reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Called dr described how im feeling and in a few words....IM STRESSED My aunt once told me that if you are stressed, figure out the biggest stressor in your life & GET RID OF IT!!!!! Obviously no one here has ever heard that saying or actually lived by it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 My aunt once told me that if you are stressed, figure out the biggest stressor in your life & GET RID OF IT!!!!! Obviously no one here has ever heard that saying or actually lived by it. The problem is the ones we love the must are our biggest stress factors sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 The problem is the ones we love the must are our biggest stress factors sometimes And when loved ones start stressing us, we limit our time with them when it is an option. No relationship is worth this kind of stress. You may not believe it from me, but this guy is stringing you along and probably laughing to himself about it. He gets his W begging him to stop loving you, and he gets you begging him to leave his W (not saying that you are begging literally b4 you or others try to jump down my throat). End it. Period. If he is willing to tell you a name of one of his former OWs, I would call her. Not to be psychotic, but for a gut check. Your gut is screaming at you, and you are choosing to ignore it in the name of love. Love does not hurt this much. You are stressed out, not sleeping, not thinking clearly, making excuses for this louse, and not thinking rationally. This isn't anything personal with you, Reneet (since you have reacted so harshly to post that have not addressed you but I am mentioning you). But you really should stop letting situations like Reneets give you false hope. If her defensiveness here is any indication of the nature of relationship she is currently in, you would know that is not what you want either. He could leave, and still not divorce his W. Would you be happy knowing that if he died, you would have been there supporting him for nothing b/c his W and kids are entitled to all of his assets? Let him go, girl. He sounds like the frog you should never have kissed. Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Listen to NoIdidnt. The Authority here. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Listen to NoIdidnt. The Authority here. Thank you for acknowledging the obvious Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 Listen to NoIdidnt. The Authority here. Confused....what did that mean... I know your situation is different he is with you..Mine isnt... I have a gut feeling, something just doesnt sound right after talking to him. Im starting to wonder..I tried talking to him in a certain way after taking your advice and since then its been alittle different. Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Confused....what did that mean... I know your situation is different he is with you..Mine isnt... I have a gut feeling, something just doesnt sound right after talking to him. Im starting to wonder..I tried talking to him in a certain way after taking your advice and since then its been alittle different. Maybe he's getting the drift that he needs to make a decision. And make it quick. You might have made him think about the situation just a little bit harder than he has been. Good for you!! Good goin'!! I think this is a good sign for you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 Maybe he's getting the drift that he needs to make a decision. And make it quick. You might have made him think about the situation just a little bit harder than he has been. Good for you!! Good goin'!! I think this is a good sign for you both. We were talking and I just said it. "Do you think this is easy for me?, I hate this." He got quiet and said NO i dont think its easy for you. It hasnt been easy for me. I think about you all the time. I went as far as asking him....Why didnt you say anything when SHE (w) said i know you miss her...He answered she told me not to answer. I told him you should have ...He yelled and said what was i suppose to do " yes R**(her name) I miss her (me) I love her... I told him yes..if thats the truth then you should stop lieing to her and tell her the truth. I told him what are we doing here...You told her NC with me...Thats a lie..If i dont call you your calling me... She said she was going to change the cell number if she sees another private call. She said its me calling ...I asked him did you tell her...He said she knows it is... I laughed but here we are still talking. I told him that i dont think he is working out his marriage he is talking to me , telling me he loves me, and thinks about me all the time. I told him stop it..do something about it...You are a good father and will always be a good father its your choice... We basically left it like that since he needed rest for work tonight and said we would talk in the morning Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Confused....what did that mean... I know your situation is different he is with you..Mine isnt... I have a gut feeling, something just doesnt sound right after talking to him. Im starting to wonder..I tried talking to him in a certain way after taking your advice and since then its been alittle different. I think that was her way of saying that I don't know what I am talking about. I do not know the particulars of your sitch, but your gut is screaming at you. When you spend your nights thinking about a sitch so much that you lose sleep, that is a problem. BTDT. Really, and it sucks. He is probably starting to forget things that he told you and making it up on the fly so you are catching his inconsistencies. Before taking my advice or anyone else's (reneets), please read through their previous posts so that you can see where they are coming from. If you force him to make a decision, he may make the one that you want, but it will come at a steep price. He may do what many MM do after they made a rash decision, and blame you for all the hurt everyone has b/c "you told me to do XXX or else you would YYY". I thought I might add this too. I am not an OW. I don't post on this board as therapy against the OW. I have a therapist for that. I just hate to see ANYONE getting the raw end of the deal. You sound like such a loving person who has opened yourself up to the possibilities of loving another, but he is not returning that love. My grandfather was such a man. He and my granny had FIVE children together and he NEVER left his W, no matter what he told Gran. His first W died and he STILL didn't marry my Gran. What me and so many others are trying to say is that these guys don't mean you any good. Regardless of their words. I have seen the hurt left behind the end of the A for the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 We were talking and I just said it. "Do you think this is easy for me?, I hate this." He got quiet and said NO i dont think its easy for you. It hasnt been easy for me. I think about you all the time. I went as far as asking him....Why didnt you say anything when SHE (w) said i know you miss her...He answered she told me not to answer. I told him you should have ...He yelled and said what was i suppose to do " yes R**(her name) I miss her (me) I love her... I told him yes..if thats the truth then you should stop lieing to her and tell her the truth. I told him what are we doing here...You told her NC with me...Thats a lie..If i dont call you your calling me... She said she was going to change the cell number if she sees another private call. She said its me calling ...I asked him did you tell her...He said she knows it is... I laughed but here we are still talking. I told him that i dont think he is working out his marriage he is talking to me , telling me he loves me, and thinks about me all the time. I told him stop it..do something about it...You are a good father and will always be a good father its your choice... We basically left it like that since he needed rest for work tonight and said we would talk in the morning Wow you found some real strength there girl! He sees that I am sure & it might scare him a little bit. It sounds positive. In the morning, if I were you, when you talk to him, don't go weak again. Keep sticking up for what you believe in. YOU & HIM. Together. He needs to be strong too. And he needs to stand up for what HE wants. Which is YOU!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 Wow you found some real strength there girl! He sees that I am sure & it might scare him a little bit. It sounds positive. In the morning, if I were you, when you talk to him, don't go weak again. Keep sticking up for what you believe in. YOU & HIM. Together. He needs to be strong too. And he needs to stand up for what HE wants. Which is YOU!!!! I had a hard time sleeping last night. Even though i took a pill. Kinda felt guilty for lashing out on him like i did. Sometimes I feel like im not being supportive to what he is going through at home. That im being selfish and self-centered. But then again i feel like what i said needed to be sad whether he liked hearing it or not. We ( me and him ) are making a fool out of her. He said he wouldnt talk to me (NC) i agreed to the same thing when she conforted me. Neither one of us has done that. Neither one of us want NC. So here i am pouring out my soul just so i dont go completley insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 Well we talked this morning. actually had a convo without arguing. Dont know what going to happen. I know we talked like we havent talked since the W found us out. It was a good convo. At last....I have to go back into the hospital for a procedure which puts a damper on the week. Do i think he is going to leave? It sounds like he is. But im certain NC isnt going to happen. We did decide that he has to drop the guilt feeling he continues to have. I was going to ask him a question and then i stopped i didnt want to sound weak. The the next thing i knew he said " how can i be in so much love with you and stay here?" My answer to him was dont ask me that question ask yourself. He got very quiet and said i miss you , and i love you. Im so scared how this is going to affect the kids. Its been 9 months since this relationship started..Sometimes i wonder if im not giving him enough time to figure things out... Link to post Share on other sites
reneet Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I think you've given him TOO MUCH time already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 I think you've given him TOO MUCH time already. Trying to not bite my nails off Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I think you need some support from real friends and family so YOU can get better. This MM is just causing you SO much stress and that's not a good thing. Why not just take the bull by the horns and tell him to leave you alone for about a month or so, until you're feeling better. Let him do what he needs to do with his wife. Right now you two still in contact isn't healthy...I hope you see that?? HE isnt' healthy for you right now. Your priorities really should be on yourself due to your health, not fighting and getting stressed out about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 I think you need some support from real friends and family so YOU can get better. This MM is just causing you SO much stress and that's not a good thing. Why not just take the bull by the horns and tell him to leave you alone for about a month or so, until you're feeling better. Let him do what he needs to do with his wife. Right now you two still in contact isn't healthy...I hope you see that?? HE isnt' healthy for you right now. Your priorities really should be on yourself due to your health, not fighting and getting stressed out about him. I do see your point. Arguing and stressing out isnt doing either of us any good. I need to get myself healthy. Not really sure how the NC will work. Remember we were suppose to be doing that since August. And it hasnt worked or happened. I friends and family have been a great support during this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 thanks, coming on here has helped. This whole situtation has never been easy , the only easy part was allowing my heart to go the direction it went. I have no choice to get the surgery tomorrow but do agree this hasnt helped me in getting better. I have been telling myself to fight. the doctors has said i need to fight, so the cancer doesnt win. I'm hoping for the best and hope things go well tomorrow. But part of me wishes he was there when i wake up. Sorry im weak Its been a while since i updated: Well her i am and now im due back to the hospital on friday for another procedure. As for my MM yes we still have been talking. I need to think positive and that includes with him. We have talked about what we are doing by still staying in contact and i have basically told him what alot of people have said on here which is . Your really not working on your marriage ( if that's what you want) if we are still talking and tell eachother we love eachother. As i have posted on other threads she (the W) has confronted him several times since she found out that she knows he loves me and misses me. She has asked him not to answer, when she has made those comments. She also has said she knows we are still in contact even if he tries to tell her otherwise. I dont know what she is thinking or doing by saying those comments. I do know his issues for leaving are his concerns for the kids and how this is going to affect them. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I also dont understand how SHE (the wife) can just hang on knowing what he feels for me. and many would question why you do the same. and i would doubt he tells her he loves you. he probably tells her that you came on to him, it was a stupid mistake, and that he has tried to end it but you won't leave him alone because you're obsessed with him. married men who date other women are scumbags (for the most part) but they are not stupid. there is very little honesty involved in any of it, how is that so hard to comprehend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 and many would question why you do the same. and i would doubt he tells her he loves you. he probably tells her that you came on to him, it was a stupid mistake, and that he has tried to end it but you won't leave him alone because you're obsessed with him. married men who date other women are scumbags (for the most part) but they are not stupid. there is very little honesty involved in any of it, how is that so hard to comprehend? I do know he has said that to her..I know that because when she confronted me. I tried protecting him and told her were are just friends. She found a txt from me saying i love you. She asked him basically in front of me " Do you love her?" And he said yes. As for him telling her i came on to him. That doesnt work either. She got all the cell phone records and saw every call he made to me and txt. And he admitted to everything. He didnt hold anything back. She has said she wants to work it out for the kids. But has said she knows he doesnt what it worked out for her. As for the comments she has made. The latest comment was this week. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I do know he has said that to her..I know that because when she confronted me. I tried protecting him and told her were are just friends. She found a txt from me saying i love you. She asked him basically in front of me " Do you love her?" And he said yes. As for him telling her i came on to him. That doesnt work either. She got all the cell phone records and saw every call he made to me and txt. And he admitted to everything. He didnt hold anything back. She has said she wants to work it out for the kids. But has said she knows he doesnt what it worked out for her. As for the comments she has made. The latest comment was this week. you'd be surprised what people are willing to believe and accept in spite of the truth, even after they've been exposed to it. actually, you probably shouldn't be surprised, because you've done it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 you'd be surprised what people are willing to believe and accept in spite of the truth, even after they've been exposed to it. actually, you probably shouldn't be surprised, because you've done it too. not sure if your comment was meant towards what was said to the W. Or what you are saying. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 not sure if your comment was meant towards what was said to the W. Or what you are saying. I think Crushed is saying that you too are being lied to. When he had the opportunity to leave after you were first discovered, he could have left then, but he chose to stay. That is the truth. Regardless of the reasons he is feeding you. He chose to stay. Kids, finances, whatever. See it for what it is. Make all the ultimatums you want, it will not change a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 I think Crushed is saying that you too are being lied to. When he had the opportunity to leave after you were first discovered' date=' he could have left then, but he chose to stay. That is the truth. Regardless of the reasons he is feeding you. He chose to stay. Kids, finances, whatever. See it for what it is. Make all the ultimatums you want, it will not change a thing.[/quote'] I know everyone on here is so quick to say the MM is lieing....Yes he is , He lies to his W all the time. But i think there is a time or person his isnt lieing to. But no matter what i think i know there are those people that are going to call me an idiot and tell me im the one he is lieing too. Here we go... Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted September 10, 2006 Share Posted September 10, 2006 I've believe my MM..it's all we had,trust and love. with out it we couldn't go on. I hope you can keep that trust and bond you share..best of luck to you, enjoy life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yousaveme Posted September 10, 2006 Author Share Posted September 10, 2006 I've believe my MM..it's all we had,trust and love. with out it we couldn't go on. I hope you can keep that trust and bond you share..best of luck to you, enjoy life. Thanks for your comment. I also believe my MM...your right thats all we have. Link to post Share on other sites
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