why do taken men look at porn??

[Jersey Shortie]

The better question is not why taken men look at porn but why do men even bother having relationships since they could be very happy just wanking it to porn and since apparently the porn is so important and other women are important the guys will go to the ends of the earth to defend it over the woman in their life.

[Carbine]

Oh crap, i've missed a lot on here since i've been away =(

 

This is a post made out of ignorance and assumption. I'm a bit preterbed that you think you know what goes on in a man's head.

 

When you take all of the random insults and hot air out of this whole post, there's really not much substance. I'm not stupid enough to assume how 'guys think', aeren, nor was my post made out of ignorance or assumption. FFS, my relationship broke up over this sort of thing, and believe me, and before the split, i did go into quite a bit of detail discussing these issues with my (now) ex, his mates, male friends, colleagues and counsellors. The things i posted seemed to be recurring topics during discussion. I'm sorry if you don't agree with my opinions but there's really no need to get so damn defensive. Makes me wonder why you're getting that way...

 

Men ARE visual creatures, I'm sorry to say. You can rant and rave all you want, but you have absolutely NO frame of reference with which to associate with that statement. Your definition of visual was about a sports car and a horse. I can't really see how that's visual. When I say men are visual creatures, the visual part is the action in the porn. I could watch the porn girls drive sports cars or ride horses, and that wouldn't do it for me... it's the action of the porn. I don't obsess about them, I don't love them, I don't even think about them when I'm done. In reality, it's a quick fix to my problem.

 

Re the visual thing - I see what you're saying, and i probably didn't make myself clear. When i was talking about the visual aspect i was referring to the attractiveness of a porn actress vs the average SO. I know this wasn't what the original purpose of the thread but there were concerns about this sort of this that kept cropping up a fair bit. Anyway, the sports car/horse example can easily be applied to sexual attractiveness of partners. It doesn't take much imagination.

 

Honestly, you have NO idea what goes on in a man's head. You think all it takes to be a man is a dick. That's bull****. The issue goes much deeper than that. Think about it. Men have external sex organs. Organs that need to function properly in order for us to even engage in sexual activity. I'm sorry to inform you that this organ doesn't just work by itself. It's not like a flip of the coin, heads it goes up, tails it stays limp. There IS something involved in that. There's mental stimulus involved, as well as blood flow and even diet. Not only that, but since it's an external organ that women need in order to have sexual activity, the pressure is on the male to perform. If the male cannot perform, or fails to perform adequately, a good deal of guilt, anger, and depression result.

 

Since you have no idea what goes on in a man's mind, I'll continue. Because of this, sex can and sometimes does feel like work. Don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't enjoy doing it, but it can be a strain on us mentally and physically. Trust me, it's a bigger issue than most men would admit.

 

My point is that looking at porn is a way for us to satisfy that sexual need without the work. The porn just gets the juices flowing. We don't give a crap about the girl on the screen... and that's the best part. We don't have to please her. We don't have to worry if she thinks we love her enough, or if she'll get upset if we finish too quickly, or can't get it up. It's easy, and it's just a picture on a screen.

 

Thinking that your BF is choosing the random porn actress instead of you is as stupid as your BF thinking you love George Clooney (or whatever celebrity you find attractive) more than him. It's a waste of emotional energy to think about.

 

Yeah, some porn actresses are more attractive than my GF, but that's just it. They're in porn. I don't want someone like that. The porn is just what gets my need taken care of. I love my GF. I don't need the porn if she's around. She's worth the "work" of sex. She's what I need. But if she's not home, or she's mad at me, I still take care of the issue with porn.

 

Don't think you understand how guys think, because you obviously don't. I get so sick and tired of the way men are worked over when it comes to this issue. They're not helpless to it, it is a choice, but there's a reason they choose it. Women get so insecure that their men think with their dicks and not with their heads or hearts. Ladies, you should know your man better than that.

 

And again it seems as if you've happily jumped into pooh-poohing my post without actually getting the gist of what i'm saying. I wasn't trying to debate the situation of my bf chosing a 'random porn actress' over me. You've missed the undercurrent of the thread entirely, which is the enormous blow to a female's self-confidence and self-esteem that comes from her SO looking at porn. Since you have every idea what goes on in a female's mind, I'll continue for the benefit of those not so enlightened. WE know you don't give a crap about the girl on screen. WE know that you love your girlfriend. And WE know our men better than that. But these are rational thoughts which still do b*gger all in the face of consistent blows to one's self-esteem and the resulting insecurities that arise. The point I'm trying to make is that it's NOT an issue of choosing whether or not to be insecure, if the insecure feelings are there then it's already a problem. But since you know the female mind so well aeren, there's little point going any more into it any deeper.

 

Anyway, whether or not I understand how a male's mind works is more or less irrelevant. I sure as hell understand how MY mind works especially in regards to HIS behaviour. That's all i really care about at this point.

 

I hope you come back as a guy, and you meet a girlfriend just like you... then we'll see how that goes.

 

Let's stay tuned shall we? Yes, I should hope I'd meet a girlfriend just like me. Then maybe I'd learn something about accommodating my SO's needs and not being so damn selfish and stubborn about having my cake and eating too...

[pyroguy]

And I think the better question is why do women consider this a male thing? and a non-validation of their feelings?

 

Women are the same period, except most of them render the male ego as just that, male ego, something to make fun of. Folks, this is either a universal issue or none at all, depending on who you talk to.

 

Jersey, I have already said, I agree on many levels. In fact, I have also said that If for the unlikely event that my marriage didn't work or if god forbid, I became a widower, I will not even date a woman. It's not worth the emotional investment.

 

As for advice for you, it's hard to tell a single person to follow that advice. I certainly don't want to pass that on to my kids, but I'll feel like I'm lying and I'll hope and pray for them. The more I see, the worse it gets- ON BOTH SIDES.

[cutegirl]

Hmm, also I've seen A LOT and I mean A LOT of porn, and if it's one thing I have learned from watching loads of porn is that most of the women are not all that, and that men are attracted to EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.

 

Ever walked into a porn store?

 

There's niches for "bbw aka FAT girls", midgets, "average looking girls", old housewives, grannies (I've seen pics of 80 yr old grannies with dentures giving "gum jobs" instead of blow jobs, they were so old they were practically senile.)

 

Look at porn and you will see women with cellulite, scars, and when they open their mouths wide for the money shot you can even see fillings in their mouths.

 

I don't see what there really is most of the time to be intimidated of. I find most porn girls not very attractive, and a few ones with amazing bodies have "butter faces", meaning everything about them is good except their faces.

 

I find porn has usually most unattractive women, if they were attractive enough, they would find different avenues of making money such as legitimate modelling. I find in general Hollywood actresses and celebrities are much more attractive in physical terms and have more physical perfection than girls in porn. There's no girls that look like Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba in porn.

 

If porn has taught me anything it's that no matter how ugly I think a woman is, some horny dude out there will pay to watch her vids and jerk it to her.

 

I consider myself a lot more attractive than the average girl in porn. I take better care of myself physically, and I make probably just as much money as most if not more (I saw Katie Morgan on HBO's Pornucopia saying she makes 8k on a good month, I do better than that and I don't have to have sex with anyone.)

 

Plus I don't party or do drugs so I preserve my looks better. To me I find Victoria Secret models and Hollywood stars more intimidating, but porn girls? I don't think so. They got nothing on me.

 

I DONT LIKE it if my bf were to look at porn, but for me its a CONTROL ISSUE. I am not intimidated by the way the girls look because mostly their not all that, but rather fugly. Porn girls get caught up in the partying and drugs and all that and after a few years they look really aged and dried up. But if you watch some porn, you can see for yourself that the girls are not all that. I consider myself rather good looking though... lol so I don't consider myself an "Average SO"... I bring home all the bacon too so not only do I take care of myself physically but I take care of myself financially and ALSO of my bf financially, so I feel like I have a lot to offer.

 

I think women who imagine porn girls to be so hot probably haven't watched any porn... I've seen it ALL, Vivid girls, Jenna, gonzo porn, those Eastern Euro girls in porn, SOME are alright, but MOST are not that attractive honestly. Guys only like the variety or a different pink hole to jerk it too. Or they like to see the woman do wild sex acts like take on 10 guys etc... Or perhaps they have a specific fetish they are into, like anal, shoes, big boobs, maybe even grannies or trannies!

[Madeamistake]

I will honestly say that I was never a fan of porn! My ex liked it! She honestly thought that it had the potential to spice up our sex lives, I found it distracting! Sometimes she wanted us to try some of the stuff she had seen and I found it a little off putting, I dont know, I guess I prefferesd it when we created our own fantasies!

 

So I cant really answer that question!

[norajane]

WE know you don't give a crap about the girl on screen. WE know that you love your girlfriend. And WE know our men better than that. But these are rational thoughts which still do b*gger all in the face of consistent blows to one's self-esteem and the resulting insecurities that arise.

Well, if "we" know that, then why do the insecurities arise and why is it a blow to her self-esteem?

 

It's not a blow to my self-esteem - all women do not feel that way or think the same about this isse.

[rainfall]

Well, if "we" know that, then why do the insecurities arise and why is it a blow to her self-esteem?

 

It's not a blow to my self-esteem - all women do not feel that way or think the same about this isse.

 

 

Why is it always about insecurities when someone doesn't like her man looking at porn?

[amerikajin]

The simple fact that nobody wants to admit, and the very reason women are insecure, is that men can be very much loving husbands and still want to have sex with someone else. That does not mean that they necessarily will have sex with another woman, but it means that the urge to do it exists, and it is strong. It is also natural, yet we've created an environment in which that natural urged has been suppressed due to the concept of monogamy.

 

Men are also more likely to disassociate their emotions from their sexual urges, which is something that tends to confuse women. I think a lot of women take it emotionally hard because when they see that their man is getting off on another woman, porn or otherwise, I think women tend to imagine the situation from their perspective. Women can definitely sleep around, but they are more likely to develop emotional attachment to sex. Maybe they assume the same of men, but men are much less likely to do that. I think men are more likely to develop attachment to a woman they spend time with, especially if the sex is otherwise good.

 

It's when the sex isn't good that you have to wonder what the porn watching means. It might mean a detachment, emotional and/or sexual, from his partner. It's something that should be discussed in a mature, non-hostile or confrontational manner. Shaming a man won't help him at all, it'll drive him underground and end up making him even more detached, if not resentful.

[rainfall]

The simple fact that nobody wants to admit, and the very reason women are insecure, is that men can be very much loving husbands and still want to have sex with someone else. That does not mean that they necessarily will have sex with another woman, but it means that the urge to do it exists, and it is strong. It is also natural, yet we've created an environment in which that natural urged has been suppressed due to the concept of monogamy.

.

 

 

I'm sorry but if my boyfriend ever told me he wanted to sleep with another women whether he would actually do it or not he does not love me. I guess I just believe that people can actually love someone and be happy with just them. Its makes me very sad to think I might either have to be alone and miserable or with someone who doesn't really love me.

[amerikajin]

I'm sorry but if my boyfriend ever told me he wanted to sleep with another women whether he would actually do it or not he does not love me. I guess I just believe that people can actually love someone and be happy with just them. Its makes me very sad to think I might either have to be alone and miserable or with someone who doesn't really love me.

 

You can live in your little fantasy world all you want to, my dear.

 

Short of relentless religious brainwashing, I think men are going to occasionally look at another hot woman they see in the checkout line at the supermarket and wish privately they could tap that ass if only once. When we go to a beach and check out another chick in a bikini, we're thinking "Damn, I'd sure like to slip my sausage in that!" You can pretend all you want that he's just an occasional admirer of beauty and that it's nothing deeper than that, but fantasy is a reality for most men I know of. You're not in the locker-room or at the bar-stool when we talk, but that's what we talk about. Deal with it.

[norajane]

Why is it always about insecurities when someone doesn't like her man looking at porn?

 

I was replying to Carbine, who was explaining that's exactly what it's about when a woman doesn't like her man looking at porn.

 

You've missed the undercurrent of the thread entirely, which is the enormous blow to a female's self-confidence and self-esteem that comes from her SO looking at porn. Since you have every idea what goes on in a female's mind, I'll continue for the benefit of those not so enlightened. WE know you don't give a crap about the girl on screen. WE know that you love your girlfriend. And WE know our men better than that. But these are rational thoughts which still do b*gger all in the face of consistent blows to one's self-esteem and the resulting insecurities that arise.

 

And I was explaining that Carbine does not speak for me as I neither care whether my SO looks at porn, nor would it make me insecure if I knew he enjoyed porn.

 

I don't care what erotic thoughts he has. I consider that his personal, private time with himself. I have no interest in controlling his erotic thoughts.

[rainfall]

You can live in your little fantasy world all you want to, my dear.

 

Short of relentless religious brainwashing, I think men are going to occasionally look at another hot woman they see in the checkout line at the supermarket and wish privately they could tap that ass if only once. When we go to a beach and check out another chick in a bikini, we're thinking "Damn, I'd sure like to slip my sausage in that!" You can pretend all you want that he's just an occasional admirer of beauty and that it's nothing deeper than that, but fantasy is a reality for most men I know of. You're not in the locker-room or at the bar-stool when we talk, but that's what we talk about. Deal with it.

 

 

No, I will not deal with it. I will not accept it. It is not OK. If my man feels this way he can get out of my life. I do not need him. I would be better off being alone then with a shallow loser who wants to sleep with every hot thing that he sees.

[IpAncA]

Well I sure hope what your all talking about isn't true because I better not hear my H say that he would like to screw another women.

 

A part of me wants to believe what amerikajin said which is sad and part of me wants to think that my H would never do that.

[amerikajin]

Well I sure hope what your all talking about isn't true because I better not hear my H say that he would like to screw another women.

 

I think your husband's horny, not stupid. Chances are, he won't do it even though there are times when he definitely wants to and fantasizes about it. He won't do it because he knows it's just not worth it to him as long as everything else on the home front is fine. As long as you're keeping your man happy by being the same woman he's always known and loved, and by not being an insecure nagging pest and by keeping yourself attractive, you've got nothing to worry about. It's when this dynamic changes that this self-restraint suddenly stops and those urges - urges which have been there from day one - come to the surface.

 

I'm sure women have their fantasies too, I just don't want to know about them.

[rainfall]

I think your husband's horny, not stupid. Chances are, he won't do it even though there are times when he definitely wants to and fantasizes about it. He won't do it because he knows it's just not worth it to him as long as everything else on the home front is fine. As long as you're keeping your man happy by being the same woman he's always known and loved, and by not being an insecure nagging pest and by keeping yourself attractive, you've got nothing to worry about. It's when this dynamic changes that this self-restraint suddenly stops and those urges - urges which have been there from day one - come to the surface.

 

I'm sure women have their fantasies too, I just don't want to know about them.

 

Not all men are shallow jerks. Some actually love the women they are with. So to assume that my bf and her husband are this way is kinda crappy. You don't know me or my bf so you have no right to tell me that I will never be enough for him and he is always gonna want to sleep with other people. Just because you are this way doesn't mean that everyone is.

[IpAncA]

I think your husband's horny, not stupid. Chances are, he won't do it even though there are times when he definitely wants to and fantasizes about it. He won't do it because he knows it's just not worth it to him as long as everything else on the home front is fine. As long as you're keeping your man happy by being the same woman he's always known and loved, and by not being an insecure nagging pest and by keeping yourself attractive, you've got nothing to worry about. It's when this dynamic changes that this self-restraint suddenly stops and those urges - urges which have been there from day one - come to the surface.

 

I'm sure women have their fantasies too, I just don't want to know about them.

 

I do the best that I can. I mean I'm not perfect but I do see what your saying. We did go thru a rough time but its ok now. .

[amerikajin]

Not all men are shallow jerks. Some actually love the women they are with. So to assume that my bf and her husband are this way is kinda crappy. You don't know me or my bf so you have no right to tell me that I will never be enough for him and he is always gonna want to sleep with other people. Just because you are this way doesn't mean that everyone is.

 

LOL! Touched a nerve.

 

A poster (a female I presume) started a thread on why taken men look at porn and I gave you a very honest answer - sorry you can't handle reality.

 

I have never cheated on my girlfriends - ever. Have I, somewhere within the deep recesses of my mind, ever wanted to go for a nice, private shag with some girl who wasn't my girlfriend, yes. But again, I've never strayed. I know a lot of my male friends are the same way: we'll talk over a few beers about how we'd love to shag some model or we sometimes gawk over a nice looking waitress - I guarantee you even if we don't say it, we're thinking "schwing!!!" I also feel pretty confident in saying that, with the exception of maybe one or two people I know, they would not cheat on their significant others and would look down upon me or anyone else who did.

 

I think the fact that you're obsessed with this issue and participate on this thread and get so adamant about denying that this could possibly true speaks volumes. It tells me you are tremendously insecure "MY husband wouldn't do that!!!" sounds very much like "MY kid wouldn't be a smart-ass in the classroom" That's what they all say...until reality bites them right square in the ass. In both cases, the worst thing you can do is to pretend that the reality doesn't exist. Just acknowledge it for what it is, a brief fantasy, a way to express or ventilate some of that sexuality. It's much sexier when a woman can accept that and roll with it than to get insecure about it, and that in turn will probably score points for you.

 

Obviously, a man and woman should both be discreet. He should show respect and not make it obvious that he's gazing at other stars in the sky, but those stars do exist, and they are beautiful, and sometimes, men are going to acknowledge that beauty and fantasize about what it might be like to take a ride there.

 

 

 

What I've written is not sad, it's reality.

[Touche]

Lol! that's the first post of yours Amerika, that I've EVER agreed with! Well put...and some of us women have our fantasies as well. I admit that I do but I would never actually act on any of them. I don't even think it's something one can control...at least I can't.

[norajane]

Lol! that's the first post of yours Amerika, that I've EVER agreed with! Well put...and some of us women have our fantasies as well. I admit that I do but I would never actually act on any of them. I don't even think it's something one can control...at least I can't.

 

 

I agree with both of you!

[rainfall]

 

I think the fact that you're obsessed with this issue and participate on this thread and get so adamant about denying that this could possibly true speaks volumes. It tells me you are tremendously insecure "MY husband wouldn't do that!!!" sounds very much like "MY kid wouldn't be a smart-ass in the classroom" That's what they all say...until reality bites them right square in the ass. In both cases, the worst thing you can do is to pretend that the reality doesn't exist. Just acknowledge it for what it is, a brief fantasy, a way to express or ventilate some of that sexuality. It's much sexier when a woman can accept that and roll with it than to get insecure about it, and that in turn will probably score points for you.

 

Obviously, a man and woman should both be discreet. He should show respect and not make it obvious that he's gazing at other stars in the sky, but those stars do exist, and they are beautiful, and sometimes, men are going to acknowledge that beauty and fantasize about what it might be like to take a ride there.

 

 

 

What I've written is not sad, it's reality.

 

I'm sorry but I am not going to be with someone who wants to sleep with other people. Maybe it is reality for you and your friends. I feel very bad for the people you guys date. I have told my boyfriend if he ever feel like he is missing out because he can't sleep with some random chick then to please break up with me. I DO NOT EVER fantasize about anyone. I don't care if you believe me. It is not sexy when I women accepts that she means nothing to her man. It is sad.

[Touche]

You can't control someone's thoughts. You don't know what he really thinks.

 

And who said anything about WANTING to sleep with others? I think you're not getting the distinction between fantasy and actual desire.

 

For me at least, they are NOT one and the same.

[rainfall]

You can't control someone's thoughts. You don't know what he really thinks.

 

And who said anything about WANTING to sleep with others? I think you're not getting the distinction between fantasy and actual desire.

 

For me at least, they are NOT one and the same.

 

 

amerikajin said that all men want to sleep with women besides the women they are with.

[cutegirl]

Not all men are shallow jerks. Some actually love the women they are with. So to assume that my bf and her husband are this way is kinda crappy. You don't know me or my bf so you have no right to tell me that I will never be enough for him and he is always gonna want to sleep with other people. Just because you are this way doesn't mean that everyone is.

 

I'm convinced that over 90 percent of men would cheat if they know they could get away with it. You should read this book http://www.amazon.com/What-Dont-Want-Women-Know/dp/0312186797

 

I read it and it opened my eyes to how most men are. For example, it says that the office is a man's playground. He is free to be himself, ogle his secretaries, "mentor" young women in the workface... And that most women would be disgusted if they could see their man at work.

 

And it also explains why men love prostitutes; because hookers are the perfect one night stand. Men usually feel like their doing their wives a favour when their banging a whore because they didn't have an emotional relationship plus they feel they helped the whore out by giving her money.

 

I don't have research to back it up, but my personal opnion is most men are cheaters and DO think with their penises and have EXTREMELY low self-control. If they were getting a lap dance and the stripper would start giving him a blowjob, really, most men would not have the willpower to say no.

 

EVERY man has the ability to cheat, and most likely would do it if they could get away with it. Almost ALL guys fantasize about other women when they are doing their wives/gf's, porn is irrelevant to this, if it's not the girl in the porn then maybe it would be your sister or cousin.

 

YES, Men can STILL love their wives (in their minds) and at the same time justify bangin whores on the side. I do think you are living in a fantasy world Rainfall. The world is not beautiful. There is no fairytale. There is no happy ending. There is no such things.

 

ALL MEN fantasize about sleeping with other women. If you don't like it than just be alone. Sometimes I also feel I would rather die alone and be alone forever than be with a man. This is the reality of men, and you can make the choice to deal with reality, and if you don't want to deal with it than you can decide to be alone.

 

I don't think women need men to be complete. I make plenty of money and can enjoy my life GREAT without a man. I can travel the world, buy whatever I like, who needs men?

 

I am telling you the truth from the bottom of my heart, I think men are biologically wired to spread their seed and even if they LOVE their wives/girlfriends they will have VERY strong urges to bang other women, and there will most likely come a point where the fantasy won't be enough, when they will want the real thing.

[Touche]

amerikajin said that all men want to sleep with women besides the women they are with.

 

I'm too tired to go back and read it but that's not what I came away with at all.

 

If that's what he said well I don't agree with that. Like I've said I think there's a distinction to be made between fantasy and ACTUAL desire. Two different animals in my book.

[amerikajin]

I'm sorry but I am not going to be with someone who wants to sleep with other people. Maybe it is reality for you and your friends. I feel very bad for the people you guys date. I have told my boyfriend if he ever feel like he is missing out because he can't sleep with some random chick then to please break up with me. I DO NOT EVER fantasize about anyone. I don't care if you believe me. It is not sexy when I women accepts that she means nothing to her man. It is sad.

 

Wasn't it Jimmy Carter who once said "I lust in my heart?" The difference between Jimmy Carter and someone like, say, Bill Clinton is that Carter was an honest man - so honest that he was compelled to admit the truth about this kind of subject, something which served to reinforce the same kind of integrity that prevented him from indulging in the multiple affairs and other temptations that Clinton and a lot of others in the exact same position of power have succumbed to.

 

Look, there may be some men in relationships who don't fantasize about other women. I'm just saying most of the men I've gotten to know over the course of my lifetime do fantasize about other women, and I've also known more than a few women who fantasize about other men. They do it discreetly, and - pay close attention - they would probably not be too keen to tell their significant others about it, mainly because they don't want to upset them, or because they don't want someone to come to the wrong idea and perceive a harmless fantasy as a real threat to the relationship when it means little to nothing in reality. People are complex creatures, rainfall, and you cannot control how they think.

 

And be careful not to misunderstand what I've written. Just because a man may privately fantasize about having sex with another woman, that does not mean that he "wants" to have sex with her. For a multitude of reasons, it usually ends up as nothing more than a fantasy. It is only likely to go beyond that when the relationship isn't going too well.