I'm going insane - (long)

[BUTAFLY]

I know everyone on here is so quick to say the MM is lieing....Yes he is , He lies to his W all the time. But i think there is a time or person his isnt lieing to.

But no matter what i think i know there are those people that are going to call me an idiot and tell me im the one he is lieing too.

 

Here we go...

 

I'm not gonna call you an idiot. I know how thick cheating mm can lay it on and how conviencing they are. He's not only lieing to you but to everyone else Including himself, his wife his kids, his parents, his inlaws,coworkers..everyone

 

I wanted to believe him too but the fact remains he is with her...He decided to marry her(my ex wasn't married yet). He can call me and profess his love, he can cry all the crocidile tears he wants, BUT he has done nothing to show it. Words are just there to keep you hanging on, but hanging on for what is what you need to ask yourself escepcially if he already said he's not leave for the kids?

[NoIDidn't]

I'm not gonna call you an idiot. I know how thick cheating mm can lay it on and how conviencing they are. He's not only lieing to you but to everyone else Including himself, his wife his kids, his parents, his inlaws,coworkers..everyone

 

I wanted to believe him too but the fact remains he is with her...He decided to marry her(my ex wasn't married yet). He can call me and profess his love, he can cry all the crocidile tears he wants, BUT he has done nothing to show it. Words are just there to keep you hanging on, but hanging on for what is what you need to ask yourself escepcially if he already said he's not leave for the kids?

 

Butafly

 

Well said. I have lived through this exact situation. And I moved on. But that didn't stop the calls or the empty words. That's all I am trying to say to yousavedme.

 

He has empty words. Just b/c I have been a BW, does NOT mean that I get my rocks off of calling other people idiots - neither does it mean that I have not walked a similar path once. He is lying to himself the most. He is assuming that you must not be THAT hurt to keep letting him come around or call. There is no future in choosing to believe a liar.

 

In my sitch, my ex never discussed his now exW. I don't know what lies he told her. Truthfully, I don't really care. I was young and dumb (not saying that you are, or any OW is, so lay off the defensiveness). I believed his lies. And it made him more an more bold in his lying. My devotion and falling for all his lies made him say whatever it took to keep me there. That's what cheaters do. Those who are telling you that he is lying to you aren't calling you the idiot. He's the idiot, but you just don't see it yet.

[Seen_It_All]

We met , which wasnt what we planned.... But it happened..

 

YouSaveMe, forgive me if I'm mistaken, but didn't you claim in the beginning of this thread that you met this guy on a dating site?? He was advertising for a friend with benefits, was he not? How was meeting him "NOT planned" as you stated?

 

I'm keeping good thoughts for you in your time of illness right now. I wish you Godspeed.

 

I also wish you clarity and wisdom to see this guy for the puke he really is. You had surgery for cancer and this loser couldn't even be there to SUPPORT you? I don't want to hear the nonsense about his kids and his wife and his dog Fido and every other LAME excuse under the sun for why he couldn't get his sorry loser a*ss to the hospital. STOP making excuses for this a*sshole. STOP IT.

 

Make this puke put his MONEY where his MOUTH is. I guarantee he'll DISAPPOINT you - just like he's disappointed every woman whose ever been sorry enough to give this piece of sh*it the time of day.

 

Jesus, most of us on this BOARD have shown more compassion for your illness than he has. What kind of a parasite CALLS you to see how your cancer surgery went instead of BEING THERE because you're scared and alone?

 

Unacceptable.

 

UNACCEPTABLE.

 

Stop making excuses for him.

[yousaveme]

YouSaveMe, forgive me if I'm mistaken, but didn't you claim in the beginning of this thread that you met this guy on a dating site?? He was advertising for a friend with benefits, was he not? How was meeting him "NOT planned" as you stated?

 

I'm keeping good thoughts for you in your time of illness right now. I wish you Godspeed.

 

I also wish you clarity and wisdom to see this guy for the puke he really is. You had surgery for cancer and this loser couldn't even be there to SUPPORT you? I don't want to hear the nonsense about his kids and his wife and his dog Fido and every other LAME excuse under the sun for why he couldn't get his sorry loser a*ss to the hospital. STOP making excuses for this a*sshole. STOP IT.

 

Make this puke put his MONEY where his MOUTH is. I guarantee he'll DISAPPOINT you - just like he's disappointed every woman whose ever been sorry enough to give this piece of sh*it the time of day.

 

Jesus, most of us on this BOARD have shown more compassion for your illness than he has. What kind of a parasite CALLS you to see how your cancer surgery went instead of BEING THERE because you're scared and alone?

 

Unacceptable.

 

UNACCEPTABLE.

 

Stop making excuses for him.

 

Yes, you are correct on how we met. I was looking for the same thing. Friends with benefits. The part that wasnt planned was the relationship , feelings or emotional bond.

 

As for the illness yes, everyone here has shown support. And i appericate it and grateful. I didnt get upset in regards to him not being at the hospital only because it wasnt my first surgery and he has been there all the other times in the past. ( I lie , yes i was upset but understood).

 

He worked over the weekend and i was suppose to call. I didnt. As much as i wanted to i didnt call. I got a message last night form him saying what happened thought you were going to call. To be honest i didnt call because i wanted to leave the ball in his court i wanted to see if he would call if i didnt.

 

This morning i get a message online from him telling me he will call later. I miss him and love him very much. The whole situtation drives me insane. He wants me to be happy and i want the same for him.

[CrushedOrgans]

you say you have cancer and are recieving these treatments and surgeries and whatnot.

 

what i don't understand is how you can be going through something so intense, so horrifying, and yet you choose--yes, choose--to fill the so much of your life with unattainable, unrealistic, unfair goals.

 

you may be a lot healthier if you made better choices; feeling better about yourself can really help with the recovery process.

 

you're already at the mercy of cancer. why be at the mercy of a married man? doesn't that seem silly?

 

i'm not trying to be mean, i guess it just baffles me that someone faced with a life or death situation would be so selfish to even consider what you're doing right now. it's not like people with illness can't try to lead happy, normal, fulfilling lives--of course they can, and they have every right to. but the fact that you have something that could kill you, one would think that it would make you more careful to make better decisions, and do everything possible to live a fabulous, full life, with the knowledge that it can be taken away at any moment. i guess not. it's very sad.

 

i hope you get well.

[yousaveme]

you say you have cancer and are recieving these treatments and surgeries and whatnot.

 

what i don't understand is how you can be going through something so intense, so horrifying, and yet you choose--yes, choose--to fill the so much of your life with unattainable, unrealistic, unfair goals.

 

you may be a lot healthier if you made better choices; feeling better about yourself can really help with the recovery process.

 

you're already at the mercy of cancer. why be at the mercy of a married man? doesn't that seem silly?

 

i'm not trying to be mean, i guess it just baffles me that someone faced with a life or death situation would be so selfish to even consider what you're doing right now. it's not like people with illness can't try to lead happy, normal, fulfilling lives--of course they can, and they have every right to. but the fact that you have something that could kill you, one would think that it would make you more careful to make better decisions, and do everything possible to live a fabulous, full life, with the knowledge that it can be taken away at any moment. i guess not. it's very sad.

 

i hope you get well.

 

I think about my life situtation everyday. Its how it is. I cant change it. I ve been through worse. I cant honstely cant remember a time when i put my health first. Im trying now and have been since the start of being diagnosised. Its hard to get to know someone through a board like this , but hose who do know me out of here know i trying my best in every aspect of my life.

Im not wasting moments that could be taken from me. As for better decisons, i have always been a person that handles things with my emotions. I know not the best way to be. I have hope that i will get better. And i still have hope for my situtation with HIM. I hoping for both to workout in the end. But please dont get me wrong im hoping first of all I get better, stronger and back to my old self.

[Passingby]

I think a balanced opinion would be welcome here. Not all MM are the same, not all MM are liars and selfish b……s. Most are, but it would be a serious mistake to generalise them all in the classification. I do believe that a person under a life-threatening circumstance has all the right to do whatever may make them feel good. I don’t think in this specific case it is all about stress and sadness; it’s about joy and happy moments as well. I do believe that the MM in question does love her, because anyone only interested in fun and/or sex on the side, wouldn’t be risking so much emotionally in all that; he would have already left her and would be seeking another less complicated OW. Will he ever leave his W? Is he lying to everybody (including himself)? Who knows? I just think that if the feelings are true and the love you get is bigger that the damage it causes you… go for it. Life is too short.

[yousaveme]

I think a balanced opinion would be welcome here. Not all MM are the same, not all MM are liars and selfish b……s. Most are, but it would be a serious mistake to generalise them all in the classification. I do believe that a person under a life-threatening circumstance has all the right to do whatever may make them feel good. I don’t think in this specific case it is all about stress and sadness; it’s about joy and happy moments as well. I do believe that the MM in question does love her, because anyone only interested in fun and/or sex on the side, wouldn’t be risking so much emotionally in all that; he would have already left her and would be seeking another less complicated OW. Will he ever leave his W? Is he lying to everybody (including himself)? Who knows? I just think that if the feelings are true and the love you get is bigger that the damage it causes you… go for it. Life is too short.

 

thanks for your 2 cents...It was good to hear... True as much as there is stress and tears there are the times that are so good you forget about everything else. I do believe my MM loves me. There are those times that i couldnt be more than a voice on the phone. Because of treatment etc...He was always there, never got upset, never left...He stated in contact with me every second if possible. There was a time i got so sick i went to the hospital for dehydration. It was his daughters dance rectial. That man txted me every chance he could. I told him to stop watch his daughter enjoy that time with her. He said he was , was txting me during intermission and when she wasnt on stage. Even though i was upset with him for txting during the rectail. it meant alot knowing he was there for me, wanting to know what the dr was saying etc...

 

When i get upset about how much its been difficult lately for us , since his W found out. I have to remember those times. Yes , i keep hope alive for me and him. Our feelings havent changed for one another.

[yousaveme]

I talked to him...we talked about how things were at home. I had to ask.... He said they were trying to do things more as a family to make it better. He said basically she hasnt stopped making comments about me..I told him that maybe we should not talk. That way he could work on things.. He yelled and said "NO , I didnt say that and dont want that.." We argued and of course i cried...He said she is watching him like a hawk. When i asked what he meant. Since i thought things were getting better with trying to do things as a family. He told me she makes her comments about me. Like : " I know she's on your mind", "You love her , you havent let go of her - As your W dont answer" ( i have no clue what that means - As your W dont answer". She has made other comments when she walks in a room and he is there - Like " Your thinking about her".

 

I asked him what does he want to do about it...he told me he doesnt know. He is worried about his 16 year old son who has a bright future ahead of him. Which is true, he gets great grades and is awesome in sports. He is worried about his 12 year daughter...shes coming into her own. Both kids are extermely close to him. And he doesnt want to upset them or their futures. He is scared and worried. His heart tells him to be happy and he feels like he is pushing it deep in his stomach so they (kids) wont see how he feels.

 

His W has made comments in regards that if he ever leaves he better not go to me. He hasnt admitted it , but im guessing she has threatened to do whatever to try a keep the kids away from him if he lives with me.

 

I also know she (W) cant afford the house and household bills on her own. She works at a non-profit and doesnt make much money...

 

And i know that weighs on his mind.

 

When i bought my home after my split with my ex. My MM was very happy i got a place with 3 bedrooms. I asked him why one day and he said it just made him happy and would make things easier later.

 

As much as i want to scream at him " JUST LEAVE". I start thinking about those kids...How are they going to handle it..Is he (the son) going to through everything out the door and handle things bad... Is she ( the daughter) going to not want to be around her dad..How bad are they going to handle it.

 

I asked him if the kids notice how him and her (the W) are together. He told me, he doesnt think so , that they both are so involved with the kids school and sports that there really isnt anytime to notice. He did admit that the daughter was walking around on eggshells when the W found out. I know that was a fact because when the W called me and confronted me the daughter walked in.

 

I worry about him, and i know he worries about me. From messages i have gotten from other people that have talked to me. i do love him my feelings havent changed and i know the same goes for him.

 

I wish I knew what is going to happen. I dont know that future.

[whichwayisup]

He is worried about his 16 year old son who has a bright future ahead of him. Which is true, he gets great grades and is awesome in sports. He is worried about his 12 year daughter...shes coming into her own. Both kids are extermely close to him. And he doesnt want to upset them or their futures. He is scared and worried. His heart tells him to be happy and he feels like he is pushing it deep in his stomach so they (kids) wont see how he feels.

Yeah, but not enough to actually DO something to change the situation he's in. Sooner or later he MUST either end his marriage or end it with you. He CANNOT continue hurting two women. He has to decide! His wife is suffering big time because he says he wants to work things out yet he still has you in his life...Then he tells you he wants you, but isn't leaving his wife.

 

He has a very hard choice to make...........

 

Question is, how long are YOU going to sit there and wait for him to make that choice? For your own health and sanity, wouldn't it be better to end it now? That may get him to either work on the marriage, or end it. Just now, things are a mess for everybody involved and sooner or later his kids WILL figure things out. Only a matter of time.

[Green]

 

I worry about him, and i know he worries about me. From messages i have gotten from other people that have talked to me. i do love him my feelings havent changed and i know the same goes for him.

 

I wish I knew what is going to happen. I dont know that future.

 

I'll tell you what if you dont start actively trying to avoid this guy your going to end up Sad and dying alone. This is not a good guy and all you can see is the guy you wish he is.

[whichwayisup]

This is not a good guy and all you can see is the guy you wish he is.

I agree 100%. This man is bringing too much misery and pain into your life, as much as you love him, ask yourself this...IS HE WORTH IT?? DO you really love him enough, unconditionally to sit there and let this continual bullcrap happen right before your eyes? You don't want to really see what is going on, you've got the blinders on, which is clouding your judgement.

[lighthouse]

First, this is not to ReneeT as her situation is completely different.

yousaveme -

you said that you don't understand why his wife doesn't leave him since he is making her look like a fool. Actually he is making you look like the fool, not his wife. I know you love him and he tells you he loves you. Here is what you are not getting. He is telling her the same thing. Most people are not going to keep someone in a relationship/marriage when their SO is saying "I miss the OW, I love the OW." Why else would she care enough to check the phone logs? Because he is telling her that he loves her - not you.

Not all MM are the same - look at ReneeT's - but most are. This man, who already had one affair, was on a website looking for FWB. What part of this are you not getting?

You are physically sick. You have to get well and he is causing you stress. I have seizures and can't take stress. You have a life-threatening disease which makes my seizures nothing. He is not helping you. When you open your eyes after a procedure and he is not there it makes you feel worse, therefore HE is making you feel worse.

If he were doing ANYTHING to be supportive of you during this time then I would say stick it out for your health until you get better. He is NOT.

Call your girlfriends and/or family and go out with them. Don't talk to him. Take care of the most important person to you - YOU.

LH

[BUTAFLY]

yousaveme,

Reading you post makes me sad for the wife. I really feel for her. I can't imaging knowing your husband has checked out emotionally and constantly thinking about another women While she is trying deperately to hold on their life together..I hurt for her.

 

If you love him like you claim you must let him go. You know very well those kids are at a vulnerable age (teens) and they could possibly rebel and act out. These years for them where there dad is going to see there sporting events, teaching them how to drive, being there for father son talks and seeing his daughter go on dates. These are the times where his son needs his father the most and the dauhter needs a good example of how a man is suppose to treat a women (her mom).

 

He wants to stay in the M but doesn't know how to let you go. So you let him go. Be mean, yell, nagg, make him hate you. You will be doing him the favor because you love him that much.

[BlueEyedGirl]

what i don't understand is how you can be going through something so intense, so horrifying, and yet you choose--yes, choose--to fill the so much of your life with unattainable, unrealistic, unfair goals.

 

you may be a lot healthier if you made better choices; feeling better about yourself can really help with the recovery process.

 

Excuse me but you obviously have never had any experience with illness. It's not like once you are diagnosed with cancer you automatically change and become this perfect saint like preson whose only concern is getting better. The truth is you are the same person that you always were. You still have the same hopes, dreams and problems. You get a huge shock after intial diagnosis but once it settles down your life go on.

 

Some people choose to dwell on their health while others want to live their life to the fullest (even if that means experiencing stress and heartbreak).

[whichwayisup]

while others want to live their life to the fullest (even if that means experiencing stress and heartbreak).

 

Are YOU saying just because she's suffering from cancer, that gives HER the right to be with a MM? I'm not quite sure what you mean by what you've said. I certainly HOPE to heck that you're not implying that it's OK for her to do this because she's living HER life to the fullest.

[CrushedOrgans]

Excuse me but you obviously have never had any experience with illness.

 

not your business whether i have or have not.

 

in any case, i never said she should be a saint. i said things that make sense. maybe you have experience with not being able to read.

[BlueEyedGirl]

not your business whether i have or have not.

 

in any case, i never said she should be a saint. i said things that make sense. maybe you have experience with not being able to read.

 

Then you didn't get what I wrote

 

I'm sure OP didn't come on here to be reminded in every second post that omg she has cancer therefore she should wrap herself in cotton wool. I'm just saying that her illnes and her feelings/relationship for MM are separate issues

[yousaveme]

yousaveme,

Reading you post makes me sad for the wife. I really feel for her. I can't imaging knowing your husband has checked out emotionally and constantly thinking about another women While she is trying deperately to hold on their life together..I hurt for her.

 

If you love him like you claim you must let him go. You know very well those kids are at a vulnerable age (teens) and they could possibly rebel and act out. These years for them where there dad is going to see there sporting events, teaching them how to drive, being there for father son talks and seeing his daughter go on dates. These are the times where his son needs his father the most and the dauhter needs a good example of how a man is suppose to treat a women (her mom).

 

He wants to stay in the M but doesn't know how to let you go. So you let him go. Be mean, yell, nagg, make him hate you. You will be doing him the favor because you love him that much.

 

 

You have said he wants to stay in the M , then here is my question why not just have NC with me. Ive done it. He has asked me to call and i havent. He has left messages on the computer for me and others we know to get ahold of me. I have been hard on him, nagging etc... he knows im in contact with an ex. Ive done and said things to him that i know hurt him and piss him off. Ive done those things for a selfish reason i have to admit. I wanted to see what he would do. I wanted to test him and see if he would make the attempt to stay in contact with me or was it just me hanging on.

Times he asked me to call and i didnt when he did a hold of me thats all he would ask is why i didnt call. Ive have even at times stop saying I LOVE YOU. He wouldnt hang up, he would stay on the line in silence. I tried hanging up without saying those words and he would call back and say I LOVE YOU _____.

 

Do i feel sorry for his W? Yes at a point i do. Like i have mentioned before they havent done anything to actually fix the marriage. Ok yes they are doing more things as a family...Again with the kids ..Nothing just him and her. She doesnt want that and he isnt pushing it. Ive asked him take her out go to counseling. He doesnt want to. He says his heart isnt in it. His heart is worrying about the kids and me.

 

I know him well enough i ve seen it that if he wanted me out of the picture he would do it. He wouldnt try and stay in contact. Its so bad easy for him not to contact me. I cant call the cell. She checks that. She saw the unavaiables and unknown numbers knew its was me. Bottom line she knows we havent stopped contact. And it hasnt been just because of me.

As for the kids i know they are at a tender age. Thats the one reason he hasnt left. Think i dont know that. Thats also one of the reasons i havent been pushing as hard as i could for him to pack his stuff and leave. Thats also one of the reasons that when he asked me if im going to see his son play football. I havent gone. And i wont. Im not going to sit and watch him play and get caught at his game. Or later on if he does leave them remember i was there. There have been many occasions that i could have met those kids. He has always said he will just introduce me as a coworker. I cant and wont do it.

 

It hurts me to hear him hurting....I have to worry about me right now. Ive got surgery friday and need to get ready. And i know that phone is going to ring thursday night and i know its going to ring again frinday before i go in. And i know its going to be him.

 

And im going to answer. Call me a fool like some of you have. Call me selfish and self-centered. but if things dont turn out well, yes the last thing i want to say to him is i love you...And the last thing i want to hear is him saying it to me.

[yousaveme]

As for NC...There will be NC on the part for awhile. Friday is my surgery , this weekend he doesnt work and is home. I probably wont be getting out for a few days. The ball will be in his court. If he wants to get ahold of me. If he doesnt i will not contact him. I will leave it be...And i have planned on telling him that. I will make this easy for him and give him his way out. Not saying i wont be upset but i will respect his decision.

 

I have planned on telling him this along with if he does make the decison to contact me and is really thinking about me this much, then he needs to take this time and figure out what he needs to do to leave.

[Passingby]

Some people choose to dwell on their health while others want to live their life to the fullest (even if that means experiencing stress and heartbreak).

 

Good… Finally, someone with a balanced opinion is found here... Why so much bashing on Yousaveme? I understand that there are many people here who probably has had very painful and hurtful experiences as the OW, and maybe some are BS, who went through hell seeing their M vanishing in front of their eyes…

 

But let’s not lose focus here. Yousaveme is not a victim. She has chosen in first place to look for some FWB relationship, the same way as the MM. None of them wanted it to be more than that. It happened that it has become more than that, but who is really to blame? It’s not a matter of what is right or wrong, it’s a matter of it being sinful or not. I believe it’s basically a matter of how honest the feelings are.

 

Yousaveme is not be blamed for destroying a M, because I am totally sure that a MM in true love with his W would never be unfaithful. His M was already damaged for a very long time, and maybe, who knows, everything that’s happening will be useful as a catalyst to what will happen next? I think everyone here was supposed to support her, and not keep bashing her and telling her to do things that she really doesn’t want to do. I am sure she is completely aware that she is sailing through risky waters in this relationship with a MM, but she is choosing to do so, and who has a crystal ball here to say that even against all odds she may get all she wants?

 

Her MM… why are you so quick to label him as a serial cheater who will cheat again in the future, who is untrustworthy, who is a selfish and soulless s.o.b.? The probabilities that the guy is lying are high, to both his W, who he may be saying that he is wanting to work things out with her and to Yousaveme, when he say that there’s no attempt to work things out with her W. It also an immense BS when he says that he’s staying in his M because of the kids; that is something that most MM will use to women, because they know it will push their motherhood button, but that is not the reason. Many also use the money excuse, because that is also a very acceptable excuse in this very capitalist world in which we live. The true reasons why they are unlike to leave W maybe we will never know, but usually it doesn’t have anything to do with having and eating the cake, certainly nothing to do with loving his W and/or other very simple to explain reasons. Based on everything Yousaveme has said, I do believe the guy loves Yousaveme and I do believe he is feeling very torn and stressed in the situation he has found himself into.

 

Yousaveme… again, it’s your call. You know the statistics go against you, but if the good things you are getting are more than the bad ones… you should keep going while it stays that way. You are not a home wrecker… if you really do a NC with him, sooner or later he may leave his W and/or find another woman. You’re not to be blamed if his M has been already doomed. He doesn’t love his W.

 

Good luck on your surgery Friday.

[yousaveme]

Good… Finally, someone with a balanced opinion is found here... Why so much bashing on Yousaveme? I understand that there are many people here who probably has had very painful and hurtful experiences as the OW, and maybe some are BS, who went through hell seeing their M vanishing in front of their eyes…

 

But let’s not lose focus here. Yousaveme is not a victim. She has chosen in first place to look for some FWB relationship, the same way as the MM. None of them wanted it to be more than that. It happened that it has become more than that, but who is really to blame? It’s not a matter of what is right or wrong, it’s a matter of it being sinful or not. I believe it’s basically a matter of how honest the feelings are.

 

Yousaveme is not be blamed for destroying a M, because I am totally sure that a MM in true love with his W would never be unfaithful. His M was already damaged for a very long time, and maybe, who knows, everything that’s happening will be useful as a catalyst to what will happen next? I think everyone here was supposed to support her, and not keep bashing her and telling her to do things that she really doesn’t want to do. I am sure she is completely aware that she is sailing through risky waters in this relationship with a MM, but she is choosing to do so, and who has a crystal ball here to say that even against all odds she may get all she wants?

 

Her MM… why are you so quick to label him as a serial cheater who will cheat again in the future, who is untrustworthy, who is a selfish and soulless s.o.b.? The probabilities that the guy is lying are high, to both his W, who he may be saying that he is wanting to work things out with her and to Yousaveme, when he say that there’s no attempt to work things out with her W. It also an immense BS when he says that he’s staying in his M because of the kids; that is something that most MM will use to women, because they know it will push their motherhood button, but that is not the reason. Many also use the money excuse, because that is also a very acceptable excuse in this very capitalist world in which we live. The true reasons why they are unlike to leave W maybe we will never know, but usually it doesn’t have anything to do with having and eating the cake, certainly nothing to do with loving his W and/or other very simple to explain reasons. Based on everything Yousaveme has said, I do believe the guy loves Yousaveme and I do believe he is feeling very torn and stressed in the situation he has found himself into.

 

Yousaveme… again, it’s your call. You know the statistics go against you, but if the good things you are getting are more than the bad ones… you should keep going while it stays that way. You are not a home wrecker… if you really do a NC with him, sooner or later he may leave his W and/or find another woman. You’re not to be blamed if his M has been already doomed. He doesn’t love his W.

 

Good luck on your surgery Friday.

 

 

First i want to thank you for your comment. I do believe he loves me. I dont think that if he really wanted to work things out he would stay as close as he can to me. He had so many oppornuities to bale on me even before his W found out.

 

Update:

We talked today...I hate how this has made me and him. We fight and then we say sorry and we understand. I try and stay calm so i dont say mean and hateful things and also and more importantly so i dont stress myself out for friday...

 

Today the argument was that i want to cancel friday's surgery. I told him i was scared and i wanted him there. He cant be ...I know that...but i want him there. He has to work the night before and that night. He told me he wants to be there to see me wake up and yell at him like i do.

 

HE told me she (W) has laid off since i havent called the cell phone. I asked him how things were and he said basically the same. I asked him if he thought about certain things that we have talked about. He said its been on his mind and has been thinking about it.

 

When she first found out. He was so nervous talking to me. He couldnt think straight and neither could i. Now things sound different with him. He is more comfortable talking with me on his house phone...(By the way no she (W) doesnt know i have that number). Its been working out that he lets me know when to call or he calls me.

 

He called my dr's office after we talked and told the dr about my feelings for the surgery. I didnt ask him to do that. Actually im upset that he did that. I know he is worried about me and wants me to get better.

 

I miss him so much...Its funny how at my age i feel like a hopeless teenager. We joke sometimes that we fight like his son and girlfriend on the phone. And we do, ive heard them fight...

 

Who knows what the future holds ...

[yousaveme]

i just got an instant message. All it says is " Your my heart...Get better stop worrying about me, worry about getting healthy...I love you..Talk tomorrow"

 

I didnt expect that. We ended our convo today pretty well and said we would talk tomorrow.

 

I cant call since i know she (W) is home with his daughter. I guess i will just wait for tomorrow when we talk...

[reneet]

i just got an instant message. All it says is " Your my heart...Get better stop worrying about me, worry about getting healthy...I love you..Talk tomorrow"

 

I didnt expect that. We ended our convo today pretty well and said we would talk tomorrow.

 

I cant call since i know she (W) is home with his daughter. I guess i will just wait for tomorrow when we talk...[/quoI

 

I don't think you should have to wait...for anything...are you able to IM him back??

[yousaveme]

i just got an instant message. All it says is " Your my heart...Get better stop worrying about me, worry about getting healthy...I love you..Talk tomorrow"

 

I didnt expect that. We ended our convo today pretty well and said we would talk tomorrow.

 

I cant call since i know she (W) is home with his daughter. I guess i will just wait for tomorrow when we talk...[/quoI

 

I don't think you should have to wait...for anything...are you able to IM him back??

 

Yes i can im him back. He usually checks his im's when she isnt around.