things from there. My mom pulls this on me to this day if I date someone of another race she threatens to disown me so I can't remember the last time I've talked to her.