Jeffrey Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Yeah, but that's biblical hogwash and certainly not applicable to everyone. Watching porn is NOT lusting after another. ] If you lust after another you are cheating in your heart and in your mind.So mentally no one is faithful. The reason is because of the way we are today.Men and women can control there urges.Many people have done it.The im a man excuse is rubbish! Read this book from the every man series.Its called winning the war on sexual temptation one victory at a time.It is a bit to do with god but there are quite a few good points in the book! I believe men only say deal with it is because they cant control there urges.Therefore these men are weak!Oh and men dont come bk with all this rubbish because if your not weak prove it! Link to post Share on other sites
new_stella Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Let me ask you something. If men, well, at least if YOUR man learns to control his ‘urges’ (in terms of his ‘lust after other women’) would that make you happy? I mean, if the situation changed to: He has these ‘urges’ all the time (and you know it) but he magically develops the ability to fight them, and wins every time. Would that make you happy? Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Why go through the pain of "fighting urges" that are natural, plus it's impossible people are going to be attracted by whatever they're attracted to relationship or no relationships. Also pretty illogical. Oh well, religious brainwashing, can't beat it Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 There's absolutely nothing wrong with fantasy. Most 'sexperts' will agree that it's not only quiote normal and harmless, but good for people. There's a reason it's called FANTASY you know, it's because for the vast majority of people, it's things that they'd never do. So, it would appear you're an exception and not the norm. I'm plenty happy and I fantasize often. Yes there is everything wrong with having to have a fantasy. It means you are unhappy with what you have. Whether because they have let themselves go, you don't get enough sex, you are a shallow pig, or whatever reason. It may be the "norm" to have a fantasy, but from what I have seen in this world alot of people are unhappy in their relationships and just stay in them till something better comes along. They are afraid of being alone and not having a "sure thing" when it comes to sex. So they choose to settle for their less then perfect partner. If you are really happy why do you need to think about someone esle. Why would you even want to? Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Ur man watching or downloading porn is the least of the problems out there. At least he's home and alone. My husband watches porn when he can, it bothers me for a second and then i get over it. All men are the same!! Horny Bastards! It doesn't matter if they are having sex everyday of every minute, when the opportunity comes they will watch porn. Make it hot.. watch it with him.. Have sex! Watching my man get turned on by someone esle is not hot. It is disgusting. If he even thinks I would have sec with him knowing he was picturing someone esle he is insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Yes there is everything wrong with having to have a fantasy. It means you are unhappy with what you have. Whether because they have let themselves go, you don't get enough sex, you are a shallow pig, or whatever reason. It may be the "norm" to have a fantasy, but from what I have seen in this world alot of people are unhappy in their relationships and just stay in them till something better comes along. They are afraid of being alone and not having a "sure thing" when it comes to sex. So they choose to settle for their less then perfect partner. If you are really happy why do you need to think about someone esle. Why would you even want to? Maybe its just like when your hungry! yes i know its not the same but maybe in a way it is.My fav food is mashed potato.When im really really hungry i think about alsorts of food not just my fav.Doesnt mean i dont love mashed potato still though! I agree its crap to think they are thinking of someone else but you cant tell your SO to only think of you.Your mind doesnt work that way.You think things and sometimes you cant help it. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Yeah, where would we get to with rainfall's philosophy, thought control? rofl Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Maybe its just like when your hungry! yes i know its not the same but maybe in a way it is.My fav food is mashed potato.When im really really hungry i think about alsorts of food not just my fav.Doesnt mean i dont love mashed potato still though! I agree its crap to think they are thinking of someone else but you cant tell your SO to only think of you.Your mind doesnt work that way.You think things and sometimes you cant help it. See I NEVER think about anyone besides my bf in a sexual way. So I really don't see why it is so freakin hard and terrible for me to expect him to only want to sleep with me. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 See I NEVER think about anyone besides my bf in a sexual way. So I really don't see why it is so freakin hard and terrible for me to expect him to only want to sleep with me. If he fantasizes about someone else doesn't mean he actually wants to do them...and watching porn isn't even fantasizing. I guess guys are different than girls, they think of sex every 9 seconds brain is wired differently so it's only natural... Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 If he fantasizes about someone else doesn't mean he actually wants to do them...and watching porn isn't even fantasizing. I guess guys are different than girls, they think of sex every 9 seconds brain is wired differently so it's only natural... Hey I think about sex alot myself. I love sex, but I only love sex with my boyfriend. Masturbating while watching porn is fantasy. If someone is watching porn they are not watching it for the great plot...... They are watching it to get turned on. At least that is what I have always thought. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 Yes there is everything wrong with having to have a fantasy. It means you are unhappy with what you have. Whether because they have let themselves go, you don't get enough sex, you are a shallow pig, or whatever reason. But it's human nature to fantasise about all kinds of things. Don't you ever watch films that have a strong romantic theme, and that contain sensual scenes in them? I can certainly appreciate why porn can cause difficulties in a relationship if it's the more degrading, violent variety, is being used to an obsessive extent or is deliberately being used as a means of fostering insecurity in a partner...but if it's just something that's ancillary to a normal sex life, and (if one partner has a bit of an aversion to it) is used discreetly, then I think some tolerance goes a long way. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 7, 2007 Share Posted February 7, 2007 But it's human nature to fantasise about all kinds of things. Don't you ever watch films that have a strong romantic theme, and that contain sensual scenes in them? I can certainly appreciate why porn can cause difficulties in a relationship if it's the more degrading, violent variety, is being used to an obsessive extent or is deliberately being used as a means of fostering insecurity in a partner...but if it's just something that's ancillary to a normal sex life, and (if one partner has a bit of an aversion to it) is used discreetly, then I think some tolerance goes a long way. No I don't like "chick flicks." I tried watching one with a friend and was bored out of my mind. If anyof the films I do watch have a sensual scene in them it doesn't turn me on. I don't want to screw the guy. Its just two people who do nothing at all for me. Thinking about screwing other people should not be considered part of a "normal sex life." Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 See I NEVER think about anyone besides my bf in a sexual way. So I really don't see why it is so freakin hard and terrible for me to expect him to only want to sleep with me. Hey dont be like that with me ive been in your situation i used to be really upset about this issue too but ive come to realise that theres no point in freting over it. Just because you think one way doesnt mean that someone else has to.I dont belive in god but just because dont believe in it i cant expect everyone else to think that way too.We all have our own minds. Mainly i believe the reason why we all think the way we do is because of nurture.Some people like porn maybe when theyve been growing up porn hasnt been shown as particularly a bad thing. Where as maybe in your case it has. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 See I NEVER think about anyone besides my bf in a sexual way. So I really don't see why it is so freakin hard and terrible for me to expect him to only want to sleep with me. We just aren't wired that way. Monogamy goes against our basic biological drives. After all, we all come from a long line of successful gene-propagators. And nothing says success (reproductively from a male perspective) than knocking up as many women as possible. Blame evolution. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhyla Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 We just aren't wired that way. Monogamy goes against our basic biological drives. After all, we all come from a long line of successful gene-propagators. And nothing says success (reproductively from a male perspective) than knocking up as many women as possible. Blame evolution. Hmm, ya, that's evolutionary theory. Read anything on pair bonding theory? Quite a different story there (and just as much if not more research to back it up), and a whole new set of adaptive rules. Don't parade that evolution crap around like it's a fact, it's simply not. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hmm, ya, that's evolutionary theory. Read anything on pair bonding theory? Quite a different story there (and just as much if not more research to back it up), and a whole new set of adaptive rules. Don't parade that evolution crap around like it's a fact, it's simply not. Most mammal species are not monogamous, however. In fact, under 3% of mammal species are reported as being monogomous (Kleiman, Devra G. 1977. Monogamy in Mammals. The Quarterly Review of Biology. Vol 52, No 1, pp 39-69). Among primates the numbers are about the same. But monagomous primates don't include close relations of humans, nor humans themselves (Fuentes. 1998. Re-Evaluating Primate Monogamy. American Anthropologist. New Series, Vol. 100, No. 4 , pp. 890-907). Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hey dont be like that with me ive been in your situation i used to be really upset about this issue too but ive come to realise that theres no point in freting over it. Just because you think one way doesnt mean that someone else has to.I dont belive in god but just because dont believe in it i cant expect everyone else to think that way too.We all have our own minds. Mainly i believe the reason why we all think the way we do is because of nurture.Some people like porn maybe when theyve been growing up porn hasnt been shown as particularly a bad thing. Where as maybe in your case it has. I wasn't trying to be rude or anything to you. I am just very frustrated by the number of people here who seem to want me to be ok with my boyfriend's "uncontrollable" desire to sleep around. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Geez, watching porn is a desire to sleep around now? lol if he wanted to cheat on you for real he would have but I guess you want thought control, he's not allowed to think of anyone but you even if that's beyond control Call the thought police Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Geez, watching porn is a desire to sleep around now? lol if he wanted to cheat on you for real he would have but I guess you want thought control, he's not allowed to think of anyone but you even if that's beyond control Call the thought police If he is watching pron then he is probably thinking about sleeping with the porn chicks. If he has to look at other women in order to get turned on sometimes he is a shallow pig. I deserve better then a man who chooses to get turned on by women who have no respect for themselves. Yes I feel if he needs to think of anyone besides me I am not right for him. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Fine then break up with him instead of whining about it non stop Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Yes I feel if he needs to think of anyone besides me I am not right for him. Then dump him. But good luck finding a guy who fits that bill. I wonder if they even exist. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Fine then break up with him instead of whining about it non stop Well according to you guys on here every single man is this shallow. I really have no choice but to be single forever or be with someone who is like this. For the record though my bf porns use has gone down ALOT ever since I lost weight which leads me to believe looks do have something to do with porn use. I just don't understand why he still needs it. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well according to you guys on here every single man is this shallow. I really have no choice but to be single forever or be with someone who is like this. You could always look at modifying your own expectations. I often wonder if the way relationships are idealized in modern society is a complete farce. Especially when you consider the sheer number of relationship problems people have (porn, jealousy, cheating/adultery, divorce). I just don't understand why he still needs it. Many reasons. Could be he likes to watch people have sex. Could be he wants to masturbate alone and uses it for stimulation. Could be a way to explore fantasies without actually acting on them. Could be a latent biological drive to screw other chicks. Could be any and all of the above. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Well according to you guys on here every single man is this shallow. I really have no choice but to be single forever or be with someone who is like this. For the record though my bf porns use has gone down ALOT ever since I lost weight which leads me to believe looks do have something to do with porn use. I just don't understand why he still needs it. And here you were implying all along that your boyfriend didn't watch porn, but that if he did, you wouldn't have anything to do with him... Face it: you're insecure. You're insecure about your own body, which is why you find porn threatening. Case closed. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 And here you were implying all along that your boyfriend didn't watch porn, but that if he did, you wouldn't have anything to do with him... Face it: you're insecure. You're insecure about your own body, which is why you find porn threatening. Case closed. Last time he watched porn was 8 months ago...... Link to post Share on other sites
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