black, white, or gray? She cheated with me, will she cheat on Me?

[Jake809]

I was dating a girl for about a year before we broke up. She broke up with me because i went to the strip club with her permission. It turned out that she could not handle me going to a strip club like she thought she could. I gave her the space she said she needed for couple of months, just trying to keep in touch as a friend, but still letting her know that i loved her and I truely was sorry for hurting her feelings. She forgave me and we still continued to have sex throught our relationship as friends. The whole time I could tell that she still loved me and wanted to be with me, she was just scared of being hurt again. She is ready to forgive and forget now and pick up where we left off, but here is the thing. I have found out that she had a boyfriend pretty much the whole time we were apart. I know she didnt have sex with him or have strong feelings for him. What gets me is the fact that the whole time she was with him she contined to hold down a romantic relationship with me. I want to have her back more than anything in the world, but I am scared of that old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." Is this saying true in my case, or is it a gray area because she had feelings for me and not him? Should I give her another shot, or should it bother me that she was dating someone else and having sex with me at the same time?

[Spectre]

First of all, how do you know she didnt have sex with him? Do not kid yourself, if shes f*cking you this whole time, shes probably doing the same with him.

 

*slaps head* why is this even a discussion man? The girl gave you permission to goto a strip club, then dumps you when you go and she changes her mind? lol. Then she proceeds to have sex with you while dating another guy? let this skank go.

 

It isnt about once a cheater always a cheater. Its about the fact that any girl who has two different penis's inside her within the same week is just slutty, and she was probably doing it with this guy. Its about how she could sleep with one guy and be dating another guy, its about the level of respect, or lack there of, she seems to have for you and this other poor schmuck. If you enjoy whores,stds, and a genuine lack of respect for you as a person, get back with her.

 

But remember she dumped you because you went somewhere she said u could go, lol. Dont forget how insane that is

[tikigods]

Sounds like she is super flakey and wanted a reason to get out of your relationship, when she did she went and dated (and more then likely had sex with him) and then when she was done with him (cause you are a good little lap dog allowing her to use you for what she needs and she knows she has you by the balls). She came back to you. I wouldn't doubt if she suddenly "gets hurt" by something again and does hte same thing.

[SoCalCatman72]

Its about the fact that any girl who has two different penis's inside her within the same week is just slutty

 

:laugh: Funny, but I must respectfully disagree. Given the situation, yes this girl sounds whack, but that's a pretty broad brush you're painting with. I mean this is the 21st century and the sexual revolution is long over.

 

However to the OP, I offer this mantra;

 

"A woman who cheats on her man with you, will more than likely cheat on you with someone else. A woman who leaves her man for you, will most likely leave you for another man."

 

It also sounds like she was looking for an excuse to dump you so she could "test drive" this other guy, and it sounds like he wasn't all she thought he would be, so she comes running back to you.......I hope you like heartache, because she WILL do it again.

[Cecelius]

On the cheating, yes, the past cheater is more likely to cheat in the future. She may, she may not -- the risk is up to you.

 

On whether it was cheating, do you know if she was exclusive with this guy? It's not cheating if he had no reasonable expectation of exclusivity.

 

However, in all events, I would not respect a girl who can hop back and forth like this. I agree with Spectre that she was f----- him too -- what possible reason would she give him not to? THAT's what I would consider the worst part of the story -- you have no way of knowing whether you were getting it on right after he did. What if she'd gotten pregnant?

[Spectre]

:laugh: Funny, but I must respectfully disagree. Given the situation, yes this girl sounds whack, but that's a pretty broad brush you're painting with. I mean this is the 21st century and the sexual revolution is long over.

 

whats broad? I just think if someone has slept with multiple people in the same week, thats a little trashy. Make no mistake, its man whorey as well, so it isnt just for the girls. Sexual revolution or not, doesnt make it ok to sleep around, at the very least it isnt relationship material

 

If people want to thats fine, perhaps im old fashioned.

[SoCalCatman72]

Old fashioned or not, the fact of the matter remains that in today's society, having multiple partners is no longer as 'taboo' as it was 30 years ago, just turn on your tv and watch 'Sex in the City' or 'The OC' etc.

 

That being said, we all have our own opinions and beliefs. Though I tend to agree with you inasmuch as I don't see a woman who sleeps around a lot as relationship material insofar as whether 'I' would be interested in having a relationship with, I do have to temper my POV with the fact that I don't know their situation, beliefs or values.

 

It it generally held that great sex, or even just plain sex is not a valid basis for a relationship. I mean yeah we all hear the old "but the sex is so good" as a last desperate attempt to justifiy a relationship that was not meant to be. Conversely, we should not equate an individual's sexual appetite or view on sexuality with their overall moral character, or even whether or not they may or may not be relationship material. Heck, if everyone did that to me, I'd be viewed as the biggest prude in So Cal.

 

As the old saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

 

However we have digressed from the OP train of though, wherein the additional accompanying actions, and the (seemingly) deliberate employment of deceit and misrepresentation are more reprehensible than an individual's sexual ideology.

[SwayLady]

I think that her reason for dumping you, was a pretty lame one.

 

IMO, if she truly loved you, she wouldn't have dumped you because you visited a strip joint, not only that, but she wouldn't have got herself involved with another guy, so soon after you two split. Nope, she would've probably been angry at you for a day or so, for your visiting the strip club and then she would've returned to you.

 

Sounds to me that she had designs on this other guy, then used your visiting the strip joint, as an excuse to go and test the waters with the other guy. When shes found out that he aint all that, (maybe he's crap in bed ), she's resumed sex with you.

 

What will be her next excuse for dumping you, should you give her another chance? Because you went to the toilet alone????

 

She doesn't sound trustworthy at all, sorry.

[Jake809]

what will be her next excuse? good point!

 

I have to say i am pretty sure she didnt sleeb with him, but you all ma be right, because there is no way for me to know the truth.

 

I also doubt she even knew him before we broke up, but maybe im too quick to take someones word.

 

Thanks for the help! I believe i cant trust her to be faithful and now i am questioning her ability to stay with me without creating lame excuses to blow out of porportion so that she can go crazy for a while.

 

Ill talk to her one last time and try to get some answers, if she cant be an adult about it then F**K her ill move on.

 

thanks again! ill let you know how it goes

[Spectre]

Old fashioned or not, the fact of the matter remains that in today's society, having multiple partners is no longer as 'taboo' as it was 30 years ago, just turn on your tv and watch 'Sex in the City' or 'The OC' etc.

 

That being said, we all have our own opinions and beliefs. Though I tend to agree with you inasmuch as I don't see a woman who sleeps around a lot as relationship material insofar as whether 'I' would be interested in having a relationship with, I do have to temper my POV with the fact that I don't know their situation, beliefs or values.

 

It it generally held that great sex, or even just plain sex is not a valid basis for a relationship. I mean yeah we all hear the old "but the sex is so good" as a last desperate attempt to justifiy a relationship that was not meant to be. Conversely, we should not equate an individual's sexual appetite or view on sexuality with their overall moral character, or even whether or not they may or may not be relationship material. Heck, if everyone did that to me, I'd be viewed as the biggest prude in So Cal.

 

As the old saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

 

However we have digressed from the OP train of though, wherein the additional accompanying actions, and the (seemingly) deliberate employment of deceit and misrepresentation are more reprehensible than an individual's sexual ideology.

 

It isnt about multiple partners, its about the time in which theyre had. If 7 days pass, and in those 7 days a person has slept with multiple people, I just view that as trashy, and not dating material. I want someone who values sex, and someone acting like that surely doesnt value it, atleast in the same way i do. So if this guy wants a relationship with this girl, put it into context. She probably slept with him and her bf in the same week, perhaps the same day. That just isnt classy to me, and I'd assume people want to marry classy chicks.

[SmoochieFace]

It isnt about multiple partners, its about the time in which theyre had. If 7 days pass, and in those 7 days a person has slept with multiple people, I just view that as trashy, and not dating material. I want someone who values sex, and someone acting like that surely doesnt value it, atleast in the same way i do. So if this guy wants a relationship with this girl, put it into context. She probably slept with him and her bf in the same week, perhaps the same day. That just isnt classy to me, and I'd assume people want to marry classy chicks.

 

I agree with this. Just because 'trashy' behaviour such as this is glamourised on teevee doesn't mean it is 'right' or 'classy'. Not everyone takes their cues from 'Sex In The City'... lol...

 

The 'it's the 21st century' argument is such bull. Really.

[Spectre]

I have to say i am pretty sure she didnt sleeb with him, but you all ma be right, because there is no way for me to know the truth.

 

Look at it this way: Before you knew she had a bf behind your back, would of said you're pretty sure she didnt?

 

I also doubt she even knew him before we broke up, but maybe im too quick to take someones word.

 

Especially the word of someone who is blatantly toying with you. The red flag should of gone down when she said you can goto a strip club, then she dumped you for it. Chick should be happy you even bothered to ask her for permission

 

Thanks for the help! I believe i cant trust her to be faithful and now i am questioning her ability to stay with me without creating lame excuses to blow out of porportion so that she can go crazy for a while.

 

Exactly. Her freaking out and dumping you over something she said you could do tells me she just waned an excuse to leave you, probably so she could go mess around with this other guy guilt free, but she also wanted to sleep with you. Why do people always want to have their cake and eat it too? What happened to the notion of being happy with what you have?