my_dream_love Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 I'd posted several threads before and got pretty great advice, now I'm back for more. I'd forgiven (not entirely) my cheated husband because he came clean and seemed to sincerely work on our marriage. Before I'd accepted him back, I made it clear with him that there are things I want him do/change for me. One of them include drinking. I want him to stop and if I ever caught him drinking again, we will be over, I said. The reason I want him to stop is because he slept with someone when he was drunk. So, since we are back to work on our issue, he seems to show how much he cares. Bought me flowers, told me he loves me all the time, and ensured me that he just want me and doesn't care if I won't give him sex. But the problem is that he still sneak around drinking when I'm not home. I can tell when he drinks even on the phone. He denied it, but I ended prove that he drank. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Well, you said if he drank, the deal was off... Usually it's best to stick to your guns, else they'll keep walking all over us. If he knows you mean business, either he'll stop, or you'll be able to move on with someone who takes what you want seriously. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 You gave him an ultimatum: Drink and the relationship is over. He drank. The next step is up to you. What would your advice be to someone else in the same situation? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted August 28, 2006 Share Posted August 28, 2006 Unfortunately, I have learned never to give an ultimatum you cannot/do not want to enforce. You truthfully have no choice...separation is the only option because that is what you said it would be. Hindsight being 20/20, counseling would have been a better "punishment." One light at the end of the tunnel is that if he reforms, then I assume you said you would take him back...yes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_dream_love Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Unfortunately, I have learned never to give an ultimatum you cannot/do not want to enforce. You truthfully have no choice...separation is the only option because that is what you said it would be. Hindsight being 20/20, counseling would have been a better "punishment." One light at the end of the tunnel is that if he reforms, then I assume you said you would take him back...yes? He left me no choice but to give him some ultimatum. Yes, I said that if he changed, I would accept him back. I wrote lists of things I want him to do for me. Most importantly, I want a new man out of him. A new start, not going back to the old path and routine. Sick of seeing the old him. I caught him drinking yesterday than locked myself in the room all day without talking to him even he brought me food. I told him to take it out of the room. Food, flowers, and the words "I love you baby" arent what I want. I want him to change and to make effort to change. Now, I will not treat him as a husband. Silent treatment is what he is going to get. I won't leave but I want him to taste the uncaring behaviors to see how he likes it to see his own IMAGE of showing how much he cares. Link to post Share on other sites
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