I'm going insane - (long)

[GreenEyedLady]

YouSaveme: I just wanted to say that I wish you a quick and full recovery. I feel really bad for you after reading these posts...not that I agree or disagree with what anyone's said...you do need to take care of yourself and this isn't really the time for you to be making decisions you're not ready for or feeling like you have to defend yourself and your lover...focus on getting rested and making yourself comfortable...

[yousaveme]

YouSaveme: I just wanted to say that I wish you a quick and full recovery. I feel really bad for you after reading these posts...not that I agree or disagree with what anyone's said...you do need to take care of yourself and this isn't really the time for you to be making decisions you're not ready for or feeling like you have to defend yourself and your lover...focus on getting rested and making yourself comfortable...

 

 

thanks im feeling a bit better each day. Hiping this procedure finally works and it will be in my past.

Im not going to defend myself or HIM. No matter what i will always be wrong because im the OW in love with a MM and He is the MM who is cheating on his W.

I have a million thoughts running through my mind. But for right now im going to take each day one at a time. And always hope for the best.

[yousaveme]

You went through yet another surgery ALONE on Friday, would that be correct? I mean 'alone' as far as this married paragon of virtue having yet another excuse not to be there for you.

 

And you're still making excuses for this loser deserting you yet AGAIN during a tough time in your life, aren't you? Justify it all you want, I guess it helps you sleep better at night.

 

What was his excuse this time for not being there, pray tell? The family dog needed his flea bath? He had to sweep the garage? Maybe he needed to clip coupons for his oh-so-horrible wife? Yeah, I can understand how important his life is that he can't find the time to be with you during a serious surgical procedure. It all makes sense to me, now. Let's see...he claims he's leaving his wife one day for you - which is certainly a monumental life decision that requires a TON of effort - yet he couldn't make the effort to be at the hospital ONE DAY for you. If the sissy can't even make the effort to get away from the big bad wife for 8 hours, how is he EVER going to make his break from her for good so you can all have your happily ever ever?

 

The pathetically lame emails and text messages from him wishing you luck for your surgery the next day just warmed your heart and were all the support you needed, I would guess? Maybe if you're REAL lucky next time, he'll find a way to sneak over under cover of night and leave a HANDWRITTEN card on your back porch instead of an IM or text message. Boy, that would certainly be upping his game, wouldn't it?

 

And all the while this snake is sending his cheesy and smarmy IM messages to you about your surgery the next morning, out of the other side of his lying filthy mouth he's telling his wife how much he wants to stay married to her and is doing everything he can to gaslight her into thinking she actually has a CHANCE for a future. Gosh what a gem he is.

 

This is truly a great guy. I can certainly understand why you've continually sold off small pieces of your soul just for the chance of possibly bagging this prize one day in the very distant future. Because it ain't gonna be anytime soon. But, if He*ll actually does freeze over and he actually does desert his wife and family (because that's what you want him to do), I wonder how long it will be before he starts lying to you and gaslighting YOU when he finds his next 'soulmate' on AdultFriendFinder - while you're blissfully thinking what a great marriage you have. Kind of the same thing he's done to his wife from Day #1. Aww heck, you know the drill. You'll get used to it just like she did and still is. Why, I'll bet before long you'll be saying the same things to him that she's saying to him now - asking him if he's thinking of his OW and wondering why he's staring off into space. Don't worry, you'll get used to it real quick.

 

What a complete piece of garbage this guy is. A total, complete, and utter piece of human filth.

 

Im guessing your bitter because AdultFriendFinder didnt work for you or ruined your relationship. I have no clue what AdultFriendFinder is but it seems like you know something about it. And go there more often..

[yousaveme]

Well im feeling better each day. Talked to my MM and heard how well his son is doing at football. We talked about me actually going to see him play. this would be easy since she ( W) has no clue what i look like. As much as i would like to go , i do feel alittle funny. I saw him play baseball, which really didnt bother me. Since like i said she doesnt know what i look like. But she also didnt know about me and HIM.

 

I know i said i would never go, but im starting to think about it.

 

Ive been so tired lately....I know its the meds and treatment procedure.

 

We only talked for a bit, since i was feeling very tired and wanted to go to bed.

[yousaveme]

Im so exhausted....We talked again for a bit...He was exhausted from work and working again tonight. Im exhausted from the meds etc... Sometimes i get so worked up when we talk...I want scream at him and shake him. And then i feel guilty...

 

I so need to stop looking into things so much and causing myself stress. I do this to myself. He tells me all the time to calm down and worry about getting better. Thats what he wants me to do. What else can i do ...I relax , I try and eat well and drink plenty and get sleep...

[reneet]

Im so exhausted....We talked again for a bit...He was exhausted from work and working again tonight. Im exhausted from the meds etc... Sometimes i get so worked up when we talk...I want scream at him and shake him. And then i feel guilty...

 

I so need to stop looking into things so much and causing myself stress. I do this to myself. He tells me all the time to calm down and worry about getting better. Thats what he wants me to do. What else can i do ...I relax , I try and eat well and drink plenty and get sleep...

 

Hi yousaveme! I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. But, I must say, I really wish your mm would make the decision to leave & be with you. What a relief of stress that would be for you. You'd feel 100% better!

I'm praying that you get that relief sooner than later.

[yousaveme]

Hi yousaveme! I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. But, I must say, I really wish your mm would make the decision to leave & be with you. What a relief of stress that would be for you. You'd feel 100% better!

I'm praying that you get that relief sooner than later.

 

Hey reneeT...I wish he would too..Sooner then later..Yes it would be somewhat a relief of stress. But im sure she (W) would make more stress in other ways.

[reneet]

Hey reneeT...I wish he would too..Sooner then later..Yes it would be somewhat a relief of stress. But im sure she (W) would make more stress in other ways.

 

That would be a different kind of stress though. At least in my case. She is seeing someone so she doesn't bother us. MM gives her child support weekly for his daughter (13). Nothing else is an issue. Anyway, if w adds stress, it's a stressor that is more manageable that what you're going thru now.

[yousaveme]

That would be a different kind of stress though. At least in my case. She is seeing someone so she doesn't bother us. MM gives her child support weekly for his daughter (13). Nothing else is an issue. Anyway, if w adds stress, it's a stressor that is more manageable that what you're going thru now.

 

Your right about that. I know she would make hell for us. But at least we could manage that together.

I dont get her ( W) she goes to her sons game. And sits at the other end of the bleachers. They dont even interact. I know he is worried about the kids, but dont you think they see this stuff. He sits with his daughter and she is with her parents at completely differnet ends...Ive seen this at baseball also. He stands and she isnt around him at all. You wouldnt know they were a family if the kids didnt call them mom and dad. At most times they dont even go together.

Just pisses me off sometimes...And then i take it out on him. And he gets mad at me because i stress myself out and dont worry about getting better first.

[reneet]

Your right about that. I know she would make hell for us. But at least we could manage that together.

I dont get her ( W) she goes to her sons game. And sits at the other end of the bleachers. They dont even interact. I know he is worried about the kids, but dont you think they see this stuff. He sits with his daughter and she is with her parents at completely differnet ends...Ive seen this at baseball also. He stands and she isnt around him at all. You wouldnt know they were a family if the kids didnt call them mom and dad. At most times they dont even go together.

Just pisses me off sometimes...And then i take it out on him. And he gets mad at me because i stress myself out and dont worry about getting better first.

 

If/when you do go to a game, maybe you could take a picture of the lack of family interaction, show it to him & ask him how that is doing any good for the family. What good is it to sit away from each other? And YES the kids do pick up on those kind of signals. It's better for children to come from a broken home than to live in one. My kids can attest to that!

[yousaveme]

If/when you do go to a game, maybe you could take a picture of the lack of family interaction, show it to him & ask him how that is doing any good for the family. What good is it to sit away from each other? And YES the kids do pick up on those kind of signals. It's better for children to come from a broken home than to live in one. My kids can attest to that!

 

You want to know the funny part. When i did see the baseball game he is the one who pointed out how they are with one another. I didnt want to mention it at the time , because i didnt want to be rude ( i know im in idiot).

I dont know ...Should i go to this game or not...He asked me , and Yes i do want to see how well he is doing at football. Like i said very talented kid. But part of me does feel wierd since she found out.

 

As for the picture i dont think i need to do that. Since he is the one saying. So in my eyes HE knows this isnt right. What he needs to see is that the KIDS do see it. He has himself fooled thinking that as long as he does things with the kids that they dont see how their parents are with one another. For godsakes they only do things together that involve the kids. That what drives me insane. Doing this act for the kids...Those kids have to see mom and dad dont get along..

[reneet]

You want to know the funny part. When i did see the baseball game he is the one who pointed out how they are with one another. I didnt want to mention it at the time , because i didnt want to be rude ( i know im in idiot).

I dont know ...Should i go to this game or not...He asked me , and Yes i do want to see how well he is doing at football. Like i said very talented kid. But part of me does feel wierd since she found out.

 

As for the picture i dont think i need to do that. Since he is the one saying. So in my eyes HE knows this isnt right. What he needs to see is that the KIDS do see it. He has himself fooled thinking that as long as he does things with the kids that they dont see how their parents are with one another. For godsakes they only do things together that involve the kids. That what drives me insane. Doing this act for the kids...Those kids have to see mom and dad dont get along..

 

Yousave,

I just met my mm's 13 year old daughter for the 1st time last month. After 6 years. She knows what is going on since her father isn't living at home anymore. His 2 sons know the deal also. I would go to her soccer games cause we've met. If her mother was there, I don't know how she would react. The w I mean. I have never met her. Until I do meet her, I don't think I'd go to a game. Just something for you to think about.

I can't see you sitting in the shadow by yourself watching. It would hurt you too!! Think about that. OK Wait til you meet the kid(s).

[whichwayisup]

I know i said i would never go, but im starting to think about it.

Don't go. You're putting yourself IN a situation that is self enduced stressed. I think if you go, you'll regret it because you won't like how you feel at the game. Seeing him and his wife together. Don't do it.

[whichwayisup]

For godsakes they only do things together that involve the kids. That what drives me insane. Doing this act for the kids...Those kids have to see mom and dad dont get along..

 

But, it's not about you! Let them handle it! And honestly, it's none of your business how they act around their kids.

 

This stuff IS stressing you out - I know you love your MM, but geez, all you doing is worrying, obsessing about the MM and his wife, what goes on, what doesn't go on, how they are in public, in the house, with their kids. YOu can't control this situation, so please, for your own mental health, let it go.

 

I know you're going to completely disagree with me here, as well as others probably will too, but have you really considered just ending your friendship/relationship with the MM until you're stronger, emotionally and physically? Surround yourself around close friends, family etc., and not the MM who IS bringing all his crap into your life, making you stress and freak out?

 

For him to DO this to you right now just shows he isn't putting YOUR health first. I could be wrong ofcourse, and if I am, that's fine, but the more I see you posting, the more stressed out you're getting about this whole situation.

[yousaveme]

Yousave,

I just met my mm's 13 year old daughter for the 1st time last month. After 6 years. She knows what is going on since her father isn't living at home anymore. His 2 sons know the deal also. I would go to her soccer games cause we've met. If her mother was there, I don't know how she would react. The w I mean. I have never met her. Until I do meet her, I don't think I'd go to a game. Just something for you to think about.

I can't see you sitting in the shadow by yourself watching. It would hurt you too!! Think about that. OK Wait til you meet the kid(s).

 

i agree and i think that is what makes me feel weird about it. I just left him a message saying we need to talk about me going to the game. Im going to tell him. I cant go, not until he leaves and i meet the kids and they are comfortable. I know he isnt going to be happy but he is going to have to deal with it. Maybe then he will start reliezing sitting with me and the kids knowing would be better then, me wishing the kids the best, him sitting alone or standing on the sidelines and her (the W) on her own.

 

You went through this for 2 years? God im goint to lose my mind...I want this over sooner then later....MEN

[yousaveme]

But, it's not about you! Let them handle it! And honestly, it's none of your business how they act around their kids.

 

This stuff IS stressing you out - I know you love your MM, but geez, all you doing is worrying, obsessing about the MM and his wife, what goes on, what doesn't go on, how they are in public, in the house, with their kids. YOu can't control this situation, so please, for your own mental health, let it go.

 

I know you're going to completely disagree with me here, as well as others probably will too, but have you really considered just ending your friendship/relationship with the MM until you're stronger, emotionally and physically? Surround yourself around close friends, family etc., and not the MM who IS bringing all his crap into your life, making you stress and freak out?

 

For him to DO this to you right now just shows he isn't putting YOUR health first. I could be wrong ofcourse, and if I am, that's fine, but the more I see you posting, the more stressed out you're getting about this whole situation.

 

Like i said before , I completely stress myself out with this stuff. Its me i know it. Its how i am, and i do need to stop stressing myself. He tells me to stop all the time. So do family and friends.

[reneet]

i agree and i think that is what makes me feel weird about it. I just left him a message saying we need to talk about me going to the game. Im going to tell him. I cant go, not until he leaves and i meet the kids and they are comfortable. I know he isnt going to be happy but he is going to have to deal with it. Maybe then he will start reliezing sitting with me and the kids knowing would be better then, me wishing the kids the best, him sitting alone or standing on the sidelines and her (the W) on her own.

 

You went through this for 2 years? God im goint to lose my mind...I want this over sooner then later....MEN

 

2 years too long. Until I finally put my foot down. We both knew we had something here. A love for each other like no other. When HE realized that, he made the decision to **** or get off the pot. 2 years. I wouldn't have waited any longer!!

[whichwayisup]

Then slowly start to detach, in the sense of knowing ALL that goes on between him and his wife. You bringing this on, and him still letting you know all that's going on is not good. You're the one who's suffering, not him.

 

Once you decide to STOP stressing, worrying about things you cannot control, you'll feel abit better. Whatever happens between him, his wife and kids, really doesn't concern you. Maybe TELL him to stop telling you the rundown of his daily dynamtic with her...Ask him NOT to tell you, even if you slip and wanna know anyway. I'd rather see you get upset over the fact he isn't sharing his gory details about home life, than have you 'hear' it from him.

 

When you have enough, I think it will be easier to detach more than you think.

 

Take a break, call some girl friends, plan weekend for ALL of you to go somewhere fun. A spa, or something. Just take a break from all this stress.

[yousaveme]

2 years too long. Until I finally put my foot down. We both knew we had something here. A love for each other like no other. When HE realized that, he made the decision to **** or get off the pot. 2 years. I wouldn't have waited any longer!!

 

 

We have both agreed that about the love we have for each other. And we both do agree that we have something..We have said things to eachother that we know its something.

I need to get strong physically and i need to get healthy before i can just put my foot down. I dont know if i can really handle dealing with that yet.

 

I know one thing i do need to stop saying things to him to get reactions out of him. All that does is stress me out and get us into an argument.

[yousaveme]

We have both agreed that about the love we have for each other. And we both do agree that we have something..We have said things to eachother that we know its something.

I need to get strong physically and i need to get healthy before i can just put my foot down. I dont know if i can really handle dealing with that yet.

 

I know one thing i do need to stop saying things to him to get reactions out of him. All that does is stress me out and get us into an argument.

 

I do wish he could see what you mean about the kids picking up on things. Instead of fooling himself thinking they are blind to the situtation.

[reneet]

Then slowly start to detach, in the sense of knowing ALL that goes on between him and his wife. You bringing this on, and him still letting you know all that's going on is not good. You're the one who's suffering, not him.

 

Once you decide to STOP stressing, worrying about things you cannot control, you'll feel abit better. Whatever happens between him, his wife and kids, really doesn't concern you. Maybe TELL him to stop telling you the rundown of his daily dynamtic with her...Ask him NOT to tell you, even if you slip and wanna know anyway. I'd rather see you get upset over the fact he isn't sharing his gory details about home life, than have you 'hear' it from him.

 

When you have enough, I think it will be easier to detach more than you think.

 

Take a break, call some girl friends, plan weekend for ALL of you to go somewhere fun. A spa, or something. Just take a break from all this stress.

 

It was extremely hard for me to focus on anything but him for those years. 2 years too long! Maybe she won't be able to detach herself from him. I couldn't. THe feelings were way too strong. When he came home to me for good was when all stress was released. No more worry. No more heartaches. Maybe that's what saveme needs??? JMO

[yousaveme]

It was extremely hard for me to focus on anything but him for those years. 2 years too long! Maybe she won't be able to detach herself from him. I couldn't. THe feelings were way too strong. When he came home to me for good was when all stress was released. No more worry. No more heartaches. Maybe that's what saveme needs??? JMO

 

yes that's it exactly...Its so damn hard to focus...And detaching isnt that simple when the feelings are this strong...It not just the words i love you..Its the way its said , when its said...

And yes its what i need him to come home to me FOR GOOD...But until then i just cant give up that love we have. It came about for a reason for the both of us. No maybe not at the best time ( meaning him being married) but its there...

[whichwayisup]

Yes, I understand what you're saying, but what if he doesn't "come home" to you? Noone knows what the outcome of your situation is. I hope things work out for you, but honestly, until your MM makes up his mind 100% either way, both you and his wife are in limbo....

[NoIDidn't]

yes that's it exactly...Its so damn hard to focus...And detaching isnt that simple when the feelings are this strong...It not just the words i love you..Its the way its said , when its said...

And yes its what i need him to come home to me FOR GOOD...But until then i just cant give up that love we have. It came about for a reason for the both of us. No maybe not at the best time ( meaning him being married) but its there...

 

I agree with WWIU. You have no way of knowing wher HOME is ultimately going to be for this guy. So in the mean time, you need to take better care of you. Stop putting yourself in the position to see him and his W and kids. None of your business, no matter what he tells you. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would feel completely violated.

 

This guy means you no good. I wish I could shake it into you. I really do. But I won't post on this thread anymore. Like most others seem to have stopped. He was looking for a FWB, in his mind, that is exactly what he has.

 

That light at the end of the tunnel.....its the train.

[yousaveme]

Yes, I understand what you're saying, but what if he doesn't "come home" to you? Noone knows what the outcome of your situation is. I hope things work out for you, but honestly, until your MM makes up his mind 100% either way, both you and his wife are in limbo....

 

 

No i cant predict what is going to happen. If i could all my stress would go away. I can only hope and believe in what we have , that it will turn out for the best. I actually have to talk to him today about something i have on my mind. Im sure he is going to get on me about thinking and stressing too much. But its been on my mind since yesterday. If anything i need to get it off my chest.