Outcast Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I'm starting to think that insecurity is as dangerous an ailment as anorexia. This fixation with one's appearance is way beyond healthy. Anybody here a shrink who wants to make his/her name? I think this is turning into a disorder of major proportions. And a clue to women - never ever on this earth will anyone be so outstandingly attractive that her man will never look at anybody else. Pick any stunning hollywood star you like - virtually all of them have been dumped at one point or another. And it is SO demeaning to men to think that their affection and loyalty is based SOLELY on something as shallow as appearance! What a sad life it would be if I thought the only reason a guy was with me was for how I looked and if I worried about every other woman on the planet because they might have a nicer big toe or a prettier elbow than mine! Is that all that all these women think of their worth? That nothing about them whatsoever is valuable except their appearance? Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 , in my opinion - guys, you need to stop fighting it and ****ing understand how MOST women feel. if they feel insecure, tend to their needs and maybe don't look at porn 24/7. I don't think MOST women are threatened by Porn honestly, I dont know many women who as adults really care anymore. Seriously I thank the stars for porn every time I'm not in the mood:laugh: and on anothernote... I thank the stars sometimes when I am too Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Ok, guys, you need to stop fighting it and ****ing understand how MOST women feel. i feel like a lot of guys don't realize how it feels for women. its the repetitive questions going on in the womans head "how come he needs porn to get off?", "aren't i physically stimulating to him?" Maybe you feel this way, but I don't. Those questions NEVER run through my mind. I don't wonder, I don't ask, I don't care, I don't worry, I'm not anxious, and I don't question whether I'm physically stimulating to him. Porn is a complete non-issue. I don't think you can say MOST women feel the way you do, nor can I say MOST women feel the way I do. The only thing we can say is to listen and talk so you understand each other's actual viewpoints. But you can't make a blanket statement about it. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 guys, you need to stop fighting it and ****ing understand how MOST women feel. if they feel insecure, tend to their needs and maybe don't look at porn 24/7. Polls I've seen in the past suggest that most women don't have a problem with porn. In fact, at least half of them use it themselves. And yes, the man should be there for his SO. But she has to own up to her issues as well (if it indeed stemming from insecurity). Her SO, however, can't fix that. A person can only fix their own insecurity. And I don't think it should be left unaddressed. I had an insecure g/f and I tried to give in to her demands regarding her insecurity (which basically amounted to a list of don'ts). Guess what? It didn't make her more secure. Her insecurity was still there. Nothing I did or didn't do could change that. In the end, we broke up and I now feel better for it. i mean.. for gods sake if a guy is with a woman, maybe even loves her, she should be the sexiest woman just because he knows and loves her.. so why does he need porn? eh. For the same reason a guy doesn't stop looking at other cars once he's bought himself a Honda. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 For the same reason a guy doesn't stop looking at other cars once he's bought himself a Honda. Whatever your opinion on the matter is, this is totally unacceptable comparison. If you treat your woman as a car, you have much bigger issues and maybe you should address them rahther than attack her insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Why do taken women read romance novels and erotic fiction? For the same reason guys look at porn. Because they want to. I'm so thankful that my girlfriend isn't so insecure that she feels threatened by 2 dimensional images on a screen. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 If you honestly believe that your SO never fantasizes, think again. Go read Men In Love someday - a study of men and their private thoughts about sex. If he's not fantasizing about a stranger, he'll fantasize about a past encounter. In my books, I'd rather have him think about some stranger he didn't care about than some ex that he did. Here is some food for thought. Very interesting perspective. But when was the last time you can remember a guy bringing up such an issue? I don't think too many guys are that concerned over their wives being into porn, romance novels, or Brad Pitt movies. Honestly, I have never thought how common, or uncommon, it could be. I know personally some guys who get upset with the idea of their gf being into porn or brad Pitt movies, but they are very jealous guys and surely are more the exception than the rule. Yet...again... I wonder, in turn, how many guys would be okay if their girlfriend was horny, they were available and glad to have sex with her, but yet she chose to surf the internet for pictures of nice looking guys and masturbated watching them. Something else that needs to be understood by women is that guys don't necessarily watch porn for porn's sake. They may be just using as a tool for solo masturbation. I guess that - speaking for myself personally - I would not have so many problems with a guy who uses it just as a tool, while I do have problems with watching porn for porn sake's and collecting porn pictures. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 i think that whole "why do girls buy more pairs of shoes when they have 75 already? because they like it" has nothing to do with porn. do shoes make (i'll rephrase) SOME guys upset? no.. anyway, my boyfriend gets upset at the THOUGHT that i have porn.. which is stupid because i know he has porn. and i'm with you rainfall, because my bf looks at asians. i'm nowhere near an asian! as much as it sucks, i've learned to deal.. i'm not saying its a huge deal and i don't make it an issue in my relationships .. i was just trying to get some understanding across for the men. i don't think they will understand but because of that, its not that big of a deal anymore for me. the only thing that gets me is that DURING sex guys pretend you are someone else. thats something that i am stuck on and i've never done myself. i think THATS ****ty and if someone wants to debate that with me, i'm game. i think thats terrible. do it when youre alone if you have to imagine you are doing it with jenna jameson.. but don't do while you are actually with someone .. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 the only thing that gets me is that DURING sex guys pretend you are someone else. thats something that i am stuck on and i've never done myself. i think THATS ****ty and if someone wants to debate that with me, i'm game. i think thats terrible. do it when youre alone if you have to imagine you are doing it with jenna jameson.. but don't do while you are actually with someone .. I wonder how common is that. I would have thought that for many guys such a thing occurred very sporadically if anytime at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Great Gazoo Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 I really don't see why the big deal about porn. Sometimes my wife will watch it with me and we even get the odd laugh from it because the story lines are so stupid. I don't think too many guys compare their wifes to a porn star or the character in the movie, it just don't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Great topic. I agree that most men view porn as well, I know I do. This has nothing to do with how much I love my S/O. Personally, when I view porn my partner is 99% of the time involved in my fantasy whether it be her, myself, and another guy, or her, myself and another girl. And it's truly all about fantasy. These fantasies, if embraced by both partners, will probably will make your sex life even more explosive. Link to post Share on other sites
Tatara Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I don't get off visually like most men do, for me its all about sound (yes I'm a weird one here I suppose) How would you BFs/Hs feel about your GF/wife calling phone sex lines in place of your porn usage? (if there even is such thing as phone sex lines for females?) Perhaps being able to get exactly what turns us on in the form of fantasy might twist how men feel about it around a bit? Hearing a hot sounding male voice being soft and sweet with us (or dominant and rough) giving us exactly what we want until we get off, might even bring some extra expectations to bed with us.... what happens when you don't match up anymore? Or you can't quite pull off the persona that has us fascinated by the man on the phone? (yes, its different then porn, but men and women are wired differently, besides - its not any different then watching strippers?) There is definately no good female-oriented porn material online, so its not like porn is a threat to men even the most insecure of them. Besides I find it fairly easy for men to say "I don't mind her looking at porn or reading romance novels" if visual/imagination doesn't do it for your woman. Just trying to throw a twist on it cause I dislike heated disputes but wanted to throw in my 2c Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 There is definately no good female-oriented porn material online, Maybe not for someone with your particular fetish. Or you might have to look harder to find it. As I understand it (and for me personally) people who watch porn aren't looking to find porn stars to get a crush on. They watch it to observe acts that they'd either like to participate in with their partners or that are hot to watch. The mistake so many women seem to make is that they think the men are looking for better-looking women to make them horny. That's not the case. It's what the women are doing that's interesting to the watchers. It's interesting (to me) that a lot of women who aren't bi seem to like watching lesbian porn but I guess they watch from the recipient point of view - again, it's about watching what's going on and imagining the sensations you'd be experiencing if you were in the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 I don't get off visually like most men do, for me its all about sound (yes I'm a weird one here I suppose) How would you BFs/Hs feel about your GF/wife calling phone sex lines in place of your porn usage? (if there even is such thing as phone sex lines for females?) Perhaps being able to get exactly what turns us on in the form of fantasy might twist how men feel about it around a bit? Hearing a hot sounding male voice being soft and sweet with us (or dominant and rough) giving us exactly what we want until we get off, might even bring some extra expectations to bed with us.... what happens when you don't match up anymore? Or you can't quite pull off the persona that has us fascinated by the man on the phone? (yes, its different then porn, but men and women are wired differently, besides - its not any different then watching strippers?) Just trying to throw a twist on it cause I dislike heated disputes but wanted to throw in my 2c i agree with you, and i said something similar, but i think your comparison is better. just sound, no touching someone else, no meeting someone else--just sound. just a little "stimulation." sounds pretty equal to me. basically, you're not getting to get any man who likes his porn to see anything wrong with it. it's annoying. it's like "well, i could be cheating, be glad i'm not" and you're supposed to be thankful for that? come on. everyone understand that men are visually stimulated. yes, we get it. we just don't care. maybe it's because some of us grow up and realize instant gratification isn't always being a part of acting like an adult. you're visually stimulated? great. but who says that means it's your every right to visually stimulate yourself whenever your please, just because that's your preference? some people are addicted to food. look at how overweight people are picked on for their idea of "gratification or stimulation." everyone gives them shyt about eating too much, "lose some weight, fatty". but yet, a woman in a relationship is just expected to roll over and accept that because her husband is stimulated visually, that he gets to check out other women in a sexual way and get his rocks off? not buying it. try having some self-control, that's what it really is about. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Personally, when I view porn my partner is 99% of the time involved in my fantasy that's a total load of bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 he gets to check out other women in a sexual way and get his rocks off? See? YOu assume that's what he's doing. He's not. Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 that's a total load of bull****. why do you think he would lie to us? not saying i disagree or agree, why do you think someone would tell that to a bunch of strangers who aren't affected by his actions? what do you think of when you watch porn, alpha? unless it's personal, of course. not trying to make anyone uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
purple_nurple Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Testosterone makes guys "stupid" as far as women are concerned. As a guy, I'll admit it. Although this doesn't totally explain it, go to ThisLife.org and search for the "This American Life" episode titled "testosterone" and listen to it. It will enlighten you to some of the influences in male thinking and behavior. What ever you do, don't "guilt" him, even though you may be hurt by it. Don't make him feel guilty about his sexual desire, he can't help it. Explore with him what he likes, why he likes it...all that sexual energy will be redirected at you because he won't feel he has to hide it or be ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 what do you think of when you watch porn, alpha? the chicks in the porn... Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 the chicks in the porn... really? i do that too. i guess i do more looking than thinking though...i'd have to close my eyes and then what would i need the porn for? Link to post Share on other sites
DarkShadows Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 really? i do that too. i guess i do more looking than thinking though...i'd have to close my eyes and then what would i need the porn for? Do all guys do that then? Even if the guy tells you he isn't thinking about the girl, but what she is doing, would that be a lie? Would it be a lie if he said he was thinking of what she was doing but was getting off to his girlfriend? Not even thinking of the girl in a "I want her" kind of manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus1963 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 i dont care about porn when i'm in a relationship unless my gf cant have sex for whatever reason and is not around i prefer real sex to masterbation Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Do all guys do that then? Even if the guy tells you he isn't thinking about the girl, but what she is doing, would that be a lie? Would it be a lie if he said he was thinking of what she was doing but was getting off to his girlfriend? Not even thinking of the girl in a "I want her" kind of manner. i'm a girl, so i really don't know. all i know is i watch the act, and watching the act is what turns me on. i just watch and concentrate on how i feel. i've never tried to pretend in my head i was the girl getting...whatever was being done to her. or the other person (girl or guy) who's doing it to her. i just like how it looks. i'm a watcher. but again, i'm not a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Watching is a great thing. It gives you some ideas, and stimulates your erroneous side. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 "Erroneous side"? You must be talking about naughty teacher porn. Link to post Share on other sites
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