madgurlee Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 me fiance looks at porn when im not in, why is this?, i find out because he doesnt think to delete the downloads off media player, i mean, we have sex every day so why does he do need to look at all this, am i right to feel hurt by this and not good enough or do men look at this in a diffrent way to us. i dont no how to feel but its making me feel sick and insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
ZGT1503 Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Hi, I can't answer your question of why your fiance is doing this, but I posted something similar recently after finding several porn sites/searches on our computer, which my boyfriend had been looking at before I get home from work or when I'm not home. (Funny how they never think to delete these?!) We also have sex every day and I was also hurt and confused because of this. He was extremely embarrassed when I confronted him and he could not really give a proper explanation. What he did keep saying is that it is totally not related to me or our sex life. He just gets turned on by it and it's something to do occasionally when I'm not home. Anyway, I have still not fully come to terms with it, and we have only had sex once in almost 2 weeks as I can't get the image out of my mind of him looking and doing whatever he is doing... So, just to say that it is not unusual for you to feel affected by this, and hurt. Although I think probably guys do look at this issue in a different way and it doesn't mean anything in terms of his feelings for you or towards your sex life... Have you let him know that you know? What was his reaction? Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 me fiance looks at porn when im not in, why is this?, for the same reason women keep buying new shoes even though they already have 75 pairs...they like it. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 You need to address this with your F. If it is that major of an issue do not get married. Either he quits or you deal with it. dag gone porn issue again...... You need to talk with him. If he discounts your feelings I would say red flagola. Proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
Poboy Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 a4a , how many guys ,single or not dont watch porn ... you going to advise the same still ? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 a4a , how many guys ,single or not dont watch porn ... you going to advise the same still ? my H does not... hell I just about had to beg him to order one on PPV about a month ago. :lmao: It actually was not much fun in a sexual way but we did laugh like hell at some of the scenes and dialogue. Regardless he needs to take her feelings into acct and talk to him about it. Not just say her feelings are not valid or stupid...... there is where the big red flag would be. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 for the same reason women keep buying new shoes even though they already have 75 pairs...they like it. Word. I like porn, I'm weird. I look at porn even when I'm in a relationship. Masturbation ISN'T the same thing as sex, PEOPLE! You can't play solitaire with two people. Sometimes I just want to bust a nut and not have to worry about getting the other person off, so sue me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 He's probably been looking at porn since long before he met you. Guys use porn to masturbate, just as you might fantasize when you masturbate. If you have sex every day, it's clearly not affecting your sex life or love life. Are you opposed to him masturbating with porn when you're not around, or are you opposed to him masturbating at all when you're not around? Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 for the same reason women keep buying new shoes even though they already have 75 pairs...they like it. :lmao: There's something simply fascinating about the female form. What can we say? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 for the same reason women keep buying new shoes even though they already have 75 pairs...they like it. ..... I own 2 pairs of shoes and really have no desire to waste my money on something as pointless as a pair of shoes so not all women "like shopping" My boyfriend also like to look at porn which has caused me to lose intrest in having sex with him. I can't live up to these fake air brushed women so I really don't feel like being naked around him anymore. (Also I love sex and would love nothing more then to be enough for him where he doesn't need to use these women to get turn on enough to "settle" for me. I would like to have sex every day but will not let myself be second best so we don't anymore hardly at all . ) Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Most guys look at porn. In a relationship, out of a relationship, doesn't matter. They could be sleeping with the hottest girl on the planet, they'll look at porn. Why? Because looking at naked chicks and watching other people have sex is fun. But that doesn't mean he loves you less, thinks you are less attractive, or doesn't want to have sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 My boyfriend also like to look at porn which has caused me to lose intrest in having sex with him. I can't live up to these fake air brushed women so I really don't feel like being naked around him anymore. (Also I love sex and would love nothing more then to be enough for him where he doesn't need to use these women to get turn on enough to "settle" for me. I would like to have sex every day but will not let myself be second best so we don't anymore hardly at all . ) I think this highlights the difference in how some women view porn versus how guys view porn. You see it as "competition", when it may very well not be. You could be the hottest woman on the planet and he'd still look at porn. It doesn't necessarily mean he thinks you are unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
SwayLady Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Looking at porn is natural for men apparantly, so I read. We women shouldn't worry too much about it. Guys are 'visual' creatures, who get turned on by visually stimulating stuff I guess. Doesn't mean that they aren't happy with their partners/or mean that they are about to cheat on their partners. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy123 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I find the "guys are visually stimulated" argument to be quite stupid. Ummmm unless I am a nasty troll beast why can't I viisually stimulate my man? Why does he have to go find other women to get turned on by. I just find it funny that men use this argument and are actually able to convince people that this is why it is ok for them to look at porn. Man.: I am visually stimulated and since you don't do it for me I must go look at other women...... Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I find the "guys are visually stimulated" argument to be quite stupid. Ummmm unless I am a nasty troll beast why can't I viisually stimulate my man? Why does he have to go find other women to get turned on by. I just find it funny that men use this argument and are actually able to convince people that this is why it is ok for them to look at porn. Because men like looking at other women. And seeing them naked. And seeing them boink each other. And a midget. There's really no mystical secret to it. It doesn't matter how hot you are. Guys (in general) like looking at other chicks and watching other people get it on. I don't get why some women act as they have to be the sole source of visual stimulation for their man. It just isn't realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy123 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I don't get why some women act as they have to be the sole source of visual stimulation for their man. It just isn't realistic. Well I don't see why its so unrealistic. If you love someone the thought if them having fantasys about other people can be offensive. I don't fantasize about other men so why should it be ok for him to just use me to close his eyes and pretend I am some hot chick from tv. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I don't get why some women act as they have to be the sole source of visual stimulation for their man. It just isn't realistic. Humungous insecurity issues. Short of killing off every other woman on the planet, it's completely unreasonable to expect your partner to never look at another female or appreciate the looks of anybody but you. You can't tell me you don't look at guys, don't drool over at least one movie star, don't read any romance stories or see romance movies and not fantasize that your guy would be ideal if he was only one of those heroes. It's starting to sound as though an awful lot of women would like to add 'poke the man's eyes out' to the marriage ceremony. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Humungous insecurity issues. Short of killing off every other woman on the planet, it's completely unreasonable to expect your partner to never look at another female or appreciate the looks of anybody but you. Exactly. It does make things more difficult for some women though. The fact that men find so many women physically attractive (or at least acceptable) means personalty/behavior counts for a heckuva lot, especially for long-term commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 me fiance looks at porn when im not in, why is this?, i find out because he doesnt think to delete the downloads off media player, i mean, we have sex every day so why does he do need to look at all this, am i right to feel hurt by this and not good enough or do men look at this in a diffrent way to us. i dont no how to feel but its making me feel sick and insecure. Seriously unless he's out of control take it as a blessing my husband and I have an active regular sex life and he's got PLENTY of porn and uses it REGULARLLY... somtimes I'm real glad he's got it... someday you will too! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Please to dear God give the "I hate porn" threads a break. I believe that half of the threads on LS are about Porn. HINT: Use the search option. Stop going on about this issue when it has been done to death. Add on to an ongoing thread about this issue but please stop this threads. Deal with your jealousy issues, find a man who is perhaps blind and then you will be assured you will have a man who will never get off on anyone but you. Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 It never bothered me when my ex did it- my reasoning? What are the chances of him ever meeting those girls posing in porn? Very, very, slim. It didn't affect our sex life, so I didn't have any problem with it. I would rather have my so jerk off to porn than cheat on me just because I wasn't around to relieve his horniness. I also made it a game with my ex, whenever I caught him looking at other women, I'd ask him how he'd rate her, and rate the lady myself, kinda make it fun, we did this for when I looked at other guys too. Now, I would have an issue with it if it began to affect our sex life, (ie him jerking off all the time, so much that there's nothing left for me, or him telling me to look more attractive like these women, affecting my self esteem, blah blah) I seriously think you don't have anything to worry about- he's with YOU- that's all that matters! It also helps that I wasn't so insecure- I'll admit, I felt a bit jealous, but other than that, I was okay with it as long nothing went wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy123 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 You can't tell me you don't look at guys, don't drool over at least one movie star, don't read any romance stories or see romance movies and not fantasize that your guy would be ideal if he was only one of those heroes. >>>In my mind there is a BIG difference betwwen finding someone attractive and having a fantasy about them. Finding someone attractive is no big deal and yes there are guys who I find attractive. However fantasy about someone esle when you are commited is wrong in my opinion. If your SO isn't attractive and exciting enough to keep you interested then you need to leave and find someone who is. And no I don't even read romance novels..... I find them to be sappy and retarted so no I don't want my man to be like one of those guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 It does make things more difficult for some women though. The fact that men find so many women physically attractive (or at least acceptable) means personalty/behavior Well I guess it'd be a problem for women without sterling personalities and impeccable behaviour Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Well I don't see why its so unrealistic. If you love someone the thought if them having fantasys about other people can be offensive. I don't fantasize about other men so why should it be ok for him to just use me to close his eyes and pretend I am some hot chick from tv. What are we talking about here? Looking at porn or fantasizing about someone else? Because those are two albeit related, but seperate issues. On the subject of porn, that doesn't necessarly mean he is fantisizing about being with them. Sometimes watching porn is simply about watching other people get it on. On the subject of fantasy, you can't control who or what he fantasizes about anyway. Fantasy is not reality. You really need to understand this. Just because a guy looks at porn and/or even fantasizes about someone else doesn't mean he is less attracted to you or loves you less. It's pretty common and normal sexual behavior for most men. Again, why do you feel that you need to be the be-all and end-all for your man? (And keep in mind we're talking about porn and fantasy here, not him actually boinking someone else.) Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Humungous insecurity issues. Yup, this seems to be the source of it. My ex had the same attitude and she was quite insecure. I think it also partly had to do with her upbringing (i.e. the whole overly romanticized ideals of love and marriage and what not). She at least recognized her insecurity, but she didn't have much control over it. And I can say this from experience: insecurity is not sexy. Women don't like it men, so would they expect men to like it women? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts