Lingering

[seranx]

This may actually fall in both the friend and breakup category but I put it here since it's the situation now.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. It was mutual for the most part. I'm 21, she's 20, we've been together for twenty-seven months. Our relationship was very serious, despite our age and we know what we were getting into. Or at least I did. We were fantastic friends before that and know... well, I get ahead of myself.

 

First time I ever heard a girl tell me that she wanted to have my babies (though not at the moment but eventually ) and that we should move somewhere together.

 

I ended it because she admitted that she was talking to an ex for a few days behind my back and while I trusted her without question, it was a rule that we both upheld. I didn't feel like I could trust her for a while - and it frightened me that I could not and did not see any signs of it happening.

 

She ended it because of two reasons.

 

One, that she had to find herself and that she had to know how to deal with things on her own. I accepted that. I know that it's how she'd do something. In fact, it's the kind of act a person I could fall for would do.

 

The second reason is my question: She said that she never felt free with

me. The irony is that I always wanted her to have friends and to hang out

with others too. I always wanted her to have some other people to be with

since I also needed my alone time and I told her as much when she brought

it up. When I was out with friends, she'd feel depressed and I hung out with them a little less to spend as much time as I could with her. Not that I didn't enjoy it.

 

When we broke up, we actually were laughing about it. We both agreed it was great.

 

I told her that she was always free with me. A few days later I tell her, alright. I never meant to make you feel that way but it's clear that you did. Whether or not it was what I meant, it's how it happened. I asked her to forgive me and she did.

 

We'd been hanging out the past few days - actually, since the day after the break-up - and we're getting to the point where we can smile and act like people who're comfortable with each other.

 

There was a point where I looked her in the eye and told her I had to say goodbye to her. Goodbye to the people that we were in the relationship, because we weren't quite the same people. We were better. She started weeping and then I started crying too and we hugged each other. I told her, openly, that whether or not we were together that I love her, because she's still the same wonderful, beautiful person.

 

I dared to tell her that she still loved me too.

And she said yes.

And I'm happy that it wasn't a no.

 

I told her, come my way again. We're gonna be great friends even after this. You know we had something great. I told her that I would wait for her and she told me she would come back - not back into a relationship, but to give it another try with us.

 

It's funny, because I'm still the one she runs to. When she goes out, she invites me. She asks me about my day. It's as if the only thing that's changed between us is that all the cuteness and kissing are gone. The past few weeks we've actually been spending about the same amount of time we would've been had we been together. She is a very bright part of my day and I'm pretty sure I still am a fantastic part of hers.

 

Now, she's hanging out with a lot of great people and trying out a lot of stuff and I don't understand why she couldn't have done those stuff while she was with me.

 

Sometimes, when I'm with her, there's that feeling that's nothing has

changed. This is how'd it'd have been if we were together. She still

cares for me and I still care for her.

 

I'm over the fact that it's over. Even in the few moments after the breakup I could openly admit to myself and mean that even without her, I could be happy, that I'm might find someone else someday and live and love and all that. It's no longer "I want you back and I still love you.". It's "I want you and I love you."

 

I dislike mindgames. So I'm doing this passively: "If there is, there is. If there isn't, there isn't." So I'm her friend and she's my friend and we talk all the time - I cannot help but to keep wanting more. I hold it back, which is something I rarely do.

 

But I'm breaking, just a little, every day - and what I have makes me happy. I just want a little more. Not what we had, but something completely new with her. Square one - and it's getting more difficult to stay to the "there is, there isn't" plan and I might just ruin everything by jumping the gun. I find myself dressing a little bit better - fine, a hell of a lot better when I'm gonna see her or when we're going to watch a play together. I find myself buying her gum, which she's grown to like and I don't know if I can - or should - keep up the pretense that I don't want something more.

 

I don't know if I should just "jump the gun", for lack of a better term, to bring to its conclusion or to wait it out. I'm not quite sure what to do or if this is how it's supposed to go. Input would be very much welcomed.

[JCD]

It's too much work on your part. Go find yourself a girl that is sure about herself and what she wants. Right now you're in one sided relationship and it sucks. Invest that energy into a girl that loves you in return. You'll be much happier.