If your SO had a dangerous occupation would you want them to stop?

[Woggle]

My wife has a friend living in Chicago right now that is married to a cop. He got assigned to a unit that patrols a housing project in a very bad area of town. He was shot at a few months ago and she told him that if he doesn't quit she is divorcing him. She makes enough money for them while he can look for a safer profession. She is not about to be worried sick about him every day. I am curious to hear people's thoughts about this.

[Adunaphel]

I am fascinated by cops and by people who have some dangerous occupations, but I know that I should never date them because once I grew emotionally attached to them I'd probably be worried all the time.

 

I guess it would be different if I worked in the same line of work, or had a not risk-free job myself, or had some potentially dangerous hobbits (like skydiving or drug dealing ).

 

When your wife's friend started dating her husband, was he already working as a cop? Do they have kids?

Anyway I guess that your SO being shot can radically alter your perception of his job.

[Woggle]

I am fascinated by cops and by people who have some dangerous occupations, but I know that I should never date them because once I grew emotionally attached to them I'd probably be worried all the time.

 

I guess it would be different if I worked in the same line of work, or had a not risk-free job myself, or had some potentially dangerous hobbits (like skydiving or drug dealing ).

 

When your wife's friend started dating her husband, was he already working as a cop? Do they have kids?

Anyway I guess that your SO being shot can radically alter your perception of his job.

 

He was a cop but he walked a different beat than the one he does now. Right now he is working in one of the most dangerous areas in the country. They don't have kids but plan on having some.

[a4a]

well I do a dangerous job. But you try to stay as safe as possible no matter what. I love it and I will never stop until I no longer can do it.

 

The entire right side of my body is riddled with old fractures, my back is ruined, my kneecap twists around sometimes, and yet I love it. If my H asked me to stop I think I would shoot myself before I did. I would so miss it and be so resentful I think.

[Adunaphel]

He was a cop but he walked a different beat than the one he does now. Right now he is working in one of the most dangerous areas in the country. They don't have kids but plan on having some.

 

I understand her.

Not that I think he *should* (as in owe to her) leave his job, but I can see her point. Not a good situation for him to be in - I guess he has to make a hard choice.

My guess is actually that she would *not* divorce him - not straight away, anyway. Not when you threaten to divorce someone because you are scared that they might get seriously hurt or killed.

I wonder if they had already considered the idea of him getting a new job in case she got pregnant?

[Buttaflyy]

I also understand her feelings. My SO talks of going back into the force and I absolutely hate it. It's not something though, that I feel I could stop him from. If he doesn't go back it's because he doesn't want to, although he hasn't yet because he's considering my feelings.

 

I don't know if divorce is the answer for this under these circumstances. You really can't force anyone to quit their profession. I'm not really sure how right that is.

[Mz. Pixie]

If I already knew the risks associated and they loved their job- no I wouldn't.

 

I wouldn't marry someone who's occupation I had a problem with.

 

I can understand why she would worry about him- but I can't see forcing my spouse to quit a job that they loved, a job that I knew about before we married.

[whichwayisup]

I think if you marry someone who is in the medical field, a cop or a firefighter, it's something you have to decide BEFORE getting married that you're OK with it.

 

It's not really fair to ask someone to give up their job (even if it is dangerous) and put an ultimatium like that out there...Leave the job or it's over.

 

Oh and Welcome back Woggle!!

[ladyinwaiting]

My fiance is a cop. Not just any cop - he's in a special unit that responds to serious badness. I usually get to know when the badness is going down, because he tries to ring me to tell me he loves me before going in. Do I worry when he does that? Yes. How can I not? But I've learned to tell him I love him too, and then have my moment of worry, and then I put him out of my mind and get on with my job.

 

People who marry people in dangerous jobs need to be able to deal with that. They need to seriously consider whether they will be able to live with not knowing whether their partner is going to come home, and they need to do it before they commit. Otherwise, you end up with exactly the situation described by Woggle - a relationship that can not last. I don't blame the woman in this scenario for wanting out. Her mental health depends on it. But I do blame her for getting into the relationship in the first place. The woman married a police officer. What did she expect he'd be doing? Children's traffic school?

 

I should say, I have kind of seen this from both sides. I've never had a particularly dangerous job, but I used to do competition eventing (the kind of horse riding competition that paralysed Christopher Reeve). After one fall, in which I ended up in hospital, my boyfriend of the time said he had had enough - either I quit the "stupidity" or he was gone. He was sick of hospitals, and he did not want a quadriplegic girlfriend. I let him go, but I couldn't blame him.

[Moose]

My wife has a friend living in Chicago right now that is married to a cop. He got assigned to a unit that patrols a housing project in a very bad area of town. He was shot at a few months ago and she told him that if he doesn't quit she is divorcing him. She makes enough money for them while he can look for a safer profession. She is not about to be worried sick about him every day. I am curious to hear people's thoughts about this.

Of course you would hope they would stop, but it's not her place to put this condition on it.

 

Especially if he had the job before they married.

 

She has no right to threaten him this way, any wife that does this needs to be smacked upside the head..... (not literally of course)

[Walk]

It's too bad they can't comprimise.

 

Maybe he could've put a time frame to how long he was going to work in the seriously dangerous area. Gave her some hope that life wouldn't always be as it was now. The belief in a more stable future. Especially if they plan on kids.

 

If she won't budge then there's not much he can do but give up what he loves to do, or lose her. If she wins, she loses. If he wins, he loses. Comprimise would be the only way to keep the losses to a minimum.

[Guest]

My wife has a friend living in Chicago right now that is married to a cop. He got assigned to a unit that patrols a housing project in a very bad area of town. He was shot at a few months ago and she told him that if he doesn't quit she is divorcing him. She makes enough money for them while he can look for a safer profession. She is not about to be worried sick about him every day. I am curious to hear people's thoughts about this.

 

Wait a minute....was he a cop when she married him?

 

That's what he does. That's his livelihood. The fact that she makes enough money to cover them both is really irrelevant. What if he loves being a cop and is good at his job?

 

SOMEBODY has to do these dangerous jobs.

 

I understand that she worries a great deal about him and I, myself, could probably not handle being married to a cop.

 

However, she knew that's what he did when she married him. I think it's terribly unfair to demand someone give up their job because YOU can't handle it.

 

If he is OK with changing jobs then fine. But if he's not? I think her demand is unreasonable.

 

There are many people who do dangerous jobs; there are journalists covering wars in foreign countries, undercover agents, demolition experts....

 

should their spouses all be allowed to dictate whether they are allowed to carry out their responsibilities?

 

I think this is an issue that should be addressed BEFORE marriage.

 

Sadly, it may be a deal breaker for this couple.

 

That's just my two cents.

[Woggle]

I understand both sides. Threatening divorce is not the right way to go but on the other hand I imagine it can't be too fun to have your spouse be a cop in the middle of a gang war. I think she is just reacting to him being shot at.

[Kinger25]

My BF has a kind of dangerous job and I have just learnt to live with it to be honest.

 

Not only does he have a dangerous job but he also likes to ride his motorbike 3 / 4 times a week. In fact I worry more about that than anything else.

 

The thing is.. Ok yes I do worry but why give up on the chance of love because of MY worry. He loves what he does and it earns us money. I have the chance of being very happy and being in love with the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Should I jepordise that just because of what he does as a job and in his spare time? Maybe I am wrong but if he gave up his job because I wasn't happy about it I would not feel right. I would feel like I had made him give up something he loves and that would not be a good basis for a relationship.

 

If something happens to him I will be devastsated, but if something happens, it happens, thats life, you cannot change it. I think Big Up to the boys that are actually putting themselves on the line for other people.

[hotgurl]

woogle

does he work Cabrini Green by any chance?

 

I say she needs to live with it or see if he can get transfered. It's not fair of her to demand he change careers.

[Woggle]

woogle

does he work Cabrini Green by any chance?

 

I say she needs to live with it or see if he can get transfered. It's not fair of her to demand he change careers.

 

Yes that is where he works. They are tearing it down pretty soon but my wife lived in Chicago in the early 90s and she said it was a place you just did not go. She made a wrong turn there once and it was the scariest thing she has ever experienced. She said it was like Iraq in the middle of the city.

[hotgurl]

Yes that is where he works. They are tearing it down pretty soon but my wife lived in Chicago in the early 90s and she said it was a place you just did not go. She made a wrong turn there once and it was the scariest thing she has ever experienced. She said it was like Iraq in the middle of the city.

 

I lived in Chicago as well. It's been like that for a while. For a while cops wouldn't even go in. The place is basically controled by gangs. That sucks. I would imagine they rotate beats because who would want to work Cabrini Green for years. I do feel for the wife and hopefully he won't work it forever.

[Woggle]

I lived in Chicago as well. It's been like that for a while. For a while cops wouldn't even go in. The place is basically controled by gangs. That sucks. I would imagine they rotate beats because who would want to work Cabrini Green for years. I do feel for the wife and hopefully he won't work it forever.

 

I understand where she is coming from. From what my wife tells me she is not controlling at all. I also met her at the wedding and she seemed very nice. Maybe they should just move to a suburb and he can be a cop there. She has been talking about moving to the suburbs anyway because she wants a nice place to raise a family since they plan on having kids.