The truth about one income households

[TUDOR]

I think it depends on the amount of the one income. I easily make more than double my wife's income and we both work full time. We don't need her income but she works because she chooses to and is passionate about what she does. We pretty much just save what she makes.

 

We don't have any kids but looking to start trying next year. She said she still wants to work but just not as much. It has nothing to do with the money either. It is about her continuing to do something she is passionate about and really enjoys. I personal think she would get bored not working and miss it but the option to not work has always been hers since we have been married.

 

I will say that her extragavent taste would have be to curved if she choise not to work because I don't think its fair to spend that much money if you aren't bringing any in. Not saying she still can't be spoiled, it just becomes to what degree of being spoiled. For instance, if she is not working maybe we don't need a maid, etc.

[a4a]

BO you need a whole litter of kids to make you into a real woman.

[a4a]

For instance, if she is not working maybe we don't need a maid, etc.

 

You bastard!!!

 

read what alpha said about scrubbin the grout with rug rats around.

tending to a child is fulltime work...... keep the maid at least on for every two weeks.... you won't be sleeping anyway for quite sometime with a Tudor Jr. crying all night long. Somebody has got to find the energy to scrub your poo stains outta the toilet.

[TUDOR]

You bastard!!!

 

read what alpha said about scrubbin the grout with rug rats around.

tending to a child is fulltime work...... keep the maid at least on for every two weeks.... you won't be sleeping anyway for quite sometime with a Tudor Jr. crying all night long. Somebody has got to find the energy to scrub your poo stains outta the toilet.

 

I'm not arguing kids are a full time job by themselves but I do think staying home with no more than 2 kids is still doable and keeping up with the house at the same time.

 

Knowing my wife she will stay home and put them in day care. Spoiled brat!

[Roo]

do you want to know what the SAHM mom thinks?

 

Personally..

 

I never though I'd be fulfilled being at home with the kids, but I am, but I also need something in my life that is just for me, thus my building the business now I can start small and take my time because we don't NEED the income right now so I can get in on the ground floor and get things started, so that when my kids are ready for school I have something to do, and something that is MINE not the family's but MINE.

 

Some mornings I really Envy my husband as he gets in his truck (alone) and goes of to be out of our house (with no kids) for 8 plus hours, but then there are times when the kids do such wonderful cute things like my oldest who's new thing is saying I(and pointing to her eye) Love (crossing her hands over her chest) YOU ( as she points at you and giggles).... that I wouldn't want to miss for the world, its got it's ups and downs.

 

I had one tell me that she has to live for everyone but her...... maybe that is how they feel?

 

I think alot of women/mothers feel this way SAHM or not... I think thats why it's important to have an identity beyond your ROLE... I'm A wife and a mother, but first I'm Aurora... make sense??

 

No really I think it would push me over the edge. Both my sisters are SAHMs, and both are completely off their respective rockers. No offense to them but man. I've seen some crazy expressions on their faces. And they seem a lot more....defeated.

 

lol defeated is a GREAT adjective.... I think you have to get out somehow some way and get yourself a good support network (friends family etc, so you can keep some semblance of your former self intact) I try to get out for an exercise class twice a week, hubby watches the kiddies and my brother watches them for us so H and I can go out even if it's just for a walk around downtown or a coffe or icecream or something so we can be just us and not mom and dad if only for a few hours sometimes.

[a4a]

I'm not arguing kids are a full time job by themselves but I do think staying home with no more than 2 kids is still doable and keeping up with the house at the same time.

 

Knowing my wife she will stay home and put them in day care. Spoiled brat!

 

oh I your wife......she has the right idea for sure!!!

 

boarding school for your little tudorettes?

 

Actually I know several sahm and with the little ones they cannot keep up with all of it and keep things pristine......then the men complain why dinner is not made and the house is a mess. :lmao:

[Roo]

For instance, if she is not working maybe we don't need a maid, etc.

 

 

I dunno could you still afford it... man the more quality time I could do more fun stuff with my kids if I didnt have to worry about scrubbin toilets and folding laundry... not to mention making dinner... (that takes up most of the time I get for myself when they are sleeping...) except what I spend on here lol... bad bad site.. bad...

[a4a]

I dunno could you still afford it... man the more quality time I could do more fun stuff with my kids if I didnt have to worry about scrubbin toilets and folding laundry... not to mention making dinner... (that takes up most of the time I get for myself when they are sleeping...) except what I spend on here lol... bad bad site.. bad...

 

Yeah I mean what does the maid run about $150 for the day.... hell it is well worth it. Have her in twice a month.

 

Tudor shame on you!!

 

So disappointed I really thought you were the bees knees......

[TUDOR]

I dunno could you still afford it... man the more quality time I could do more fun stuff with my kids if I didnt have to worry about scrubbin toilets and folding laundry... not to mention making dinner... (that takes up most of the time I get for myself when they are sleeping...) except what I spend on here lol... bad bad site.. bad...

 

Again its not about the money. I just think if I am given her the opportunity to stay home and not work she should at least contribute other things. Yes raising my kids is the main point of staying home but what happens when they start school, how long is staying home with the kids considered actually being with the kids?

 

I prefer her to not have the "defeated" feeling or exausted when i get home and it effect our sex life or marriage so I see the other side of the coin of things like a maid, etc. Why do you think I have one now!!! I already do all the cooking, and got her maid...so I think if she was to stay home I would like to see a little more effort than just being with the kids and watching soaps all day.

[RecordProducer]

Well let it all hang out here and state the positives or negatives of having only one working SO in the household.....do you like it or not. Pitfalls, the good things about it.

 

Why do you do it?

 

Post away your opinion if you think only one spouse should work or both.

 

(Keep it clean and come out of your corner when you here the bell)

Ding! I heard the bell and I heard you calling "Bitch!" so I figured you wanted MY opinion. Just kidding..

 

First the "should" answers: I think the husband should work in any case unless he has enough savings/inheritance for both for the rest of their lives. If they feel they don't have enough money, she should work, too.

 

Now the optional answers: if the wife wants to have a career, no one should force her to stay at home. Her husband shouldn't interfere in her choice of career either, unless it's destructive for the marriage (like if she wants to be a stripper, for example ). Also if the husband makes (more than) enough for both of them, the wife shouldn't feel like she's spending HIS money and feel forced to get some crappy job just so she can have HER OWN money to spend on herself.

 

My personal choice: I want to work on my music at home, I want to be with my kids, my husband agrees with me and prefers it this way, and he makes enough for all of us. However, if I manage to get in the music industry and have to spend many hours working at home or outside, I expect him to support my career and decision to work. I can't see myself in any occupation other than music (at this moment) so I don't feel like preparing myself for any job market other than the music market. Hubby is supportive of whatever decision I make regarding work so it's really up to me. He has no problem with supporting me and the kids.

 

Personally I think every woman should do what's best for her whether it's to work or not. But often a good job gives her independence, pleasure, and more money so I vote for working women.

 

If it weren't for my music, I would definitely want to look for a job. I have a degree in marketing management, but I think I would switch to something more creative.

[a4a]

So what happens to these woman if the H dies, if he get incapaciatated and they only know how to work in a day care for min. wage.

 

It is hard to get a good paying job even if you have a degree, then add in being out of the workforce for 18 years.

 

He could run off with the stripper too...... child support may help some but it will not bring home all the bacon.

 

Just thought I would throw in that twist too for fun

[Roo]

Again its not about the money. I just think if I am given her the opportunity to stay home and not work she should at least contribute other things. Yes raising my kids is the main point of staying home but what happens when they start school, how long is staying home with the kids considered actually being with the kids?

 

I prefer her to not have the "defeated" feeling or exausted when i get home and it effect our sex life or marriage so I see the other side of the coin of things like a maid, etc. Why do you think I have one now!!! I already do all the cooking, and got her maid...so I think if she was to stay home I would like to see a little more effort than just being with the kids and watching soaps all day.

 

 

ha ha ha ha...... ok mine are 20 months and 4 months... here's what a mommy's day is like... (and I'm lucky my kids LOVE to sleep and are great sleepers)

 

8 am - we all get up give the older one a cup of milk and some cheerios to snack on while I breastfeed the littleone this takes 20-30 min...

 

8:30 - Make some coffee for me or I'll DIE, and make some oatmeal for my oldest, put her in highchair let her eat, wipe off her face, hands, clothes, the hicghchair and clean the bowl and spoon. GUZZLE caffine...

 

9 am - make my to do list for the day pour second cup of caffine (while making list read several books to older child, wrap her BABY doll up for her etc have uncohesive conversation and smile a lot at her telling her how cute she is if only mommy could just get 5 min of peace to make a list...)

 

9:30 go down to my office check e-mail... also with older child in tow who wants to touch EVERYTHING... and leave it out...

 

10am - 12:30 cleaning, exercise, laundry, general straightening.... while the little one follows behind sure to undo all the tidying I've done.

 

12:30-1 Lunch fo rme and the older child

 

1 put k down for nap M gets up time for another feed

 

130 spend some q time with the little one snuggle play a bit..

 

2pm Do housework I cannot do with older child awake... Scub toilets clean bathrooms, fold laundry (she'll unfold it it's maddening) Start dinner, return phonecalls, paybills plan meals and shopping lists..

 

and try and find a little me time to work on my buisness, or surf the net...

 

4-5pm the older child k gets up... from then till 8pm it's kids food and tidying up... it's like a marathon sprint I swear!!!

 

8pm me meme memememe!!! I hop on my computer and grab a glass of wine if possible 9 pm -11pm either me time or snuggle time with the hubby 11pm last feed of the night hopefully the baby goes down by 12pm and I get to bed and to sleep quickly 8 am is coming all too soon...

 

sound easy... tudor... ohh wait... I forgot to watch soaps and eat bon bons...should I skip the sleep or the cleaning...

[Roo]

So what happens to these woman if the H dies, if he get incapaciatated and they only know how to work in a day care for min. wage.

 

It is hard to get a good paying job even if you have a degree, then add in being out of the workforce for 18 years.

 

He could run off with the stripper too...... child support may help some but it will not bring home all the bacon.

 

Just thought I would throw in that twist too for fun

 

 

VERY true it's important to have a proper life insurance policy enough to pay off the mortgage on your home and THEN some..

[a4a]

ha ha ha ha...... ok mine are 20 months and 4 months... here's what a mommy's day is like... (and I'm lucky my kids LOVE to sleep and are great sleepers)

 

8 am - we all get up give the older one a cup of milk and some cheerios to snack on while I breastfeed the littleone this takes 20-30 min...

 

8:30 - Make some coffee for me or I'll DIE, and make some oatmeal for my oldest, put her in highchair let her eat, wipe off her face, hands, clothes, the hicghchair and clean the bowl and spoon. GUZZLE caffine...

 

9 am - make my to do list for the day pour second cup of caffine (while making list read several books to older child, wrap her BABY doll up for her etc have uncohesive conversation and smile a lot at her telling her how cute she is if only mommy could just get 5 min of peace to make a list...)

 

9:30 go down to my office check e-mail... also with older child in tow who wants to touch EVERYTHING... and leave it out...

 

10am - 12:30 cleaning, exercise, laundry, general straightening.... while the little one follows behind sure to undo all the tidying I've done.

 

12:30-1 Lunch fo rme and the older child

 

1 put k down for nap M gets up time for another feed

 

130 spend some q time with the little one snuggle play a bit..

 

2pm Do housework I cannot do with older child awake... Scub toilets clean bathrooms, fold laundry (she'll unfold it it's maddening) Start dinner, return phonecalls, paybills plan meals and shopping lists..

 

and try and find a little me time to work on my buisness, or surf the net...

 

4-5pm the older child k gets up... from then till 8pm it's kids food and tidying up... it's like a marathon sprint I swear!!!

 

8pm me meme memememe!!! I hop on my computer and grab a glass of wine if possible 9 pm -11pm either me time or snuggle time with the hubby 11pm last feed of the night hopefully the baby goes down by 12pm and I get to bed and to sleep quickly 8 am is coming all too soon...

 

sound easy... tudor... ohh wait... I forgot to watch soaps and eat bon bons...should I skip the sleep or the cleaning...

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

yeah my H thinks having kids would be nice......... :lmao:

 

:rolleyes:

 

Tudor that is reality...... get out of man la la land.... your wife won't have time to blow you..... :lmao:

 

keep the maid and you may find she has time to actually have sex with you at least 2x per month.

[a4a]

VERY true it's important to have a proper life insurance policy enough to pay off the mortgage on your home and THEN some..

 

kids college and enough to get the sahm back on her feet and into a good job via education or updating her training.....

 

wow I could not imagine how tough it would be......

[TUDOR]

I know better than to argue with women....uncle, uncle!

 

For the record I just want her to be happy, if she wants to stay home I am fine with that, if she wants to work part or full time I am fine with that too! At the end of the day as much as it is about the kids it still should be something the spouse that stays home wants to do. It is a job and no one enjoys working a job they hate so wanting and enjoying it is the key for it to work IMO.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I think thats why it's important to have an identity beyond your ROLE... I'm A wife and a mother, but first I'm Aurora... make sense??

 

you can insert husband and father here too.

 

 

I think there is 2 ways to look at this. SAH due to choice because one SO makes enough money to live decent OR SAH due to choice to have family.

 

IMO.....once you bring kids into the mix, you must really take a hard look at yourself and the way you live. having and raising a family isnt a part time gig. Its a full time commitment...and especially crucial in the early years of the child.

 

Like ROO said....yes, keep your identity, but also remember....you and your SO are all these little ones know. They learn from you and look up to you. You are they door keeper to the world. You must become a selfless in a sense. Its not about YOU anymore....its about them.

 

selfish people dont make good parents...IMO

 

IMO....when you have children...you kinda have to put your wants on hold....at least in moderation and in the early years raising a child. Keep your identity and interests...but do not put them ahead of the best interest of the family unit.

 

again...I am a little old fashion....but I have the rest of MY life to live for me...and only a few precious years with my young ones until they are ready to a little independent.....and at that time...I can take more ME time...since they will want there ME time as well.

[a4a]

I know better than to argue with women....uncle, uncle!

 

For the record I just want her to be happy, if she wants to stay home I am fine with that, if she wants to work part or full time I am fine with that too! At the end of the day as much as it is about the kids it still should be something the spouse that stays home wants to do. It is a job and no one enjoys working a job they hate so wanting and enjoying it is the key for it to work IMO.

 

I just knew the bj comment would make you wake up. :p

[TUDOR]

I just knew the bj comment would make you wake up. :p

 

BJs are like jello...there is always room and time for some! And the last thing I want to hear is "I'm tired" because her mouth never stops talking and works harder doing that than servicing me would be. So stay at home mom, career woman, part time, bla, bla, bla....just don't forget to cup the balls!

[Roo]

I just knew the bj comment would make you wake up. :p

 

:lmao::p

 

ok but seriuosly..

 

MO....when you have children...you kinda have to put your wants on hold....at least in moderation and in the early years raising a child. Keep your identity and interests...but do not put them ahead of the best interest of the family unit.

 

again...I am a little old fashion....but I have the rest of MY life to live for me...and only a few precious years with my young ones until they are ready to a little independent.....and at that time...I can take more ME time...since they will want there ME time as well.

 

Very true the difficult part is keeping just enough of you in the mean time to not loose yourself to the ROLE... too many ppl do this and then are completely lost or despondent when the job changes as the kids get older. again I'll say it... BALANCE (this is like my favorite word I swear) it's all about balance, rembering to put your youngens early years in the forefront.. Because they will be gone forever all to quickly, while remembering that you are a person as well, and keeping just enough of you alive so that you can regain your independence a bit again when the smoke clears... A proper life lived well is really about balance

[Roo]

BJs are like jello...there is always room and time for some! And the last thing I want to hear is "I'm tired" because her mouth never stops talking and works harder doing that than servicing me would be. So stay at home mom, career woman, part time, bla, bla, bla....just don't forget to cup the balls!

:lmao::lmao::lmao: seriously I'm gonna pee myself... lol

[Guest]

My siblings and I grew up in a double-income family. My mum went back to work 4 weeks after having me by cesarean, and 3 weeks after having my brother and sister by the same method. She didn't want to give up her job or her career prospects to have children. My father most certainly wasn't going to either. I had childcare through my grandma, and through a local lady who looked after kids for a couple of bucks a day – this was before the days of excessive regulation and sky high prices. Once I was 10, I had a key and did what I liked. My parents tried to be home for dinner, and they took us to do fun and educational stuff on the weekend. We weren't rich – more solidly middle class – but the double income meant we had holidays to interesting places, heaps of books, good computers, and a tutor for the subjects we sucked at. All three of us grew up happy, healthy and ambitious, not to mention self-disciplined, independent and reliable. We have good jobs, homes, happy relationships and no drug and alcohol addictions.

 

The same can be said for just about every child in my street. And I don't think there was one parent who stayed at home after their child was five, and maybe only 50% who stayed at home before that. Yet, we were good kids (if a touch spoilt and overconfident). My school reunion was a positive, encouraging affair.

 

It was actually a massive surprise to me when I my husband's family. His mum gave up her nursing career and stayed home to raise him, and did so in poverty. He had very few books, no computer, and he'd never been overseas. He had love and support and was well-disciplined, but he never even contemplated going to college straight out of high school as there was no money. I was also, initially, astounded by some of his views on women. All his friends mum's also stayed home. Consequently, until he joined the workforce and met some career women, he had never known a confident, practical independent woman. To him, we women were dependent creatures whose job was to care, but who needed to be cared for themselves and who accounted for much of the welfare budget. He's certainly changed that view, but it's all because of exposure to working women who can look after themselves.

 

I'm glad my mum worked. Utterly proud of the fact. It's given me my confidence and determination to succeed, and provided me with countless material and educational benefits I would have missed out on had she stayed at home. And I respect my father for always being proud of her, and for helping out with the tasks around the house, and for encouraging me - his daughter - to move into a traditionally male field. I would never be with a man who wanted me to stay home. It would make me worry that he just didn't respect me, or even that he dissrepected all women. And in a time of tight budget, it would also make me question his common sense.

 

I should also point out that women working isn't new. With the possible exception of the first half of the 20th Century, women have always worked in one capacity or another – it's only recently that we've been able to be properly paid for it. Historically, rich women popped out babies, handed them to wet nurses, and worked on managing the estate and getting pregnant again. Poor women popped out babies, and tried to care for them while wet nursing for a wealthy woman, or working as a kitchen hand, a maid, a farm labourer, a seamstress, or some other low-paid position that her brothers didn't want. Middle class women also employed nurses to care for their young while they balanced the books, wove, whatever else. This idea of mum and the kids at home, under the benevolent protection of a male breadwinner, is for the most part an idealized dream. I will not be made to feel selfish or guilty for not subscribing to it.

[SoCalCatman72]

When I was adopted, my mom quit working to raise me and my brother until we were in school, then went back to work (she was a schoolteacher so her work schedule coincided with ours ). She did this again when my parents adopted my other brother and sister 10 years later. (Yeah my parents collected kids like some people collect cats:rolleyes: )

 

However I can say that I totally agree, kids are hard work. I only work with them 2 hours a day on the weekends and sometimes I'm so exhausted that I'll take a nap afterwards, so to all the full time moms out there, I say KUDOS, I only get a little taste of what you do around the clock.

[RecordProducer]

I hop on my computer and grab a glass of wine if possible 9 pm -11pm either me time or snuggle time with the hubby 11pm last feed of the night

A glass of wine right before breastfeeding? It's better to have it AFTER breastfeeding. The alcohol goes straight down to your milk. Before mothers would drink booze to put the babies to sleep easily. Why do you think they would fall asleep right away? Because they would get drunk (the babies).

 

"I'm just saying"

- Blind Otter

 

[Roo]

A glass of wine right before breastfeeding? It's better to have it AFTER breastfeeding. The alcohol goes straight down to your milk. Before mothers would drink booze to put the babies to sleep easily. Why do you think they would fall asleep right away? Because they would get drunk (the babies).

 

"I'm just saying"

- Blind Otter

 

 

 

ummm

 

1. I have A glass if I'm not intoxicated there is not enough in my body to intoxicate my child:

 

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][sIZE=-1][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][sIZE=-1]The key to this issue is moderation. "We want breastfeeding moms to feel OK about a glass of wine with dinner once a week or an occasional beer with the gals," says Colleen Huberty, a certified lactation consultant with the Women, Infants and Children's Program (WIC) in St. Paul, Minn. "We use the base guideline: If the mom feels it, the baby will feel it."[/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Arial,Helvetica][sIZE=-1][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][sIZE=-1]There are many factors that can decrease the rate of absorption: alcohol content in the drink, whether or not the drink is consumed with food and the size of the mother. According to research studies, alcohol potency peaks 30 to 60 minutes after consumption, and 60 to 90 minutes when consumed with food. "If it is one beer or a small glass of wine, a 120-pound woman will probably process the alcohol within an hour or so and be fine to feed again

(taken from http://breastfeed.com/resources/articles/alcbreastfeed.htm)

 

2. Did you not see this part... of my post??

[/sIZE][/FONT][/sIZE][/FONT]

(and I'm lucky my kids LOVE to sleep and are great sleepers)

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: