I am sure this has been asked bvefore, but.....

[Guest]

.....I have a very close friend that has decided to become involved with a married man (11 years her senior, lives about 150 miles away from her, and has two children.) Although this in and of itself is a rather a precarious situation to place one's self in, he is also her direct superior. She said that he said he was going to leave his wife and marry her, but after 3 months, there has been no movement in this direction. They both work for a company located far away, and work individually from remote offices. They get to see eachother for company functions/meetings, but company policy definitely frowns on this sort of thing (even if both were single).

 

I would love some logical feedback on anyone's thoughts and/or experiences with this sort of thing. I want to try and counsel her with some good common sense about how wrong this may be.

[norajane]

Odds are he's never going to leave his wife. Odds are if things go badly between them, she's the one who will need to find a new job. Even if the company doesn't make it difficult for her, she will find it difficult to continue working for this guy when things go badly - and they will go badly once she realizes he's never going to leave his wife and kids.

 

She's basically put herself in THE worst position possible...affair with MM who is her direct supervisor.

[Guest]

Thank you for your wisdom and thoughts. Does anybody else out there want to throw in there $0.02? I would like a range of ideas on this.

[Guest]

.....I have a very close friend that has decided to become involved with a married man (11 years her senior, lives about 150 miles away from her, and has two children.) Although this in and of itself is a rather a precarious situation to place one's self in, he is also her direct superior. She said that he said he was going to leave his wife and marry her, but after 3 months, there has been no movement in this direction. They both work for a company located far away, and work individually from remote offices. They get to see eachother for company functions/meetings, but company policy definitely frowns on this sort of thing (even if both were single).

 

I would love some logical feedback on anyone's thoughts and/or experiences with this sort of thing. I want to try and counsel her with some good common sense about how wrong this may be.

 

Don't go there. My husband had a affairs for almost 11 years...One in particular lasted almost 10..He promised them ALL that he would leave me...that THEY were the only one...Some of the affairs were only emotional, some were both...Some were with women he met online, som were with coworkers. He is a high ranking executive who is very valuable to his company. Most likely, it would be the subordinate who would be "let go" as opposed to him...Most recently, I discovered that he had taken a young 20 something to dinner...just the two of them including several drinks...He lied to me about it, and I caught him...red handed. I actually felt sorry for the little tart...He tends to take advantage of the younger women, as many in his position do...

 

I ended up calling her just to let her know that what they did...going to dinner, as opposed to having dinner brought in, or bringing along a collegue, was inappropriate and could spell real trouble for both of them...I respectfully asked her not to do this again..She promptly picked up the phone and called my husband...He was really pissed at me, but I know that I did the right thing...After everything that myself and kids have been through, I feel the need to protect and stay in the loop..I missed too many subtle signs over the years...My worst mistake...not acting on my hunches...

 

Women AND men need to know their boundries and think about their actions BEFORE they cross the line. Dinner with a married coworker without a third collegue present? NO...Anything more then a casual lunch is over the line and looks inappropriate...What would happen if this girl got angry with my husband for some reason? I smell sexual harrasment...In regards to you and your "feelings" for this married man...Take it from the wife...DO NOT go there! You are only headed for heartache and trouble...Possibly even having to give up your job. Not to mention the embarrassment if things go sour or if the watercooler gossip machine kicks in and it does kick in.

 

Will anyone actually SAY anything to you about their knowledge? NOO....They will get angry, resentful and their opinion of you will go WAY down....Married men and single coworkers do not mix....Married men and ANY other woman besides the wife, do not mix...There is a REASON why we stand up at the stupid alter and say vows...There is a reason why we spend years doing his dirty laundry, taking care of his kids AND working our own jobs. We are the wives, and we do NOT take kindly to any woman who messes around with our husbands. Do NOT believe anything that he says to you...Particularly about leaving his supposed obnoxious wife who gives him absolutely NO sex...They are all lies..to get you to give him what he wants..Whether it's a listening ear to all of his whining, or sex...